I was in Europe only for about ten days. Not a long time to have any lasting impressions, one may say.
But dont we always bank on the first impressions? Dont we try to match them with our expectations, the
expectations built of information gathered from various sources prior to the event in question? Though
i cant justify my impressions abt europe on this arguement, the fact is thats whats engrained in my memory
and thats how it will remain, unless some other event leads me to change my ideas.

In the ten days that i did spend in Europe, most of the time i was based at Delft, a small, cozy town between
Rotterdam and The Hague. Its a typical European setting, with a network of canals crisscrossing the entire town.
I spent a day at Paris on my way into Delft, and then visited Amsterdam for half a day, and another day at Brussels
on my way out of Europe. Though time wasnt on my side, i'd've liked to spend more time in each of these places
than i did, i had the benifits of solitude. for most part i was alone in the sense that i didnt have any 'companion' who
demanded attention. So, though i had Kevin with me at Paris, he and i were independant of one another. We barely
talked except to discuss where to go next, and how to go(!) and what to eat, stuff like that... There was respect for
each others privacy, and i could have hours on end, just seeing and observing, without interruption.

What struck me on my arrival at paris was the similarities of urban lifestyles. Bombay doesnt enjoy the rich history
and historical importance that Paris does. However, as soon as i entered the metro, it was evident that public transport
instills in its users, an sub-conscious emotion of comradre... that each one is fighting a war for existance, and that each
one of them is not alone. I could immidiately associate with this undercurrent, and i felt at home. The carriages were more
cleaner, more spacious, and air-conditioned, unlike bombay. But there were wooden sleepers rotting near the tracks, the windows
were stained with obscene comments, heart signs, love messages and the likes... The walls fencing the tracks were painted
with ads of undergarments, pasted were the posters of B-grade movies and i could see the dying mills with their broken
windows in the distance. I was at home, i saw familiar sights outside, and i saw familiar faces of strangers.

However, as soon as i left the metro, and began walking the streets of Paris, i began to feel more and more detached.
I could feel myself drift apart, like an independant observer, more than an involved one, with each face i saw, each monument
i walked past. I wouldnt know if it was because i wanted to be a passive observer, or was it a result of what i saw, and how i
analysed it at the moment. In any case, it helped me make an objective accessment of what i saw, which now, a month after the
incident i can put in perspective with ease, and the advantage of tying it with my experiences in other European cities i
had the privilage of visiting.

Having stayed in India, particularly Bombay and having had acess to books and information about Europe in general, and Britan
in particular, i had this mental image of Europe. I thought of it as a 'good' place, advanced technologically but having a rich past
and in spite of the wars aintaining its links to the past via its impressive monuments. An average European, i gathered would be
modern, looking forward to the future, reaping the benifits of the advances western civilization had made over the past few centuries.
Also having stayed in the USA for the past two years, which with its casual, 'culture-less' lifestyle, i thought i'd be able to identify
more easily with the 'cultured' europeans. I am not trying to pass a judgement on an of these peoples, its the way i thought abt them
, thanks to what i'd read and heard from folks who'd been to these places.

When i reached the US, i never felt any 'cultural-shock' that people talk about. For me it was a smooth transition. In fact with the wisdom
of hindsight i can safely say that it never made any difference to me at all, i barely changed. But, to my surprise i did recieve a cultural
shock in my short stay in Europe. It was aggrevated since i least expected it. I genuienly believed Europe and Europeans would be
more like 'home'. It wasnt the case. In the few conversations i had with locals, i found them irritable... living in a world of some sorta of
self-rightousness, looking down at everyone else, be it American, be it Asian/Indian. I hate to put it this way, but i could see why something
as nasty as Nazism has its origins in Europe. What is surprising is that, after interacting with the students at Delft, i realised that they
are inclined to the left! Yet in practice, they defy that very ideology! They are not 'racist' in the sense of looking down on a particular group
of people, like blacks or indians etc..they look down on Everyone!! They genuienly believe they are superior. Though the governments of
many Europea countries are said to carry an 'imperialist-guilt' ,and are consequently blamed by the Americans of being 'soft' towards them
i think its just a sham of being 'politically correct'. When in europe one realizes that whilst reaping the benifits of 'looting' former colonies,
there is no acknowledgement of moral guilt on the streets. In fact, it seemed to me selectively, may be via educational curriculums, the
very memory of such 'unfortunate' events is being erased from public memory. For example, Rotterdam was bombed and completely destroyed
during the World War. They'vev completely rebuilt rotterdam now. One can barely say that this place was in ruins half a century ago. Rotterdam
was completely rebuilt, no sign of the past was left behind to erase memory, forget this unfortunate incident. One may say, good idea! excellent
statesmanship by whoever who envidsaged it. Unfortuantely, this standard doesnt apply to the sins and unfortunate incidents that these regimes
purpetrated. The streets are lined by generals who wo them lands far east. the walls of monuments shine still with gold looted from former colonies.
Wasnt that an 'unfortunate incident', was colonization? You say it was, not i! Why then, is there no attempt to erase that memory? Why does the
queen yet brandish gems and pendants stolen from Indian kings? I know why, thats because for you it was never an unfortuante incident. In fact,
it is one of the glorious chapters in your history. Look at it objectively, Europe has forced the world into some of its bloodiest conflicts. Be it
colonization, American civil war, the indiginous people of North/South America, Asia, World Wars, Balkans, Communism. Internally too, apart from
the World wars and communism, European states have often fought wars, bloody ones in that. Their Royal families have blood of their own fellow
Royals on their hands. What then can one expect from a people that has traditionally thought it 'correct' to forget the 'unfortunate' incidents of its
past? Europe revels in the wealth it looted from the rest of the world, and conviniently forgets the pain and anguish it has forced the rest of the world
into.

