I watched from the window. I watched you cross the street. The bus traveled its path and when you were out of sight I lay my head back and put my feet up. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling and I took deep breaths thinking of the last words I said to you, hoping you would remember them. I returned home a few days later, you still on my mind. I didn't allow people to see the pain, i held it in and saved it for the moments before I fell asleep. I watched depressing movies as an excuse to cry.
You seemed better now that I was gone. You thought it was the right thing for you and that you didn't make a wrong decision - like the silence and solitude was good for you. I knew better, but your feelings were nearly convincing. I know you're afraid to be alone; we all are. I am terrified. You went through some sort of metamorphosis thinking you needed to take apart yourself and analyze it for any malfunctions. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The metamorpohsis gave you ideas and epiphonies. You followed those as well until the time came when I found myself not recognizing who you were - what you've become. Your problems seem to be festering like a wound not sufficiently tended to. You had problems, yes you did - like any other college freshman, you had some things you needed to figure out, some decisions to be made...but now you make it seem as though there is something terribly wrong with you and you fall back into your own solitude as if it's the only safe place for you to hide. People are a danger, trusting is a danger, I am a danger. You stray from me as though I am not safe.
I worry, seeing that you're changing from the person I once loved into something harder. My broken heart, sewing the torn pieces back together, rips in different places as it sees you in you pain. I wish there was some way to help you, but fuck...you don't want my help and I don't want to go out on a limb one more time only to get shot down and stomped upon. You get through what you're going to get through. If I recognize you later, then best of luck on your journey. If I don't...even I don't know what will come of this. I wish for your happiness.