In an effort to not clog the web with more non-medical stuff, I am not going to give the details of who-how-where and why. Talk to your doctor about the best choices for you :-).
(click on a date to view those details)
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Monday 03/10/03 |
Friday 05/09/2003 |
Friday, August 1st, 2003 |
Thursday, August 21st, 2003 |
| DAY OF SURGERY: Monday, September 8th, 2003 |
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Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003 |
Wednesday, October 8th, 2003 |
Saturday, October 18th, 2003 |
November 8th, 2003 |
December 8th, 2003 |
January 8th, 2004 |
February 8th, 2004 |
March 8th, 2004 |
April 8th, 2004 |
May 8th, 2004 |
June 8th, 2004 |
July 8th, 2004 |
August 8th, 2004 |
End of Year One
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004 |
October 8th, 2004 |
November 8th, 2004 |
December 8th, 2004 |
January 8th, 2005 |
February 8th, 2005 |
March 8th, 2005 |
April 8th, 2005 |
May 8th, 2005 |
June 8th, 2005 |
August 8th, 2005 |
End of Year Two
| September 2005 | October 2005 | November 2005 |
Year Five: Back to the beginning
I have posted here a few lovely photos of myself from the past year or so, to track how my looks change. I have just made an appointment to meet with my doctor to see if I am a good candidate for 'Lap Band' surgery. If you want to know what that is, check out GOOGLE and type in 'lap band', there are a TON of sites out there! My personal favorite is Layla's Lap Band. Here is the link from the FDA page telling more about the lab band.
In an effort to not clog the web with more non-medical stuff, I am not going to give the details of who-how-where and why. Talk to your doctor about the best choices for you :-).
I'm just going to share with you MY story.
I have been over-weight since puberty, however, I didn't really start to put on the poundage until college. Pizza delivery can be an evil thing when abused! So I started college in 1991 at the rather slender size 18, about 180 pounds (if memory serves). I have since college managed to increase my mass about 20-30 pounds each year and today I am weighing in around 300 pounds, size 28, BMI 51.9. Want to calculate your body mass index?
There are also definitions of different levels or degrees of obesity based on BMI.
What is a healthy BMI reading?
A healthy Body Mass Index, BMI (kg/m*2), is 18.0 to 25.0. BMI is a measure which takes into account a person's weight and height to gauge total body fat in adults. A person 6-foot tall who weighs 180 pounds would have a BMI of 24.4.
Unfortunately, the average adult level in Minnesota is about 28.0 so most people are overweight. Those with a BMI greater than 30.0 are considered obese.
Here is one:
Healthy Weight: BMI between 18.6 to 24.9
Overweight: BMI between 25 to 29.9
Obesity: BMI between 30 to 34.9
Severe Obesity: BMI between 35 to 39.9
Morbid Obesity: BMI over 40
I don't really think of myself as fat until I look at photos and then I think, where the hell did that double chin come from? Or until I pass someone in the hallway of work and they turn side ways to let me pass, or, get out of the way entirely. As if I'm going to touch them and the fat will rub off or something. People are weird. And if you're my size or larger, don't you feel that you have a very warped perception of what is 'THIN'. For example, if someone is not my size or larger, I think of them as 'skinny people'. I have a girlfriend who is a size 16 and even though I *know* that is a plus size, she is still one of my 'skinny' friends.
The other day at work someone was upset because her husband suggested that she should shop at Lane Bryant. I said, why were you upset? Apparently its the 'FAT' store and she felt that he thought she was fat by suggesting this to her. I asked her what size she was, and she said 14. I said, well you know I'm sure he didn't mean to insult you, and they do sell size 14 clothes there. Privately thinking to myself that there are days when I might consider homicide if it meant that I could be a size 14 again.
So its finally spring and my thoughts are turning to summer fun.. I was thinking about how I haven't been to Valley Fair in a few years, so I go and check out there web site and I find the ride rules and restrictions.. and I'm too damn fat to go on any of the rides! You have to weigh less than 250, have waist smaller than 46" and a chest smaller than 54".. I am *SO* bummed out.
I also wanted to Skydive, but alas ... You must be 18 years of age or older, weigh less than 225 lbs., and be in good health to skydive... again, one more thing on my TO DO list that my poundage is holding me back from. I cannot WAIT to have my surgery!!!
*sigh*
I have faith and know that by NEXT summer my weight will no longer be holding me back :-)
Picture time...
Oh-boy, with my hair parted down the middle (which I *never* do, this was just to show how long my hair was before I cut it.) I look like my mom from the 70's!!! (well...except she was skinny then)
Okay this is a horrible picture, but it motivates me to get a haircut and lose weight...and never, never, never part my hair in the middle :D
On the right we have a lovely profile shot...do I look mad in this picture? ('cause I'm not) Oh, what a nice double chin you have my dear... and what the hell happened to my upper lip? I guess profile shots should be avoided for awhile ;-)
sigh
If you must see more 'Before Pictures', this is the link, only the bravest dare visit it :-)
Friday, August 1st, 2003 I just got back from my nurse meeting for the bariatric surgery. I weigh 291 pounds, 17.5" arm, 52" waist, 59.5" hips. I currently wear a Lane Bryant size 28 shirt & pants, 48 DDD bra. My first meeting with the doctor will be August 21st, I can hardly wait!!! I have lost eighteen pounds so far on my own, Hooray for walking that half block to work every day!
