Not very comforting day today.

But I've got further in understanding of my problems - I somehow happened to gather too much agression in me by my attachments to skills and relationships and ideals and now it's very soft that evrythings ruins under my hands - I'm being taught out of control over everything. Tatyana-extrasense also says it's still meditation and waiting and patience period for me... Hard to accept my life will still be such lonely but without getting well out of those problems it can never move because I'm afraid my ideals agression is on the red line towards my future, so I must thank God that it's such soft measures and just persist in my work on myself.

I wore today my super-sexy new dress, a jacket over it, of course. Nice feeling but that's not for work, and certainly I must wear something absolutely ordinary tomorrow - patience means patience, I could make stupidities now and certainly it's not time for more than only rely on God and act only if encouraged.

Somehow it was difficult today to fight agression and feel love over it but I keep praying. (Funny it comes up today - Heart Lunar day.... so i should be double careful and have mercy, perhaps to myself in first place) And I guess I found out reading in the morning at breakfast more of Lazarev what could be my bro's problems with heart and nose reasons (offenses to close people and to himself).

Good news - bro will probably reconsider and marry in Norway, he's reaady to acknowledge it's much easier (I guess his bride has troubles with residence permit in Piter and he doesn't want to go all the way to Voronezh, not to say he would make her life much easier if he'd agree at once).

As for me, I had to reinstall a computer in the office and I've spent all day on it already but apparently my brain take vacation and computer doesn't want me either! :-) Very hard and useless work time spending.

Ok, I guess I should go home now and drink some beer to freshen myself (I wanted to go to the park again before work to lighten my mood but was like this too late already - was sleeping after yesterdays early wake-up too long) and tomorrow long talks with Han wait for me - I guess I should be ready with questions etc... but have no forces to work on it.

OK, God please help me take care of me!