Gen Wets: Adventures in Baby-Sitting! By Nate Grey
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel, and I only wish I got paid to write this stuff. I always thought of Gambit as a people person. But that’s just me...I guess. Again, I’m terrible with accents. Note: Penance isn’t in this story. Assuming Gen X was all turned into what they were like as babies, I’d have to assume that she doesn’t exist (Emplate turned Monet into her when she was a teenager), but Monet and the twins are three separate people in this one. Got it? Good. Enjoy! :) Summary: Generation X has been turned into kids, so Gambit & Psylocke (against their wills) are chosen to take care of them for a few days. Gen Wets: Adventures In Baby-Sitting Part 1 “Gambit not gonna do dis.” Gambit stared at the other X-Men, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ll do it and like it, Cajun,” Wolverine growled menacingly. “Come now, Remy,” Storm said. “How hard could it be?” “If it’s so easy, you do it, Stormy,” Gambit replied. “Gambit is a t’ief. Gambit is an X-Man. Gambit is many t’ings. But Gambit never been, isn’t, and never will be a sitter!” Jean Grey sighed. “Remy, please. We don’t have time to argue.” “Gambit not gonna do dis, chere. You and Scott de happy couple; you need de practice, non?” Scott’s face went scarlet. “Really, Remy. You’re being very immature about this whole thing,” Psylocke pointed out. Gambit turned to Psylocke. “Fine. Gambit do it.” Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. “But only if she do, too,” he said, pointing at Psylocke. “Done!” Angel said quickly. “Hey!” she shouted in protest. Gambit grinned at her. “Shall we go, Betsy?” he asked, offering her his arm. “Touch me and die,” she spat. Wolverine chuckled quietly. Bishop stared at his hands, his left eye twitching every few seconds. “I can do this,” he told himself. “I’ve faced off with villains bent on world domination. I can handle a bunch of...of...children.” A shrill whine broke into his thoughts. “Mister Bishop, Ev’s lookin’ at meeee!!!” Bishop finally broke down, covering his face with his hands. “I CAN’T DO THIS!” he sobbed. He looked upwards. “Why? What have I done to deserve such punishment?!” He choked back another sob as his head dropped to the table in front of him. That was how Gambit and Betsy found him ten minutes later. “Bishop?” Betsy asked uncertainly. The man’s head snapped up instantly at the sound of a voice that wasn’t screaming or wailing. Unfortunately, there were two dried Cheerios sticking to his forehead. Gambit and Betsy looked at each other. *Don’t say anything.* Gambit nodded slightly, thankful that Betsy was a telepath. Otherwise, he might be rolling on the floor with laughter right now. “We’ve come to relieve you,” Betsy said slowly, certain that the man’s hearing had been damaged after countless hours with the children. At first, Bishop only blinked, possibly in disbelief. Then a look of pure joy came over his face. “Y-You mean it?!” Gambit nodded. Bishop was so excited, he didn’t know what to do. Finally, he stood up. “Elisabeth?” he asked. “Yes, Bishop?” A strange look came over his face. Before Betsy could read his thoughts, Bishop grabbed her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. As he let go, Betsy stumbled back into Gambit, who’s mouth was wide open in shock. “Thank you so much,” he whimpered, wiping a tear from his eye. Betsy, still confused, touched her lips in surprise. “You feelin’ okay?” Gambit asked. “FREE!” Bishop screamed, running out of the nursery. “FREE, I TELL YOU! BA HA HA HA!!!” “Mon dieu,” Gambit muttered. “Gambit t’inkin’ we in big trouble, chere.” “You’re the one that got me into this,” Betsy replied coldly. “Let’s just get this over with.” “Hey, gimme back my diaper! I need that! I gotta...um...never mind...” Betsy and Gambit looked at each other. “If we survive this?” she said slowly. “I’ll kill you myself.” Part 2 Jubilee stared at the boy, a hateful look in her eyes. “I see you!” Ev didn’t bother to look at her. “So? I saw you t’day, too.” “I know you were lookin’ at me!” Jubilee shouted. “Was not,” he replied calmly. “Was too!” Jubilee snapped. “Was not.” “Was too!” “Was not.” “WAS TOO!” Silence. Jubilee looked at Ev expectantly. After a few seconds, he whispered, “Was not.” “WAS TOOOO!!!” Jubilee screeched. A hand clamped over her mouth. “Would ya be quiet for one cotton-pickin’ sec, Jub’lee?!” Paige cried. Instead of answering, Jubilee bit her hand. “OUCH! Ya stupid fireworks fact’ry!” Jubilee was about to send a few pafs at her face when a hand gripped her wrist, so hard that it hurt. “I don’t like you, Lee. I really don’t like you hurting Paige, either.” Jubilee looked up to see Nicole. Claudette stood at her side, a blank look on her face. “Back off, space cadets!” Jubilee shouted. “Make me,” Nicole dared, her eyes narrowing. *Stop it, gels.