© 2003 by Sarah Ryniker, Ashleen Woods & Alessandra Azzaroni JudgmentalMama@hotmail.com http://www.oocities.org/iamthealmightyrah/FF.html AislinnDragon@aol.com http://www.oocities.org/Sonya_Harris_13/VCfanfiction.html vcaoriginals@yahoo.com.au

STORY LAST UPDATED ON 02/06/2003

PROLOGUE: EMERALD

Things could be so difficult, even for the rich. Some people just didn't understand that. Of course, me being rich after all, I could say that. Did it mean I was spoiled? Possibly. Did it mean I was selfish? That, too, was a possibility. But I did love my family. I didn't realise it until I got myself into trouble and had to deal with major responsibilities. But I knew now and never again would I take advantage of them. Never.
    Things were pretty simple in my life up until now. But things, once more, were about to change. Once again I'd have to deal with things I wasn't truly ready for. But that was okay. After all, isn't that what life is all about? Isn't life always spontaneous? Doesn't it always happen that way? Just when you're comfortable, something comes along to make your life a big, jumbled mess all over again. This time, however, the mess had a name.

CHAPTER ONE: EMERALD

It was about four in the morning when I heard the front door close. I lay there for a few minutes, not hearing any voices, but hearing soft footsteps coming up the stairs. I got off of my bed and opened the door just a crack. I watched as my grandmother led my cousin, Sapphire, into the room across from mine. Sapphire said something to her and then Grandmother left.
    I kept watching Sapphire; she didn't shut the door. She just dropped to the floor, her bags beside her. She looked to be completely passed out. Which wouldn't surprise me. She probably was passed out. Grandma had told me that Sapphire was coming here because of a bad drinking habit and a horrible accident. She was probably too drunk to crawl into the bed. I sighed and shook my head. She was a pathetic sight, but I decided to help her into the bed, anyway.
    I walked out into the hall, looking both ways. I didn't want anyone to see me being too nice. After all, I did have some sort of reputation to keep up. Plus, seeing a girl that was seven, almost eight months pregnant try to drag her passed out cousin to bed would be most humiliating. So I made my way across the hall silently.
    When I got there, she wasn't making a sound. If it weren't from the faint light from the moon coming through the window to outline her body softly moving up and down with her breathing, I'd swear she was dead. I bent over and shook her gently. "Hey, come on, you need to get into bed. It's almost winter, you'll get sick as all hell if you stay on the floor," I said.
    She grumbled something and rolled over. I sighed and blew a piece of my hair out of my face. I began to pull her up. At first she was completely dead weight and then she eased up and got to her feet. When she was on her feet, however, she woke completely with a jolt. Her eyes, which were as blue as Azure's, looked into mine furiously. "Who the hell do you think you are?" she cried.
    "I'm your cousin, Emerald. And I'm trying to help you to bed. Give me some credit here, I'm actually trying to be nice." I felt like slapping her. She was treating me as if I had done something horrible to her. But then again, I wasn't exactly the friendliest when people woke me up, either.
    "Well, figures that you're so snobby that usually you're not nice. I know your type," she bit out. Then she made her way to the bed and lay across it.
    I started to say something and stopped. She was on the bed and that had been my goal. I would leave her there. And if she was still rude to me like this come tomorrow, she would have to deal with my attitude. It was just tough if she didn't like it. She needed a dose of reality, anyway.
    The sun had been up maybe an hour when Azure burst into my bedroom. The sun was coming up and shining straight through my window to blind my tired eyes. I looked to see the culprit that had so "friendly" awaken me. I was sure, by now, that everything Azure did was friendly. She always had a smile on her face and looked as if she would just burst from the gift of the day. She was like my grandmother, always up right before the sun came up. Actually, they watched the sun rise every morning together.
    "Azure!" I groaned, throwing my pillow over my head. "What is it this morning?"
    "I saw you go help our new cousin into her bed early this morning. What is she like?" she asked excitedly.
    I sighed. So much for somebody not seeing me. Oh well. They were my family; they knew how I really was and what I had become. "Actually, Azure," I began, sitting up. "She might not be what you expect."
    "What do you think I expect?" She cocked her head to the side and lifted her left eyebrow in question. She often did that. I loved Azure's happy, friendly charm. I also loved how straightforward she was, in the friendliest way possible.
