THE FENCE
A member of the Caste of Scribes and his free companion, celebrating their 30th year of companionship, were revisiting the places they had frequented in their youth. Walking through the secluded countryside, they passed a holding with a tall tabuk fence running along the path.....
The lady said, "Oh, great scribe of my heart, let us do the same thing we did here so many years ago."..........
The man stopped walking.....
Seizing the woman, he threw her against the fence, stripped her in the space of an Ehn, and immediately made violent love to her passionately, like a marsh shark going after a Vosk carp.......
Later, back on the road, the fellow said, "My sweet, you sure never moved like that thirty years ago -- or any time since that I can remember!"............
His companion replied: "Thirty years ago that damned fence hadn't been electrified by the Caste of Builders."

GREEN CASTE MEDICATION
A Man from Thentis looked to the fellow in the green robes and said: "Noble Physician, I ask your favor! My Free Companion just isn't interested in sex anymore. Have you a pill or something I can give her?".............
The Physician looks dubious. "See here, fellow, I cannot prescribe"....................
"Physician, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I cannot think; I cannot concentrate; my life is going utterly to the cities of dust! You must to help me...................
The Physician opens a wooden container on his desk and removes a small bottle of pills. "Very well. We of the Physicians have been working on a preparation to treat just such a malady, at the behest of one of the larger slave houses. But beware, fellow! These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they are VERY powerful. Do not give her more than ONE, do you understand? Just ONE."...............
This time the Thentian looks dubious. "I am uncertain that will be enough, my friend, she is rather frigid."................
."One. No more. In her black wine. You are agreed?".............
"Very well.".............The Thentian expresses gratitude and leaves for his compartment in his home cylinder, where His FC has the evening meal prepared. When dinner is finished, she retires to the larder to fetch dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his belt pouch and drops one into his companion's black wine. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. But he begins to worry. The Physician did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes -- he pours half of her black wine into HIS OWN cup....................
His companion returns with a sugared cake and they enjoy their dessert and black wine. Sure enough, a few Ehn after they finish, his FC shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her...........
She suddenly leaps to her feet and cries: "Let's go to a paga tavern at once! I NEED A MAN!".............
The Thentian also leaps up, grabs his cloak, and shimmies toward the door, saying "SO DO I!"

THE TAVERN KEEPER
A Warrior walks into the Ost Inn one night. He approaches the bar and asks for a paga.......................
"Certainly, fellow," says the man behind the counter. "That'll be one tarsk bit."...............................
"Only one tarsk bit? For a paga?" exclaims the fellow in scarlet.......................
The other man just nods and smiles......................
Suspecting this may be his lucky day, the Warrior glances at the menu, and asks, "Might I request the thickest bosk steak you serve, with appropriate side dishes?"....................
"Certainly, Warrior," replies the man behind the bar, "but such a feast will cost far more than a mere paga."....................
"How much, then?" inquires the Warrior................
"TWO tarsk bits," answers the barman........................
"TWO TARSK BITS?" exclaims the Warrior. "I would like to make the acquaintance of the tavern owner. Where is the fellow?"........................
The other man shrugs and answers, "He is upstairs with my Free Companion.".........................
The Warrior hears a feminine cry from upstairs. He is puzzled............"What is he doing to your Free Companion?"..................................
The man behind the bar smiles and replies, "The same thing that I am doing to his business."

THE QUESTION
A Lady of High Caste asks her Free Companion, a Tuchuk, "Do you think these robes make me look fat?"
The Tuchuk considers the question for a moment and says: "No."
The Lady, pleased, smiles behind her veils.
"No," continues the Tuchuck, "It's definitely your huge ass which makes you look fat."

THE HUNT A Group of Vanir's Fjord Warriors went tabuk hunting and paired off in twos for the day. When evening arrived, all of the hunters had returned but two....Takan and Dragon. Finally, just when the others were preparing to mount a search, Takan returned alone, staggering under the weight of a mighty animal................
"Where's Dragon?" asked CASCA.................
"Oh, Dragon had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of pasangs back up the trail."......................
"You left Dragon laying out there, and carried the tabuk back?"cried out CASCA............
"A tough call," nodded Takan, "but I figured no one would be likely to steal Him."

