From: "Melvin Pollack" <pollack@enews1.nrl.navy.mil>
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997 09:28:11 -0400
Subject: Re: USS CHESAPEAKE: Little Green Ensign
Disclaimer: Anyone not interested in a follow up of the adult themes should
delete this message. Come to think of it, so should everyone else.
> MD 10.0800
> Hangar Deck
>
> LCDR th'Tellan cursed the Romulan people for not conveniently providing him
> with X-Ray vision.
{What the hell? Now th'Tellan wants to be Superman?}
I was getting tired of James Bond. Besides, think of all the benefits
X-Ray vision can provide. Say th'Tellan is surrounded by a bunch of enemy
aliens. He simply looks at them, switches on the X-Ray vision, and escapes
when all the bad guys die of cancer. What do you think?
{I don't know what you've been smoking, but can you send me some?}
> Mind-melding, the healing of wounds, all of those old
> Vulcan disciplines would have been quite convenient.
Which is a good thing that th'Tellan had them. Unfortunately, X-Ray
vision and the ability to fly just wasn't included in the package.
Fortunately, it did include the ability to spend four days without sleeping,
which proved rather beneficial with all the paperwork that was due.
> Even *pon farr*, in
> that it would have assured him of a date every seven years or so.
th'Tellan paused at the last thought, then shook his head. Even
discounting some of the events that had recently occured, th'Tellan wouldn't
think that. Pon farr may have created a joyous cycle of celibacy followed by
major physical enjoyment, but th'Tellan knew that the sudden craving for sex
and violence was a painful, embarrasing episode. Besides, pon farr was caused
by the total cessation of all emotions, something that th'Tellan wouldn't give
up even for a meaningless, cyclical date.
> No.
> He was stuck with being a Romulan.
Which is just the way th'Tellan liked it, as anyone who read the bio
would have gathered.
{All right, so this isn't up to James usual standards. Do you have to nitpick
the entire thing, and embarrass him so much more?}
Of course. No, I guess you're right.
> Still, it was a good life, particularly
> if you liked women with pointed ears and green blood.
And th'Tellan thought about how women with pointed ears and green blood
were hot. Especially if they were tall, rail thin, and pale green with brown
eyes, sharp cheekbones, and.... Oh boy, do I miss Sereh!
>
> Th'Tellan squinted towards the shuttle bay doors. ENS Makki, a small fat
> furry creature who served as the Hangar Deck Officer, walked over to
> the D/OPS. "Sir?" LCDR th'Tellan came to the conclusion that this was
> a Spalasas, a small furry species with a penchant for dirty jokes.
>
> Th'Tellan looked at Makki, then his PADD, then the shuttlebay doors.
> He squinted as he peered out into the empty distance. It's not working yet,
he
> thought. He looked at Makki, to provide inspiration.
And found that, while he couldn't use X-Ray vision, he did have the
ability to lift Makki in the air with his thoughts. Maybe th'Tellan should
have listened closer to Yoda when he babbled on about controlling some force.
{MELVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}
Just kidding. You'll have to excuse me, I'm a little giddy today. I
only had four hours of sleep last night.
>
> "Uhm...would you like something to drink while you wait, Commander?"
Th'Tellan
> realized that he looked like a doofus standing in the middle of the Hangar
> Deck.
>
> "It seems we have new crew, Mr...uh...don't tell me...*Makki*. A new
> officer is arriving by D-Warp for the Biological Sciences Department."
>
> Makki knew that. He didn't think this particular Ensign was that important.
> "Yes, Sir." The Spalasas went to get the equipment.
>
> The Hangar Bay doors opened and a sleek D-Warp shuttle coasted onto the
> deck. Three crewmen walked over to unseal the safety latches on the craft,
> and th'Tellan walked over to greet the occupant, as soon as she was
unlatched.
> Makki brought what looked like a small, kidney shaped bowl over to th'Tellan.
>
> "Snacks?", asked th'Tellan. "Very nice of you, but I think someone's eaten
> all the candy."
>
> "That's not a bowl for candy, sir."
>
> The occupant, according to the PADD Checklist, was one ENS Kimmi Spel-Arenma,
> of the world known as Shrevashal, very close to the Rigel System. A nice
> picture of a green woman with a spiky haircut. Specialties: Biological
> and Computer Science. Nice grades, and a difficult double major.
th'Tellan smiled. He usually hated this kind of chore, but it would be
nice to talk to someone with a scientific background. th'Tellan began to feel
more at home.
