LOCATION: Johannesberg, Africa
ARENA: Johannesberg Arena
DATE: February 8, 2003
REMAINING WRESTLERS: 6
[The fans release their delf as they hoot and holler at their favourites in a ring filled with the brightest wrestlers in the industry, today.]
Jimmy: We are down to 6 wrestlers, here in Johannesburg Africa!
Rudolph: Welcome everyone to a sold out crowd! The electricity is running wild can't you feel it?
Jimmy: This is truly amazing! We have 3 matches for this extravaganza! We kick things of with the two oldest school wrestlers in the game today. Hardcore Hogan takes on Tommy Bradley!
Rudolph: I am excited for that one. We'll see what tricks Hardcore Hogan has up his sleeve for this one, or vice versa.
Jimmy: Chris Copeland and Dynamite Newton are both bringing their own brand to Africa
Rudolph: Dynamite Newton is coming off a huge loss from the Outback Attack. But Chris Copeland is coming off a different mind-set after he beat Hardcore Hogan at his own game.
Jimmy: It should be interesting.
Rudolph: And in the immunity main event, we have "Big Show" Bryan Deverot and Evan Drexxler.
Jimmy: Both of these superstars have high odds of winning this thing. Let's get to the matches, Jimmy.
Hardcore Hogan: You see that animal right there, Bradley? That’s the great wooly mammoth. Somehow these Africans have one. But that doesn’t make any sense… You know why? The great wooly mammoth is extinct. And you will join him, brotha.
(With that said, Hardcore Hogan creates distortion in the speakers by dropping the microphone. “YOU STAND BEFORE THIS COURT ACCUSED OF HEIRACY AND WITCHCRAFT, HOW DO YOU PLEAD??? Didn’t do it…. GUILY!!!” Tommy Bradley runs to the ring swinging around a pair of nun-chucks. Billy Barty Jr. is slowly running after Tommy Bradley. Hardcore Hogan tenses up as Bradley slides in the ring like a quick snake. Bradley swings his nun-chucks with a left-right motion but the clever Hardcore Hogan ducks. With more experience than a wizard, Hardcore Hogan boots Bradley in the bread-basket and attempts a “Hardcore Stunner”. Bradley pushes Hogan into the ropes and swiftly swings the nun-chucks into the skull of Hardcore Hogan. Hogan falls to the ground and rolls to the outside. Bradley, with the speed of a cheetah, climbs the top rope. Hardcore Hogan finds his barring before being punished by a lethal cross-body of Tommy “Bruiser” Bradley. Bradley lands on Hardcore Hogan and delivers lefts-and-rights like he stole something.)
Jimmy: Have you ever seen Bradley so worked up before?
Rudolph: This is Hardcore Hogan we’re talking about. He gets on everyone’s nerves!
Jimmy: It looks like Bradley is possessed by some sort of daemon, Rudy.
(Bradley continues drilling Hardcore Hogan until he lies there motionless. Hardcore Hogan sleeps in a puddle of his own saliva as Tommy Bradley slides two tables in the ring. Tommy Bradley looks back at Hardcore Hogan who still rests with one-eye looking at Bradley. Bradley enters the ring and stacks the tables on top of each other.)
Jimmy: Ah look at the clever Hardcore Hogan on the ground. He has one eye open looking at Bradley!
Rudolph: Shut up, Jimmy.
(Tommy Bradley unknowingly converges with his enemy. Hardcore Hogan light up like fireworks and begins to throttle the throat of Tommy Bradley!)
Jimmy: PLLLLAAAAAAYING possum.
Rudolph: Man, you’re annoying.
(Hardcore Hogan squeezes the throat of a squealing Tommy Bradley. All of a sudden, Hogan sees the approaching Billy Barty Jr. Barty tries to weasel in a punch but Hardcore Hogan now grabs the throat of Billy Barty Jr! Barty and Bradley look at each other and realize the heap of trouble they truly are in.)
Jimmy: Hogan’s has their throats!
(With the true power of an old man, Hardcore Hogan hoists both men in the air with a double chokeslam! Barty convulses on the ground slowly tapping his left leg to an untoned melody. Hardcore Hogan rolls into the ring and detaches one of the turnbuckles. A whip is pulled out of the first turnbuckle and out of the second turnbuckle reveals a rope. Hardcore Hogan rolls back out of the ring and strangles the rope around the helpless body of Tommy Bradley. Hardcore Hogan starts skipping all the way to “the great wooly mammoth” and ties it around his neck. The whip is raised in the air and the fans explode for their anti-hero, Hardcore Hogan. Hardcore Hogan whips the bum of the rhinoceros and it runs back to the locker room. Tommy Bradley regains consciousness as his carcass glistens across the concrete floor all the way to the back room.)
