"Ahhh, I can feel the breeze on my leg hair!"

"I wanna be a lesbian too!"

"Hey Tori, I have a really strange request for you."
"Ok..."
"Can you take my beard out of my mouth?"

"Drive straight until you take a left."

"This isn't study music. This is 'bang your head into a cinderblock' music [Alanis]."

"Remember: evil spelled backwards is live...and EVERYBODY wants to live!"

"Everyone's calling him Darren."
"Of course they are. He told them to in lecture. If you cleaned the drool out of your ears for one second, you would know that."

"[Heathers] This is me! This happened to me! This is High School!"
"You killed lots of people?"

"You ever go to the zoo where you can feed the goats and deer?"
"A petting zoo?"

"It's just that when I wake up to a hissing goat on my nightstand, and it hops off and runs across the floor on spider legs, I sleep a lot better knowing where it ran off to."

"Dude, seriously. I don't feel well."
"Then go home."
"I can't! I have to go to calculus."
"The class?"
"No, the movie!<sarcasm>"

"You I hate! I hate hate hate you! Like death! Like rotting corpses!"

"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, we're talking about McGuyver."
"Ok, I'll just go back over here now."

"I am a disciple of brevity."

"I have a paper to do."
"What's the topic?"
"It's about Hemmingway."
"Which Hemmingway book?"
"'A Farewell to Arms'"
"Ahhh, 'A Farewell to Arms'.....I've never read it."

"She'll be moved in my New Moon...the game, not the phase."

"We live on...what floor?"
"Third...?"
"We live on the third floor."

"What homework are you doing?"
"The History of my ass."
"That's not a very long history."
"My ass was born. It does some strange things. The end."

"I knew this guy in High School who was so annoying. He'd say stuff like 'I'm better at soccer than you because i'm Asian. I get better grades than you because i'm Asian."
"Yeah, well did he get the crap kicked out of him because he was Asian?"

"<Burp>....Huh...?....Oh yeah! Banana."
"Too much information."

"I am a mother pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I am the best mother pheasant plucker that ever plucked a mother pheasant."

"You know what I'd like? Powdered milk...so that I could have a bowl of cereal whenever I want...I probably would need cereal first."

"It was a long time ago and I was younger then...being it was in the past."

"If they were fleas, I'd see little black things. They'd be jumping on the bed."
"As opposed to swimming and kayaking."

"Do you have a fork I can stick in my eye?"

"What time is it?"
"Yes."

"Was that sarcasm?"
"No, I'm just stupid."

"You can bribe me for my knowledge...but I'll give you hint. I don't know."

"So what song do you want to sing?"
"Well, I have Shoo Fly Pie in my head, but I don't know all the words."

"So what's going on with Hank?"
"Hank is coming over with Dave and beer...in that order."

"I ran down there once."
"What's there?"
"Houses."
"Any cows?"
"I don't know. I didn't get very far. I was running."

"I'm taking beginner golf next semester."
"Me too!"
"I'm taking self defense...I guess it's not as useful."

"You're a bad Asian! BAD ASIAN! You're going to hell...ASIAN HELL."

"My head hurts."
"Here, I'll stomp on your foot."

"Meet me behind the hotplate."

"Avian reproduction.."
"What?"
"Avian reproduction. <pause> Avian repr- birds fucking, Hank!"

"I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you."

"Did I just hear my name?"
"Not unless your name is easy."

"Heh, heh. He's giving you advice to beware of outside advice."

"Where's the food? Is it in my belly?"

"What's your favorite color?"
"I like all colors."
"What about purple?"
"Yes."
"Orange?"
"Yes."
"Pink?"
"I think pink falls under the category of all colors."
"What about teal?"
"I know a girl named Teal. I don't like her."

"I'm still hungry but I'm not going to eat this salad."
"Why not?"
"Because it's a stupid salad!"

"Both three of us need to sleep."

"Dude, aren't you so hungry that...some weird metaphor that you'd eat Italian in a slutty shirt with Dave in a tie?"

"So what time are you going to be up until?"
"December 20th"

"Oh Darren <Mocking>. Do you think he'd cry if I died?"
"Maybe tears of relief."

