"I Had No Idea"

@Uootem

The passing of time was once
just a calendar to me... a measure of days
and life's experiences were just other chapters in my book
an autobiography... perhaps a poem or two
and love was something you just had to do for pleasure
and I would trifle away myself inadvertently in the process
I thought I could have a hundred more lovers...
lose them and gain them, what would it matter
for all I'd have to lose was my momentary orientation
but I had no connexion what a true love was...
or what this kind of love could do to my heart
until you came into my life and I fell in love with you.

I could smile, or sing, or write a poem...
all for the lack of anything better to do
and no one would laugh or point at me... no one would consider me insane
nothing of this mattered for there were so many others...
and I thought any would do, at least for a while...
then there would be so many others.... at least for a while, then more.
I had no idea what true love was... and what it felt like to lose it,
or what this kind of love would do to my heart and to my soul
Until you came into my life and I fell in love with you.

I had no idea that your leaving would always make me feel so bad
that I would still miss you so much... no matter how much time passed
or no matter how many others came along... that none could compare to you....
none could bring the emotions that your brought... emotions of true love.
you were just another lover... in a long procession of life's parade... I thought.

I had no idea that every time I would see you... in all the years that were to come
all the years that have now gone... there passing marked by my yearning.
I had no idea that merely a glimpse of your face or the sound of your voice
would do such awesome things to my heart... Things, emotions...
that came when you first came and I fell in love with you.
 
I had no idea... I thought that I'd survive if we never spoke again,
if I never touched your skin, or tasted your lips, or saw love in your eyes.
I would not need those words from you... I thought... they are only words.
I had no idea... I thought that someday soon your memory would fade
that I would overcrowd them with new memories of love just as good.

I had no idea... that all I really had to lose from your leaving
was my sanity... my ability to love again... my feeling of contentment.
I had no idea... what a lost love was till that day so long ago
when you got up and left me... for you had better things to do.
I had no idea... that so many poems I would need to write.

I had no idea... but now I guess I do.