Jimmy: Ha ah! The rhino dragged Bradley all the way to the back! Let’s get some camera’s back there, Rudy!
(Hardcore Hogan pushes the curtains aside but Bradley was waiting for him! Bradley jumps on the old man’s back with an old school sleeper hold! Hardcore Hogan skids into the wall several times but Bradley would not give up. The old man’s body slowly drops to the ground on one knee. Then goes his head… His head drops like he seriously suffers from insomnia. Tommy Bradley grins on the back of his enemy knowing Hardcore Hogan is losing steam. The midget formally known as Billy Barty Jr. walks to the back room holding his head.)
Billy Barty Jr: I AM A MIDGET!
(Tommy Bradley’s eyebrow raises as he looks back at his miniature manager. All of a sudden, Hardcore Hogan starts powering up! The adrenaline rush is kicking in! Hardcore Hogan starts tapping his foot on the ground and stands tall like an American patriot. Billy Barty Jr. tries to come in with an attack but Hardcore Hogan snap mares Bradley to the ground. Billy Barty Jr. somehow got hit by the leg of Tommy Bradley and lies beside his protégé. Hardcore Hogan talks a bit of gibberish before he goes back to his locker room. The cameraman follows and Hogan goes into his gym bag. He pulls out a container from it and the hairiest tarantula can be seen moving around in it. Hardcore Hogan holds it up to the camera and begins to his lick his lips. Kicking the door down, Hardcore Hogan opens the lid of the container and drops the spider onto the hurt Tommy Bradley corpse. Bradley opens his eyes and swats the tarantula onto his miniature manager, Billy Barty Jr. Barty lies on the ground motionless as the spider crawls all over him. Hogan chuckles to himself as he grabs Bradley from his long brown hair.)
(Hogan goes for the Irish Whip into the concrete wall but Bradley reverses it! Landing head into the concrete wall, Hogan drops to the ground like he was hit by a wooden mallet! Bradley immediately performs a South Troy Stomp on the corpse of Hardcore Hogan. Panting and gasping for air, Hardcore Hogan taps his chest and lungs. With Hardcore Hogan still pleading for oxygen, Tommy Bradley drags Hogan back out to the ring.)
(Bradley gets a bit curious and starts tearing open a few turnbuckles. Nothing but fluff flies out the first. Bradley greedily goes for another but fluff again flutters away. By mistake, Bradley doesn’t see the big black boot of Hardcore Hogan! Tommy Bradley drops face-first to the ground as Hogan goes to town on the third turnbuckle of that set. Knowing what he stashed there in the first place, Hardcore Hogan pulls out a bubble water and a clothes hanger. Hardcore Hogan starts running around the stacked tables in the ring creating huge bubbles! Pleased by his makings, Hardcore Hogan splashes the rest of the bubble water in the face of Tommy Bradley and poses for the crowd. The crowd cheers for the senile man’s creativity but Bradley surprisingly school boy pins Hardcore Hogan!)
1…2…3/4 (Hardcore Hogan kicks out!)
Jimmy: THAT WAS CLOSE, RUDY!
Rudolph: You’re telling me!
(Bradley dodges an elbow drop from a shocked Hardcore Hogan! Hardcore Hogan goes for another but Bradley rolls out of the way! Bradley stands tall and proud and their hands lock up for a test of strength!)
(Bradley fell for it! Hardcore Hogan kicks the groin of Bradley and he drops to his knees! Hardcore Hogan sees the stacked tables and lifts Bradley onto the top turnbuckle. Hogan climbs to the second rope and Bradley unskillfully scrapes the eyes of Hardcore Hogan. Holding his eyes, Bradley gains control and lifts Hardcore Hogan up to the third turnbuckle. Bradley slowly switches positions with Hardcore Hogan and lifts him up so his head is in the downwards position. But when Bradley went for the STAW, Hardcore Hogan did not break the table! Hogan’s head bounced off the table giving cranking it forward!)
Jimmy: Necks aren’t supposed to bend that way, Rudy!