...let the feeding-frenzy begin! :D
It was the first time I've spent the night in the hospital ever... well, since I was born ;-)
UPDATED: 01/15/2004
Some people have said that I am brave for having pictures of myself take in my underwear and put up on the internet. Well I'm not folks. First off, the cute undies are courtesy of Lane Bryant, yes its a fat girl store, but what the hell, we've gotta shop somewhere. Second, I knew that this picture, taken the morning of my surgery would be the last day that I would ever be this fat. I wanted to be able to have a record for myself so that I can know how much I've changed and also to help remind myself to never let this happen again.
Okay, the surgery went well, I am recovering and down a total of 10 pounds from the day of surgery. But I am so hungry, I feel like all I want to do is eat! I was watching TV the other night and I damn near licked the screen from seeing all the food ads...ugh!
Happy one month bandaversary!
I am down to 270 pounds, a total of twenty pounds from the day of surgery! :D
I love my band!
Saturday, October 18th, 2003
This is me at my sisters wedding, don't I clean-up nice :D
I'm really excited because I'm wearing a size 22 dress and that's down three sizes from surgery! I'm also wearing my contacts, and even put on make-up, what a difference a little war paint makes.
Height: 5'4.25"
Weight: 263.5
Neck: 15"
Bust: 53"
Waist: 49.5"
Hips: 57.5"
Happy Two Month Banniversary!
Happy Three Month Banniversary!
I am not giving any measurements because I've been too busy to be measured but the scale says I'm 260. I don't think the scale is the most accurate way to track my weight loss because I'm down to wearing size 22 pants and that's quite a change from four months ago, and yet 260 doesn't seem like that much of a loss, because that’s only 30 pounds from day of surgery and I do recall weighing MUCH less than 260 the last time I was a size 22. So maybe it's just that the pants are stretchier now, or that I'm putting on muscle (from the itty-bitty-bit of exercising that I do) and that muscle weights more but what ever the reason, the scale can lie its ass off, but the fact that I'm wearing smaller clothes says something & its something that I want to hear :-)
Happy Four Month Banniversary!
Well, I've done it, I've finally broke through the d*mn 260's and I now weigh in at 258, that's 32 pounds lost from day of surgery (FIFTY from my heaviest weight of 308).
I have also noticed that all of my rings are loser and can be shifted up a finger, so I've given away all my old thumb rings and I've even been able to put my class ring back on again!
I do have to confess to having eaten a LOT of chocolate and sweets over the holiday, but I have resolved myself to get back on track so that I can borrow clothes from my sisters this summer, which is something I've *never* been able to do because they've always been so much smaller. I'm the oldest in my family, so for most of my life they were just kids, but now that we're all adults, its going to be a good feeling the day I can raid my 'little' sisters closets.
:D
Height: 5'4.25"
Weight: 258
Neck: 15"
Bust: 50.75"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 55.5"
Happy Five Month Banniversary!
Well I can't believe that its been five months already. I feel like my weight loss has really slowed down and I think its because I haven't been doing much to exercise. I have a little 10 minute walk to/from work every day but I don't think that's going to be enough to keep the pounds coming off. So over the next month I will dedicate myself to doing those work out tapes that I bought a couple of years ago. I'm sure that everyone has those tapes, you know the ones that you buy and use for the first week and then get sucked back into real life and the tapes sit on your shelf collecting dust. Yeah, I've got to dust them off and see if they still work ;-)
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 254
Neck: 14.5"
Bust: 50.5"
Waist: 42"
Hips: 55"
As soon as I get some more 'current' pictures, I'll be sure to add them to my page :-)
Happy Six Month Banniversary!
WOW! I can't believe its been half a year since I went under the knife! What a lot of changes have happened. I am happy to report that I have hit the sixty pound mark, only 90 more to go to reach my goal of 150 pounds lost. I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me through this journey!
:-)
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 248 -60 pounds
Neck: 14.5" -2.5"
Bust: 50" -10"
Waist: 41" -11"
Hips: 53" -9"
Happy Seven Month Banniversary!
I am sad to say that nothing much has changed in the past month, there is only a slight 2 pound weight loss and a barely noticeable loss in the inches department. I have a fill for my band scheduled for this Monday, April 12th. I hope this will help me with my weight loss.
I also know that I need to exercise more and indulge my sweet tooth less. These were my failings before, these are my failings now. Damn the chocolate and the ice cream, and the liquor that I love to eat/drink so very much!!!
UPDATED 04/09/2004
So my band adjustment has been rescheduled to the 28th of April. Ah well. I must re-dedicate myself to eating better and exercising more. Someone said to me, but aren't you just dieting now, what's the point of the surgery if your just dieting then? I told that person that I am making a lifestyle choice. I am choosing to change my bad ways and bad eating habits. I eat protein instead of carbs and I think that is what is making a major difference for me in the weight loss area.