* Both girls glanced over at the approaching figure. He was the tallest one of them, even taller than Nicole, by a few inches. *Yer want ta get us in trouble for havin’ another row?* Nicole sighed. “He’s right.” She let go of Jubilee, who muttered something and ran off. Jono walked over and sat down next to Paige, who was whimpering. *Yer okay, Sunbeam?* he asked. Paige looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes. “Jub’lee bit mah hand!” she wailed in agony. Jono gently took her hand in his own. He could see the red marks left by Jubilee’s teeth, but luckily, she hadn’t broken the skin. *S’okay, Sunbeam. Just keep it away from ‘er mouth and everything’s fine.* Paige stopped crying and looked at him. “Thanks, Jono,” she said shyly, blushing a bit. He nodded. Ev, Nicole, and Claudette watched the display. Nicole scowled, obviously disgusted. “She’s going to get cooties real fast. I hate boys.” Ev looked at her sadly, his dreams of being her boyfriend now crushed. Then again, she did have a twin... He looked at Claudette. It wasn’t as if she could say yes, but at least she couldn’t reject him, either. “So what do you think?” Betsy asked, staring at the sleeping children. “Gambit t’ink dis be de only time dey gonna seem cute.” “Sadly, I’d have to agree with you.” “Come on, Betsy,” Gambit said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. “Deep down inside, you want to be a mother, non?” She smirked at him. “Not likely. And you’re touching me.” Gambit removed his arm. “So what we do first? Gambit never handled a bunch of babies before.” “They’re not babies, Remy. They’re toddlers. Or walkers. Or something.” “Technically, we’re still young adults,” a voice interrupted. “Just in smaller bodies.” “Shouldn’t you be asleep, petite?” Gambit asked. Monet looked at him as if he was crazy. “With all due respect, Mr. LeBeau, I have better things to do. That, and I refuse to sleep on the floor.” “Your friends don’t seem to have a problem with that,” Betsy pointed out. Monet arched an eyebrow. “Surely one such as yourself knows the importance of proper bedding, Ms. Braddock. I had hoped you would support me in the matter. Or is it Mrs. Worthington now?” Gambit had to cover his mouth to prevent himself from laughing. “Careful, child,” Betsy warned her. Monet made no indication that she’d heeded the warning. “I would still prefer a bed.” “Say de magic word and we t’ink about it, petite.” Monet stared at him. “You must be joking.” “Gambit never jokes.” He got a look from Betsy, but kept his stern gaze on Monet. Monet sighed. “Very well.” She muttered something under her breath. “A little louder, petite,” he told her. Monet rolled her eyes. “Please?” “Dat more like it,” Gambit said, a smile on his face. “Now your Uncle Gambit will see ‘bout dat bed for you.” Ten minutes later, Gambit returned with a large sleeping bag. Monet eyed it disapprovingly. “Tell me that’s for your own use.” “Sorry, petite,” Gambit apologized. “Dis was all I could find.” Monet sighed and dragged the sleeping bag over towards the rest on the children. “To think I almost became one of you.” “What, an X-Man?” Betsy asked. “No,” Monet responded calmly. “An adult.” “Psst! Claudette!” Ev hissed. Then he paused. She probably couldn’t hear him, now that he thought about it. But it was important that he reach her. Important to him, anyway. Ev slowly stepped into the open. The nursery was completely dark, save for the Spidey night light in the corner. Claudette sat near it, staring into space. Ev walked over to her and sat down. He gently grasped her hand. Nicole had told them that this was the best way to communicate with her twin sister. “Claudette, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I have to tell