This night people could see in their dreams something they wondered about for a long time or even order where they would want to be in dream. Funny but I saw all night long a grey wall in front of my eyes although I wanted to see my future... Well, that could be good too because that would mean it's absolutely open to change and I make all efforts for this.

I was doing some runs this mornign but nothing good achieved. I looked for Queen + CD, found it only in one place but that place was too expensive and I've spent already too much. I was thinking how I'll be able to develop Piter photos for me... But seems we agreed that I leave Kiev retreat photos for office, they pay for it, I only make for myself best shots. Girls like photos also and ordered for themselves.

Somehow I was again today too nervous from the morning although moon wouldn't propose anything like this, opposite - good day for achievments, yet I didn't do anything useful today, may be that's because of this waste of time... Tried to calm down, read about some saint Russian munk - a book mom had at home. The weather is crappy too - clouds and fog...

Bro was home today. It was Ctholic easter. And we got somehow a talk about his bride attitude to me, don't know how it happened... Ah - I was speaking of why I wasn't showing up all emotions - because I was shutting them down all the way in Piter (we began by the cup "Norway at Night" I liked so much), and why in general it seems to him, I think that I'm not joyful enough nor emotional. I was irritated at many things today, including Vika and felt sharply again how his bride hurt me, remebered how she admitted she did it purposely - well, it's kind of good she admitted it and said sorry, but the fact! He said it's girls'things and he doesn't mix up. But I hate when men close eyes on it. And I hate this "rivality" feeling that makes women hurt each other... Why she evaluates me internally as a rival? I wouldn't count myself so! But then again, I would have done evrything different and react too, starting from our communication and ending by her treatment to my bro, but OK, already agreed we're different. And I think (and said it to bro) we shouldn't talk about it (of course, intervent would be even more stupid, I admitted it but didn't want him to think everything is so perfect he tends to think). And I think I shouldn't think about it either, as I thought already so long time ago - useless anyway to change anything, it's just the way it is, so why spoil mood and relationship with bro? What is she to me after all? Part of illusion world where we're separate with bro...

Enough. I think they'll turn off electricity now so I better submit this entry and go home - good side is that I'll meet in time Sergunia for photos.

BTW, I think I've got it about Chris' "indecisivness" - he's simply Sagittarius and very superficial and impulsive, so that's just because he may want one thing today but forget about it tomorrow and want another thing, it doesn't matter so much. So, I will actually be surprised if he DOES come in September here! (Although I'm somehow afraid that even if he does it might be too late ;-P)

Also, I've got mail black from Klaus (that I always want to name by second name Eric) and I forgot completely he's a language teacher! He-he, it might be of use, if he's willing to help me with Norwegian! :-)

Anyway, life is lovely and wonderful, I just have to feel, to always feel this real core of all things!