I also know that the band is helping me because now I have my 'meal' say, 12 piece of chicken wings and then if I do want some ice cream - instead of eating the ENTIRE pint of Ben & Jerry's, I now eat a couple of spoon fulls and I'm okay. But before the surgery, I would have eaten ALL of the wings, half a large pizza and then 20 minutes later, the whole pint of B&J. The band works, but its only a tool. When I've cheated with chocolate and wine, I don't lose weight. It's not a magic cure, its not a quick fix, its a tool to help you not over eat, but you still have to choose to eat the right things...Yeah, I guess that was a soap-box moment :P
UPDATED 04/28/2004
I had my first fill done today 1.5cc and it was done in the radiology room so I was able to lay there and do nothing and also to SEE nothing. Which is nice, because I *really* hate needles! So far I've been able to have my traditional lunch of tomato soup and also a very carefully chewed stick of string cheese. So far, so good! *burp* ... oh fun, the post-OP belching is back :P
Happy Eight Month Banniversary!
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 248
Neck: 14.5"
Bust: 50"
Waist: 40.5"
Hips: 53"
No significant weight loss because I think my body has adjusted to the lower food intake and now I need to increase my exercise. I'm also going to make an effort to drink more water and eat more vegetables!
But on a happier note - I can go on rides at Valley Fair this year as I weigh less than 250, have waist smaller than 46" and a chest smaller than 54"! Also, my butt fits into theater seats without having to turn sideways, sit on the edge, or ‘adjust’ myself. I can bend over from a standing position and tie my shoes without having to take a big breath first -AND- if I'm sitting down I don't need to grab my pant leg and pull my leg up to me!
UPDATED: 05/28/2004
I thought I'd include a picture here, it's not the most flattering shot of myself because it shows my gut roll (trouble spot for me at the moment) and the back-bacon, but I wanted to put it up because it will help to motivate me to keep going in my weight loss journey and not just settle for where I am right now... and my sweetie looks cute & what the hell, *I* look pretty darn cute too! It must be the cool shades, thanks Lisa :-)
I feel great and I have to say that its a good feeling to be able to walk around a public place and not feel like the fattest person there! I went shopping last weekend at Lane Bryant and Torrid & for the first time since before the surgery I spent money on a new dress. I've been reluctant to buy anything new for clothing, with the exception of new bra's & undies, because why spend money on something that isn't going to fit in six months? But I cannot stress enough how important the properly supportive undergarment is for women! So I went shopping and spent money on myself, on a new outfit and it felt great to buy something pretty for myself. I don't usually dress up at all for work, I'm lucky enough to have a pretty casual dress code, so to put on a dress, hose & heels and actually fix up my face & hair makes me feel like a totally different person. I highly recommend to anyone to take themselves out for a dress-up night with friends!
Some people might wonder why my guy is dressed so funny, well he's wearing the first piece of garb that I made for him. Yes, I've recruited him to the dark side and I've made a true SCAdian about him because we went to fabric store and he dropped $200 without even blinking. What a guy!!!
Happy Nine Month Banniversary!
Well I've lost 2 pounds, now down to 246, but I've stayed the same in all my measurements. I am going to start counting my calories in addition to the smaller portions, and the dance classes that I will be starting in a few weeks that this will help me jump start my loss. I'm also working on cutting back on my coffee w/cream addiction, right now I'm at 2+ cups a day depending on my stress level at work. If I can get it down to one cup of regular in the morning and then switch to decafe in the afternoons... Not sure how that is going to work, I'll have to wait & see!
Here is something I thought I'd share, especially since I eat out at least one meal a week if not more ...brought to you by the FDA...
Tips for Eating Out:
UPDATED 06/18/2004
I had my second fill done today and it was once again in the radiology room so I was able to lay there and try to take my mind off the needle sticking into me! The doctor who did this latest fill asked me how much I had in already, I said 1.5 and he said, are you sure? I said, well check my chart, but they told me they put in 1.5 so he said, it looks more like .5 - I'm not sure why it was only five I'll have to call my bariatric nurse & speak with him about that, but anyway, I asked if they could make it 1.5 & he did and *NOW* I feel some restriction!!! I also get the hiccups after I eat too much or too fast. Not the cute little hiccups that go away after three or four, nope, these are huge, loud, body shaking hiccups that last for ten minutes. Ugh! Must chew more slowly & its true that if you drink a hot beverage that it helps relax the stoma, but you can also eat more. So be careful with that helpful tip ;-)
Happy Ten Month Banniversary!
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 254 I've GAINED SEVEN POUNDS!!! :(
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 50"
Waist: 40"
Hips: 53"
I am seriously considering joining weight watchers again because I have not lost any inches since March. That's four months at the same weight and I simply refuse to believe that two-hundred forty-something is my body's ideal weight. I know I've been cheating horribly with chocolate & ice cream. The past two weeks have been horrible on my diet life-style change because of my elevated stress levels in preparation for one of my SCA events, WW. I'm also wondering if maybe I've been eating too much cheese, it is rather high in fat, and while the diary part is healthy, there are other forms of dairy that I need to use instead. I'm also thinking that belly dancing only once a week might not be enough and I should increase my amount of exercise... I'm sure most of you are thinking, yeah Jess, 'exercise more', that'd be, 'no duh'!
Happy Eleven Month Banniversary!