"How do you spell Iberia?"
"Well, why don't we ask the king of that country?"

"When are we gonna make my character for Dark Dominions?"
"Wanna do it tomorrow in English?"

"Are you mad at me?"
"No, no. Not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way."

"I wish I could draw."
"I wish you could draw too."

"We're getting restless...and when we get restless we start to put things in our pockets."

"You are not going to be the out he works."

"What'd you put? What'd you put? What'd you put put put?"
"I didn't put put put anything!"

"Scott usually sets his fan to nuclear frost generation."

"I am the fucking John Woo of Bagels. 'Oh, I'm done with this bagel....here's another one!'"

"So who was in the staiwell?"
"You were."
"Who else was in the stairwell."
"I don't know...who?"
"That's a good question."

"Shut up woman, no one asked you. If we get hungry, you will make us food, but only if you're done with the laundry."

"Come to me, my socks. Nick, can you get my socks for me? My little feeties are so cold."

"What's up, Stirfry."
"You shouldn't talk about Tori like that."

"I'll admit that I'm Asian..."

"Oh, so talented. I bet you went to college to learn how to do that...no, oh wait. You went to college to learn how to bake things and clean and so laundry and make babies and please your man."

"I am commanding and I tell you to do your fucking paper."
"I am a man...you'll never win. Be seducive or something."
"I am eloquent and I convince you it is good to do your fucking paper."
"Ahhh....eloquent."
"Challenge?"
"I would play along with your foolish games, but I have a paper to write."

"What is that? Is that my blankie?"

"What's up, Nick's lying."
"Name calling is so immature, you poopy head."

"We're making a sh-leven run to get cigarettes and firewood."

"This thing comes in so much handy."

"I don't want the world; I just want your half."

"So who's naked?"
"You are."
"Whoo-hoo!"

"Are you sad because of the paper? Are you going to say boo sad?"

"Can I have a piece of bread?"
"Which one?"
"Yeah."
"...which one?"
"the shiny one."

"Is Jesus dead?"
"Fresh from the cross."

"Yes, I wanted a weird little thing. That's why I picked you; you are a weird little thing."

"I'd actually kind of like it...but I'm not going to admit it."

"Cassie come here! What is this? What IS this? It looks like Africa. You are a very bad dog. You've peed......you've peed a lot."

"I'm not trying to be perverted or anything....I'm just saying 'what are you wearing?'

"You've seen this movie 42 times? Doesn't that make you sad? It makes me sad."

"Are you on the phone?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm sorry. Next time I'll drop you a memo."

"I'm actually mixing it kinda' anally. Yeah, the hot cocoa's saying 'Dude, I'm all set' and i'm all like 'just a little bit more.'"

"You would appear to be the Scully to my Mulder."

"Want some coffee?"
"Sure."
"How do you take it?"
"Black."
"Have some milk."

"How embarrassing would I sound if I say last night was wonderful?"
"Only embarrassing if I didn't agree."

"I know it's hard for you."
"Listening to you say you know it's hard for me makes it hard for me."

"Do you have coffee I can smell?...Or some tictacs."

Scene safety: "Use your police officers as canaries. Let them go in first and stay 50 ft behind them."

"Do not complete partial amputations, do not replace protruding bones, do not push down on open skull fractures."

Questions to ask when a woman is in labor: "Are you pregnant?"

"Do you have angina?"
<Slap>
"I said ANGINA!"

"Tori, how'd you get here?"
"What?"
"How'd you get here?"
"I walked. Didn't you notice I was lacking in the elevator?"

"This thing gets really hot when it's hot."

"I was quoting pouty rhino squirting chicken!"

"I have to pee. Does anyone want to come?"
"I have to pee! I have to pee!"

"You are fired! No, wait. I take it back. You are SO fired!"

"The first rule of witchcraft is never talk about witchcraft."

"I can't wait until a few minutes from now when we'll all be eating."

"I'm going to play you a song. It's all about you because it's called Yellow."

