~ Songs & Tales ~

The Ballad

of the

Torvaldslander Sailor
 

Who's that knocking at my door?

Who's that knocking at my door?

Said the fair Free maiden.

It's only me from over the sea,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.
 

My ass is tight, my temper's raw,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.

I'm so wound up I'm afraid to stop,

I'm looking for meat or I'm going to pop,

A rag, a bone with a cherry on top,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.
 

I'll come down and let you in,

I'll come down and let you in,

Said the fair Free maiden.

Well, hurry before I bust the door,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor

 

I'm hard to windward and hard a-lee,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.

I've newly come upon the shore,

And this is what I'm looking for,

A slave, a maid, or even a whore,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.
 

Are you young and handsome, Master?

Are you young and handsome, Master?

Said the fair Free maiden.

I'm old and rough and ready and tough,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor,

 

I never can get drunk enough,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor,

I drinks my paga when I can

Drinks it from an old tin pan,

For paga is the life of man,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor
 

Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks,

Oh, your whiskers scrape my cheeks,

Said the fair Free maiden.

I'm dirty and lousy and full of fleas,

I'll stick my mast in whom I please,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor
 

My flowing whiskers give me class,

The sea horses ate them instead of grass,

If they hurt your cheeks, they'll tickle your ass,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.
 

Tell me that we'll soon be FCed

Tell me that we'll soon be FCed

Said the fair Free maiden.

You foolish girl, it's nothing but sport,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor
 

I've got me a FC in every port,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor

Off I go on another tack

To give some other Free maid a crack,

But keep it oiled till I come back,

Says the Torvaldslander Sailor.
 

flat out stolen from an old sea shanty and only slightly adjusted to correct the more obvious errors
 

~grin~

 
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