orphans

"You found peace with him?" Vincent gently questioned feeling
the uneasiness within her and dreading what it meant.

"Yes," she sighed.

"But not yet with yourself?" he questioned further.

'I. . . I'm not sure," Catherine replied hesitantly, afraid
to say what was really on her mind.

"Don't ever be afraid of the truth," he told her. feeling her
fears all too well through the Bond.

She look downcast and shook her head, the silence growing
deeper between them before she spoke. "I don't want to hurt you. .
. . I don't ever want to disappoint you."

"By returning Above?" he asked to confirm what he already knew
was on her mind. There was no reproach in his voice only
understanding.

"I feel like I've failed," she confessed, her emotions like a
whirlwind inside.

Vincent sighed deeply with a hint of disgust, and shifted his
position on the rock next to her. He knew he must be very careful
in what he said next. Catherine's mind and emotions were racing
back and forth in indecision over what she should do, what she
wanted to do, and what she must do. She was torn between returning
Above and staying there with him. He knew she felt guilty about
wanting to go back after she had started to make a commitment to
stay here with him and if she didn't stay she would be somehow
letting him down, disappointing him. She was--very much, but also
he couldn't let her know how much her wanting to be with him meant
to him. If he did confess then she would feel even more obligated
to stay and that wouldn't be the same as her truly wanting to with
all her heart. He could feel she wasn't at that point yet.

"Catherine, . . .," he began trying to find the right words.
" Every moment that we share is a triumph and a gift. And every
one of those moments is a lifetime--complete. There is no failure.

It doesn't mean that our dream can never be. It just means that
now is not the right time. You came here to grieve and to begin to
heal. But now your destiny is to be in both worlds. . . you're
a woman of both worlds--that is who you are."

"But my heart is here," she protested weakly.

"And my heart is with you . . . wherever you are . . .
whatever you go . . . you take me . . . you stand for me . . .
for us. . . for our dream. You carry our light . . . that too is
your destiny," he said.

And his words seemed to hang their between them and it made
her more unsure of wanting to stay as she felt he wasn't ready.

She looked up at him seriously, afraid to ask but she had to
know after his last words how he did feel. "Do you think that
someday . . . will we be together . . . truly together?" she
asked hopefully.

He had been afraid she'd ask that. He wasn't quite sure how
to answer it and the silence between them hung heavy before he
could tell her something that he hoped would satisfy her. Finally
he spoke, very carefully, measuring his words. "Only if and when we
understand how great the sacrifices, how large the fears and are
able to move through them."

She took just as long in considering them before she replied.
"I'm not scared," she told him, taking her hand and forcing him to
look her straight in the eyes as she said it.

Her response shook him somewhat and heartened him too as he
grasped her hand where it touched his face. "Catherine, we are
something that has never been and our journey is one that none has
ever taken. We are now just setting out and we must go with
courage and we must go with care," he said gently and she
understood.

He released her hand and she sat up from where she had been
laying on the blankets and just looked dejectedly out at the
waterfall. Her mind was still swirling. She had wanted him to
tell her to stay with him and not go. Catherine knew Vincent
hadn't wanted to put any chains on her, but hadn't he made it
worse by not really saying how he felt except in vague terms. She
felt very, very frustrated, and felt he didn't want her near. It
was so hard to tell with him what he wanted. He could read her but
she found it extremely difficult to read him, especially when he
had his shields up as he did now. What was he really thinking?
Feeling at this moment in time?

He could sense Catherine's dark mood, but he was afraid to
intrude upon it. He had hoped his words would comfort her, instead
they had done the opposite. Had he read her desire to return Above
wrongly? Maybe she hadn't really wanted to and had been looking to
him for a deeper commitment to stay Below? Part of him wanted to
do that, but the other part was afraid. He knew now in no
uncertain terms that she wanted him as a woman wants a man and not
as just lovers from a distance. He had known that for some time,
and she had been broadcasting it rather loudly in her mind not
only last few nights, but when she had asked if they were ever
going to be together.

Vincent did want her with him, always by his side here Below
where she would be safe from the dangers she put herself into with
her job. It would be nice not to worry about where she was as he
had these last few days. She was fitting in so much into his world
and with its people. She now a very accepted part of this
community. Accepted for herself and not because of him as she had
been in the beginning.

Looking at her with her back turned to him he could watch her
and marvel at her delicate beauty. She looked so beautiful in the
tunnel clothes that Mary had made for her from his instructions.
Did she even know he had had it made especially for her, especially
for a time when she might stay down here? The pale pink and cream
outfit suited her and she looked a part of his world as she had in
the beginning when he had found her and brought her home to heal.
Oh that she would never leave and stay right here with him.