On my second day in Paris, Kevin and i were walking the streets, literally. We walked a 100 miles i'd like to believe! I found myself near the
'Arch of Triumph', and was walking the De-Gaulle Avenue. The place is vibrant. Its full of life...cafe's, restaurants, pizza-shops. Wine, Women
and Wealth aplenty. To add to it, it was a beautiful, sunny day. I was impressed by the sheer life the place has. I looked at the peoples that
passed by...they were from all over the world, everyone was happy. So was i. At a distance, i saw a decently dressed girl, who looked abt
20-22 yrs old approaching. I couldnt get my eyes off her. Throwing all decency i ever knew out of the window, i gazed at her as she got closer
and i could see that she's more beautiful than i thought initially! She felt my gaze from the distance and looked right in my eyes. On another
occasion, at another place, another time, i'd've immidiately looked elsewhere...but not today! It was a beautiful day, and i saw no reason why
i shouldnt give her, her due... acknowledgement of her beauty. So i took a quick glance all over her...she was well dressed, didnt look like she
was Parisian, in fact i thought she was from the balkans with her woolen sweater and features, but i barely cared! I decided i was gonna say 'hi'
when she was close enough, and unknowingly i was walking at her, rather than toward her! Soon i realized though, that she was doing the same!
She was coming right at me, and before i could think anything more, she was abt 2-hands distance from me. I stopped and so did she. I was still
blatantly looking at her. In what seemed an eternity, for a fraction of a second we were looking at each other. Then she moved her lips and said
something, a soft, accented voice. I was too shocked to decipher anything...
'Sorry..?'
' Do you know English?...'
'...yeeaahhh??'...
...and then she handed me a small notebook. I didnt know what to look at... her face or the book. Hesitantly, i looked at the notes... it went
something like this..
" My name is ______________... I am from ____________ ... I have no one in this world. My family died in the war. I have no work. I have to take
care of my younger brother/sister. Please lend me some money, if you can.
Thank You. "

I was shocked. I looked at her again. I dunno if my hands were trembling, or what expression i had on my face. I wanted to pull her in my arms
and tell her i was sorry... for her, and also for what was going on in my mind as she appraoched me. I felt ashamed of myself. I didnt know what
to say, or what to do. Kevin, who was around me, came to my rescue. He looked at the note, and saw that i was immobile. He said something
to the girl, and she took the notebook from me, and walked away. I started walking again, unknowingly. I was speachless and numb for a long
time after this. It didnt make sense to me. Ashamed at my own vanity, i dared not look behind. I just let time be the medicine, i'd forget abt it
in a while i figured.

The incident still haunts me. I forget the girls face. I remember her walking toward me from a distance though. i remember the shade of her
jeans, and the colour of her sweater. I remember the notebook and the writting though i forget the exact words. Its one of those incidents
which one has to experience for himself/herself to know what it is all about. After this incident, i made it a point to look out for..i hate to say
it this way...'beggars'. I found them in the midst of the sea of humanity, everywhere. Most of them were from the Balkans, the forgotten land,
the forgotten people.
For me, this symbolizes Europe. This particular incident has helped etch this impression firmly on me. On the face of it, Europe is testimony
to mans achievements. It has beautful monuments, avenues, streets, museums, arts, foods and colors.. the best achievements on man.
A casual observer will be taken in, and revel this beauty. For me though, its been a sobering influence. For all the achievements on display,
there are many unknown dark chapters... which have been forgotten with time, or were forced out of public memory. Yugoslavia is a living example.
Rotterdam is another. Its good to forget about unsavoury incidents. Its something else to forget the peoples who suffered as a consequence.
Being from India, knowing the pro's and cons of imperialism, i always wanted to know what attitude europe has towards 'us'. Though i couldnt
get first hand info on that, the Balkans shows that the rest of Europe wont ever be apologetic for what happened...what was allowed to happen.

There is blood on the hands of Europe, and it is washing it away, like it always has. From what i knew about Europe before experiencing it first
hand, not much changed. Its beautiful, but if you were to stand in a street and remove all the cars away, you wouldnt know if you are in the 21st
or the 16th century. That is Europe, for all its advances its people, its regimes still dwell in the medival age... just as savage, just as ruthless.
All thats new are the cars, the billboards with blatant nudity and new victims. All else, is just what it was...500 years ago.