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 248
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 50"
Waist: 40"
Hips: 53"
Well... At least I haven't gained any weight this month and I've managed to lose the stuff I put on last month.
I must say that at this moment I'm feeling really discouraged that I've been stuck at the same weight for the past few months. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I had the surgery and I would not have lost the weight that I have without it... but I feel like I'll never be 'normal', that this weight & size is where I'll be stuck. And why the hell do they make a size 24/22 and 20/18 but no 22/20!? If I go try stuff on the 20/18 are just a little too small, but the 24/22 are just a little too big ... *sigh*
I have three size 14 shirts in my closet as 'incentive' clothing. I'm hoping they'll fit before the end of 2004.
UPDATED 09/01/2004
I had my third fill done today and it was once again in the radiology room so I could kick back and relax while they shoved sharp pokey things into my gut. The doc said he put in 1cc, but with the way things tend to leak with the initial poke and then removal of needle, I'm guessing I'm filled to about 2cc's now. I'm going to be on full liquids for 2 days and take it slow. Hopefully this will help jump start my weight loss again!
Happy Banniversary!!! ONE YEAR POST-OP
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 246 -62 pounds total/-44 Day of Surgery
Neck: 14.25" -1.75"
Bust: 49.75" -10.25"
Waist: 39.75" -12.25"
Hips: 52.5" -9.5"
What an amazing year its been! When I look back on the past twelve months and see how much I've changed physically... Who would have thought that sixty-two pounds less would make such a huge difference in how I look and feel. I love that my double chin is slowly disappearing. It's also interesting that I used to dread taking the stairs, now I look forward to having a little cardio work out. I no longer strain to get in and out of my car. I'm now almost normal looking, in fact, I think its fair to say that I almost blend in a crowd of people rather than standing out as the 'fat girl'. Of all the people I've thanked over the past year for the things they have done and how they have helped, I've forgotten to thank the most important person of all - myself. Thank you Jess for having the courage to have major surgery, to make the huge life-style change that was needed to lose the weight and for not doubting yourself even when others were less than enthusiastic for you.
*hugs*
Just think how good I'm going to feel when I lose the next sixty pounds =)
Happy Thirteen Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: ? the scale is somewhere in a box, I'll dig it out sometime this weekend and get an updated weight =)
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 49.5"
Waist: 39"
Hips: 52"
Well, thirteen months after my surgery and I'm still slowly losing. I was talking with one of my other band-friends about how hard it is to be at that half way point and looking at others who had the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass (RNY) surgery at the same time that we did and they've lost their weight quickly and how we're still fat. I pointed out that we knew going into this that the band was a slower process, but to look at the big picture. My skin has pretty much bounced back and I've lost over sixty pounds. Sure I'd like it if "the twins" were perkier, but over all my butt, tummy and thighs are pretty firm. Unlike people who've lost as much weight as I have/want to lose with the RNY and have lose skin. My girlfriend pointed out to me that those people can have plastic surgery to remove the excess skin. I then rebutted with sure maybe they can, but then that's another surgery and sometimes its not always feasible to have the excess skin removed. And then there are those people who don't even bother to have it done, but just live with it. So I'm curious dear readers - If you've had the RNY surgery and lost your weight fast and now have lose skin, what have you done about it? Please email me 'What I did after my surgery' to ursulagoddess@yahoo.com, and let me know if you wanted your results posted. =)
Here's what some people posted on Live Journal:
Weight Loss Surgery Journal -&- Life After Weight Loss Surgery Journal
Updated: Pictures of me one year post-op!
This pictures is of my size 8 sister Becca modeling the dresses we'll be wearing in June.
Happy Fourteen Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 246
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 49"
Lower Rib cage: 46" - new measurement!
Waist: 39"
Hips: 54" (updated by professional measurement)
The dress measurements for a bridal shop size 24:
Bust 48"/Waist 41"/Hips 51.5"
THE GOOD:
I've added a new measurement to my list because my little brother Jared is getting married in June and he and his lovely fiancée Autumn have asked me to be a bridesmaid. So I got measured for a dress and she took the measurement of my roll of fat around my rib cage as the 'waist' measurement for the dress. Its a strapless dress that's fitted through the bust and rib cage and flairs out around the waist line (see above picture). Well I've decided that the best motivation that I could have would be to lose SIX INCHES by June 4th 2005. That's in exactly two hundred eight days, or thirty weeks, or seven months (how ever you like to count your time). So in order to fit into the dress that I've ordered and paid for by June, I will need to drop 1" around the bust, 5" around the rib cage and 2.5" around the hips. So now the race is on to fit into the dress. I'm not as focused on the scale as I am on the inches, but I will track both =)
THE BAD:
I feel like I keep losing/regaining the same 5-7 pounds and that I've been stuck in the same cycle for the past few months. I've tried keeping a food diary and writing down everything I put into my mouth and keep my calories below 2000 a day, but its hard when I cheat so darn much. I feel like I've fallen off the weight loss band wagon and I've been stuck in the same place for the past eight months. I haven't lost any serious weight since March, even with the banding being adjustable and I'm pretty sure that I've 2cc's in my right now, I feel that I'm not over eating, but having sneak calories into my diet ie - liquids. I have a serious coffee & ice cream addiction. While I may not be able to eat more than 2 slices of pizza, I can snarf a pint of delicious ice cream and still have room for a glass or two of wine.
damn my sweet tooth!
