Dear Petra

Things are not quite right with my fibroid, I think it is probably slowly growing back. Tearful in the shower this morning over it, I'm getting old and I fear that my womb is badly scared from the operation I had a year and a half ago. My period lingers on, ugly and slow after a week. I promise Vimco I'll ring the doctor, because of that, and my one painful breast. He thinks the breast might be 'imaginary' because of 'things' that have happened recently. By 'things' he means breast cancer. Its not imaginary though, I don't automatically think I will get cancer when I hear someone else has it. I tend to worry about them rather than myself.

The breast pain isn't cancer anyway, its related to my cycle and the fact that my hormones are all over the place because I'm 37 and haven't had a child. I don't think there is much the doctor can do.

We both really need a change. We are sick of it all. We sat in the living room this morning with the winter sun pouring in through the windows. I could barely stomach the thought of another day in Grey Town Suburb.

We talk about living in the country and having a garden. I wish I could think of a way to really achieve this. We both want to work less, grow our own vegetables live a simpler life. Isn't this what the whole world wants though? Isn't it the eternal dream of the city dweller? I mean neither of us has ever tended a carrot or raked the soil in our whole life's, its what we think we want, but the reality might be very different.

Mean while I continue to work hard on my sculpture. Getting enough of them together for a web page and show, is the one thing I have to look forward to.

ms gunn

I try to talk Power Pack out of feeling that way. When he lived on Twelve Nuns road with Speedy, above the crowded street and meat market, all he wanted was a place of his own. Now he's got that and he wants to move. When you and Vimco lived in the Falcon's Nest, with Stinky and his doggie porn and mushrooms growing in the bathroom, all you wanted was a place of your own. Now you have a lovely place.. And want something different.

I'm not trying to say 'cheer up'. When people say that I want to hit them. I'm just saying that, isn't it a product of our society to always want more, to never be happy with what we have. So I try to be glad; but then again I still have a part time job, which allows me to do my own things, and we haven't yet been cut off from Power Pack's benefits - the crash could come any day.

Having to spend up to 12 hours a day out of the house at a job you hate like you do - or commuting to and from that job - is enough to drive anyone to depression.

Power Pack once lived in the country, grew his own vegetables, lived the idyllic life in France. Until he and his brother fought; Power Pack returned to England and the next thing he knew his brother was dead.

There has to be something in between - and I don’t mean suburbia either.

We went to the plant shop next to Riley's yesterday, looked longingly at seeds, wondering when we'd ever have a garden again ourselves.

Petra

Dear Petra

You are right of course. We have a lovely flat, and despite the bit around F-park station, the area is great. We can walk to Stokey, Lowbury, the farmers market in Angle on a Sunday morning. There are 3 parks and a conservation area near by, but the main problem is I never get to spend any time there. I feel like I live in Grey Town Suburb under a strip light, or in a tunnel on a north bound northern line train.

We have lived in the flat 3 years now, perhaps I'm so used to moving around that I'm getting itchy feet.
- n