I see your transitions I hear your pain...I witness everything that happens. You post and you write and you type thinking you're never talking to anyone - your words are shot out into space and it is almost like talking to yourself. You give enough detail for yourself but as I am reading, I don't know what has happened to make you so incredibly happy and jubilant. I want to know but an afraid to ask you. You probably won't tell me what's happened. You leave me in the dark, which I hate more than anything else. You've tossed me to the side of the road, thinking I would always be strong when you know damn better.
You've never visited this goddamned web page and you've probably passed this stupid excuse of a writing not thinking or caring or wondering how i'm doing or handling myself anymore, if I still cry myself to sleep at night because you broke my heart. You want to be rid of me and my presence. You don't want me around because you think it may prevent you from moving on...all those memories and now buried feelings.
Do you remember that night? That goddamned night when I was crying in some guy's basement? I was sitting on top of his washer crying my eyes out because I just heard my roommate and best friend was moving out. Everybody knew...except for me. Always me. Remember that night? I sat there sobbing because everyone I'd known to love and trust seemed to go away. I even questioned you. You told me to look at you and I didn't want to. You made me look into your eyes, mine teary and red and you told me to look at you and tell you to your face that you weren't worth it because of the pain. I sobbed some more and trembling, admitted that I was terrified and you hugged me and said you weren't going anywhere. I bet you remember that night. Where are you now?
Well enough is enough. This might be because i've had such a rotten week with my job. People are such a pain in the ass and aren't fucking dependable for shit. They say one thing when they mean another, or they say something and then change it later to make you look like the ass. Well, you know what? I'm fucking through with all this goddamned shit. I trust no one. You can all go fuck yourselves. If i'm in the dark, i'm staying in the dark and there's probably nothing much I can do to change that. Love is suicide and I am lost, confused, and numb. I concern myself with others too too much and I've decided right here and now that it is over.