From: Christine Fontaine 
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 1997 20:47:15 -0500
Subject: USS REGENT --> SB DELTA [USS CHESAPEAKE]

SD 90225.2046
Scene: USS REGENT: CMO's Quarters
Catherine flung herself down onto her bed, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to 
halt the flood of tears that poured forth.  Never had the vet ever imagined 
that she could hurt so much.  Never had Catherine dreamed that she could 
feel so hollow, so empty.
Alone in the sanctuary of her quarters, the dam of Catherine's self-control, 
which she had been desperately clinging to by a tenuous thread, shattered 
completely.  Powerless to quell the rush of tears, all of the vet's defences 
came crashing down.  Aching and overwrought, Catherine could no longer cope 
with the torrent of emotions assailing her.
Painful sobs wracked Catherine's thin form.  Gasping for air, the vet 
continued crying, her body shuddering with every inhaled breath.  It hurt.  
It hurt so much.  Not a physical pain, but an emotional one.  Far, far worse 
than anything she had ever experienced.  Every fibre of her being was in 
anguish, and Catherine couldn't foresee the end.
Catherine felt as if her heart had been ripped out, torn into jagged pieces 
and then shoved back in, helter-skelter.  Now the vet understood what was 
meant by a broken heart.  Catherine's heart had been broken beyond repair 
and she couldn't possibly imagine anything that would ever hurt more.
Eyes bloodshot and swollen, nose red and running, Catherine continued to 
weep, inundated by the flood of tears.  Tracing salty tracks down the vet's 
thin cheeks, the tears had taken on a life of their own.  Flowing freely 
forth, they held Catherine in their merciless grasp.
Catherine's two Siamese, Whiskers and Dawn, could sense that something was 
seriously wrong.  Dawn, the sensitive little female, began meowing 
plaintively, as if to echo Catherine's inner turmoil.  Whiskers, in an 
attempt to comfort his human, jumped up onto the bed and nestled himself 
next to the vet, pushing his head against her side.  Rumbling purrs issued 
forth from the tiny Seal Point as he offered his warmth and affection to 
Catherine.
Catherine, however, was beyond reach, totally trapped by the whirlwind of 
emotions that held her in their ruthless clutch.  Completely oblivious to 
what was going on around her, the vet was lost beneath her deluge of tears.  
Possessing a sensitive and emotional nature, the vet couldn't help herself.
Catherine knew that she was over-reacting, knew that she had lost total 
control of her emotions, but she no longer cared.  All she could feel was 
the hurt, the pain that had wounded her to the quick, tearing at her heart 
and her soul.  Catherine knew that she was being over-emotional, knew that 
she was being overly dramatic, but to her, it felt like her world was coming 
to an end.  
Rich.
Was leaving.
Was leaving her.
No, Rich had left.
Her world was coming to an end.
Catherine sobbed, not wanting to admit that she was losing Rich, that she 
was losing the only man she had ever loved, the only person she had ever 
truly cared for.
He was going.  
He was gone.
Catherine couldn't imagine life without Rich, without his warm smiles, his 
comforting hugs, his wonderful passionate kisses.
His friendship.
His love.
His complete and total acceptance of her, of who she was, no strings 
attached.  Unconditional friendship.  Unconditional love.  An incredibly 
precious gift, a gift beyond compare.
And she was losing him.
She had lost him.
She had never known that loving someone could hurt so much.
Catherine wanted to rage, to scream, to shout.  It wasn't fair.  But then, 
life wasn't fair.  Painful, but true.
The tears continued to flow.
How could Rich leave her?  How could she ever get by without him?  How?
Why?  Why did this have to happen to them?  Why?
It wasn't fair.
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
It hurt Rich too.
She knew that.  She knew that it hurt Rich as much as it hurt her.
That didn't make the pain any easier to bear.
They didn't have a choice.  Rich didn't have a choice.
They'd be together again.  Someday.  Wouldn't they?