"Zozie...my 6:00. Is that Holly?"
"What?"
"My 6:00....you are at my 12:00....3...6:00."
"It's a clock."
"Is this a joke?"
"No, this is not a joke."
"Wait, why is this funny?"
"No!! My 6:00.."
"What's happening at 6:00?"

"Did we establish if it was Holly?"
"No, I gave up."
"Wait, what's happening?"

"Fork you!...That's not knife!"
"uh...spoon?"

"Welcome to stadium seating education. Courtesy of UMASS."

"North or South, Bitch!"

"Thank God for fat little girls."

"I like your Asian-ness."
"Well, I like your cute, fluffy nose!"

"Unless they die."
"They won't die, you dork."... <Pause and in a lower voice> "I hope they don't die."

"Are any of you guys taking that film class?"
"I am."
"Scitt and Nock are."

"I have come to the conclusion that I have 10,000 toes."

"Where the Hank is fuck going?"

"Jerk, jerk, jerk...squirt squirt."

"<singing a mocking song> Rob has too many pockets."

"<while getting into the car> Sorry about the broom."
"That's all right. Is it for an alterior method of transportation if your car breaks down?"

"You can pick your frieds, you can pick your nose, but you can't roll your friends into little green balls."

"You need to drop out of school, you quitter."

"<screaming at the Ketchup> You smell like Ketchup!!!"

"What does Nick want to know?"
"What's the price of wheat in China."

"Well, you guys wanted to see Bless the Child, and you guys want to see Urban Legends...and we want to get laid...so we're all set!"

"A cartom of milk and a half gallon of eggs."

"Today on the train I saw an old lady with dirt on her forehead. I thought to myself 'Goddamn, didn't she notice that in the mirror?' It was a big glob of dirt. Then I saw someone else with it, and I realized it was Ash Wednesday."

"You smell like piss."
"No, I don't."
"Yeah, you're right. You don't. I lied."

"Hi, Maximus! Glad you're home! Well, see you later! <exit chickens>"

"I'm going to leave this light on until I turn it off."

"<an argument about the AIM> Did you warn me, Bitchaw? I was at 20."
"Yeah. Now you're at 23. I like the number 23, don't you?"
"Oh for God's sake... <he warns and warns and warns>
"I hate hate hate you!"
"I like the number 35, dont you?"
"Like death! Like rotting corpses!"

"This music is an island of chocolate in my mind."

"Dude, it feels like the music is having sex with my ears."

"You wanna go back into my room?"
"Why? So we could just lay in there?"
<After a long pause>
"Atleast it's carpeted."

Jaba the Lie

"I'm going to leave this light on until I turn it off."

"Dude, in some cultires that means, like, the finger."
"Yeah, well.... <hand gesture again>"

"So that means that you can eat mine and I can eat yours?...that just sounded so wrong."
(Sharing plates of food)

"Holy holy holy Lord"
"What did I tell you? No religion at the table."

"Nobody was there when she died. It's not like she screamed out 'Oh my God! That reflection is not mine but that of a mangled experimental cat!'"

"You haven't e-mailed me in a while."
"I've been in your presence for a week."

"That'd be really funny if you were like 'What's wrong, baby?' and she was like 'Nothing, Mommy! I'm just singing!....Reeee! Reee!" (Guinea Pig)

"You know, I was wrong. Tori won't be home for her birthday."
"That's too bad. We'll have to do something. I'll buy her ice cream tonight."
"<sarcasm> Thanks Dad."
"You don't want ice cream? Fine. No Ice cream."

(later on that day)
"Do you know what you want?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to tell the girl?"
"No."
"You're going to just keep it to yourself?"
"Uh huh."

"R begins with receipt."

"I hate the color yellow."
(She is wearing a yellow shirt)

"I never had a plain pizza before."
"Wher are you from?...<she realizes the girl is from Hong Kong> Asia?"

"<exasperated> Now I can't study for anthropology until I put all of my pez dispensers back!"

"Hi, Tori. My eyeballs are cold."

"Scott, do I have any other midterms tomorrow? I don't think so."

"Hasn't he like not talked to you in like whiles?"