So *sigh* to re-affirm my goals yet again, drink more water, exercise more and not take for granted the weight that I have already lost =)
Also a special howdy-hey to my cousin's wife Tina, she's having open RNY surgery today. Welcome to the stab club Tina!
Happy Fifteen Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 246
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 49"
Lower Rib cage: 46"
Waist: 39"
Hips: 54"
Okay – so the good news is that I haven’t gained any weight in the past month, but the bad news is that I haven’t lost any either! I made a vow to exercise more, but I don’t seem to be holding myself to that very often… to be fair, not at all! But then, I’ve always hated to exercise.
Only twenty-six more weeks until my brothers wedding and I *have* to lose that weight or the dress won’t fit.
I think I can… I think I can… I think I can…
I KNOW I can!!!
UPDATED 12/15/2004
The proof is in the outfit! So as I’m sitting here today I realize that I haven’t worn this particular outfit since March, because it needed to be dry-cleaned and I’m sorta cheap/lazy about doing that. Anyway, so this outfit was a bit snug on me the last time I wore it and today its actually lose! So while the scale hasn’t moved that much, something’s working for me because clothing doesn’t lie – clothing is brutally honest and for the first thirty years I didn’t like what it said to me, but today … today I love this outfit =)
Happy Sixteen Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 246
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 49"
Lower Rib cage: 46"
Waist: 39"
Hips: 53.5"
So I noticed something this year at while sitting on the sofa with my family at Christmas. I have a lap and I can relax my arms and let them lay gently in that lap! No more pictures with me holding my arms together at the wrist/forearm to cover up my gut!!! Now, this is something that you just can’t appreciate unless you’ve been fat, am I right!? I have a lap and its funny that I didn’t notice it before :P
So nothing lost, but nothing gained – considering the amount of food that I stuffed in over the holiday’s that quite a feat!
21 weeks until my brothers wedding and bridesmaids dress city…
Happy Seventeen Month Banniversary
So I’ve got my one year post-op visit with my surgeon Thursday, which is actually my ‘seventeen’ months post-op visit due my busy schedule and them not sending any sort of a reminder card. Anyway… so I’m curious so see what I weigh on their scale and just how much of a weight loss they’ll have recorded for me. Because I count my total loss from my heaviest weight, and they go by what I weighed the morning of my surgery, and there’s about 20 pounds difference between them.
So here I am, once again obsessing over my weight and upset with myself that the scale hasn’t moved in almost a year, since last March when I began to cycle between 248-244, losing and regaining the same four pounds. It’s very frustrating to be stuck and know that its because I’m not exercising enough, and that my weaknesses are anything chocolate and alcohol.
It occurs to me that I need to remove the bad influences of booze from my diet. That it won’t kill me to skip my weekend & nights out cocktails. So that’s just what I’m going to do. That’s right, I’m swearing off the sauce until dub-dub! Warriors and Warlords in July. I will also forsake the deliciousness of my beloved chocolate until that same time.
*PANIC*
…no chocolate - no booze - make Jessie go CRAZY!!! … perhaps I’ll start smoking again to compensate for the loss.. naw… that’s not a good idea either. :P
Ya know, when people stop drinking they’ve got a support group – a sponsor, someone they can call when they’re having a weak moment…. So I need someone to call when I need a chocolate fix … because, you need to go to some effort to get a drink, but the vending machine is only a few feet away from my cube. *sigh*.
The positive is that today I walked a few laps around the inside of my building over my lunch break and this seems a good plan to continue with. So rather than my habitual statement of, “I’ll start exercising tomorrow”, I can now say that I’ve started something today.
It’s a good feeling to know that I’m taking action to help myself, but this is a long road to walk and I feel like I’ve been stuck in the valley of the shadow of the fat girl for as long as I can remember…. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to reach the end of it… will I ever be an “off-the-rack, walk into a store and grab a shirt and know its gonna fit me” size? What is it to be thin? Will I know thin when I find it? Because at this point, I think I’ll be content with getting below 200 pounds. Seriously, I’ve been so freaking fat for so very long that when that scale hits 199 or below, I’m going to be shedding some tears of joy!
I guess only time will tell.
Happy Eighteen Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 243
So my appointment last month was put off till this month because of the horrible cold that I had. I'm scheduled to see the bariatric nurse on Monday, March 14th. I'll be sure to give more updates then.
I've been really good about walking over my lunch break for at least 30 minutes and I think that's helping. Only 88 more days until my baby-brother ties the knot and I get to stand up with him in my bridesmaids dress. I think I'd feel better about the whole thing if I didn't know that three out of the five 'maids weren't a size 8. *ugh*
But I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for me. This lifestyle change and exercise is to help me and no one else =)
I have noticed a few things that I know all my fat friends will be able to relate to. I was able to buy a necklace at a regular store (JCPenny/Target) and have it fit me and I'm just about *AM* small enough for the regular size blood pressure cuff :D
yay me!
Nineteen Months Post-op and I’m still fat!