Of course they'd be together again.  Of course they'd find a way.  They were 
in love.  They were meant to be together.  Soul-mates.  Kindred spirits.  No 
matter how far apart they were, they would always be in each others' heart.
That's all that mattered.
That didn't make the pain any easier to bear.
They had already spent hours together, in each others' arms, holding, 
comforting, crying.
Catherine had never seen Rich cry before.
His tears touched her.
They had held each other, holding tight, savouring every little detail, 
tucking every single moment away so that, while they were apart, they'd have 
those memories to cling to.  There wouldn't be a single moment when they 
weren't in each others thoughts, in each others heart, in each others soul.
They would be together again.  They promised each other that they would.  
They'd work to make it happen.
That didn't lessen the pain one iota.
They had clung to each other, not wanting their time together to end.  
Passionately, desperately, their lips had met again and again, wishing that 
they could stay locked together forever.
All too soon, it had ended.  Rich had to leave. 
Catherine would never forget that final kiss.  She could still feel Rich's 
lips against hers, the memory burned into her mind forever.  Their tears had 
mingled, turning the kiss salty.  Catherine would always remember the taste 
of Rich's kiss.
With a whispered, "au revoir, mon amour - until later, my love," Catherine 
had watched Rich leave, the tears streaming down her cheeks.  There would be 
a 'later' for them - there would.  
They would be together again.
That didn't stop the tears.
Eventually, Catherine was spent.  Physically, mentally and emotionally 
exhausted, the flow of tears ground to a halt.  Gasping to catch her breath, 
the vet wiped her eyes, freeing them from the last vestiges of tears that 
still clung to her long lashes before wiping her nose on the back of her hand.
Forcing herself to sit up, Catherine sat cross-legged on her bed, too 
drained to do more than that.  Ever attentive, Whiskers climbed into the lap 
that now made itself available.  After brushing a loose curl back off her 
forehead, Catherine's hand strayed to the Siamese, patting him absently.  
Rumbling purrs resonated through the room, attempting to soothe and relax 
the vet.  Closing her eyes, Catherine took in a deep breath, and then 
another, trying to shut away the pain.  Her attempts were in vain.  It still 
hurt.
Sighing, Catherine gathered Whiskers into her arms, burying her face against 
his soft fur.  A lone tear escaped and trickled down her face, falling onto 
the cat's coat.  Her shoulders ached with tension, her head ached from 
crying, but most of all, her heart ached.  Already she was missing Rich, 
missing him terribly, longing desperately to see his smile, to feel his 
touch, to hear his voice.
Catherine felt like an empty, hollow vessel.  Half of her was missing - the 
best half.  With Rich, she had felt complete.  Now she was broken, 
incomplete.  Catherine knew that she would never feel whole again, not 
unless she was with Rich.
Releasing Whiskers, Catherine began crying again, but this time her tears 
were not as wild, as uncontrolled as they had been.  Cradling her head 
against her pillow, Catherine curled herself into a ball, laying on her side 
in a faetel position.  Whiskers, with the sixth sense that all felines 
seemed to possess, reapproached the vet.  Licking the salty tears that 
escaped from Catherine's sapphire eyes, the Siamese's rough pink tongue 
tickled the vet's cheek, but she didn't laugh or smile as the touch.  Smiles 
were beyond her at the moment.
Catherine didn't think she'd be able to sleep, but her body, still not 
entirely recovered from her previous ordeals, had other ideas.  Weeping 
silently into her pillow, eventually the vet succumbed to sleep, slipping 
beneath the black waves of unconsiousness.  Her sleep was not restful.
        ***             ***             ***             ***
Scene: USS REGENT: Captain's Ready Room
Timeframe: The next day
Catherine couldn't believe she was standing here, in front of Captain Fife's 
desk, in his Ready Room.  Eyes sore and red from all the tears she had shed, 
cheeks blushed with shyness, Dr. Ledoux kept her eyes firmly fixed on the 
floor at her feet.  There was no way that she could look Captain Fife in the 
eyes.
