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| Golf Jokes, |
| Continued |
| My husband ran off with my golf partner," lamented Debbie. "It'll be alright," consoled Gilda. "You're a bright, funny, good-looking woman. You'll find another husband." "It's not THAT! Where can I find another partner who can play golf three times a week?" **** The IRS has made more liars out of more Americans than the game of golf. **** What I like aobut golf is that there are no bad calls. **** Dan, Kevin and Brian, three aspiring golfers (all brothers), were taking lessons from a pro. dan hit his ball first and it went far to the right. "That was due to LOFT," said the pro. Kevin took his turn and hit his ball far to the left. "That too, was due to LOFT." said the pro again. Brian took a swing, and the ball just went a few feet and stopped. "Once again, it's LOFT," the pro exclaimed. "Well, what exactly do you mean by LOFT?" asked all three brothers. "Lack of fine talent," replied the pro. **** A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?" she asked the pro. "P-U-T-T is correct" he replied. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it, and P-U-T-T is a vain attempt to do the same thing. **** Golfer: I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake. Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long? Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 in this course. Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth. Golfer: Do you think my game is improving? Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now. Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron? Caddy: Eventually! Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world. Caddy: I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence. Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too distracting. Caddy: It's not a watch, it's a compass. Golfer: how do you like my game? Caddy: Very good sir, but personally I like golf. Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: the way you play sir, it's a sin every day. Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on. Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago. Golfer: that can't be my ball, it's too old. Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir! If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. -Bob Hope Any game where a man sixty can beat a man that's thirty ain't no game. -burt Shotton It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -Mark Twain They say Sam Snead is a natural golfer. but if he didn't practice, he'd be a naturally bad golfer. -Gary Player I am convinced the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not other wise be caut dead in. -Roger Simon Duffer to scratch golfer: Now tell me if you see me doing anything right! ...,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,..,-*"*-,... |
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