MAKING SOMETHING
A Tuchuk Rarius is walking down the street when he notices a little boy playing with a pile of manure.............
The Rarius stops and asks the child what he's doing............The boy replies: "I'm making a Paravaci!"................
The Tuchuk laughs uproariously, and another Tuchuk Rarius happens by and asks what's so funny.....................
The first Rarius points to the boy and laughs...............The second man asks the boy what he's doing, and again the boy answers "I'm making a Paravaci.".................
A third Tuchuk, attracted by all the hilarity, wanders up. The other two point to the boy, who once again says: "I'm making a Paravaci."................
All three men laugh hysterically, until one of them decides to prompt the boy for further information...........
"Why, by the beards of Priest-Kings," asks the man, "did you decide to make a Paravaci?"................
"Because," says the boy, "I don't have enough shit to make a Kassar."

THE LADY OF AR
There was a Free Woman of Ar
Who, travelling, didn't get far
She got rather haughty
I saw she'd been naughty
And sold her dumb ass in Port Kar.

RESEARCH
In 10,149 CA, The Administrator of Turia funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After a year of research, costing 300 gold double tarn disks, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the male more pleasure during sex.........
After the Turian Scribes and Physicians published their findings at the Sardar Fair, the Physicians of Port Kar decided to do their own study. After spending 500 gold double tarn disks during 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head of the male's penis was larger than the shaft was to give the female more pleasure during sex............
The Physicians of the Wagon Peoples, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 3 days, and at a cost of 40 copper disks, they concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent the male's hand from slipping off and smacking him in the forehead.......

THE HEADLINE
One of the Ost Inn Tavern Owners is walking alone on the island ubarate of Cos when suddenly he sees a huge, rabid sleen about to devour a cringing slavegirl. Unwilling to see the girl slain in such a fashion, he leaps forward and does battle with the sleen, finally throttling it to death with his bare hands.
A few scant Ehn after the beast falls, several other Goreans rush up to him and inform his that his act of heroism will undoubtedly be celebrated on the public boards throughout the cities of Gor.
"I can envision the announcement now!" one of the newcomers exclaims, "HERO OF COS SLAYS HIDEOUS MONSTER."
"Actually," informs the rescuer, "I am not of Cos. I am A Tuchuk."
"Ah," replies the other, "then it will undoubtedly say FRIENDLY TRAVELLER DEFEATS LOCAL MENACE."
"In all actuality," admits the rescuer, "I am from the Ost Inn Tavern, in Port Kar, and am one of the Tavern Owners there."
"Aha!" says the other. "Then the headline shall be DERANGED MANIAC MURDERS HELPLESS LOCAL WILDLIFE."

ABANDON SHIP
A Cosian and an Initiate are aboard a tarnship, which starts to sink after a meeting with a Torvaldslander and His serpent ship........
The Captain shouts, "Abandon ship! Freewomen and children first!"
The Cosian says: "SCREW the children!"
The Initiate says: "Do we have time?"

ON PATROL
A troop of Cosians were on patrol, when they saw a Torvaldslander on the top of a nearby hill.
The Captain orders his men to go and slay the Torvaldslander.
So the Cosians, all thirty of them, run up the hill to attack the man of Torvaldlander.
He ducks behind the hill and they follow.
A few Ehn later, they all come tumbling down the hill, injured and bloody.
The captain screams "You mean to tell me thirty Cosians can't slay one Torvaldslander?"
His lieutenant wipes blood from his face and says:
"Captain! You don't understand! There were TWO of them!"

THE INITIATE AND THE TUCHUK
An Initiate and a Tuchuk were sharing a boat, fishing in an oasis.
Much paga was drunk by the Tuchuk.
After awhile, the Tuchuk stands up, and prepares to pee over the side of the boat. The Initiate is angry, and tells him to hold it.
The Tuchuk looks at him, shrugs, then steps over the side of the boat and walks across the water to the bank. He steps behind a palm tree, and a few Ehn later reappears, and walks back across the water and gets back into the boat.
The Initiate is stunned, needless to say. "How did you do that?" he asks.
The Tuchuk shrugs and points into the air, toward the sky.
The Initiate gets angry and cries "Your God is the Sky! But my Gods are the Priest Kings! If the Sky will let you do such a thing, then the Priest Kings will give me the same power!"
He steps over the side of the boat, and promptly sinks. As he is going under for the third time, he sputters "How is it that the Sky is more powerful than Priest Kings?"
The Tuchuk shrugs and says, "I was pointing at the sun. When it shines just right, you can see where the rocks are."

 

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