She was still hurting, with a pain so intense that she could feel the 
tightness in her chest.  Fighting to keep her emotions under control, Dr. 
Ledoux was determined to see this through.
"So you see, sir," she was saying, her voice quiet, and barely audible in 
the stillness of the Ready Room, "with the departure of Commander Wilson," 
her voice caught at Rich's name, and she had to pause before proceeding with 
her discourse.
Taking a deep breath, she continued, trembling.  "With Commander Wilson's 
departure from the Regent," she had made it through this time, although her 
voice had cracked, "I would like to request a transfer."  Catherine closed 
her eyes, barely able to contain the tears that threatened.
Her voice now a bare whisper, the vet added, "I feel that this would be for 
the best."
Dr. Ledoux didn't hear the Captain's reply, she was concentrating too hard on 
maintaining a fragile hold of her emotions.  Pressing her lips firmly 
together, Catherine fought to display the veneer of an officer.
It was with an almost palpable relief that Catherine's ear caught the 
Captain's "dismissed".  Turning, Catherine forced herself not to flee from 
the Ready Room, but she could hardly wait to return to the sanctuary of her 
quarters, where she could let her emotions have free rein.
The tears, however, did not wait, and they trickled down her face, mute 
testament to her sorrow.  
Catherine, like Rich, was leaving the Regent, and she could only hope and 
pray that one day their paths would cross again.
        ***             ***             ***             ***
Scene: Shuttle WITTMAN
Timeframe: Later that same day
As the shuttle left the safety of the Regent's bay, Dr. Catherine Ledoux 
stared blankly out the viewport adjacent to her seat.  
Refusing to focus upon anything, her sapphire eyes glistened with unshed 
tears.  Lost within herself, her mind ruminating over Rich, their love, and 
their relationship, the quiet vet failed to notice the splendour of the 
nebula that shimmered against the velvet blackness of spare, glowing with an 
eldritch fire.  Had Catherine been interested in the Lion's Mane Nebula she 
would have compared it to the eerie beauty of the northern lights which 
danced across the night sky in Northern Canada.  As it was, nothing within 
her line of sight registered.
With a fierce determination, Catherine's two Siamese, Whiskers and Dawn, 
clambered into the vet's lap and attempted to cheer her, butting their heads 
against her legs, her stomach, her arms, and purring so loudly that the 
comforting sounds resonated through the shuttle's small cabin.  Catherine, 
however, was not to be so easily placated, and the two cats continued in 
their efforts to rouse the vet.  Restrained by their harnesses and leashes, 
pale blue for the male, Whiskers, and pale pink for the female, Dawn, the 
two Siamese could not wander far, and, under the circumstances, they would 
not have left Catherine's side.
Ensconced in the vet's lap, the two cats kneaded their tiny paws against her 
leg, careful to keep their claws sheathed.  Rich, dark brown for the male, 
Whiskers, and pale grey lavender for the tiny female, Dawn.  Eventually 
Catherine unconsciously extended one hand, and began to gently pet the 
Siamese, her long, delicate fingers straying from one cat to the other.  In 
time, the familiar gesture began to soothe the vet, who relaxed minutely, 
sinking back a little further in her seat.  Closing her eyes, in an attempt 
to shut out all of the negative emotions coursing through her mind, 
Catherine was eventually lulled into a restless sleep.
        ***             ***             ***             ***
Scene: Shuttle WITTMAN
Timeframe: Approaching SB DELTA
After what seemed like an interminable journey, a voyage that was destined 
to never end, the shuttlecraft finally came out of warp, on approach to 
Starbase DELTA.  Of course, Catherine's sense of time was skewed, for every 
minute without Rich seemed like an eternity, an aching loneliness that 
continued on forever.  Releasing a sigh, the vet wondered if the pain would 
never end.