I think that I wouldn’t be so very upset over the lack of any major weight loss or inches if I wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding in 57 days. I’m just kicking myself for buying a smaller dress too. The dresses measurements are Bust 48”, Waist 41”, Hips 51.5” it says it’s a size 24. I’m still stuck at the same weight and same measurements that I was back in October when they measured me in the bridal shop.
*sob*
I've been good about what I eat, not perfect because I still like to have a cocktail when I eat out, I love a glass of wine or two on the weekends and I occasionally eat dessert. But I'm not where near what I use to eat before my surgery and I guess at least I'm not gaining anything.
Its just so frustrating - I could just scream. I feel like I'm constantly battling with myself to make good food choices and exercise, and still its not making any difference.
I can only conclude that I'm eating too much. So I've called my clinic to see if they can get me in for another band fill.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being so very good with what I eat and drink at work, and then I go home and go crazy.
I'm so very tired of being fat. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be less fat than I was before, but its still hard to be fatter than I want to be. I just keep thinking if I can just get below 190, then I'll be okay.
Updated: 04/21/2005
I got my band filled again. They told me I had 1.5 in and I asked them to crank it up 1 cc, so I should now have 2.5, however, I think that some leaks when they poke the needle in/out of the port, this is why I asked for extra. So I'm putting myself on full liquids for a week and then working my way slowly up to 1200 calories per day. I'm going to make it my goal to keep my food intake at that amount, in addition to the walking everyday =)
... and I got my hair cut short and took a trip to Florida to visit the fabulous LISA!!!
Happy Twenty Month Banniversary
Here's my stats for this month:
Weight: 246
Neck: 14.25"
Bust: 48.5"
Lower Rib cage: 44.5"
Waist: 38"
Hips: 51"
Okay, so its clear that I'm in a "Weight loss plateau", which suck major ass. So I've done a bit of googling and here's a few links that I've found Opra Mag, nutricounter and Weight Watchers all have some suggestions to make.
Which all boil down to change up what you're doing for exercise & eat more fruits, vegetables and drink more water. :P
The scale taunts me by not moving, however, I am loosing inches and things seem to be fitting better. I'm able to squeeze into size 20 pants which I haven't done since I /WAS/ twenty years old. So this is a good thing - even though I hate my scale and I want to throw it out the window.
I am no longer quite as freaked out about my baby brothers wedding. With the help of this bra I was able to almost make this dress fit ... almost ... my bust is still too large, however, I still have 26 days, duct tape and a smidgen of seam allowance to play with. I am confident that this bridesmaids dress will not only fit me, but I'm going to look damn fine in it!!! Its a nice color on me and the way the fabric scrunches from bust to waist is very flattering and emphasis's my hourglass shape, which I do have once the roll of fat around my ribcage is pushed in.
I must say that my post previously where I said I'd swear off the sauce only made me want to drink more and that's just what I did too. Every time we go out to eat I carefully pick my meal, but then I'd order a margarita - which is not the smart thing to do caloricly. Part of the struggle is that to deny myself something only makes me want it even more. But if I were to let myself eat or drink as much of anything as I want, then I choose to make the healthier choice. I think this must be part of my inner teenager trying to prove something. Because I didn't rebel very often when I was younger, so I have to make up for it now.
Silly me!
But I'm down to only one cup of coffee per day, I'm walking faithfully everyday over my lunch break and continuing to do the wall push-ups. Change is slow but I can tell by the inches lost this month that things are adjusting and I am getting healthier =)
ACTS OF DESPERATION 5/21/2005
Alright, here's the deal. I've been stuck in a weight loss plateau for over a year now and my little brothers wedding and THE DRESS is only 15 short days away. So this might seem like an act of desperation, but here it goes. Its called the "Master Cleanse", and here's a few links I found when I googled, "lemonade diet" ...
These all seem to boil down to this...
The below recipe make 60 oz of "lemonade", enough for 6 to 10 oz glasses. 60 oz is sufficient for a reduction cleanse.
60 oz water per day (or 10 oz per glass)
12 tablespoons Organic Grade B Maple Syrup (or 2 tbsp. per glass)
12 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice (or 2 tbsp. per glass)
a little over half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper (or 1/10 tsp. per glass) or to taste
Drink it hot - its just like hot lemon tea, with a cayenne pepper after shock!
Drink it cold - its just like cold lemonade, with a cayenne pepper after shock!
So I started doing this on Saturday, May 21st, and I followed up on Sunday with...
SALT WATER FLUSH:
1 quart of water and 2 tsp. natural unrefined sea salt (NOT iodized or refined salt). Mix well and chug down. It's nice to massage the colon as well. This will clean your colon well.
*ugh* they aren't kidding! I wasn't able to 'chug it down' because I just can't drink anything that fast. So I sipped it slowly and after I'd gotten it down I felt nauseous. My sweetie looks at me and says he's not surprised because salt water is also used to induce vomiting. I just looked at him and wanted to cry, "Well why didn't you tell me that /before/ I drank all that stuff!?" I said. Feeling my guts turning to goo. Henceforth I shall call this process the, 'colon blow 5000'!