(Bradley hooks the leg of Hardcore Hogan with a pin)
1…2…3 (Tommy Bradley defeats Hardcore Hogan!)
(Rudolph leaves the announcing booth and gives comfort to Hardcore Hogan. Like a swarm of bees, the paramedics storm the ring.)
Jimmy: This is the case of “when finisher’s go wrong”
(Hogan is strapped in and then taken to the back. Bradley holds his head as he sees his enemy being dragged away by a stretcher)
(“Aenema” pumps out and Chris Copeland makes his way to the ring, surrounded by ten burly looking men. They are making sure he must wrestle his match, rather than find and attack Evan Drexxler.)
Jimmy: I’m sure that Copeland would rather be searching the savannah for Drexxler, who is somewhere out there waiting for his match against Bryan Deverot.
Rudolph: This match should be a tasty treat that can’t be beat.
(“Still I see no changes, can’t a brotha get a little peace!?” Fourpac marches out, leading Dynamite Newton in front of his race of proud African peoples. The man known as Dyanmite Newton jumps into the sweaty crowd and the fans are all patting him on the back and trying to put their fingers in his mouth. Newton bails from the crowd as they are celebrating at a near riot pitch. They have pulled his shades off and Newton seems thankful that he escaped the throng alive.)
(As Newton rolls into the ring, Copeland starts stomping down on his tender riblets. Newton rolls out and the fever-pitched Africans are chanting in swahili. Newton gets up and he and Copeland have a stare down. Copeland holds out his hands in a test of strength and Newton seems hesitant to comply. Newton looks back and forth at the fans as they cheer for the test of might. Newton holds out his hands and Copeland boots him in the gut- much to the dissaproval of the fans- and applies a camel clutch.)
(Newton struggles and sways his body back and forth, but Copeland has a vice-like grip attached to Newton head, and Dynamite struggles as spittle flies from his mouth. Copland looks directly into the camera and nods menacingly as if it is meant for Evan Drexxler.)
(One sweaty African jumps onto the apron, and tries to get into the ring, but security clubs out the back of his knee and beats him down. The ref is distracted with the crazy fan and when his back is turned, Fourpac pulls Newton to the ropes and Newton holds on. The referree, Marty Wahlberg begins the five count and Copeland angrily releases the hold. Newton rolls to the outside and stretches his back.)
(Copeland takes to the air as he flies over the top rope and crashes down on Newton and Fourpac! Copeland gets up and taunts Newton while he is trying to get up. Copeland slaps him and a fan, angry at seeing that, grabs Copeland’s hair and starts pulling! Copeland backs away in shock and he drags the enraged fan with him! Security beats the man down and drags him to some scary area of the arena.)
(Copeland gets back in the ring and Newton finally gets back in too. Newton spears Copeland to the ground and starts unloading lefts and rights as the fans go crazy! Copeland tries to get up by grabbing the ropes, but Newton pulls him off the ropes and Copeland lands on his butt with a huge thud. This action makes the fans jump in unison, and Newton is awestruck at the moving masses in the crowd.)
(Copeland pulls himslef up and the two start again. Newton snares him up and goes for a suplex, but Copeland blocks it. Newton tries it again, and it is blocked. Copeland uses the momentum and snaps Newton to the ground. Newton gets up and falls victim to a series of running bulldogs! Copeland mounts the top rope and NAILS a moonsault!)
1…2…Newton kicks out in the nick of time.
(Frustrated, Copeland scoops Newton upside down, and awes the crowd with a spinning tombstone! The fans cheer at the move, and Copeland goes for another cover.)
1…2…Newton mustards up the strength to lift his shoulder off the canvas.)
(Copeland sends Newton off the ropes and goes for a huge clothesline, but Newton ducks, hooks the arm, swings around, then hooks the other arm for a picture perfect crucifix pin!)
1…2…Copeland escapes the hold and as he bull rushes Newton, he recieves a high amplitude hurricaranna and another pin!)
1…2…Copeland kicks out again and Newton is picking up momentum.)