you something.” He paused, making sure no one else was around. Then he took a deep breath and said, “I think I’m in love with you.” Claudette, of course, said nothing. Ev didn’t know what exactly he expected from her. “So...I guess that’s it.” He slowly stood up and began to walk away. Suddenly, he realized that he couldn’t. Claudette’s hand had closed over his, and was now locked around it in an iron grip. Ev grabbed her hand and pulled, but to no avail. Apparently, the twins still shared some of their older sister’s powers. He sighed and gave up, settling down on the floor next to her. “Night, Claudette,” he murmured, quickly kissing her cheek. Then he laid his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. But even in the faint glow of the Spidey night light, it was easy to see the slow smile that spread across Claudette’s face. Part 3 “What do kids eat for breakfast, anyway?” Betsy asked. Gambit shrugged. “Gambit never had a kid, chere.” “Oh, you’re a big help,” she muttered. “It’s not like I’ve had kids, either. Pass me that box of Sugar Bombs.” Gambit handed over the brightly-colored cereal box. “They eat this stuff?” he asked in disgust. “They do now,” Betsy replied, dumping the contents into several small bowls. “Tell me we have milk.” “Sure do, chere.” He tossed her the carton. “Y’know, for someone who’s never had kids, Gambit t’ink you’d make a good mother.” “We have got to work on your complimenting skills,” Betsy sighed as she poured the milk. A few moments later, a little face peeked into the kitchen. “We’re hungry,” Jubilee announced. The rest of Generation X crowded around her, voicing their agreement. Betsy pointed at the table. “Eat.” Generation X poured into the room and surrounded the table. The next few minutes were filled with crunching, burps, slurping, and the occasional “She’s got more than I do!” Then the kids finished their breakfast and returned to the nursery. Only Monet and Nicole, who had some manners, were left. They quietly finished their cereal without a word. As they left the room, Gambit scratched his head. “Dat was weird. What now?” “Since I made breakfast,” Betsy said, “you get to clean up while I watch the kids. By the time you’re done, you’ll need to start lunch. Oh, and have fun!” Gambit watched her run out of the room. He sighed. “Gambit don’t like dis at all.” Ev peeked out of his filthy apartment. The cops were on to him, of that there could be no doubt. They’d find him soon, defenseless, and with the money he’d stolen. There was only one way out. “Open up in there!” a commanding voice shouted. Ev grabbed the sack of money and leaped out of his back window. Before he could get up, they had him surrounded. “Don’t move!” the superior ordered, glaring at him. “You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law! If you can not afford an attorney, one will be assigned to you!” Ev sighed. “Monet, do you have to do that every time? Can’t you just hit me with a club and drag me off to jail?” Monet sighed. “That’s police brutality, and against the law. I have to read you your rights.” Ev sighed again. “But I don’t have rights. I’m a bad guy!” “Yes, you do,” Nicole argued. “You just don’t know that you have them. That’s why we’re required to tell you when we haul your butt downtown.” “This happens every time we play ‘Cops & Robbers.’ I’m sick of it.” Ev tossed the sack of money down and walked away. Claudette dropped her fake gun and followed. “Looks like we lost the third member of the St. Croix Squad,” Nicole said. “Now what?” Monet grinned. “Let’s follow them.” Nicole smiled at her big sister. “I love the way you think.” Paige wandered into the big room. “Jono, are ya in here?” She walked to the center of the room, where a pedestal stood. She was just reaching for it when a hand snatched her away. “Now what you doin’ in here, petite?” Gambit asked, looking at the girl in his arms. “You know the professor’s room is off limits.” “Ah was lookin’ for Jono,” Paige answered shyly. Gambit noticed that her cheeks had grown bright red. “You sick, petite?” he asked, placing a hand on her forehead. Paige only giggled as he carried her back to the nursery. “You gonna stay here this time?” Gambit asked. Paige nodded as he set her down. “Unca Gambit, how old are ya?” “Old enough, petite,” he