My other special tips are that you must keep stirring your drink or all the cayenne pepper will settle at the bottom and that makes for one hell of an after burn on that last swallow! Also the herbal laxative tea tastes like black licorice and if you don't like that taste (I don't) just a spoon full of the maple syrup helps make it more palatable.
:P
I had a headache on the second day of the fast and my muscles hurt the night but most of the stuff that I've read says that’s a normal side effect of the stuff cleaning out your system. I drank a lot of water, took a nap and that helped. I do recommend that if you are going to do this fast to start it on a weekend or when you have a lot of free time to take naps. The ‘flush’ aka. colon blow 5000 took a lot out of me (no pun intended).
On day seven I can feel my resolve weakening. If I smell food or see someone eating I feel my mouth water and I feel like Pavlov’s Dog :(
I am going off of this fast earlier than the full ten days because I want to be able to eat at the reception and not get sick.
Here's my results from the fast:
was 249/now 234 -15 pounds lost
bust 48.5"/47.5" -1"
ribcage fat 47.5"/46" -1.5"
waist 42.5"/39" -2.5"
hips 52.75/51.75" -1"
The dress fits, without any alterations =)
YAY ME!!!
... and now a word about portion control from our friends at the Americal Diabetes Association ...
Also more information about "Serving Size" can be found on WebMD.
Here are the pictures of the dress!
This one is my favorite...
Here's the professional pictures of me & Brett:
Happy Twenty-Third Month Banniversary
When I first thought about having the surgery it was my boss Michelle Bigelow who suggested the band to me. That link is to a snapshot from an article from our work with a before and current picture of her. She looks great!
Well I've updated this page with a guest book so that people can leave comments. I'm not really sure what to say at this moment. My two year banniversary is look me straight in the eye and I'm reflecting on what I've got to show for it.
The lemonade cleanse for June worked wonders, but I've since gained back all the weight I lost. Which isn't at all surprising, but still disappointing. I'm able to wear size 20 jeans but still in the 22/24 shirts. I think that its pretty normal to have one size (top vs. bottom) bigger than the other. I bought new bras for the first time in months 40 DDD.
I can sit in chairs with arms and not have them dig in, I can cross my legs at the knee and have it be comfortable. I can take 2 flights of stairs and not be gasping for breath, sweating like I just go out of the shower and feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. These are all good things I think.
I look at my cousins and friends who've had the RNY surgery and lost all their weight in the first year and I must admit, I feel envious that they're skinny and I'm not. But I also realize that its all about the choices we make that shape our world. I choose what to put into my body, when to exercise or not. So I have no one to blame but my own self for my successes or failures.
I'd say keeping off the weight I've lost for two years is a success, and to hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.
September 29, 2005
Welcome to the beginning of year three!
I took the summer off from the scale, measurements and pretty much ate & drank whatever the hell I wanted. So now that fall is here I have a new plan to get myself back on the healthy living track.
The first big change will be parking. Now, you might be wondering how where I park for work has any affect on weight loss. Right now I park in a ramp right across the street from where I work. I'll be moving to the cheaper more economic open lot four blocks away from the building. This will server the dual purpose of forcing me to walk to/from work everyday and cost me less money!
I was working in a building that had a very nice hallway for walking over my lunch break, but since we've move to a new building that no longer has that option, I haven't been doing any exercise at all. Which is, as everyone will tell you, the key to weight loss.
*sigh*
I really hate to exercise. This is why I walk because I know its so good for me and yet it doesn't feel like exercise the same way trying to work out to a video does. Its also easier mentally to tell myself that I have to do this walk to get to work rather than trying to make extra time to exercise. Its all about how we pysch ourselves out to do what we need to do to accomplish our goals.
My work is also sponsoring a weight watchers group. Now, I've tried this plan before, with little success because I would be good for about four weeks and then fall off the wagon. However, as the weight loss plateau has stretched on to its second year, I figure that it can't hurt to give something else like weight watchers another try. It will also help to have a weekly weigh in that I can't fudge myself on at all too. Plus I'll be paying for these meetings and if the money is coming out of my own pocket I'll feel a bit more motivated!
Another small incentive is something my skinny sister Becca cooked up called, the "family weight loss challenge". For anyone that knows me and my family and how competitive we are and then involve money... well... its hard for me to not want to kick all their asses and take their money :P
For a while I've been trying to tell myself that its not about the scale, in the end its the inches lost. But at this exact moment, its the damn scale. I've also promised myself that I would get below 200 pounds before Brett and I start having our family. Well the weight isn't going to fall of on its own unless I do something about it, and I think we both deserve to have me be as healthy as possible so that we can enjoy a long life together and have some healthy kids too! *sniff*
So the next twelve weeks will be highly motivating!
I figure its healthiest to lose 1-2 pounds a week which means that I could as little as twelve pounds, or as much as twenty-four. I’m thinking that I’ll start small, if I can lose twelve pounds by December 24th it’ll be a great start and much better than the scale moving up or staying put.
The family plan starts on the 2nd of October, the work weight watcher meetings start the 5th. I’ll compare the home scale vs. ww and also track the inches. I’m thinking about adding in some new measurements as well. I’ll do the weight weekly, but only compare the beginning and end measurements.
