(June 2, 2003) --People are putting some pretty strangge things in those postage-paid envelopes before dropping them in the mail. Here are a few examples:

* "Hair from my hairbrush and my fingernail clippings."

* "I send my losing tickets from the horse track."

* "...weeds from the lawn, but let them dry out a bit or the envelopes get damp!"

*"I cut those AOL and Earthlink CDs in half on the band saw ... they fit perfectly in the envelopes!"

* "I use those envelopes to empty my ashtrays into and then put them in the mail."

(March 1, 2003) --Have some fun with those postage-paid reply cards that fall all over the floor when you open a new magazine. While you can't stuff them full of trash like the envelopes, you can fill out the customer information lines before you drop them in the mail. If we are in a hurry, we simply write a big "NOPE" across the card. When time permits, we will give them a little more detail like:

Name: Saddam Hussein

Address: Presidential Palace #17 (today only)

City, State, ZIP: Baghdad, Iraq, 00666

Email: kurdkiller@yahoo.com

Ain't it grand to have time to waste!

(January 21, 2003) -- Don't be intimidated by the "Customer Locator Codes" appearing on some postage paid return envelopes. You can keep your identity hidden by simply marking over the codes with a heavy black felt marker. Sometimes the mass mailers send you self-adhesive stickers. Save these in your desk drawer and you can stick them over the customer locator codes. After you put the sticker on, be sure to stick the paper backing from the sticker inside the envelope. No need to fill your own trash can with them.

(January 15, 2003) --Our thanks to Chris for putting Michigan on our map. Chris has reported twice already for a total of 7 envelopes returned, hopefully crammed full of useless stuff. (We wish Kim from NY would report in from that great state!)

Do you save your losing lottery tickets during the year for taxes in case you hit it big? We do, and we did not hit it big last year. So we had a shoebox full of losing tickets. Guess where they are going? Into these postage paid envelopes from the credit card companies. Hope we don't send them a winner!

(August 13, 2002) --(Note: A processing center in Sioux Falls, SD, is using a tricky window envelope. If you do not put the actual application in the envelope, the bottom line of the address will not be visible and the Postal Service won't be able to deliver and charge them the postage. No problem. When you stuff these envelopes with paper, make sure that a blank section of paper is showing through the window. Then copy the address line from the application and print it in the window. It can now be delivered!)