"To Simply be Loved"

@Uootem

Lost love's endless dream follows me.
    its persistent harassment,
          scratching at my fragile heart,
              breaking down my defenses,
                    until all reasoning fades from me.
Hastening heart beat,
    fight or flight struggle, running....
          do not ensnare me, please, do not take me prisoner.
              within it's reach!... I defend against its pain.
                    Useless my efforts.
                        I find it's compulsive sting.
                              I can not breathe.
Your long ago love holds me,
    encouraging me, embracing me,
          love's liqueur purrs from her supple lips...
              addictive like a mind-altering drug...
                    irresistible and intoxicating
I am unnerved... by you... by my feelings...
    by the prospect of losing control again.
          Do not mutilate my heart, please.
              I have always been yours... long ago you took my heart.
                    I gave it eagerly... wrapped tight in love's warm promises.

Rain puddles are wishing wells
    my reflection asking your love to stay forever.
          Mountain peak ecstasy... entrancement by secret garden flora.
              So satisfying... so very proficient in your touch.
Our fingertips enlaced... then?... my hand alone....
    love of my boyhood?... Where are you!
          I can not see. I can not touch. I can not hear.
              My love of youth---where are you now?
                    I shout out your name!
                        I am still waiting for your reply, my love.
                              Like fallen stars... burning up... spent
faded...away...
    I long for the sound of your voice,
          I hunger for the taste of your lips,
              I ache for the warmth of your touch.
                    ... where have they gone?
                        Do you not know my plight?
          Burnt incense... are you now air?
                    What of this empty void, that is now me?
Why chase me, if only to fade away?
      Why take my heart, if only to hide from it?
          Shadow dwelling love, why?
Tears like the rain that falls to the ground.
    My heart hurts my love.. hurts for you.
          Love is always the same..
              Chases me.. Catches me.. Holds me.. Pushes me.. Away...
                    I am a fool to allow myself to be caught.
                        Romantic idiot, Love's clown, Such a smart boy... I was.
                              Why are am I so stupid as a man?
                                  to became it's fool again...
                    Blinding my heart.. Crushing my spirit.. overwhelming need,
to simply be loved... by you again.