He longed to touch her but he did not dare, and therein lay
the problem--he did not dare touch what he loved above all else in
this world. They were lovers--but only in name because he dared not
make her his or ever dare kiss those lips that begged for his
touch.

Catherine finally turned from her contemplation of the
waterfall and its soothing waters. She caught his smoldering
look from under his shadowed brows before he had a chance to hide
it. Her eyebrow quirked up in question and in puzzlement and a
faint smile lit the corners of her mouth.

"I was going to ask you if you would help me pack. Are you
sure you want me to leave?" Catherine asked meaningfully,
concentrating fully on him now.

"Catherine, . . . do not ask me that," he replied, dunking
his head to hid his expression.

"Why not?" she queried. "It's a fair one. I'm only going
because I feel like you think I should go back Above, not because
I really want to go back, do you understand?"

Vincent looked up at her, his emotions barely concealed behind
his shields. "Yes, I do," he replied carefully.

"I really want to know if you want me to go back?"

"That is for you do decide not me," he said, avoiding
answering her.

Her eyes flashed fire. "That's not what I asked, Vincent. Or
what I want to know. All I want is one word out of you to let me
know how you feel about me--us. Or are you just going to let me
walk away and keep us both in misery?" she asked reaching for him.

"Catherine, . . . ." he sighed deeply, hanging his head
again, unsure what to do. His soul was in torment.

Catherine drew nearer, touching his face gently with her
hand, tracing the unique planes of and the softness of his beard.
She sat on her knees before him, offering herself, waiting to see
what he would do. She held his face his her hands making him look
up, look at her, look at love in her eyes for him--and only for
him.

He saw her look. It made him afraid yet he wanted to lose
himself in those green-gray eyes that touched the very fiber of
his being with warmth and joy as well a deep and burning fire
he dare not acknowledge least it consume them both.

She saw his indecision and his fears but she moved forward
confronting him with them. She bent her head towards his and very
gently but deliberately sought out his lips and kissed him fully
before he could pull away.

Liquid fire exploded in his mind body and soul at her touch.
He was shaken unto his very roots. Then she drew back and saw the
fires she had unleashed behind the clear blue eyes that regarded
her unsteadily. She was not afraid, if any thing she was
encouraged by what she saw in those sapphire depths, and her own
look challenged him, daring him to response to what she had
initiated.

She did not see the answering flicker in his eyes as she bent
forward again to kiss him, but he was already there as his arms
encircled her waist and drew her closer to him. Her arms
encircled his neck and intertwined themselves in his hair as she
pressed her body close to his. There were no doubts left as to
what Vincent's feelings were for her as their bond opened all the
way and expanded.
His kiss was intense, passionate and strangely wonderful like

nothing she had ever experienced before. It left her weak and
breathless, yet wanting much, much more of the same. She let him
kiss her neck and ears and nuzzle them with his canines and his
tongue while she did the same, it only fanned the fires hotter.
Finding themselves getting almost too aroused, they both pulled
back and Catherine lay her head against his shoulder and his
chest while keeping her arms around his neck.

They both were silent for long moments, letting the fires cool
down Finally it was Vincent that spoke as he looked down upon her
head, feeling still her kisses on his lips and face.

"Catherine, do you now doubt my love for you?" he asked his
voice husky still.

"I never did. "

"But do you understand why I was afraid to ask you stay. .
. this fire you unleash when you are near. . . it is difficult
to control," he warned her, not sure if he should say more.

"I have the same fire--for you. Can you not feel it?" she
asked, looking up at him.

He nodded, and sighed deeply. "I do . . . feel it and
wish I could get lost in it. But I cannot allow myself to---not
yet---nor can you. You have duties and responsibilities up Above.
You cannot just disappear. Your friends and the police will
search for you as they did when I first found you. For their sake
you must return, resolve what problems lie there before you are
fully free to be with me," he told her bluntly.

"How can I when I want only to be with you and have a life
here?" she asked surprised at his stubborn response.

"You must, Catherine, if we can ever hope to have a life
here together without fear. Even the few days you have been
Below will cause worry to those who care about you Above. What of
Joe Maxwell, or Jenny? They are true friends
who will miss you and look for you," he reminded her.

She nodded wearily, "Yes, they will. But what of us, Vincent?

I want to stay--to be here with you."

"I know, and I want you to stay. It is not our time yet," he
told himself.

"It could be, if we let it be?" she questioned seriously.

"How?"

"A compromise between my life Above and a new one Below."