replied. This seemed to satisfy the girl. “Okay. Can Ah have a hug?” Gambit nodded, kneeled down, and embraced the child in his arms. “Anything else?” Before he could let go, Paige drew his head down and clumsily pressed her lips to his. Then she turned bright red, giggled, and ran out of the room. Gambit blinked in surprise moments after she had gone. “Mon dieu.” The next morning, Betsy was again faced with the problem of breakfast. After discussing it with Gambit, they decided on something no child was likely to turn down: strawberry ice cream. “I still don’t feel right about this,” she admitted when the kids entered the kitchen. “Chere, Gambit don’t t’ink it gets any righter. Besides, look at their little faces.” Though they were busy eating, most of the children had time to smile at Betsy with pink lips. “Well, at least they’re happy,” she said. “It’s a good thing none of their parents are here.” “Can we have seconds?” Jubilee suddenly asked, holding up her empty bowl. “Not in this life, Lee,” Betsy replied. Jubilee scowled and went back to the table. After a few minutes of discussion, the kids sent out their secret weapon: Paige. She wandered over and tugged on Gambit’s coat. “Unca Gambit, can we have more?” she asked, staring up at him with big blue eyes. “Sure, petite,” he said, handing her the whole box. “Gambit!” Betsy cried in surprise. “Thanks, Unca Gambit. Love ya!” Paige shouted, quickly running back to the table. The box was empty in a matter of seconds. “I’m suddenly glad that you never had kids,” Betsy commented. After a while, all the children gathered around, with mysterious smiles on their faces. “Gambit, why are they looking at me like that?” Betsy asked slowly, fear creeping into her voice. Jubilee cleared her throat loudly. “We just wanted to say thanks. Get her, guys!” Betsy shrieked as the kids launched themselves at her, smothering her with hugs and kisses. In a matter of seconds, the kids retreated back to the nursery. Betsy cowered on the floor, the fear apparent in her eyes. Gambit squatted next to her. “You okay, chere?” he asked. “Remy, I can’t take much more of this scary love,” she whispered. Gambit smiled and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, Betsy. Gambit will watch the kids for a bit. You just stay here and collect yourself.” Betsy nodded slightly as he headed for the nursery. Part 4 “Ev, get up!” Ev slowly opened his eyes. “Huh? What?” Nicole stood over him, an angry look on her face. “Explain yourself!” Ev blinked and suddenly noticed that Claudette was cuddled up beside him, her head resting comfortably on his chest. “Um...I woke up this way?” he guessed. “She wasn’t here when I feel asleep, honest!” Nicole frowned. “I’m going to tell Monet,” she threatened. “Don’t!” Ev pleaded, trying to get up. Unfortunately, he found that Claudette’s iron grip held him prisoner again. Nicole grumbled and stormed away. Ev sighed and laid back, gently brushing a hand through Claudette’s hair. “Well, looks like we’re stuck with each other.” Claudette only smiled and closed her eyes. Paige watched Gambit as he tried to figure out just who had written “Jubilee eats dirt!” on the wall in red crayon. She admired his firm build and broad shoulders, though it was his face that she found most amazing. His closely shaved chin still contained a significant amount of stubble, and Paige wanted nothing more than to run her fingers along it. But Gambit, an experienced X-Man and thief, knew when he was being watched and disliked it greatly. “You gon’ watch Gambit all day, petite?” he asked, not bothering to turn around. Paige blushed bright red and slowly walked over to him. “Ah know who did it,” she said quietly, sticking a finger in her mouth. “But ya gotta kiss me before Ah can tell ya.” Gambit stared at the child in front of him and sighed. “Petite, you know that ain’t happenin’. Gambit already has a girl in his life.” “Then...ya don’t...love me?” Paige asked, a tiny sniffle escaping her mouth. Gambit sighed again and hugged her tightly. “Gambit loves you, petite, but you have to get over him.” “Ya think Ah’m ugly, don’t ya?!” Paige cried, tears running down her face. Gambit shushed her and gently stroked her blonde hair. “Non, petite. Gambit t’inks you’re beautiful.” Paige stopped crying and looked at him. “Ya