The trip with Han Lin was magic indeed. The time flowed unnoticed and we had very interesting talks about mostly mystical and personla subjects. As he was interested in our personla lives, I asked him too what he'll do with his Odessa girldfriend. He said he yet didn't think about it but I have impression that it's not The Love... (also as he said after asking to me and Yaroslav if we had families "Me neither"). Well, why should it bother me after all, for Godness sake?... Another information I've got from him is when he was born - Gemini with Ascendent in Cancer...

I was reading and even singin some of my english poems / songs. I think it also sounded a bit funny because except of love poems to someone else I found in the copy-books I was taking with me declarations of my heart's needs after confessions I'm often feeling superior and master to most men I had. I wonder what he though of me, but I'm glad anyway he can know what I truly am inside for it obviously presents mistaken difficulties for people at first, yet with his percetion...

He was doing some yoga in the middle of the night (4 am) and to my question how he slept answered me in the morning OK but with a pause while which I read that wasn't good... I wonder why? I have passed an awful night indeed. He has such a magnetic field around him that my poor body began to shiver. I had to pretend to be sleepy to not look at him as I was afraid of showing in my eyes what I suddenly felt after seeing him moving in the undershirt after taking off his business shirt... I was even afraid to get in and lay down from the fear he'll feel my tension - that's indeed misplaced: a chief and engaged in a year long relationship, leaving to Kiev for more... I tried to calm myself down with some cinism telling myself that the literary words would be funny if someone tells them as I was sleeping under him.

He's a real gentleman for more, enveloping care, very soft manners and voice... I hardly calmed down in the evening, as I know the main to not fall in love is to not let myself dream about him falling asleep, in the morning I felt this magnetic field again... May be I'm crazy but some interaction of our fields appeared to me and even that some of it is voluntary from his part, like trying to calm me down in the night as I was struggling to calm down... Certainly I must have a sick fantasy but who knows what to expect if he repeated me twice that he felt my tension during the reports discussion incident and as he was practicing for many years kung-fu, tai-chi and god knows what else, to the point of coming on the round level when those moves became natural - that relaxed - for him... He could probably read thoughts, who knows? And in the morning before waking up I had a kind of vision that he lowered his head over me from his second floor and asked: "Did you wake up?" It was so real and also real was that enormous megnetism again that I left a hand like defending myself for I was scared and I think I made it in real life saying "NO" before waking up indeed from the heartbeat and understanding that the shelves are different in reality...

I'm laying all the day today with a sensation of a fever in my mind and body, unable to do anything - I feel sick. This day, starting from before going to sleep in the train I wrote several poems, total of 7!!!! today... Still, can't deliberate myself... And he had such look in his eyes as he not quite just shook but took in both soft hands my stretched to him hand as I was saying good buy to him at the trainstation, I couldn't even say thanks to his best wishes for my trip, it seems to me, but don't even quite remeber if I did or not...

What I wonder is as many are saying they're just in love with Han Lin, do some others of ours feel that impact on them too?...

In the morning I tried to call SPB but nobody answered. Yet, in 3 minutes I heard my BROTHER on the line as they called me! I wonder who guessed it was me... He's such a sweetheart, isn't he? It would be easier for me if he wasn't so sweet to me... Yet, She says he's moving all the time, want to move furniture or something else as he feels unnatural doing nothing. I had at once an idea that it's natural for he was 20h/day busy last weeks, but then... They're supposed to have lots of things to talk about and do together... nothing to do? Certainly I would like them to imagine to keep enough each other's attention to not have this feeling of doing nothing on the second day of his arrival to the bride he haven't seen for few months, but after all I know for a long time already that's not Big Love either, yet, that's the destiny...

Funny things happen in life... If I knew what's destinated for me... May be nothing better... but yet I saw today that there is a person e.g. who'd make me believe i'm in a miracle after last years deceptions.... But the best I should do is to take example from him, Gemini - my astrological teacher. Certainly it looks again like the old test I never pass, this time I think I should try till death to keep to the principles... although you never know... Oxana said a phrase about me finding a new job and I just loved it - "Life's like the orgasm - relax and it'll all come by itself". I wish I could relax, and least of all I want to be in the same without will state when I'm in Piter, although it's probably better than to fall back in love with my engaged seriously N-bro... May be that's the godly help for this case only for me with this sudden attraction to LHS... I can only hope it passes like fever as it happened before and I have all reasons to be optimistic about it as he'll stay away mostly for either because of his magnetism or just because it's long since I last felt this way but I had impression of going mad and burning alive today... OK, now I'll try to relax.