Microsoft Cars
Things that would be different if Microsoft built cars.
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1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after
that year instead of before it.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy
a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you would
have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept
this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop
and fail to restart, and you would have to restart it. For some
strange reason you'd just accept this too.
5. But that wouldn't work, so you'd have to take the engine out, do
nothing to it, then put it back in again.
6. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy extra
seats.
7. Sun Motor Systems would make a car powered by the sun, twice as
reliable and five times as fast - but it would only run on 5% of
the roads.
8. The oil, petrol, brakes and battery warning lights would be
replaced by a single "General Car Fault" warning lamp.
9. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft
cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other
cars for many years.
10. We would all have to switch to Microsoft petrol.
11. The government would be getting subsidies from car manufacturers
instead of giving them.
12. New seats would force everyone to have the same size arse.
13. Before going off, the air bag system would say "Are you sure?"
14. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you would
need to memorise the keyboard shortcut for "Brake".
15. For some reason the engine controller would need a 1 Gbyte hard
disc and would take about 5 minutes to boot up.
16. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with the
engine supplier. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders,
multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos but it would be a
side-valve design so you could use Ford Anglia parts on it. There
would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be
slower on most existing roads.
17. Your car would refuse to start with a message "Abort, Retry,Fail?"
18. You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.
19. The speedometer would read 70 even though you were only doing 50.
20. They would make a flashy, convertable model - where, if you raised
the top, the engine would overheat.
21. Every time you carried a new passenger you would have to alter the
car's configuration settings. When the passenger alights, these
configurations would remain in place.
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geocities.com/vahid_nasiri)