From: Christine Fontaine 
Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 20:33:34 -0500
Subject: USS CHESAPEAKE: Random thoughts...

SD 90313.2032
MD 02.1635
Scene: USS CHESAPEAKE: CMO's Quarters
Lieutenant Commander Catherine Ledoux was back in her quarters, her cheeks 
still flushed a rosy pink after her encounter with Commander Brennan.  
Closing her eyes, the vet thought that she must have looked so silly, crying 
in her office as she had been.  Embarrassed, not only by her tears but also 
by her comportment, Catherine felt very foolish.  A grown woman, a Starfleet 
Officer, a Lieutenant *Commander* for goodness sakes, crying in her office 
like a young child.  Catherine shuddered, wondering that the Executive 
Officer must think of her.
At least Commander Brennan had been kind.  Catherine could tell that he was 
truly concerned for the well-being of his crew.  Not only that, but he spoke 
French!  If anything could help Catherine relax and feel comfortable, it was 
hearing her mother tongue spoken and speaking it in return.  Just like the 
delicious taste of chocolate ice cream or the warm scent of fresh bread 
baking brought back fond memories of childhood, so did 'la langue Francaise' 
(the French language).  Hooking a golden curl behind one ear, Catherine 
realized that apart from her brief words with the Commander, it had been 
*ages* since she had had the opportunity to speak French.
Unfortunately, the fact that Commander Brennan had chanced to come upon her 
in her office when she was clearly distraught, well, it reminded Catherine 
so much of one of her early encounters with Rich.  Eerie echos of the past 
seemed to shadow her thoughts, and the vet slipped once again into the 
memories of those first days aboard the USS REGENT...
<< begin flashback >>
Scene: USS REGENT: Sickbay
Doctor Catherine Ledoux returned to sickbay, feeling refreshed after a brief 
sojourn in her quarters.  Now, it was time to get back to work and check on 
her patients.  No doubt two of those patients, Lt. Richard Wilson and 
Lt.(jg) CloudChaser to-Ennien were eager to be on their way.  Catherine was
willing to release them, but only after she was completely sure that
doing so would pose no further harm to their health.  Dr. Ledoux
certainly did not want repeat visitors to her sickbay.
A medical tricorder slung over one hip, riding in its habitual position,
Catherine approached the room where Rich and CloudChaser lay, probably
bored to tears and itching to vacate sickbay.  A puzzled look crossed the
doctor's face as she approached their room.  The sound of several voices
in conversation reached Catherine's ears.  That was strange.  'What is
going on?' she wondered.
Entering the room, Catherine's mouth dropped open in shock.  Not only
were Lt. Wilson and Lt.(jg) CloudChaser present, but several other people
were in the room as well.  She recognized one of her own medtechs and
then, even more shocked, the Captain!  Her eyes quickly took in the cards
that lay scattered about and then she realized what was going on.  There
was card game taking place, in her sickbay.  The doctor stood there,
frozen in shock, completely thrown for a loop.
Not quite sure what to do or how to feel, Catherine spun on her heel and
quickly exited the room, eyes beginning to water.  She wasn't quite sure
why she was upset, just that she was.  A card game?  In sickbay?
Catherine felt totally helpless; she felt that she had no control over
events transpiring in sickbay.  Darn it all, she was the head doctor!  She
was supposed to be able to enforce some sense of propriety in sickbay!
Gaining the sanctuary of her office, Catherine let the tears freely flow.
The members of the senior staff obviously had little regard or respect for
her medical authority.  The vet didn't know what to do or what to think.
So she sat there, arms folded across her desk, head cradled in her arms,
as she wondered what on earth she was doing there.
        ***             ***             ***             ***
No one had appeared to notice Doctor Ledoux's brief appearance at the 
doorway, except perhaps for Anna.  Rich, as usual, was the centre of 
attention, recounting some stories of his days at the Academy.  It turned 
out that Ensign MacMillan, one of the med-techs serving aboard the REGENT, 
had been one class behind Rich.
"...So there I was, hiding in the drop-tile ceiling, a bottle of beer in
each hand, when in walked the Commandant.  He had no idea that we were
having a party in his office, and he sat down at his desk!"
The gathered officers chuckled a bit at the thought as Rich continued.
"But that's not the worst of it!  As the Old Man was sitting there,
reading something or another, the goat that we had stolen from the Cal
Tech football team somehow activated the auto-release on the bathroom
door!  He walked right across the office and bleated at the Commandant as
he ran out the door!"
"Oh man!"  Scott laughed, "I heard about that!  How did you get out of
there?"
"Me and two or three others crawled out through the air conditioning ducts."
While Rich continued his story, Anna got up from the table and walked to
the nearest computer terminal.  She made a show of accessing some data,
though in reality, she already had access to all computer data on the
ship.  After a minute or so, she called out, "Rich."