"Your touch felt like slimy slimy snakes."

"<about 40 students are gathered in a classroom with no professor. Ten minutes later, they are all questioning whether they needed to go to discussion that week.> We have a decent turnout. Are we really all that dumb?"

"Kat, I love you...but don't you have homework to do?"
"NO! I want to make a movie!"

"Nick!"
"What?"
"Scott's dead!"
"I don't care."
"Scott, Nick doesn't care."

"Dude, you can't afford to get Mono until you hand in your paper."
"Yes, that is my plan. Paper then Mono."

"Scott, I think i'm going to cry."
"Why? Because Tori's here?"
"Yes, that too, but it's mainly because I didn't have enough room in my bag for all the books so I had to use my pockets. <he pulls back his trenchcoat and yanks a cluster of books from each side of his pants and throws them onto the floor.> Luckily I have large pockets."

"I have two books that will be exceedingly helpful to you."
"Why?"
"Because they are exceedingly helpful books."

"I hate research papers."
"I LOVE THEM! <raises his hands and spins around in his chair>...I'm lying."

"I don't like to sit near Tori when she's eating. She's too projectile."
"Only when I'm throwing things."

"It's fucking monkey ridiculous."

"And what he did was the ole' coleoptile tip on the agar block."

"Try it out. See if it has legs. <an idea for a story>.

"Do you know what you're going to take next term?"
"Uh huh."
"What?"
"I don't know."

"Unless you have some sort of mind shield up, you're impressed by me and want to be my friend."
"That's ok."

"You get a mental impulse in your head."
"Ok."
"It says TECHNOCRAT."
"Ok."
"Can...can....can I get a mental impulse in my head?"

"My, it's getting crowded up there. Oh wait, we can't see half those people."

"The doctor has shot the raccoon."
"This is some masturbation reference."
"The doctor has offices in the fishery. He shot the raccoon there. There was also a woman. She attacked him with her stick. Let's interrogate the raccoon."
"Did I just walk into some obsurdist drama?"

"Dumkoff!"
"You're a dumkoff! Shut up!"

"Kadigat?" <Kat has her face in a paper bag with popcorn in it. An awkward moment passes as she looks up to Tori, almost thinking "I can't get my face out of this bag fast enough that she won't know it was there.">

"Dude, it's Good Friday. No talking to Jews."
"It's Happy Nails Day."

Hank: "<after a series of tests> Your pants disappear. You are the only one who sees that your pants are gone."
Rob: "ok."
Hank: "<after a series of more tests>You will hear the next question as 'where did your pants go?' instead of the actual question."
Rob: "ok."
Jay: "How many jobs will there be available?"
Rob: "<Looks to his 'pantless legs'> I don't know.

"What'd you do for Easter?"
"Easter stuff"
"What's Easter stuff?"
"We play Easter."
"How do you 'play Easter?'"
"Well, you pretend it's Easter and then you eat chicken..."

"How often do you spend with him?"

"Mini Bike Engines, but no Mini Golf. Maybe it will be under Golf, Mini."

"How does auxin promote elongation?"
"I know how to promote elongation."

"Gong's electric...WHAT?! What the fuck is an electric gong and who needs it!"

"I was going to take my test at 8 and that <her watch beeps> is not going to happen."

"Do you think that Nick can draw this...like...big?"
"Uhhh...."
"Cuz he can draw like a little fucking monkey can't he?"

"I'm just going to highlight you to make it look like I read."

"Or we could sneak to the bathroom in shifts and really leave."
"How does that work? You sneak out first then I sneak out, then you sneak out, then I sneak out?"

"Hey Tori!- "
"<beep!> Message Deleted."

"Today it the first season of softball day."

"But he can't breathe!"
"He doesn't need to breathe, sweetie. He's a bagel. <Picks up the bagel> Into the bag! <Slides it in> Weeee!"

"<Music Theory> We're not going to do this because we don't want to kill ourselves...but let's say we wanted to try."

"Yeah! Like burn victims. They're in a 100% sterile 100% oxygen environment...you light a match in there, POOF! You're back to square 1."

