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Me

 
 

21 April 2000
20:09:33

It has been a pretty quiet day.

Highlander series had wonderful music set today.

Bell showed up by Internet - he was reinstalling his system.

Yesterday my neighbour wasn't home to give money for pictures and Roma will pass again today. I did cut out the nasty pic from the film.

I have a loving and horny mood today and a mood for going out. But everybody's busy :-(

Bro worries that I stop loving him... he-he. If I could, I would have done it long ago. Even now, it's just taking another importance and another color, but this feeling is just something too deep, and seems to be natural and that's something that can be only mutual (and I know it is) because there is real energy working betwwen us. It's not properly man-woman love, agree, but I would call this feeling love anyway. Hope I'll know one day what is that miracle. I'm thinking of LHS... I think he would have been a perfect partner for me on all of few sides I already saw of him, but very important sides. yet, it had to be mutual if it's ment to be, but perhaps it was, remebering him inviting me to dance first the party day... yet, then he'll have to come for me :-). He's on same level and we wouldn't have difficulties in understanding speaking of souls, spirit, karma and all the rest: because he's chinese and in his tradition, it's a natural way of thinking for him as it is for me...

Funny I just now thought how funny is that Slavik, who's older also has a crush on me younger who had a crush on my younger bro (I mean by soul lifes expirience)... Hope I don't have this crush any more and I'm finally sure after many variants of thoughts that even God doesn't know what could develop into this relationship with my bro in this or another life... Everything depends on ourselves... I can't forget a dream I had on how many years passed and everything changed to opposite... But once again, when it's ment, it happens to both... It did happen to the both of us with bro, but conditions were not for it and he's a principles man... I remeber I think now how blind I was at certain time last fall to his heart state, stupidly blind... But I think anyway that it's is the most right way, the way it is now between us. And it's good enough anyway because it's giving something to the both of us, soul work is happening... I hope I'm finally through this crush forever. But how much I want today to have someone to flood him with my love... Where are you, my archangel? :-)

OK, it's a day for fun and drink and love... I can't believe I will be isolated this day... Gotta go invent something... And how much I want a good sex filled with love! I just die for it!......

Dissipating thoughts...

Probably because it's also a sleepy day for the weather inclines to sleep, there was rain yesterday all day long and today - just mornfully cloudy...

And what else I discovered when writing to bro... (We've exchanged pushpins with important places btw yesterday for Encarta athlas - so nice!) I don't feel lonely anymore since I met him in person and felt this souls bond I struggle to see explanation for, but I think I should better give up. Why seek for resons since it makes me happy? :-) Not a LONELY soul any more! Even tough clearly not meant to form a couple... I wonder now what truly the word soulmate should mean!... :-O

P.S. I've got in touch with Olga for translation in greman of ankets and suddenly it seems I have a company - Marina proposed to go out and have a beer. May be Slavik will join but I doubt. OK, as always - let it go, relax, and it comes by itself like it did now, the occupation for the evening :-)

 
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