"Yeah?"  The Captain was dealing and Rich peeked at his own cards.
"You have an incoming subspace communication.  Via Tergth."  Anna left
the terminal and took her seat next to Captain Fife.
"Oh, OK."  Rich dropped his cards and called up the data on the
communication...
        => From: Robert W. Wilson
"Damn!  It's my dad.  I think I'll take this call in the office."  Rich
started for the door.
"Hurry back, Rich.  Remember, you're injured!"  Dr. John joked.
"That's right."  The Captain added as Rich passed through the doorway, "I
don't want to catch you taking a peek on the bridge.  You're still on
restricted duty."
"Aye sir."  The door hissed shut.
As Rich crossed the larger common area of sickbay, he quietly mimicked
the Captain's voice, "Don't let me catch you on the bridge...  Right."
The volume of his voice picked up a bit as he walked, "If I have to spend
too much more time down here, I think I'm going to go crazy.  I'm
beginning to feel like a..."
He keyed open the door to the Head Doctor's office.
"...Prisoner."
And he was standing face-to-face with Dr. Catherine Ledoux.
Oh man.
"Uh.  Hi Doc."  Rich tried his best to appear calm and under control.  He
failed.  Though he did notice the redness in the woman's eyes.
"Hi Doc!  Is that all you can say for yourself?"  Her emotions seemed to
take control of her.
"Uh, no.  I'm here to use your comm unit."  Rich couldn't read the
expression of Catherine's face: anger, sorrow, disgust or hate.
Hands clenching and unclenching, the doctor was mostly frustrated.
"But I have a feeling that this is not the time or the place for me to
take this call."  He then spoke loudly to the air, "Anna, automated
response to my father.  My apologies and I'll get back to him as soon as
possible.  What's the point of origin of the message, anyway?"
[SB Epsilon.  The message has been sent.]
"Thanks Anna."  Rich then placed his hand on the Doctor's shoulder,
"What's wrong, Catherine?"
 
Shying away from the touch like a nervous Thoroughbred filly, Catherine
spun away, not willing to look at the Lieutenant standing in front of
her.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Catherine answered Rich's
question.  "Wrong?  What makes you think that there's anything
wrong?"  Despite her best efforts, the strain in her voice came
through.
"You don't exactly look like you're entirely happy," was Rich's reply.
"Nothings wrong," the doctor continued.  "Nothing at all."  Sarcasm
was now beginning to drip from her voice. "Despite the fact that no
one listens to the Head Doctor's reccommendations, despite the fact
that there's a card game going on in sickbay, despite the fact that I
seem to have absolutely no control over anything!  Oh, I'd say things
are coming along just fine!"  There was a rising edge to her voice as
she delivered that last statement.
Now fully in the grip of her tumultuous feelings, Catherine turned
and faced Rich.  "You, sir, are supposed to be resting, not
hosting some kind of, of... party or card game."  Whipping around yet
again, she strode over to her desk and leaned her hands against its
surface.
A few deep breaths and she realized how foolishly she was acting. Why
did she had to overreact to everything?  Sinking into the chair at
her desk she struggled to keep the tears from escaping, not quite sure
why she was upset, only knowing that she was.  As Rich approached the
desk,  Catherine swiveled her chair away from him, half-hoping that
he would leave and let her be, half-hoping for him to stay.
Rich watched as the doctor swiveled her chair away.  Turning
her back to him.  It was a textbook dismissal.  Fine.  Rich turned away
from the doctor and walked towards the door.
As he reached for the door release, he stopped.
He didn't know what to say.  He always found himself making people feel
better, hurting someone's feelings was something new.  And, somehow or
another, he'd hurt Catherine.  He hadn't meant to, but he had.  He sorted
through his catalog of witty responses, looking for something to lighten
the mood.  He couldn't find any.
"You haven't left yet?"  It was part question, part statement.
Catherine's voice seemed exceptionally clear in the darkness of the office.
Rich turned back around as the same time that Catherine pivoted her chair
back around.  They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment.
"I don't know what to say.  I really don't.  I know I'm a horrible
patient.  I know I've disrespected your authority.  I've done quite a few
foolish things.  I'm sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  You have to take
my word on that.  I'd never do anything that would purposely hurt someone."
He waited for a moment while his words sunk in, then added with a smile,
"Plus, had you checked your mail, you would have seen that you were
invited to the game, too."
"I was?"  Catherine seemed slightly incredulous.
Grinning, Rich nodded, "you were."
"I guess I should check my messages more often."  The corners of
Catherine's mouth were beginning to turn upwards in an attempt at a timid
smile.
