Since yesterday I was having quite interestingly changed way of feelings about my bro... Perhaps since the moment I've got the photos. I don't talk about what I saw on them because it was nothiung new. They don't look alike, although they look like old and not especially excited any more married couple...

Also, I had a brilliant thought why else she could cry after I left - had pity for my helpless unanswered love! Ha-ha!

It was when 14th Lunar day have already started - good day for new things beginning. Well, I thought - what the hell? We're indeed too different. Too much alike for any other mere mortals friends but still...

I still think so after having opportunity today once again talk with him about inner reasons for things, like his polypes in nose - he don't believe they're connected with something wrong in his attitudes to the world! He can only accept emotions enery infuelnce it...

And guess what? Today I've found out that, if we belive that Lunar phases in which we're born are determined by our soul age (or expirience), he matches much better with his bride indeed! They're about the same age then, and it could be seen in their rather superficial (in reasons) comparing to me (justice level) view of the world. He's born on 8th Lunar day, second phase and her - on 9th Lunar day, second phase... What is remarkable is that I could guess about his and my age when reading descriptions of people by phases, not knowing yet at which phase we were born. And yes, he's behind me, I was bron at 21st Lunar day, III phase. And I think I know someone who'd suit me much better like I already thought in the train - the person I fell for recently... I still have chills thinking of him but he's too far away, chief and engaged, so I try to not give in to feelings, for it could be useless and painful again.

Thus, who knows, may be at last I feel delivered from the thing that was possibly only a haunting idea that we're made for each other with my bro... May be that's a response to me asking someone much alike with me and answer that I should read - it's a wrong demand... May be still that we're just not ready but now I feel like it's indeed - not in this life, if ever! OK, we will live, we will die and we'll see then.

True is that I would like to help him, but he'll listen only to what he wants (hey, it's his nature by birht!)... And I will try to follow natural lunar rythms now. Pity if he doesn't put his polypes surgery from a very inconvinient Aries 28th (anti-destructional) day on later, like I begged him. OK, All I can do is pray that everything goes fine or just don't work, saving him from possible complications :-)

Great news - I received yesterday my certificate for HTML programmer from Brainbench by mail! A very real pretty certificate! I was so happy! I still am. I should go aks again for my DALF passed 2 years ago - may be it arrived at last? ;-)

I was planning to begin working on my job site today (as it's good day for beginning), fine-tuning the page I have to adopt, but haven't done much, because there was problem with Russian phonts in Photoshop. Still started and plan to fix that problem tomorrow. E-mail communicated with Russians about web-site and I think, things are setting up, including me entering the flow.

Well, I feel wonderful today, a bit cruel, may be because of detachment from this deep heartly love I have for my bro, at last, but I hope it's final and it's good and it'll lead me to something new. I know also very well, it could be just a moon phase and feelings will be back later, but whatever comes, I decided to live, following harmony in my heart, I feel I can succeed and I know that then everything will be very well in my pesonal life too. I just can feel it coming - how esle in spring?! And it will.

As to the roads others take - I just have to remeber I can't heal the world, as much as I want to help some people I love. Intuition is my bro's strong side (that I hope will help him instead of knowledge he can't yet accept) and he was very right to ask me to not think so much and I think my promise to him begins working to my well, so I can only pray I can do some good help for him too, but not forget about different phases that I knew about all along... Just accept it and let others be only as good and go only as far as they want to and as they can!

I still love you bro, but I gotta fly ahead! :-))))