"What goes with this? Black?"

"<In a video> The children return home from school at 11:00. They gather dung and then play in the field.

"All my parents think I do is hold his hand and suck his cock."

"It's a protein, you know? A little ball of snot. How would it know where to go?"

"You have fish like limp penis...I mean...You have penis like limp fish."

"But he lived!"
"But we don't know the quality of it...well, you stepped on his brain so we at least know he'll never be able to smell roses ever again."
"It's not my fault! He pulled me into it!"

"Dick fuck! Shut up you whiny bitch!"

"He said 'I want to kill your mom' and I knew everything was ok."

"Your mom has the power to nag second hand."

"I guess I could go into the closest T G I Mc Squishy's."

"Why do I smell like peanut butter?"

"This is it! HA!! This is it! 'Sugar Plum...Special Edition...Anti-bacterial HAND GEL!' Hmph. Smells like ANUS FACE!"

"We, the tummy department are unhappy with your executive decisions..."

"What is that? Yogurt?"
"Strawberry soup."
"<Long pause>...that's disgusting."

"You can go and open your books and notebooks because this is an open book test...but don't go and open a senior who majored in music."

"Light a man a fire, keep him warm for a few hours. Light a man ON fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"<To a flower> Can I pick you?"
"<She nodds the flower with her fingers.> Uh-huh..."
"Ok. <pick>"

"<said by Benny/Ali, who is a lesbian> I think I was a gay man in a last life."
"You just can't win, can you?"

"You changed your buddy icon. I like it."
"It's the same it's always been...only different...wait a minute..."

"You're leaving?"
"I'm not leaving. I'm just going over there."

"If Jesus was a cat, we'd have 9 easters!"

"Nick, can we watch your tv?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Just keep the asian off my bed."

"Think about all the little kids sliding in your piss!"

FBI - Federal Bureau of Inuits

"This is ridiculous. This is something Athena would write...except she's writing about sexual modesty."

"And if you keep throwing my coat onto the flloor, i'm going to throw you on the floor."

"Whoa! I'm going to resort to pencil and paper now. This is weird!"

"He's a big wad of covers right now."

"I'm going to keep this stick right here...so when we see it [a large bug], we will scream."

"Writed wanted next to it!"
"But it's not wanted! It's wanted dead!"

"They make the crunchy sound of hell."

"Wow. I feel like i just jerked off."
(Fingers after eating a messy burrito)

"We musn't surrender to history."

"Louise! I can't do this paper. My boyfriend dumped me!"
"Well, Victoria, you should have come to class more often"
(*note* that was not Louise Litterick)

"I want to write poetry."
"Not now you can't."
"How about you write your paper and I write poetry."
"Right. You can write the whole paper as a poetry piece. Litterick would love that."

"I love this song."
"I was on the phone and I was like 'I wanna fuck you like an animal!' and Irene was like 'ok...'"

"How far have you gotten on the paper?"
"I wrote a poem."

"What rhymes with anus?"
"Fortunately, heinous rhymes with anus."

"Uplister! <throws an uplister coaster> Uplister! <Throws another> Uplister! <Throws another> Uplister swarm! <Throws lots of coasters>"

"I have a lot of shit to do tonight."
"What do you have to do?"
"First of all, I have to wash my kilt."

"What are you doing so late out?...I mean...what are you doing...out...so late?"

"Since we're not going out anymore, do we shower together?"

"What are you wearing...in that friendly sort of way?"

"Watch me glide! Aren't I pretty?"

"When I get aggrivated, I tend to put places in strange things."
"Like words?"

"Nevermind if we groan
That is our noise. Laughter is our stuttering
in a language we do not yet understand."

"You love me
You want to kiss me
You want to hug me"

"I'm kibbutzing a chess game."

"Falldownrealfart"

"Dude, are these people mad that i'm kicking their ass?"
"Why don't you ask them?"

"Jesus loves you but you don't know where he's been so use a condom."

"Unless you give them a bloody nose, there's no point. There's no talking reason into them." [The media]

"[My final paper] smells like poo poo...it's not really like poo poo but like that pastina and my guinea pig...mixed together."