do?” she asked quietly. He nodded and kissed her cheek. “Always, petite.” Paige turned red again, but there was a huge smile on her face as she walked away. She stopped a few feet away and added, “Ah wrote on the wall.” Then she broke into a mad run and disappeared around the corner. Gambit shook his head and laughed. Professor Xavier found Betsy and Gambit in the kitchen later that day, cleaning up the remains of dinner. “I wanted to congratulate you two on a job well done! It seems your success has reached the ears of others.” Betsy and Gambit paused. “Others?” they asked. Xavier nodded. “Apparently, this baby disease is an epidemic. I received a call from the Avengers. They’re sending more ‘kids’ today.” “More?” Betsy asked, panic rising in her voice. “Certainly!” Xavier replied. “Once I told them how well you handled Generation X, they couldn’t wait to send the others! In fact, they should be arriving any moment.” Suddenly, there was a scream from the nursery. As all three turned to the door, Bishop came flying into the kitchen. He crashed into the oven and slumped to the floor. Gambit ran over and helped him up. “What happened to you?!” Bishop opened his eyes and moaned weakly, “They’ve come. Save yourselves!” Before Gambit could ask anything else, Bishop fainted. Betsy looked at Xavier. “Professor, just who were these kids before they got younger?” she asked suspiciously. Xavier chuckled nervously. “I didn’t say, did I?” “No, you didn’t,” Gambit replied, glaring at him. “What kind of mess did you get us into?!” Betsy screamed. Xavier’s hoverchair whirled around and zoomed out of the kitchen. “After him!” Gambit shouted, dropping Bishop on the floor. They had just reached the nursery when they heard a voice that sent chills down their spines. “HULK SMASH PUNY BABIES!” There were several screams, followed by a cry of “Unca Gambit! HEEEEEELP!” “You go!” Betsy snapped, drawing her psychic knife. “Baldie’s mine!” Before Gambit could argue, she ran after the fleeing Xavier. He sighed and charged up three cards. “Dis gonna be a long day. Gambit can just feel it.” Part 5 Generation X stared across the nursery at the new ‘kids.’ Monsters was probably a better word for them, though. “Do we have to play with them?” Jubilee asked fearfully, hiding behind Ev. “I’d rather attack them,” Nicole replied in disgust. “Did you see what they did to Bishop?” Paige nodded. “The green one scares me!” She squeezed Jono’s hand for comfort. “Hulk no like puny babies,” the green one muttered, picking an odd substance from his toes. “Nobody’s crazy about you either, big guy,” the next replied, adjusting his web shooters. “We’re lucky they let us stay here at all, after what you did to Bishop.” “He deserved it,” another said defensively. “He tried to take my helmet!” “Quiet, you living refrigerator magnet!” a fourth ordered. “So commands the High Lord!” “You mean the Short Lord?” a fifth joked. “You’re barely four feet tall!” The sixth stared at them all in disgust. Betsy, Bishop, and Gambit stared at the table before them. “I really don’t think ice cream will work on the new ones,” Betsy said. “I brought my gun, just in case,” Bishop commented, checking the safety. “Open the door, LeBeau.” Gambit walked over to the kitchen door and slowly opened it. Generation X were the first ones in. They quickly took their places at the table. Venom and Carnage were next, followed by Spider Man, who seemed to be keeping an eye on both of them. Next was Hulk, followed by Magneto. Apocalypse was the last to arrive. He refused to sit with the others, so he had to stand. For the first few minutes, everything was fine. That is, until Hulk suspected that Jubilee had more ice cream than he did. Without a word, she slid her bowl across the table to him. However, then Paige had more than him. Soon, every member of Generation X had given up their bowls, (which were still full) except Jono and the St. Croix sisters. Hulk’s beady eyes traveled to Claudette’s bowl. “Hulk has less than you,” he said angrily. Claudette didn’t seem to hear him. Hulk reached across the table and grabbed her bowl. Claudette blinked in surprise as the jade creature swallowed her ice cream. A solitary tear appeared in her right eye. Without warning, Ev dove across the table and tackled Hulk to the floor. To