The reflection of the full moon shimmered in the rippling waters of the sea. Shinya sat on the sand, his bare toes playing with the grains of sand that sneaked between. The night was breezy despite it was summer and he wrapped his arms around himself to keep warm as a breeze, carrying the salty scent of sea, passed by and made his hair dance.

" Full moon…just like that night…" he whispered to no one in particular.

Resting his cheek on his knees, he drew a circle in the sand with a dried twig.

" I love you…"

Then Die had kissed him. They had made love on the sand, with the full moon as their witness, as their limbs entangled with each others and they became one.

Shinya smiled. He let the flood of memories drown him, memories that were so sweet and made him blush. But then, when he remembered they were nothing but memories, tears collected at the rims of his eyes. He closed his eyes, wiping them away before they could fall.

" I love you, Die…" he said. He felt his heart throb painfully in his chest. "Why don’t you love me anymore?"

His question was unanswered but the breeze continued blowing.

" Maybe you still love me…" Shinya smiled again. "Maybe you’ll forgive me. I promise I’ll never let anybody touch me again…just you…"

Shinya began to talk to his imaginary-Die. Saying what he couldn’t bring himself to say before the man. He let that night replay in his mind; how gently Die touched him, how much love he showed him…how he confessed his love for the first time to Die.

And it was the last time they made love too.

" Why is it so hard to just love? I just want to belong to someone, to just have someone to hold me and love me…" Shinya’s vision was blurred with his tears. "Why can’t you be that someone, Die?"

" But you don’t love me anymore. Nobody wants me now…Toshiya’s right. I’m nothing but an awful selfish bitch…but…" He wiped his tears. "…I feel so lonely…"

" I don’t want to be alone anymore…"

***

Die closed his eyes, puffing out tendrils of cigarette smoke from his mouth as he flicked the ashes out of the car. The while in the background was the crashing of waves against the sandy shore.

-Of all places to drive to when you want to forget him!- he berated himself.

He didn’t know what to think now. It seemed as if his mind has totally gone blank, his heart empty. He missed Shinya. It had been so long since he embraced him in his arms. He probably would never have the chance again.

If only he could turn back time…

If only he had stayed over at his cousin’s like he had planned to…

If only he didn’t go back…

Then Shinya would be here in his arms, they both enjoying the night breeze on the romantic beach under the gaze of the lonely moon and shining stars. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, but now that he knew…he just couldn’t forget it just like that. Even though he loved Shinya…

"You love Shinya, don’t you?! Why do you care about everything else? You should try to make him happy!"

Kaoru’s words bugged him.

" What the hell do you know, huh, Kaoru? You know nothing but screwing around and cheating the ones who love you!" Die swore at the other guitarist, letting his frustration build up.

" Okay, calm down…" he told himself as he took in deep breath and exhaled before taking in another deep breath.

He opened the car door and dropped the half-smoked cigarette to the ground.

" Don’t smoke too much, it’s bad for your health…"

Frowning, he stepped on the stub.

Shinya doesn’t love me. He wants Kaoru, ne…so obvious! I’m just trying not to see it. But at least I made the right choice. I let him go…better than having his body and not his love.

Die reasoned everything out for himself.

Okay, I’ll allow myself a little self-pity. And go for a nice walk and wake up late tomorrow.

He hummed mindlessly and climbed over the railing to walk along the sand. He looked up. The moon was a perfect circle.

***

The waves gently lapped against his ankle. The water was cold but he ignored it.

‘ Hey, wanna go for a drink, Shin-chan?’

The tears had dried on his face, but the traces were still visible.

‘ No, I can’t, Die…I’m too tired.’

They were standing in the studio corridor; Die throwing the cigarette on the floor as he invites him for a drink.

‘ But I’m so alone..! Just tonight okay?’

Shinya smiled, reminiscing the start of their relationship. That morning he woke up with a hangover to find himself sleeping naked in Die’s arms.

‘ You raped me!’

…it started with drunken passion and ended the same way, with alcohol-induced lust.

Sweet Die…who once loved him so much, but now no longer do…

‘ I want to give us a chance…’’

The memories haunted him, making his hurt deeper.

‘ I love you, Die…’

The water was touching the tips of his fingers now, wetting them as his feet sank into the soft sand with every step.

***

The small white car parked on the sand caught his eye. It looked suspiciously similar to Shinya’s. Instinctively, Die walked towards it, wondering if fate had brought them together again. The wind picked up, howling cruelly at Die, making long strands of red hair snap against his face irritatingly.

There were no signs of Shinya, Die noted with disappointment. He rested on the car’s bonnet which faced the sea.

At first he saw the black sky and dark sea merged together but then noticed something else. There was a white figure in the water.

" Shinya?" He squinted to make sure. It was too far for him to see but he felt his heart leaping and pounding against his chest. "Shinya!!!"

He didn’t know what he did except that now he was running towards the water. The closer he got, the more panicked he became as the figure sharpened out to be the drummer. But Shinya didn’t look back when he called, just continued walking steadily.

" Shinya!!" he yelled desperately, ignoring the wind whirling into his face or the water now soaking his sport shoes.

***

Shinya thought he heard someone call him by his name. It sounded very much like Die. He turned around and saw the red-head chasing after him. For a moment, he stopped there, letting the waves roll at his chest. He smiled.

" Die, I’ll love you forever…" he whispered softly in the wind, as he inched backwards and the sand gave way and then he saw nothing but the black water and little bubbles caressing his face. But in his heart, he heard Die calling him affectionately and whispering soft promises of love in his ears.