    "Her to be salvageable. She might not be able to be saved," I told her. Somehow I had a feeling Sapphire was going to be very difficult.
    She laughed. "You were salvageable, weren't you? And you were a pain." She laughed again and grabbed my hand. "Come on, I'll race you to breakfast!"
    "Ha! Like I could run. My belly is so big now, I may as well just roll down the stairs," I scoffed, but I let her lead me down from my bed, down the stairs and to the breakfast table.
    Sapphire wasn't there yet, and hadn't bothered to show up even after we ate. Grandma kept glancing up to the ceiling and glaring as if Sapphire was really grating on her nerves. "That girl was nothing but rude to me last night. And she expects me to be nice to her." She shook her head. She obviously hadn't really been addressing us, but my grandmother always made her feelings well known, whether she was talking to us or to herself in front of us.
    "I'll go get her for you, Grandma," Azure offered. I knew Azure was more than excited to go see her. Azure was such a family person. I knew that it still killed her to not be in her family. Or what had been her family before her father had become abusive. Having this family be a big, loving family was a big deal to her. It meant something to her.
    Grandma waved her hand to Azure as if she didn't care if Sapphire came down or not. I could tell that she was highly frustrated. As soon as Azure left and rushed up the stairs to go get our cousin, I asked her about it. "What has she done so soon?" I inquired. My grandmother had never even been that rude to me. She had been eccentric, yes, but not this annoyed.
    "As soon as I picked her up last night, she had an attitude towards me. When she shoved one of her bags into the taxi with us, a bottle slipped out of a zipper that was partially open. It had alcohol in it. Can you imagine? She's already sneaking alcohol into my home!" She was really irritated by it.
    I just shook my head. "She just needs help, Grandma. And if anyone can help her, I think you can. You did help me become a less selfish person." I smiled at her.
    She shook her head. Her hands were clasped together and her elbows were sitting on the table. Her eyes looked thoughtful and very bothered. "I think Azure and Gareth had a major affect on you, Emerald. Far more than me."
    I nodded in understanding. "You were strict on me and didn't spoil me, though. You did have an affect over me. Maybe more so than them. I love you all for making me so different. I feel like a better person, now."
    "Well, isn't that peachy?" We heard and turned to see Sapphire standing there. She was putting all of her weight onto one of her legs and her arms were crossed. She had a total attitude. She plopped down into Azure's seat.
    "That's my seat," Azure said politely. Azure had a look on her face as if she had been crushed with disappointment. I hated to see that look on her face. I knew who had put that look in her eyes, too.
    "Who cares? You can take that one," Sapphire snapped. I thought I heard her utter "snobs" under her breath, and it made me see red. But I chose to ignore it, for now. "Why did you guys send up Princess Happy to wake me up, anyway?"
    "We didn't send her. She wanted to meet you and she wanted you to join us for breakfast, which is now over. You can eat alone," my grandmother snapped, standing up.
    "No need to discriminate against me, Grandmother dear, just because I am mulatto," Sapphire hissed, glaring at her.
    "I'm not a racist. My husband was. I really don't care whom my daughter married; that was her choice. I just do not like your attitude." I could tell Grandmother was furious.
    "That's just an excuse to make your conscience feel better," Sapphire insisted, and then lifted a pancake and placed it onto her plate.
    Grandma was about to go off again when the front door opened. All of us turned to see Gareth come into the kitchen. He was a lot like Azure with his happy-go-lucky charm. He had a smile for all of us. "Hi everyone!" he greeted, happily. He walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled at him.
    "Who is this clown?" Sapphire was really over doing it this morning. Now it was my turn to go off on her.
    "This clown happens to be my future husband. And I would like it if you would stop insulting my family. We all have problems, Sapphire. You have no right to have a constant pity party for yourself just because the only way you can handle your is with alcohol." I was breathing heavy with anger. She had insulted every one of the people I loved this morning.
    She looked as if I had slapped her. She looked down at her food. She shook her head. "Just let me eat in peace." I thought she was finished but then she turned to me and with fire in her eyes said, "I'll finish with you later."
    We all left the kitchen. I was not finished, but Gareth and Azure escorted me out before I could keep on. But as I walked out, I couldn't help wishing she had never come.