"You miss the roommate yet?"
"Not really. Sorta used to him being away. I would imagine you'd miss hism more."
"We broke up ... I've missed him since last wednesday."

"I'm peeing blood. Thought it was one of the 10 plagues of Egypt when I saw it."

Andrew: "I'm so hungry I could eat anything."
Iain: "<with much suggestion> Anything?"
Zozie: "Cuz there's some crusted blood around my anus ... and I think it's got your name on it."
Scott: "It's sooooo good to be home."

"<as 7 school buses pass by> Ooh, look at the school buses."
"Where?"

"[Matthew]'s a good kid...but he's a pain in the ass. That's actualy why you've bonded, Minnie...because you too are a pain in the ass."
"Isn't that wonderful. We're two of a kind."

"<after coughing a lot> Oh boy, that sounds good."
"Actually, it doesn't, Minnie. It doesn't sound good at all."

Minnie fell down the stairs:
1. "<Matthew to Nanny, Minnie's sister who is not an avid Minnie fan.> Did you push her?"
2. "<Dad to Anthony. He is 2 years old> What did you do to Minnie?"
3. "<Dad to Lusya> So Tori and Minnie are in this huge fistfight and Tori surprises her with this right hook! Minnie didn't even see it coming."
4. "<Dad to Michael, husband to Lusya> [Minnie] asked for the humber of a good attorney. What does she mean?"

"<drops a necklace with a cross as a charm> Oops...there goes Jesus."

"Who won? [Baseball]"
"I did."
"You won?"
"Yes. Just me."

"Do you sell wallets?"
"Wallets for men or women?"
"Me."

"Magic, alchemy, science...they all prove the same thing."

"<Two guys are sitting a seat away from each other in front of us in a movie theatre. They are having familiar conversation.> If these guys know each other then why don't they just sit next to each other?"

"That's too close. I'm far sighted."
"But don't you want to live the movie?"
"No, cuz it gives my eyeballs a headache!"

"Rachael Alvarez? She's at the pool. It's a field trip. She gets an F for today. F for field trip."
"Why not just put T for trip?"
"Because I put T for tardy."
"What not put L for late?"
"Because I use L for lab."
"What about absences? Do you at least put an A for absences?"
"No, I actually, put a number one."

"If we go shopping tomorrow, I have to buy a grapefruit, worcestershire sauce, and Timothy grass. Do you think you can remember all of that?"
"Nope."

P - "Is anybody a little warm?"
T - "I'm good."
P - "Mort?"
M - "I'm good too."
P - "That's good."
M - "Are you warm?"
P - "No, I'm good. I just wanted to see if everybody was a perfectly comfortable as me."
M - "That's bullshit."
P - "Yea."

"You were really funny when you were doing that Martha Stewart and Julia Roberts....Child....impression. Dude! Last night I couldn't even read my own ice cream...handwriting. <nervous laughter> I was thinking about ice cream. Anyway, I wrote Bailey's on the rocks but I couldn't read my own handwriting so when I got to the bartender I asked for Barley on the rocks."

"Kyle, when did you get here?"
"April...half..."

"<To Laura whose mother forbid me to ever see her again if I honked my horn when outside of her house.> Be sure not to honk or you'll never be allowed to play with yourself again."

"Look at those fucking huge shoes."
"That's how she gets tall...er."
"And those flat sandalls."
"That's how I stay short...ish."

"I don't get along with church."

"...turkish coffee? I'll be up all night."

"And I said to myself 'I gotta keep breathing.' The next day a sail came in with the tide...and here I am. But Kelly's gone and I'm alone all over again. But I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring."

"<My boss on my first day of work> What's all this linnen still doing here?"
"I think it's just chilling."

"I've never hada nicotine fit before I came here. I'm fine at home."
"This job is known to cause drinking problems...I'm a victim of the bottle now and then."

L: "I do have a little white spot on my tongue!"
T: "Dude, I didn't say that you didn't have a spot on your tongue. I said I didn't see it."
L: "It's a swolen taste bud."
K: "It's a pimple on your tongue."
T: "It hurts."
K: "I have a little silver spot on my tongue."
L: But you decided to get the piercing."

