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| I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left." I answered. "You should set up your machine to accomodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?" **** What they say and what they mean... There is a lot of that going around. that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this. Weeellll, what have we here? He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. Let me check your medial history. I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. We have some good news and some bad news. the good news is, I'm going to buy that BMW and the bad news is, you're paying for it. Let's see how it develops. Maybe in a few days it wil grow into something that can be cured. Let me schedule you for some tests. I have a forty percent interest in this lab. I'd like to have my associate look at you. He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. I'd like to prescribe this new drug. I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call. I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by then. This may hurt a little. Last week two patients bit off their tongues. Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we? I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? This should fix you up. The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves? You're crazier than a bedbug. Now, If I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me.... If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment. I've never heard of anything like this. Thank goodness I'm off next week. **** A well-known Boston cardiologist was being interviewed by a reporter from a medical journal. "Tell me, Doctor. You've had a long an ddistinguished medical career. Have you ever made a mistake? "Just one," the doctor sighed. "I once cured a millionaire in only three visits." **** A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. -Groucho Marx Stupid Questions That Paramedics Frequently Hear... Do you need to go to school for this, or can anyone do it? Hey Ambulance dudes, How do I get to the concert from here? I'm seeing things, will you take me to the hospital? Have you ever seen a dead body? Do you have anyone in the back of your ambulance right now? Which antacid is best for a stomach ache (Asked in the parking lot of a 7-11 @ 3 a.m.). Can me and my four kids ride in the back, with my husband, to the hospital? Can I ride up front on the way to the hospital? How come the word Ambulance is printed backward on your front grill? How fast will the ambulance go? What does EMS on the side of the ambulance mean? Does this tie go with my suit? (Asked by a guy on his way to church) |
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