CHAPTER TWO: AZURE

It was going to be a challenge. Not that I didn't welcome a challenge here and there. But I didn't have any faith that we could make Sapphire feel at home. I would try, and I think definitely that Gareth would try. Emerald had given it her best, and she usually wasn't very patient. But she had tried and Sapphire had rejected her help.
    It was clear from the first morning's happenings that Sapphire had a problem fitting in. She wasn't responding to anything we tried, but that wasn't a reason to quit and give up on her. She had eaten the remainder of her breakfast alone, sitting by herself in the kitchen. I couldn't help but feel sorry for her; after all, she had to feel left out. But how to make her feel at home?
    The sun went down that day, none of us trying anything else for the rest of the day. Indeed, we all ignored her. I went to sleep feeling a little guilty. Princess Happy. Yeah right, if only she knew. That's just what I paint myself to be on the exterior, but if I could only make her see that we've all had a troubled time, that not everything has gone perfectly for the little "rich" girls. She obviously has no clue, and I don't blame her for that. I didn't know much about Emerald's problems when she first came.
    The next morning came with hardly any change at all. I went to wake up Sapphire, against Grandma and Emerald's wishes. Her room smelled horrible. It was like my dad's room all over again. I saw a bottle slightly sticking out from under the bed, Sapphire sprawled out like she was passed out or something. I knew she wasn't, possibly. I'd seen Dad like that, even when he wasn't dead drunk. I walked calmly over to the bed. "Hey, Sapphire," I whispered, touching her shoulder and shaking it. "Sapphire, it's time to get up. I'm gonna cook breakfast today, and I wouldn't want to leave you out."
    She rolled her head over to face me. "Go away, leave me alone. I don't need to hang out with the Snob Club every damn morning."
    I shook my head. "Trust me, it's not like that. Emerald came here, and she was real defensive, too." I took the liberties of sitting down on her bed, and looked her in the eyes. Wow, bright blue. It looked different on someone with darker skin, but it wasn't bad.
    "What are you doing?"
    "Listen, I know you've been through something terrible. I don't know exactly what, but it had to be traumatic. That's where any differences between us all stop. See, Emerald used to be, how do I put it? Difficult. She hated everyone here, especially Grandma. But she slowly found her place. When I came here, I was a mess. See, my father's an alcoholic and-"
    "Oh, so now you're calling me an alcoholic? Well, get out of here. Now."
    "I'm not calling you an alcoholic. Will you listen?"
    "No, I know your type. You're the kind that acts all caring in front of the person, and then backstabs them when they aren't there. How pathetic. Leave now. And no, I'm not coming down for your stupid breakfast."
    I got up, insulted, but not willing to give into the urge of egging her on by insulting her back. "Well, I'm not finished talking to you. Please, think about it. Give us a chance; we've all been through tough times. If you'd only asked, we'd gladly tell you what happened ourselves. No one's in this alone; you don't have to pretend no one cares about you. No matter what you think."
    I turned and left, shutting the door behind me. There was a loud thud, and the sound of shattering glass on the door. It may have been intended for me, but she did wait until the door was shut to throw it. That was a start… maybe.
    "She can't be all bad. No one except for like real evil people are all bad. She's got a real problem." I was great at stating the obvious. I flipped the omelette, almost breaking the form, but barely moving in time to catch it, the fold still unbroken.
    "You're crazy, Azure. She's horrid. She doesn't want help; she wants to drink herself into oblivion, and I say let her. It's not like she cares about us."
    "You may be right, but still. We can't give up. I mean, you guys didn't give up on me. And look at the trouble we all got into. We could have been injured worse."
    "But this is different. I wasn't nearly as bad as her, was I?"
    "No, but still." I paused. "We've known each other a little bit from seeing each other when we were little. Even if it was very rare, we had seen each other and that's saying a lot. Neither of us have ever met Sapphire, ever. She probably feels like we're all against her. I don't blame her for being defensive. But she could be a little more open-minded. I won't argue that."
    "You can say that again." Emerald flipped the bacon over and helped get some plates out. Grandma had to go to the post office that morning, so we'd gone ahead and started breakfast before she could. I made six omelettes. One for Sapphire, which I was going to take up later, and one for Gareth if he came over that day. The other four were for Emerald, Grandma and myself.
    Gareth did come over a few minutes before Grandma got home. "The line at the bank this early was horrendous! I could not believe it. I just needed to make sure the cheque was deposited, but for some reason the whole town seemed to be there. Luckily, the post office wasn't nearly as bad. What a day."
    We all sat down and ate breakfast. When we all were done, the dishes were washed and I took a plate of food up to Sapphire. I didn't take any milk because if she were still asleep it would spoil. When I got up there, I could tell that she was awake, just lying on the bed with her back to the door. I sat the plate down, fork on top, then left. I was in no mood to have another confrontation with her. Maybe Emerald was right, and I just had no backbone to stick up for myself. Maybe she would never fit in, but it didn't really matter. She was here and we had to at least try.