(Newton sends Copeland off the ropes and delivers a high impact clothesline which floors Copeland instantly. Newton pulls Copeland up by his hair and Copeland scoops him up suplex style, but drops him gut first on the top rope! As Newton bounces off the top rope, Copeland plants him in mid air with a DDT! Copeland puts the icing on the cake as he follows up with a powerbomb onto the top turnbuckle! Newton is nearly dead on his feet and is resting in the corner and Copeland sets Newton up for a superplex! As Copeland prepares to execute the move, Newton starts firing away! Copeland loses his balance and Newton shoves him, and he crashes to the canvas below. Seeing his opportunity, Newton turns around, moonsault style and instead of a regular moonsault, delivers a full one rotation and three quarters! As he flies through the air, he then notices Copeland waiting for him on his feet. BANG! A super kick catches Newton while he is upside down, completing the last bit of the rotation!)
(Newton hits the ground. Unconscious. Copeland seizes the moment and covers Newton!)
1…2…3! Copeland scores the victory over Dynamite Newton!
Jimmy: Can you believe that match! Jesus Christ! A 630 degree moonsault! If Copeland would have stayed on the ground, Newton would have hit it perfectly!
Rudolph: That was a super intense match. Maybe is was the crazy fans that gave them the extra juice to go to that next level!
Jimmy: With that win, Copeland can compete in the final IME on the next card!
(Evan Drexxler clotheslines him from behind and Deverot rolls on the dusty, scratchy ground. Drexxler picks up Deverot and charges at him. Deverot takes a flying leg drop and slides in the abrasive ground. Drexxler finds a beautiful rock on the ground and decides to hurt Deverot with it. Drexxler performs a double underhook piledriver right onto the rock!)
(Deverot yelps and holds his head as blood pumps out of a fresh wound. Drexxler pulls him up again and blood oozes from his head. Drexxler Irish whips Deverot into a boulder, and as Deverot recoils from the impact, Drexxler snuggles up tight to him and performs a belly-to-belly turning suplex.)
(Deverot is hurt and he is crawling and he throws sand in the eyes of Drexxler, who stumbles back a pace at his loss of sight. Deverot scrambles to his feet and as he grabs Drexxler by the head, he pulls Drexxler’s face onto his knee. The impact sends Drexxler to the ground in a heap.)
(Deverot is happy to have caused an extra amount of pain to Drexxler and mounts the boulder to deliver a moonsault! Deverot goes for it, but crashes onto the hard-packed earth. Drexxler was playing possum, an old Bruno von Gotch Sr trick. Deverot tries to get his act together as he holds his ribs in pain and Drexxler picks him up and immedialtey goes for the Hurricane Heart Punch and nails it!)
1…2…Deverot kicks out of the Hurricane Heart Punch!
(Drexxler looks shocked as he looks down at the bloodied Deverot and decides to go to the boulder himself! Drexxler raises his arms and takes to the air, delivering the Eastern European Economics Elbow Drop! Deverot takes it on the ribs and Drexxler greedily goes for another cover!)
1…2…Deverot somehow manages to get his shoulder off the sun baked dirt once more and a look of panic seems to come across Drexxler’s face. Drexxler decides his next move and Deverot crawls towards something that may help him. Drexxler also looks around and sees an elephant grazing. As the Drexxler looks away, the elephant seems curious to see what the humans are doing, and begins to saunter over.)
(Drexxler focuses back on Deverot, and as he goes to pick him up, Deverot spins and lashes out, swinging a moderate sized cactas! Drexxler takes to blow to the face and pins are sticking out of his face. Deverot gets up and pulls the needles out of his hand. Deverot does it painlessly on account of his numb body.)
(As Drexxler pulls the needles out of his face, Deverot places him in a full nelson! The elephant draws nearer. Drexxler tries to power out of the full neslon, but Deverot’s grip is too tight. Drexxler tries again and feels the grip weakening. Deverot makes a face as if he was force fed a block of salt as his grip begins to slip under the strength of Drexxler.)
(At the perfect moment, Drexxler spins and delivers another belly-to-belly suplex! Deverot’s raw looking body slides on the sandpaper ground again and Drexxler notices that the elephant is inspecting Deverot with his trunk. Thinking quickly, Drexxler delivers a Hurricane Heart Punch to the elephant and the animal lies down on Deverot! Drexxler hops on the animal and the ref counts the pin as Deverot is pinned under the beast!)
1…2…3! Evan Drexxler defeats Bryan Deverot in the IME!
Rudolph: What a way to end the night.
Jimmy: Drexxler is safe until the next card.
Rudolph: What a card tonight
Jimmy: You sound like a broken record you redundant piece of shit.
Rudolph: Whoa, simmer, I think the heat’s getting to you.
Jimmy: Goodnight everyone!
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