"A compromise?" he asked his urgency begging her to go on.

"I remain Above part-time gradually letting loose my ties
there until I am free to remain Below permanently with you," she
suggested, a plan forming in her head.

"Part-time?" he questioned, his eyebrow raised unsure what she
meant as she shifted to a more comfortable position in his arms.

"I work Above but spend my nights down here, Below, with you,
" she grinned.

That stunned him, and his his mind raced with the
possibilities inherent in that simple statement. He wasn't sure
how to respond to her. Did she mean just being here in another
chamber as she had been staying or did she mean . . . them being
together as in truly together?

She caught his thought and looked innocently up at him. "The
how is up to you," she told him dropping it into his lap.

That really unnerved him. "Are you sure?" her asked her
finally after a long painful silence to where Catherine was almost
afraid that she had pushed him too far.

"Yes."

"Then will you marry me, Catherine? To have you so close. .
. I fear that neither of us will get much sleep if you are
determined to stay," he said calmly, with a hint of humor in his
voice that put her more at ease.

"Yes, Vincent, I will. And I agree neither of us will get
much sleep until we do," she replied with a smile too as her heart
expanded with love at her gentle cat-man.

"Then we will be married here Below as soon as the
arrangements can be made. It's not too soon after your father's
death?" he asked carefully.

"No. Daddy and I made our peace last night. He approves
of you. What about Father?"

"He has great love and respect for you. I think he will
approve, even though the suddenness of it will take him by
surprise. And the others will also approve, many in the community
have looked forward to our joining and wondered why we wait,"
Vincent commented.

"Yes, I have over heard some of the discussions. The children
have been very forthright in their opinions on the subject of our
romance," Catherine laughed.

"Indeed?"

"They have been very active little matchmakers. Remember
Samantha and Josh?" Catherine teased.

He rolled his eyes, and tried not laugh, "Yes, with Mouse's
help? I try not to think about it too hard."

"Me too, it was very sweet but what a mess. At least you're
laughing now," she said, feeling very happy and very loved.

"I am because of you. A great burden has been lifted, but
their are many more barriers and obstacles to cross," he warned,
seriously.

"You fear our physical intimacy" Catherine asked not mincing
words.

He nodded, looking ashamed suddenly.
She could feel him tense up and turn inward again, but she
wasn't going to let him get out of this. "We will let it happen a
step at time. I want you, Vincent--all of you and I am not afraid.

I see you-- all of you and it does not matter. It is what we are
inside of us to each other--that is what counts. You are beautiful
to me--Vincent. You are the most beautiful man I have ever known.
No man has ever made me feel like you do," she told him in all
sincerely hoping he would believe her.

"Catherine,. . . . I am not a man."

"Yes, you are--a very beautiful and unusual man--but still a
man in every sense of the word. Don't argue with me," she said as
she kissed him and he responded. Then she broke loose long enough
to murmur, "if you weren't, you wouldn't be responding in the way
you are right now."

And he had to admit her logic was valid on that point as his
body did respond in wonderful ways to her touch and nearness. "You
have an interesting way of proving your point," he said kissing her
neck and feeling her shiver.

"It's the lawyer in me," she laughed. "And I intend to show
you how much you are a man after we are married."

"I look forward to it," he said with a wicked look in his eye.

"But if we keep this up we won't make it to our wedding night," he
warned feeling his control slipping as she aroused him more and
more.

"I know," she said, relucantly letting go of him. Her face
flushed and her a little lips swollen from the intensity of their
kisses, she looked up at him happily. "When are you going to break
the news to Father?" she asked.

"When we leave here. He ought to be in his chambers. Do
you want to wait in yours or do we want see him together?" he asked
to find out what she would be comfortable with.

She shrugged, and then smiled warmly up at him. "Together.
Then if he 's angry he can yell at us both," she smiled as she got
up.

"Yes, . . . that is a possibility, though not as much as
before. He accepts you now. You are one of us, and more than just
a helper, or 'my special friend' as you were once thought of by
everyone. He told me after I had seen you settled in your chamber
that 'whether you stayed or left, that it would cause deep sorrow.'

I thought I understood him, but I don't. There are now
possibilities where there were none before. And there is happiness,
completeness for both of us--There is no sorrow, though there might
have been if you had returned Above. Catherine, are you sure this
is what you want?" he asked getting up himself and looking down at
the petite woman before him.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life. This is
what we have been waiting for for all of our life. Today we are
making our impossible dreams--possible but only if we help them
along, so come on," she chided him, taking his huge hand in her
small one and leading him down the path to go back to the community
tunnels and to start their new life.

END