DESIRE

by Mako

Comments: Hi! Um, I guess this comes after 'Pain'. You don't have to
read it, but I think this story would make maybe a little more sense if
you read it. Um... this really isn't very good, I'm sorry! And I'm sorry
that it's so short! I had absolutely no intention of continuing the
story of 'Pain', but I woke up this morning with the entire thing planned
out, so... Um, Comments and Critique very much appreciated.
Hope you like it. ^^
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    I never thought that it was possible, you liking me. I mean I had my
suspicions, but it was so absurd I just pushed them aside. I'm no
detective, when I found out, it was your own fault, you gave yourself away.
   
    During that interview, you asked me if I hated you. I answered that,
well, we were too conscious of the fact that we both are very similar
and that we should go have dinner together sometime. I meant it as a
joke, really, I did. You were supposed to get mad or laugh or _something_.
But you did nothing, you just stared at me. You turned away pretty
quickly, but I had already seen it. Your desire.
   
    Still, I wasn't positive. But, when you started avoiding me, all
doubts were gone. I knew.
   
    You can't imagine how viciously happy I was. I mean, we both never got
along at all and it had come to a point where I kinda resented you.
Well, anyway, it was your fault for giving me such a good opportunity to
get at you.
   
    Teru and me? All that was just to get at you. Yeah, I think Teru knew,
but he played along anyway. Besides, we never did anything besides
kiss. The thought of having sex with another guy made me feel kinda weird.
Anyway, my whole plan was to string you along. I got with Teru to make
you jealous, to make it painfully clear of your want for me. It worked,
at least I think it did.
   
    You walked in when Teru and I were just starting to get it on...
heh... It wasn't planned you know. You did it yourself. Anyway, I saw you
the second you walked in, a split second before you saw us. I could have
pulled away, spared you the sight of us making out. But I stayed a
moment longer, just to clear any doubts you had about Teru and me being
together. I don't know what I expected you to do, maybe scream, yell,...
cry? But you just smiled, apologized politely, and left.
   
    That's when I started doubting your feelings for me... maybe I had
just misread your response. Maybe you were actually disgusted with my
offer of dinner and you were just avoiding me because you hated me. But
still, that look...
   
    I had to be sure.
   
    It was before practice and you were late, again. You look so tired
these days, sometimes I want to ask you what's wrong, but I stop myself
before I do, I mean, that would be _nice_. Anyway, we were all waiting
for you. I was lying on the couch bored out of my mind. You know,
Takuro's been a little restless recently. Anyway, he came along and stopped by
the couch. He inspected me for a while, then he made some stupid
comment on how my stomach looked a little bigger than he remembered. It's
not! I swear! I think he was just jealous 'cause I was with Teru. Anyway,
so I asked Teru what he thought, if my stomach was any fatter. Teru,
playing along (I swear!) and jokingly said that it was. You walked in
then, a little tired, bags under your eyes that you tried to cover up with
concealer.
   
    It was the perfect opportunity! I turned to you, pouting, lifted my
shirt up and asked you if you thought I was getting fat. You just looked
at me for a second, raised your eyebrow, shook your head, and walked
away. But I saw it. That desire, just for a second, lingering in your
eyes.
   
    That's when I decided I had to be just a little more suggestive.
   
    Whenever we went somewhere, I always sat next to you, a little closer
than need be. I leaned in just a little too close, my touches staying
for just a moment too long. And each time, I'd see it, that desire. And
each time, I'd smile to myself, cheering myself on.
   
    It was just getting really good when Teru decided to break up with me.
Now that really hurt. I had so many plans on how to use our
relationship against you. I was so depressed.
   
    Anyway, Teru and Takuro had gone out together, red-faced when I teased
them that they were going out on a date. I wasn't mad, they're good for
each other. But my plans! My precious, precious plans! Ruined!
   
    I couldn't sleep, I was so upset. So, I did what I always do when I'm
feeling down. I whipped out a tub of ice cream, my comfort food. I
couldn't find any clean utensils, so I decided, what the heck and dug in
with my hands.
   
    I was about three-quarters done the entire container when Teru and
Takuro decided to come back. They found me on the kitchen counter, a tub
of ice cream in one hand, a handful of oozing, half-melted chocolate in
the other and my mouth and nose smeared with sticky, brown and white
swirled cream. They, of course, burst out laughing.
   
    This, on top of my foul mood, made me feel very, very stupid. So I
'hmph'-ed and stuffed another handful of ice cream into my mouth, which
only made them laugh harder. They finally managed to leave the room,
leaning on each other for support, howling with laughter.
   
    I swear, I'll get them back someday.
   
    Anyway, I turned back to my ice cream when I saw a figure by the door.
You. Teru and Takuro probably saw you at some bar and decided to drag
you back here. You were watching me in the way that I sometimes catch
you watching me, your dark eyes full of something I can't understand.
   
    It made me angry.
   
    But, it didn't last long. My beautiful, ruined plans, Teru and Takuro
laughing at me, no sleep, plus lots n' lots of ice cream - not a good
mix. I was almost in tears. I swear, I've never felt so stupidly
pathetic in my life. And that's what I started calling myself, stupid.
   
    And then suddenly I could _feel_ you. We weren't even touching, but I
could feel you. You were by my side and you smiled a little at me.

    "No," you whispered, so quietly I had to lean forward to catch your
words. You reached up, your hand barely touching my cheek. You hesitated
then, just a little and then you smiled again, you brown eyes
softening, "no, not stupid... kawaii..." And then you pulled your hand away and
left.
   
    I don't know how long I sat there. All I know is that it took a long
time to register. You called me kawaii, _cute_. I should have been
angry, right? But all I could feel was the rapid beating of me heart and the
burning on my cheek where you touched me. I blindly reached out for
answers to questions I didn't even know. And as I realized, my mind
blanked except for the repetition of the word 'stupid' over and over again in
my brain.
   
    And I felt like the biggest ass-hole ever.
   
    Because when you looked at me, I saw. I don't think I've ever seen you
like that, your eyes so tender, so vulnerable. I saw it then. That
desire I had seen, it wasn't lust. You didn't lust after me like I thought
you did. You didn't even really want to fuck me. No...
   
    You loved me.
   
    It must have been cold because I found myself trembling. I was shaking
so hard I dropped the container of now thoroughly melted ice cream. I
tried to clean it up, but I couldn't control myself, I couldn't move. I
was shaking so hard it was impossible to stand. I sank to the ground,
my mind still repeating its mantra, "Stupid, Jiro... stupid..."
   



    ~Owari...? (probably to be continued. Gomen!)~

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