Computers

Computers Depicted in the Movies...

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space bar when typing long sentences.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing, "Access all of the secret files."

You can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "Upload Virus".

All computers are connected. You can access the information onthe villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the password in two tries.

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site, or whatever, overheats, all the control panels will explode, as well as the entire building.

If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.

Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY supercomputer.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into.

All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

The more high-tech equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labeled.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA and the CIA, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes.

Some computers slow down the outputon the screen so it doesn't go faster than you can read.

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just under the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and/or and explosion that forces you backward.
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~ A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

~ Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

~ The programmer's national anthem is, "AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!"

~ Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. beta is latin for "still doesn't work."

~ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

~ Welcome to Earth, a subsidiary of Microsoft.

~ I surf the real world.

~ The reason computers can do more work is, they don't have to stop to answer the phone.

~ Any attempt to simplify creates more problems.

~ Beware of software where the manuals are bigger than the product.

~ If it's a good program they'll quit making it.

~ Why is it, to stop Windows, you push the "start" button.

~ If my computer does one more illegal operation, I'm reporting it to the authorities.

~ If you've been online for a year straight, it's time to go to bed.

~ Whatever happens, make out like you intended for it to happen.

~ When you get to the point where you can understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.

~ The place you find the information you need in the manual will be in the chapter you least expect it to be.

~ For every action, there's an equal and opposite malfunction.