"In order to rise, you must fall..."

you want to know what i see
so you can see it also
you want to see what i know
so you can have that, too
yet, how dare you ask for this
…and gift me nothing in return!

I see two trees
the trunks are far apart
in years, in distance, in size
but the branches –
the branches 
stretch forth, grow long and wise
– as They reach for heaven
Their fingers intertwine

before the beginning
I was the darkness
within Me another body stirred
I was in pain
I was alone
I trembled
I broke apart
…
My other self was given birth
a flame burst forth
and out You came

burning!

You were the light
the Son before the Sun
nothing more beautiful, nothing more dreadful
could touch You, could hold You
Your fingers, feathers
Your wings, arms
about Your head
the rings of flame
the rays of many colors…
how could I not look upon You
and want You
more than I wanted myself?
before You
I knew nothing else

This was the Dawn. 
The desire the dark has for all things bright. 
The desire…
The Dawn…

I chase it
as the cat
chases mice

From the beginning, to second chapter… 
The Dawn conquers the Night.

I wish to consume
this flame that burns me away
swallow and devour
You who burn
You who burn Me so small
curl Me into myself
weaken Me
into slivers
into shadows…

this is too bright!
I cannot take You
I cannot take this
I cry against the world
throw myself down
lament, lament
til no more tears are spent
til no more tears are wept…

who will collect the tears of Night

the jewels
in crystal
dew shine
drop
like rain
like a drum
steady down
each drop
hits
an ocean
in its
fullness
flood of stars
deep
and
dank

Listen…
they who cry the tears 
they who hear the cries
of Mother Night
will be forever changed.

The First Mothers,
The First Fathers
come

“What grieves our Goddess so?”

it is the Dawn
The Morning’s Star
his every ray
penetrates Me
slashes into Me
wounds Me
I cannot look
I cannot turn away
I yield to Him
to His intensity
yet He ever strays…

“This cannot be helped.
This cannot be touched.
Night must always
give in to the Day…”

if only –
if only the Night
had not Her eyes
then She wouldn’t see Him
come this way!

it is sad true
My arms stretch out
wide enough to encompass this world
My fingers reach
long trails of clouds in violets and grays
yet this light
this star which warms all but Me
is the one thing
most precious thing
that refuses My touch,
refuses to touch Me…

oh, with sweetest Lucifer
I cannot prevail
so I am wedded
only to the cold Moon
with Her pale, swollen body Mine
the only way
by Him
can I ever shine
 

to no man
or woman
mortal or god
will I be mate
I only remain and
reserve my only faith
to this desire dark
dark and true…

how I would dare darken all of forever
take back all of creation
and turn each constellation
into families of hungry mice
let them eat at the fabric
chew holes in this present reality
big enough for even The First Ones
to fall head first through

yes,
let them all feel as I do
dizzy with infinite fear of dying –
the fear of never ending yet ever ending
the sink and pull of a heart never full
let them feel,
feel…
as I do,
as I do!

for who can I punish
other than Myself
and all things
which come from Myself
for loving
yet never having
the Sun as I do?

Oh, everyone wakes up to Him –
you’d think his beauty more divine…

I wonder now
is it love
or envy
that forces me
to tears
tears me
in shreds
down to
My knees?
 

And the First Mothers
turned to the First Fathers
all eyes met and knew
They spoke as One:

“Diana…
in order to rise,
You must fall…”

but what happens
what happens when
with mortal feet
I touch the Earth?
Will it quake?
Will it turn?

I was never
never human
how can this thing –
as worse as my desire –
ever be endured?

“In order to rise…
You must fall.”
 

look now, here comes
this way the First Light
cobalt blue and bright
Lucifer the Dawn
too beautiful he is cast down
at first seeming to soar
but then…  then…
this star is pulled
subject like a man to gravity
burning black and bloody
streaking the newborn sky…

 

I have no choice

I fall head first
to catch Him
but He is quick
descending
out of My sight
so distant
so small
yet
ever
still so bright…

I cannot help but 

fall
fall
fall

 

Take the Second Fall...