CHAPTER THREE: SAPPHIRE

I knew I had no allies. That was for sure. I had only been in Littleton for only a few days or so, but already everyone was against me. Not that I didn't predict it, of course. I knew this would happen. Judging me as if they were each the Chief Judge of the Supreme Court. It was easy to imagine them with gavels in their hands, banging down on the table. No, not on the table - on me.
    Of course, I know there are people who would blame the condition of my "relationship" with the people in this house on me. Just because they had their own little perfect world before I came along. Well, I'm sorry, but playing Happy Families just isn't my idea of a good time.
    But maybe it was my fault. Not all of it, of course, but part of it. After all, I had lived with the same two people my entire life. I didn't know what it was like to have other people my age in the house. I knew that Emerald was an only child - and obviously so - so it would make sense for her to feel threatened by my presence. But Azure had many siblings, I knew.
    Things didn't get off to the best of starts, did they? For Christ's sake, who would actually be awake at four a.m. if they didn't have to be? Couldn't Emerald just leave me alone? I was sleeping perfectly peacefully until she came along that night. Probably did it just to spite me. Or maybe she really was trying to be nice. But I know that some people are only nice to you because they want something from you. I assumed that that nicety was a one-off thing. It wouldn't happen again.
    Then Azure had talked to me in that condescending voice. As if I were some five-year-old, or something. Now, maybe she had thought she was being nice, but I found it somewhat insulting. And calling me an alcoholic? Who gave her that right? The other "Chief Judges", I decided to call them. The self-righteous, snobby Chief Judges.
    I knew that Azure wasn't on good terms with her father. I could tell that by the way she talked about him. But didn't she realise that she could've had a better relationship with her father if she had bothered to understand where he was coming from? People don't really become full-on alcoholics for no apparent reason. There had to have been something in his life to get him down to that level. Maybe Azure and her family suspected some reasons, but they would never really know if they didn't bother to really understand what was going on. It's so much easier for people to take the easy way out.
    So I decided I had to do something. Obviously, I couldn't get them to understand me. Snobbery and condescendence wouldn't help them figure me out. So I would seek outsider help. Emerald and Azure were ruled out, and my grandmother wasn't a happy lassie with my presence in her Home Beautiful household. And Gareth - who knew? My guess would that be he would side with Emerald. What he saw in her, I didn't know. But I supposed everyone had their fetishes.
    There was a knock on my door. "Sapphire?" Azure called out timidly. "I have some breakfast for you."
    Enlaced with poison, I thought. But I didn't want to get into another argument this early in the morning. I had to be civil. "No, thank you," I called out. See? That was civil and detached, non-committal.
    "Are you sure you're not hungry?"
    "If I was hungry that badly, I'd be down there with you. So thanks, but no thanks."
    She pushed the door open and poked her head in. "Is there anything I can do?"
    Well, you can bring my father and Simon and Janine Sanderson back to life, and then you can give my family employment, a nice place to live in and enough money to survive. But I looked pointedly at the carpet. "Watch your feet."
    "You know if you do want help-"
    I sighed, frustrated. "If I want help, I'll ask you for it. I'm sure you have better things to do than waste your time with me, so I'll leave you to it."
    "Sapphire-"
    "Azure, I'm sure that Princess Bitch and her Prince Goody-Goody want to talk with you. About me, I'm sure. And Grandmother Disgruntled will join in, too, if you just say the word. I'll leave you to it."
    I could see she was taken aback by my comments about her chirpy world. Well, someone had to say it.
    I had been thinking before Azure had come up to me. I was trying to figure out how to escape the house. I knew I had to live there, but during the day, couldn't I be free? What Mama… Dana had told me of Littleton was that it was some kind of country bumpkin town. I usually saved that image for states like Iowa, not California. So I wasn't expecting the whole town be like "y'all" when they spoke. No, "whatever" was probably the go.
    But then I remembered what Dana had told me. She knew about her relatives because she had a friend who lived nearby that she had kept in contact with. I had to find that person. They would be my escape from this place. They may even be - dare I say it - my friend.
    I had to remember the name. It wasn't coming quickly, so I thought that the best thing to do would be to find a copy of Littleton's address and phone number directory. I would just scan the names until something popped out at me. I knew it would click. I had seen the name so many times on the envelopes addressed to Dana.
