It was a time in my life when I really needed help. My wife has suffered from severe bipolar depression for the past five years. During these five months, she struggled spiritually as well. On top of that, she spent five weeks with her mother visiting family in Japan, missing our anniversary, my birthday, and one of our daughter's birthdays. For all intents and purposes, I was a single dad of three daughters, all the while carrying around a ton of emotional baggage.

I cried to God: "Why is this happening?" "How do expect me to deal with this alone?" "I feel so alone!" I turned to one of my biblical heros, Ehud, the lefthanded judge described in Judges 3.

Now Ehud was an amazing man. He took it upon himself to free Isreal from their bondage by planning a daring assasination attempt upon Eglon, king of Moab, the oppressor of Isreal. This was to be a solo job. He did not dare to enlist the help of others, perhaps out of fear of betrayal or concern for others should the coup fail. He went to the heart of the enemy's stronghold without any backup or support. After making good his escape, he finally rallied all of Isreal. The ensuing victory led to eighty years of freedom compared to eighteen years under Moab.

Of course, I am not advocating running off without seeking godly advice. I am certainly not promoting violence to reach our goals. My point is that sometimes, it falls to one man to make a difference. God has blessed us with the encouragement and advice of incredible people within his church; however, too often we rely upon the strength of others rather than the Spirit that God has placed within our own hearts. As men especially, we must take full responsibility for our own walk with God.

I realized that I had to be my own toughest Christian. That I had to examine [myself] to see whether [I was] in the faith; test [myself] (NIV 2 Corinthians 13:5). To find anyone who would listen to me so that I could get things off of my chest. To be the man God has called me to be, and to rally others to the same goal.

Now I wish I could say that during that time I baptized countless people and restored countless more. But my victory was no less sweet. I honored God through my perseverance and through my stubborn refusal to let Satan win. Sometimes, it is the lonely battle which produces the greatest change. I certainly had my ups and downs during that time, but I survived. My family survived. My faith was tested and I won!

I am happy to say that everything is much better now. Late one night I dumped my emotions upon a trusted friend whom I had baptized years ago. He went to our sector leader and begged to Christian me and my wife. I now appreciate loving and faithful discipling more than ever. My wife has renewed her fight for her spiritual health and contributes so much more to daily raising of the family. My former Christian is still my friend and is growing in his life as well.

There may come a time in your life when you are left alone, when you must face a crisis through which no one else can lead you, when you must stand up an be a man like Ehud. Do not run from the challenge. Do not get overwhelmed. Sometimes survival is victory enough. There will be plenty of glorious battles to fight in the future. Make sure that you are around to fight them. Most of all, value the discipling relationships you have. Pour your heart into them. Fighting alone is a great adventure, but fighting together is far finer.

Back to Main Menu