>
> A very lovely woman stepped out of the shuttle. Her eyes bugged out wildly,
> and she looked more off-brown than green. Th'Tellan smiled. They come
> in different colors, he thought.
>
> "Hello, Ensign Spel-Arenma. I'd like to welcome you to the ---"
>
> Spel-Arenma grabbed the kidney shaped bowl, brought it up to her face,
> and promptly vomited up 100 ccs of a food-like substance. The curvature
> in the bowl, appparently, was for the bowl to be brought as close as possible
> to the head.
th'Tellan decided he was never going to do another one of these crew
member greetings as long as he lived. He also marveled at how his feelings of
attraction could diminish so rapidly. It was just as well; th'Tellan knew
better than to start a new relationship while he was still grieving the old
one.
>
> " -- CHESAPEAKE." Well. So much for lunch, th'Tellan thought. th'Tellan
> took the bowl gingerly out of Spel-Arenma's hands. He handed it to ENS
> Makki. "Clean that up, will you, Ensign?" Makki watched as th'Tellan
> disappeared into the bathroom.
>
> *******************************************************************************
>
> MD 10.1300
> Science Labs
>
>
> Murray went over the checklist section by section, making sure everyone had
> a copy. At times, Fielding would interrupt a report someone else was
> giving to break off an interrogation by Murray of some hapless Science
crewman.
> The meeting was a process that was testing the patience of the two officers,
> each convinced that the other had no business running a division meeting.
>
> After an hour, Murray prepared her closing marks. Fielding told himself it
> was fitting. *If Anne Murray still has anything left on her agenda, she
would
> skip it just to give everyone the impression that she timed the meeting to
> end at one hour exactly.* "No old business?" Silence.
>
> "No new business?"
>
> LTJG Fielding stood up. Murray glared at him. Daggers.
Everyone else also glared daggers at Fielding. If you've ever been to
a staff meeting, you'd understand.
>
> "Yes. I would like to invite a new officer to the Science Department of
> the USS CHESAPEAKE. Ensign, would you care to introduce yourself?"
>
> The object of interest for the last hour among many of the male members of
> the department finally stood up. "Hello, my name is ENS Kimmi Stel-Arenma.
> I am from the Orion homeworld. I'm very glad to meet you and will look
forward
> to having sex with all of you in the coming months ahead."
>
> Silence. The meeting crashed. Even Derek was dumbfounded. Finally, Murray
> answered, in an icy tone, "Thank you, Ensign, but I have other plans."
Didn't I already do this joke?
{Oh, like it was original then.}
>
> Everyone roared into riotous laughter except for the Vulcans. Anne looked
> at the crowd with the frozen expression of a wooden Vulcan herself. Derek,
> however, knew that she was secretly boiling over with anger....
>
> *************************************************************************
>
Scene: Sereh's office
MD 10.1440
Sereh looked up. "Ensign Kimmi Stel - Arenma? Oh, yes. You're
Dixon's replacement. It is a pleasure to meet you."
Arenma sauntered closer to Sereh. "It's a pleasure to meet you as
well."
Sereh grabbed a couple of pads. "You should look through these, then
meet with either Murray or Fielding. I'm you're supervising officer, and I
should be handing you your assignments in a couple of days. In the meantime,
please familiarize yourself with the ship, the science department, and the
regulations. There are a lot of students on board, so we need to be proper
role models. Are there any questions?"
"Yes. When are you available for sex."
Sereh looked right into Arenma's eyes. Despite Sereh's minimal change
in expression, Arenma felt as if she had been slapped to a smaller size. For
the first time in her life, she found herself with no sexual desires. "I was
just.... Um, well."
Sereh shook her head. "I would seriously suggest not asking that of
the others. Especially the students. You are dismissed."
Arenma reflected once more on how cold Sereh's stare could be. Then
she left.
NRPG:
All: Just setting the record straight. Don't flame me about how cruel I am.
Amy: It was a pleasure serving you, even for this short time. May the wind be
forever at your back.
Takako: Congrat's on the promotion. Any ideas on who to make a first officer?
;-)
James: All right, so you made some mistakes. Don't get discouraged. If you
have any more questions about th'Tellan, you can write to me at any time. Oh,
and watch out for another possible th'Tellan/Marush encounter.
Submitted by....
Melvin Pollack....
Lt Cmdr Avikar th'Tellan
OPS USS Chesapeake
mpollack@wam.umd.edu
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