Every now and again, a lone tear would escape from the corner of Catherine's 
dazzling blue eyes, and throughout the shuttle trip, tears that she had not 
been able to hold back had rained down at random intervals.  Sometimes those 
storms had been short, requiring only a few minutes before Catherine was 
able to pull herself together again.  Other episodes had been longer, as 
Catherine wept in anguish for the love she had lost.
Although, if she was being perfectly honest with herself, Catherine had to 
admit that she had not really lost Rich.  They had promised to stay in 
touch, and they would.  They were each others one and only true love, and a 
love like that could not be terminated by anything other than death.  They 
would keep in contact, and visit each other during shore leaves and at other 
times when they could spare a moment or two.  And one day, they would be 
together again.  With each others love, there was nothing that they couldn't 
accomplish.
As she prepared to disembark from the shuttle, none of these thoughts 
comforted Catherine in the least.  Hurt and lonely, the separation was still 
too recent for the vet to think rationally about her relationship with Rich. 
After tucking a loose curl behind one ear, Catherine wiped away another 
tear that had escaped her control.
Taking a deep breath in, Catherine realized that she'd have to find the time 
to freshen up before presenting herself to CINCGREEN.  Bloodshot, swollen 
eyes, a red, raw nose, and a rumpled uniform did not make for good first 
impressions.  While the vet was almost at the point of not caring, she 
hadn't quite reached it yet.
        ***             ***             ***             ***
Scene: SB DELTA: CINCGREEN's Office
Dr. Catherine Ledoux entered the Admiral's outer office looking better than 
she had aboard the shuttle.  Having decided that it would not be prudent to 
bring her Siamese cats with her to this appointment, Catherine had secured 
temporary quarters for herself, and had left the two cats in the quiet 
comfort of the room.  Admiral Jokinen was not likely to appreciate her pets 
in the same manner that Admiral StarWind to-Vensre had, back when Catherine 
had been a student at ALB.
Despite her attempts to make herself presentable, Catherine still looked 
strained.  Her sapphire eyes were still unnaturally bright, and her forehead 
was lined with creases.  The shy smiles that usually came quickly to her 
lips were nowhere in evidence.  Always thin, Catherine, at this point, was 
too thin, for she had not regained the weight that she had lost during the 
REGENT's last mission.  Even so, the vet was still a strikingly beautiful 
woman, although Catherine would blush in embarrassment if anyone ever 
thought to compliment her on her appearance.
Trying hard to keep her composure, Catherine took in a deep breath, brushed 
a curl off her forehead, and presented herself to the Admiral's secretary.  
In a quiet voice she stated, "Lieutenant Catherine Ledoux to see Vice 
Admiral Matti Jokinen."
Catherine didn't notice the Lieutenant's apparent boredom, but took a seat 
in the waiting area, as directed.  Wondering what assignment awaited her, 
the vet twirled a loose strand around and around her index finger.  Her 
thoughts, however, soon returned to Rich, and she had to fight to keep the 
tears at bay.

Respectfully submitted,
Lieutenant (Doctor) Catherine Ledoux, DVM
Awaiting assignment
SB DELTA
<< NRPG >>
Hello all!  Sorry if this is a bit long for a reporting post, but the first 
part of it has already gone out to the REGENT's crew.  I just thought it 
would give everyone a pretty good idea of Catherine's current emotional 
state.  She'll be very quiet, subdued, and depressed for quite a while.
Jari: One CMO awaiting assignment.  I don't know if D'Maris had a chance to 
inform you, but she felt a promotion to LCDR for the character would be 
appropriate.
Amy, Takako:  Hello! :)  Thanks for the welcomes. :)
James:  I hope the counsellor is ready to handle one rather depressed vet 
who *doesn't* like talking to counsellors.   I'm sure you'll have your 
hands full with this one!    
Everyone else:  I look forward to joining you all aboard the CHESAPEAKE. :)
Take care,
Chris

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