"Can I have some cake or no?"
"No, you're not nice."
"How about some coffee."
"Nope."
"Can I have anything?"
"I got some gum."

"<later> Who's Ethel?"
"My other cousin. My favorite cousin."
"<gasp> What's so special about her? What does she give you that I don't give you?"
"A piece of cake."
"Is that it?"
"Yes."
"So you're telling me that if I give you a piece of cake i'll be your favorite cousin?"
"Yes."
"<pause> It's not worth it."

"The 2004 olympics are going to be in Greece. What do you know about the Greeks?"
"They make a good salad."

"<Sunday morning at 8:30 after an all night shift> Are you ok?"
"I'm just tired."
"Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"
"Nah, it's ok. I slept on Thursday."

"Good morning, Brendan. How are you today?"
"<Oh so much sarcasm> Just lovely."

"Can you believe i'm fairly buzzed after just one drink?"
"Well, you make for a fairly cheap date."

"Leah, I think I should have taken that 10 minute break 6 hours ago."

"35 people? What time are we loading?"
"5...6?"
"What's wrong with this picture? What are we supposed to do for three hours?"
"We get paidto do nothing."

"We'll put these people wherever we want...upper deck, lower deck, middle deck, euro deck, fishing deck... <later> Whatever, just stick these bitches somewhere!"

"What's that? In-com-petent? You think you can impress me wid all those big impressive words?"
"No, actually, I thought with your level of intelligence...you would have atleast heard that word many times before."

"Check out my bumber stickers. They're pretty cool."
"Parkway Toyoda?"
"Naw, that's not a bumper sticker."

"<Door opens, Jon enters.>"
"Would you like to sit in my car, Jon?"
"<A few seconds later from in the car> OW! <Door opens, Jon exits.> It's like a trap in there."
"It's a volvo."

"Do you think amoebas could live on dry land?"
"<Sitting on Kyle's car> Do you think my fart could live on dry land? <poot!>"
"That's not dry land."
"It's a volvo. It's a trap."

"So you know what?"
"What?"
"You're eating a burrito <nods and smiles>."

"<Maria sees pants hanging over a railing> Does anyone want to lose their pants?"
"<Leah, turning around> Excuse me?"

"Everyone has a Honda."
"Except for us cool people who have Toyodas....then you have the even cooler people like Dom and Kate who don't have cars at all!"

"I'm wearing green socks. You're wearing red socks. Together we can make Christmas, baby."

"<At random> I don't like the new Pokemon song."

"Angel, where'd you get that hickey?"
"What hickey?"
"The one on your neck."
"What neck?"

"Some say the world will end in fire,
some say in ice.
From what i've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire."
(Frost)

"Dude look! Jekyll and Hyde! I love Jekyll and Hyde!"
"Really? I hated it."
"What are you talking about? The restaurant or the bar? I'm talking about the restaurant."
"I'm talking about the musical."

"Actually, my major is French literature."
"What's your minor?"
"My minor is blow me."

"<Charading a missionary with people guessing> You're a doctor ... a drug dealer ... you inject me with salsa? ... my mommy?"

"<Playing pool> Well, Laura, it looks like it's your turn."
"Yah ... <pause> I'm stripes?"
"Sometimes."

"I'll have a frozen margarita no ice."

"I have a plan."
"Yeah?"
"Why don't we eat and eat and eat until we're ready to explode and then go home."

"<After an 8 hour shift> How much time do we have?"
"We have a whole 15 minutes to relax."

"What time do we board?"
"9:00. Don't worry, baby. We got 6 minutes. Plenty of time."

"<Some icky old guy I work with> Where'd you go?"
"What?"
"You disappeared."
"For 5 minutes!"
"I missed you."
"Oh shut up!"

"Eat."
"I'm done. I'l all set. See all the food I ate?"
"You ate nothing! You are next to nothing! <points to the table> Nothing...oh, and <points next to it> what Tori ate!"

"Excuse me."
"Where?"
"Tomorrow."

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