Neck: 14.75"
Left Arm: 17.5"
Bust: 49.75"
Rib cage:48"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 53.5"
Right leg: 30"
Weight@home: 259
So today was the first day of Weight Watchers at work. It wasn’t an actual meeting, just an informative session where they took our money and hoped that we’d get the required amount of people to show up so that we’ll be able to have our at work meetings.
Something about the program leader rubbed me the wrong way and I’m not quite sure what it was. I think it was that I felt that she really didn’t care about us, but just wanted to make sure that she filled her class quota. Also, when she told us about herself and why she became a trainer her story was, “I wasn’t always heavy. I started out thin and then I got married and the weight started to creep on, then I had babies and more weight creeped on. So then I decided that I had to do something about it so I joined weigh watchers and I lost TWENTY POUNDS so now I’m normal again, and I’m a lifetime member!”
So I’m looking at her and biting back my inner snark who wants to say, “twenty –whole- pounds?” with my best, ‘bitch please’ look on my place. How can I possibly hope to relate with someone who thinks 20 pounds makes them not normal? What must she think of me who, according to weight watchers, for my height should be 148 pounds!?
*gah*
My weekly weigh in for that Family Weight Loss Challenge:
254 (-5 pounds, go me!)
Today's helpful weight loss tip...
Portion Control - use your hand!
Fist = 1 cup or 1 medium whole fruit
Thumb (tip to base) = 1 ounce of meat or cheese
Thumb tip (tip to 1st joint) = 1 tablespoon
Fingertip (tip to 1st joint) = 1 teaspoon
Index Finger (1st to 2nd joint) = 1 inch
Cupped hand = 1-2 ounces of nuts or pretzels
Palm (minus fingers) = 3 ounces of cooked meat, poultry, or fish
10.09.2005
My weekly weigh in for that Family Weight Loss Challenge:
252 (-2 pounds [-7 total], go me!)
251
254, shit, that's the wrong way, bad scale, BAD SCALE!!!!
252
Neck: 14.75"
Left Arm: 17.5"
Bust: 49"
Rib cage:47"
Waist: 42.5"
Hips: 52.5"
Right leg: 29"
Weight@home: 250
I'll be suspending the tracking of the weight loss for a few months from this point on.
It'll probably pick up again sometime after July/August.
*wink*
I haven't updated this page in so long... I'm about 4 weeks away from my due date and feeling very ready to have my body back to myself. Here's a picture taken of me at 35 weeks pregant, almost nine months along and just over 300 pounds. I keep telling myself its just baby, but really, its also a lot of Dairy Queen...
12/10/2006 - two days after the port move and at a 1.5cc fill.
Weight: 287
So the weight is still the same and that just sucks. I went back to my doctor for a fill and guess what. No, you'll never guess. My port flipped!!! Yes, just a few months after having it fixed, I go back under the knife AGAIN. Color me displeased.
Still no change but I've decided to give myself the summer off and not stress about it. I know that diet alone isn't going to get me a change on the scale, I need to exercise and get my heart rate up for at least 30 minutes every day. Its so much easier to type this than to actually do it.
I feel like Scarlet O'Hara, I'll think about this tomorrow ....
I still hate the scale but I've been able to pack away all my size 26/28 tops and bottoms. I'm wearing size 22 jeans and 22/24 tops. My 42 FFF bra's are getting loose in the band. Still the cups size seems to stay, not that my husband has ever complained, but he's not the one who has to try to fit them into a shirt!
I have to say my new job is the reason for the weight loss/muscle gain. I'm not longer sitting at my desk all day, I'm out walking around, taking the stairs to fix people's computers. Plus the walk too/from the bus stop to the buildings helps.
I don't have any recent photos to post, but I'm certain with the holidays creeping up that someone is bound to catch me when I'm not looking.
I've also noticed that my page counter has reached one-thousand! This is pretty exciting for me. Even if people aren't leaving comments, it would seem that its getting read.
Thanks for visiting! You keep reading & I'll keep posting.
Mental note for me, a nice site with a good post op diet listed.
March 30th, 2008
More than one girlfriend has advised me to give yoga a try and thought I bought this back in Jan, I've been too sick or busy to even open the case. Today I found the time and its something I feel comfortable doing. I just wanted to share that will all my C cup, larger than size 12 girlfriends.
So if you wanted to try it without having to invest in purchasing it, its available on netflix.
Enjoy!
Back to the beginning of the weight loss journey. Its been five years since my surgery and I'm weighing in at 298.4 at my doctors office. I go in again to go under the knife to have my port 'revised' as in, the bloody thing is once again sideways inside of me. Third times the charm, right?
So since I've regained everything I'd lost plus a few pounds, its fair to say that I'm feeling less than positive about myself at this exact moment.
I'm going to think of this as a second chance to get back on the get in shape, be healthy band wagon. If I did it before, I can do it again. I just need to be more diligent with keeping on the exercise routine & keeping tabs on myself with the taking of measurements each month.
Here we go...
Weight: 298.4 - doctors office scale
Neck: 15.5"
left bicep flexed 19.5"
rib cage fat: 54"
Bust: 53.75"
chest: 47"
Waist: 46.5"
Hips: 59.5"
left thigh: 32.25"
left calf 19.5"
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