Nervously tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, eyes downcast
once again, Catherine continued.  "I'm sorry too.  I guess, well,"
she took a deep breath, "I guess I'm prone to over reacting.  And it's
not your fault.  You didn't do anything to hurt me.  I just feel out of
place here."  Her fingers strayed to the ends of her hair.
Catherine didn't know why she was telling this to Rich, except
that he was there, and she was talking.  Another deep breath and the
doctor was speaking again.
"Do you know how hard it is for me to gain any measure of respect or
authority?"  She sighed, shaking her head.  People often didn't expect an
attractive woman to have any sort of intelligence.  They noticed the
looks and nothing else.  And then, her natural shyness certainly wasn't
an asset in the authority department.
"I don't deal well with having people disregard my medical
reccommendations.  It's one of the few areas where I *am* on solid
footing.  I actually *do* know what I'm doing, beleive it or not."  She
had looked Rich in the eyes once again as she made that final statement.
Then, cheeks reddening with a blush, she glanced away again, mumbling
in a low tone of voice, "but it's hard for me to get that across since
my 'people skills' are decidedly lacking."  Another sigh escaped her.
"I'm sorry," she suddenly said, quickly getting up from her chair and
walking briskly away from the desk.  Appearing to carefully examine the
wall, arms folded across her chest, Catherine continued, "I don't know
why I'm telling you this.  I'm sorry."
She took another deep breath and then turned back to face Rich.  "Why
don't you go back to your card game."  There was still an underlying tone
of discomfort in her voice.  "Since you're obviously in fine health,
being up and about as you are, I'll prepare for your discharge
from sickbay, upon a final examination of course.  I'm sure you're very
anxious to get out of here."
Then with brisk efficiency Catherine returned to her desk and began
calling up the necessary file.
Rich had listened to the doctor's confessions without displaying any sort
of reaction.  She was unlike anyone that he had ever met.  In his
experience, any woman who had ever looked the way she did acted the
part.  They were mostly out-going - confident more in their looks than
their achievements.  Ledoux was the opposite.
As she worked the computer, Rich sat himself on the corner of her desk.
"It's Romulan."
"What?"  Catherine stopped typing and swiveled the chair to face Rich.
"My arm.  It's Romulan."  Rich raised his left arm and rolled his
shoulder a bit, "I was in an EVA accident while helping repair a Romulan
Warbird.  I was beamed to a Romulan sickbay where they replaced the arm
and rebuilt my head."
Then quickly Rich hopped off the desk and began to roll the doctor's
chair towards the door.
"What do you think you're doing?"  Catherine was shocked at the audacity
of the action.
"You told me that I could return to the game.  I am.  And I'm taking you
with me.  You told me yourself that you need to work on your people
skills.  The crew of the Regent are a family to me.  I think you need to
feel a bit of that closeness."
"Lieutenant Wilson!"  Catherine protested, "Richard!"  She stood and Rich
clasped on to her left elbow and continued to pull her along.  She
followed, though she didn't stop protesting until they reached the door.
By then Rich had slipped his arm around hers, locked at the elbows.
No one in sickbay reacted outwardly as Rich and Catherine approached.
Except Anna who couldn't hide her smile and MacMillan who seemed
frigntened of his bosses approach.
"Everyone, say Hi to Catherine.  She's going to join us for a couple
hands.  Doc, this is The Gang."  Rich took his spot at the table and sat
Catherine next to him.
"Alright, who's dealing?"
<< end flashback >>
Scene: USS CHESAPEAKE: CMO's Quarters
Tears were running down Catherine's cheeks again.  Everything, *everything* 
reminded her of Rich.  Not that Rich wasn't already always in her thoughts, 
in her heart and in her soul; but almost everything reminded her of a 
specific incident, a time when they had been together!  Sighing, Catherine 
wiped away the tears, desperately trying to get a hold of herself.
*Take a deep breath,* she told herself.  *And another.  And another.*  After 
a few more deep breaths, the sobbing stopped, and Catherine begain to calm 
down.  Rest.  Yes, she needed to rest.  The vet's previous night's sleep had 
been anything but restful.  Without the comfort of Rich's warm embrace 
Catherine had felt very alone and very vulnerable, tossing and turning all 
night.
Briefly, the doctor toyed with the idea of dosing herself with something to 
ensure that she slept.  Quite frankly, Catherine wasn't sure that any sleep 
she did manage to obtain would be restorative, unless she did resort to some 
sort of medication.  Yet, she hesitated.  Catherine never liked to use drugs 
when they weren't absolutely necessary.  Especially on herself.  Even though 
she was a vet, Doctor Ledoux was well aware of the dangers of 
self-medication.  A physician who attempted to treat his- or herself was 
courting trouble.
