Who am I kidding

@Uootem

right here and now,
the time i have long waited for has come!
i must cast away this constant hallucination
cast aside all futile hopes for tomorrow
that were based  on the haunting dreams of yesterday.
i must stand firmly positioned in the here and now.
there can be no backsliding today
no one will come to my rescue
no dreams of a long ago love to sweeten this bitter reality.

love let me down in a big way
as other emotions have done before
and this time, there can be no tears to soothe the ache
no maybes, no short-lived fantasies, to cushion the fall.

love let me down when without a doubt
i needed it most and still i survived.
so I will dry these tears that stain my face
I will put away foolish hopes that she will return to me
I will stop pretending that she somehow still cares about "us".
once and for all rid myself of barren of dreams
i will face the rising sun with a smile... a real one not fake.

but who am i kidding, i can not do this
i have tried the same thing before
only to realize that i need hope and dreams,
i must believe that someday she will return
so that we can share the love that felt so right
and continues to live in my heart.