    However, the chances that the directory would be in my room were slim to none. So I racked my brain, trying to remember where the telephone was. Of course, it was a cordless, so I had to remember where the base was. I wasn't going to call anyone, but just to grab the directory, escape to my room, find the name and then leave the house to go find that person.
    I remembered that the base was along a corridor somewhere. Yes, that's right - it was outside the study. Of course, I didn't expect anyone in this house to be concerned with study, so I supposed it had been untouched since my grandfather died. Nevertheless, I stepped carefully around the broken glass on the carpet on my way out. I knew that Azure probably thought I had thrown a liquor bottle at the door. I'm not that stupid. No, it was just an empty glass that I had grabbed before, for a drink. Of water, that is. And what was strange was that every single water supply in the house was purified. That's right - only the best for the pretty princesses. Spare me!
    I closed the door softly behind me, and tiptoed around. I didn't feel the need for conversation. With anyone. At least, not with anyone in this house. But I knew that my tiptoed walk wasn't necessary. There would, of course, be someone to destroy my peace and poke their nose where they weren't wanted.
    I was right. As I was removing the directory from the stack of books on the bottom shelf of the telephone stand, Emerald happened to see me. One would've thought that she'd have better things to do than bother me. Obviously not. Maybe she and Azure were mere mortals after all. Fat chance. "What are you doing?" she asked, with that snobbish "oh, it's you" displeased look on her face.
    "No need to worry, it doesn't concern you," I said, pulling out the book and tucking it under my arm. I stood up and began to head back to my room, but Princess Bitch locked her hand around my arm.
    She looked down at what I was carrying. "Oh, the directory," she commented. "Looking up bars already?"
    "No, I don't need bars and never have." I was going to add a snide comment, but Emerald would probably go off and telltale to someone. Misery loves company.
    "Well, what are you doing?"
    All right. I had to say something. "You know, Emerald, it surprises me that you don't have anything better to do than perform the Spanish Inquisition. Says a lot about your personality."
    "What's that supposed to mean?" Her grip on my arm tightened.
    "It means that you can't find anything intellectual to fill in your time with, so you bother me. Excuse me for having a purpose in life."
    "I have plenty of purposes in life-"
    I jerked my arm away, and strode off before she could grab me again. "I'm going to look up a community college," I called out, not looking back. "One needs an education in this household." I opened my door, and slammed it behind me.
    When I was in the F section of the directory, I found what I was looking for. Felder. It was familiar. I remembered the name Sharon Felder. And there was only one Felder in town, so I ripped a sheet of paper off the notebook that had been on my bedside table - a surprisingly thoughtful gesture of my grandmother - and copied down the address and phone number.
    I wasn't going to go out into the house again. Luckily, beside my window, on the outside, was a thin tree the perfect height and with plenty of sturdy branches. So I put the folded paper into my pocket, opened the window, climbed onto the tree and got down to the ground safely. I quickly left the grounds, and headed left at the end of the driveway.
    The next street sign I saw pointed to Jasper Avenue, the one I was looking for. It didn't take me long to get to number four, so I walked up the short driveway - that took maybe five seconds - and got up to the doorstep. There was no bell, so I knocked on the door.
    Almost immediately, the door was opened. A thirty-something, ash-blond, athletic-looking woman opened the door. "You here to see me husband Paul?" she asked, with a drawl that wasn't familiar. A foreigner, maybe?
    "No, I'm here to see Sharon Felder," I said.
    "That's me." She smiled. "G'day." She held her hand out. "Most folks call me Shaz."
    I shook her hand. "So you know Dana Stratton?"
    "Do I? When I first came here twenny or so years ago, she was the only one who didn't look at me as if I was a complete nutter. Americans don't get Aussie humour much, so I was about to pack up and move straight to Canada!"
    I smiled. So she was different from other people. I could relate to that. I returned her grin. "I'm her daughter, Sapphire. I've just moved to Littleton, and thought I'd look you up."
    "Glad you did. Dana was a right gem, but bloody moody at times. Sometimes it was like someone had stuck a pole up her arse. Her dad's fault, of course. He didn't like her. And her mum wasn't much better." Sharon remembered common courtesy, and stepped back, holding the door wide open. "Come in and we'll have a chinwag over a cuppa. How about that?"
    I stepped in happily. I had made the right move to look her up.