everyone’s surprise, the Hulk wailed in pain as Ev rained punches all over his face and chest. It took Betsy, Gambit, and Bishop to the pull the boy off. During the chaos, the Gen X kids all managed to get their respective bowls back. Since Hulk had eaten Claudette’s ice cream already, Ev was more than happy to give her his bowl. No one seemed to notice that Hulk’s bowl was empty, or that Apocalypse now had twice as much ice cream in his. Part 6 A week had passed. To Gambit, Bishop, and Betsy, it was a week of suffering and pain. To Generation X, it was the same. To the newly-named Brat Pack, it was fun. The important thing? It was over. That’s what Betsy kept telling herself as the Avengers carted off the last of the little monsters. Beast had assured her that Gen X would be back to normal in no time. As she headed up to her room, Betsy replayed the whole disaster in her mind. Gambit and Bishop had been helpful at times, but Hulk had left them both injured. Maybe they deserved it. If Bishop hadn’t been so unsuccessful at caring for the kids, Betsy would never have been called upon. And it was Gambit who had drafted her, once he had been selected for the dreaded job. Angel even had the nerve to agree. Strangely enough, the door to Betsy’s room was open. She always kept it closed, especially when others were in the mansion. Just as she touched the door, a wail could be heard. She threw open the door. There, on her bed, were the X-Men. Well, smaller versions of them, anyway. Cyclops was the first to notice her. “Psylocke!” he cried, nearly falling off the bed. “You have to help us! We’ve shrunk!” “Actually, I think we’re suffering from the same plight as Gen X,” Beast pointed out. “It doesn’t matter!” Angel screamed. “Betsy, do something!” Betsy grabbed the boy, dumped him in her lap, and proceeded to spank the living daylights out of him. “OUCH!” he shouted. “Jean, make her stop! It hurts!” “Maybe next time you’ll see what it’s like to baby-sit those creatures,” Betsy said, tossing him to the floor. “Who’s next?” The X-Men shrunk back against the wall. “Well?” Betsy asked impatiently. At that moment, a very young Charles Xavier ran in. “Look! I can walk again!” he said, doing a little dance. Betsy grabbed his arm. “You won’t be able to sit down for a week when I’m done with you, Xavier.” His eyes grew wide. “No! Keep away from me!” He managed to slip out of her grasp and made a break for the door. Xavier slammed into a leg and fell to the floor. “Going somewhere, little guy?” Gambit asked, waving a glowing card in his face. Bishop pointed a large gun at the boy’s head. “It’s payback time, twerp.” Xavier swallowed nervously. They had blocked off the door. There was no escape. Betsy drew her psychic knife again. “Each and every one of you little boogers is going to suffer the same things we did. Starting with Baldie here.” She grabbed Xavier’s collar and hoisted him up. Xavier screamed as she slammed the pink weapon into his forehead. To anyone outside of the school, it sounded like a creature dying in incredible pain. But to Bishop, Elisabeth Braddock, and Remy LeBeau, it sounded like justice. Ev stood up and stretched his arms. It was good to have his old body back, after being a kid for so long. He’d never take being a teenager for granted again. “Everett?” a voice asked quietly. He turned to his bedroom door to see Nicole. Claudette stood behind her sister, looking very nervous. “What is it, ladies?” Ev asked. “Well...Claudette wanted to see you before we left,” Nicole said. “We’ll only be able to stay separate for a few more minutes. Then we’ll revert back to Penance.” She gently pushed her sister into the room and blocked the door. Claudette looked up at Ev helplessly. He smiled and picked her up. “Claudette, I imagine your sister has already explained why this would never work between us.” The girl nodded sadly. “So, if you ever figure out a way to age about ten years, give me a call.” Ev gently kissed her nose and set her down. Claudette blushed and hid behind her sister. “Thanks, Everett,” Nicole said as they headed out of the room. Then she paused at the door. “She really likes the yellow apples,” she added at last. Ev smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.” The End
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