Then another thought crossed Catherine's mind.  Although Commander Brennan 
had suggested that she get some rest, there was still a great deal of work 
to be done, not the least of which was the status report she had to present 
to the Executive Officer.  Then there was the Medical Staff Meeting that she 
had called for that evening.  Brushing a loose curl off her forehead, 
Catherine realized that she'd have to inform her staff of a change in 
scheduling:  their meeting would now be held on the following day, at 0900.  
Of course, the Commander hadn't *ordered* her to take a break, but the vet 
thought that his advice should probably be heeded.
Wiping the last vestiges of tears from her sparkling blue eyes, Catherine 
walked over to the computer terminal in her quarters and sat herself down.  
Quickly, she composed a brief message to her staff informing them of the  
new time for their meeting.  Next, she sent another quick note to Doctor 
Donne, the aCMO, who would be in charge of surpervising sickbay during 
Doctor Ledoux's brief respite.  Merely stating that she was 'indisposed', 
Catherine suggested that, if the other doctor was so inclined, the aCMO 
could still hold an informal meeting with the remainder of the medical 
personnel.
Tucking a loose curl behind one ear, Catherine was about to rise from her 
chair when she recalled the deal she had made with Anne - Lieutenant Murray. 
 Sighing, the vet steeled herself to compose one more message.  Brief and 
succint, Doctor Ledoux merely stated that she would present herself for the 
required psychological evaluation at the counsellor's earliest convenience.  
After sending the message on its way, Catherine slumped in her chair in 
relief, expelling a heavy sigh.  "Bien, c'est fait," (good, its done,) she 
whispered to herself, one unpleasant task complete.
Sighing, Catherine rose from the desk.  What was she supposed to do with 
herself now?  Having lost most of her personal belongings when the REGENT-A 
had been destroyed, the vet had already unpacked most of her meagre 
belongings.  As for the rest, well, she just didn't feel in the mood for 
decorating her quarters.  Perhaps she could relax in a holodeck?  No, that 
was too much trouble, and took too much energy.  Should she try to sleep?  
Perhaps, but for now she had dismissed the notion of inducing sleep with any 
sort of pharmaceutical.  That was not an option she was willing to consider. 
 Yet.  There was always the chance that she would change her mind as a more 
'normal' bed-time approached.
Whiskers and Dawn were asleep, curled up in the centre of her bed; seal 
brown and lilac grey paws and tail entwined.  Sighing, Catherine envied her 
cats.  Such a simple life, with such simple pleasures.  Shaking her head, 
the vet tried to clear it of such thoughts which would only serve to depress 
her further.  Already the doctor could see herself slipping ever closer to 
that edge, although she would be hard-pressed to admit it.
Perhaps she could curl up with a good book.  Nodding to herself, Catherine 
decided that reading definitely sounded appealing.  Walking over to the 
shelf where she had carefully stored several books - *real* books - books 
with paper page that you could actually turn, Catherine selected one of her 
all-time favourites _The Once and Future King_.  Losing herself in the story 
of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table was just the prescription 
she needed.
Book in hand, Catherine made her way over to her bed.  Careful not to 
disturb the two slumbering felines, she stretched herself out, ready to 
delve into a wonderful world of fantasy, where anything was possible.

Respectfully submitted,
Chris Fontaine
LCDR Catherine Ledoux, DVM
Chief Medical Officer
USS CHESAPEAKE

<< NRPG >>
Hello all!
Sorry again for another flahsback, but Takako's post just lent itself to 
this memory so nicely, well...  I couldn't resist!  Yes, Catherine does tend 
to cry a lot in her office, doesn't she?   Well, she *is* emotional, but 
she's also tough enough to have made it through SFA and to have survived 
this long as an officer...  Deep down inside, there's an inner strength to 
her, like a core of solid iron or steel.
Takako:  Nice job with Catherine. :)  Don't ever let her find out that 
Brennan fences  - Rich was the Captain of the SFA Fencing team throughout 
his four years there, and was Junior Champion of the British Isles when he 
was younger...  (Yes, *everything* reminds her of Rich. )  Proto material 
for Brennan's physical will be forthcoming, but not for a couple of days.  
There's a medical staff meeting to take care of on 03.0900, and some other 
stuff I want to cover too...  Ah, too many ideas, too little time.   And 
I keep getting side-tracked by these darn flash-backs - everything reminds 
*me* of Rich too...
Masako: You can never have too much character development, gratuitous or 
otherwise. 
James: Catherine will be ready to see the counsellor whenever you wish.  
Hmm, for a ship with a bunch of officers who have had bad experiences with 
counsellors, you're certainly getting a lot of visitors. 
Once again, flashback matieral courtesy of myself, writing for Catherine, 
and Chris Morley, writing for Rich.
That's that.
Chris - looking forward to _Return of the Jedi_ :)

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