CHAPTER FOUR: EMERALD

I hated her. What gave her the right to come here and act as if all of the world's problems were laid at her feet? All she wanted was pity. She was as spoiled as I was! Only in, by far, a different way. She had been pitied and sympathised with her entire life. Her parents had probably coddled her and told her how horrible her big bad rich family was.
    I hated myself, too. Why did I care so much about what she did? Did I have some small shred of hope, like our all-too-optimistic Azure, that she could change and be one with the family? Ha! I wanted to believe that I could actually become close with her, but I could never see that happening. She was too self-assured that we were nothing but rich snobs who cared for nothing but money and other people that were rich.
    I was lying to myself if I even forced myself to think that I actually wanted to become close with her. I didn't care if she had problems and she had come here. She obviously hadn't come here in hopes of helping herself. Evidently, she was off visiting an old friend of her mother's. She was trying every which way to ignore her family and get sympathy from others. She was as pathetic as anyone could get.
    I sat in the room that was decorated in blues, pinks, purples, yellows and greens. The walls were plaid with these colours with "baby" and other words such as that plastered to the walls in cushion soft, bubbly letters. This room was to be my child's nursery. I absolutely loved it. Azure, Gareth and Grandma had worked so hard to make it look nice like this for me. And I had been oblivious of the entire thing.
    I rocked back in forth in the wicker rocking chair, just thinking. I was hoping with all my heart that my stress wasn't harming my child. I had long since become excited about a child that I had thought to be a mistake. But how could it be a mistake if it felt so right to me? I was looking forward to going into labour and bringing the baby into the world. And as I got closer, I did become more scared, but I became more excited. I would get to see the baby!
    My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. I looked up to see Azure and Gareth standing in the doorway. How alike were the two? Both were optimists and both had personalities that I couldn't imagine anyone hating. They both also had smiles for everyone. Gareth had a shorter fuse than Azure, though, and was purely disgusted with Sapphire, whereas Azure was hanging onto her hope of becoming a true family with that pathetic being. Maybe I was jealous that Azure wanted to become friends with Sapphire as well. Maybe I wanted to keep my family all to myself and not share them with anyone, especially that wreck. Actually, I knew that was part of my problem. But only part of it.
    "What?" I asked as my greeting. Both raised their eyebrows at me. I sighed. "Sorry for snapping, I was just in here thinking."
    "We'll leave you alone if you want, Emma. I know how good it is to sit back and think sometimes," Azure said, a knowing look in her eyes. Most people would think Azure as nothing more than an immature, naïve seventeen-year-old girl. But I knew that to be far from the truth. She just wanted the world to be happy. And there was nothing wrong with that.
    I shook my head. "I don't want to be alone. I'm just so frustrated over that little drunken twit!"
    Gareth shook his head as he entered, an amused smile on his face. "You let things get to you too much, Emerald. You worry incredibly too much about what she's doing."
    "No kidding," Azure agreed, sitting on the floor in front of me, cross-legged. "You need to sit back and give her some room to adjust. Maybe she'll eventually lighten up to you if you do that."
    "Can't be a harmful suggestion," Gareth said, his eyes begging me to just let Sapphire do her own thing.
    "But she is causing so much chaos in the house already! I mean, what if we don't worry about what she is doing twenty-four seven? What will she do if she is unsupervised?" I cried in my defence.
    "That is for Grandma to worry about," Azure insisted. "It's not for you to think about and worry yourself over. Just think about it, Emma."
    They left me alone after that to sit with my thoughts. I sighed as I rocked back and forth, deciding the best thing to do was to apologise and do just what they had suggested. Maybe she did need a little space to adjust to being here. Maybe I was just paranoid of the people I loved being hurt. Or worse, coming to love and adore her more than they did me.
    I couldn't help but smile, and then laugh at myself. At one point in time I was sure Azure would bring down the walls surrounding me. I had been so sure that she would take away Gareth and Grandma's attention. But I was wrong in that incident. I could very well be wrong in this one.
    I left the nursery feeling better about it all. I had plans to apologise to her as soon as she came home. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. It made me realise just how much Azure and I were related. Both of us were blindly optimistic, once we had our minds set on being. She just had hers set on it all of the time, where as I took some convincing. But I could imagine Sapphire being one of us. And that made me happy.
    As soon as I heard the front door slam, I knew Sapphire had entered the house. Nobody else could announce their presence in such a way. Nobody else except for me, anyway. So I rose and slowly waddled my way down the hall and stairs. She was climbing her way up the stairs just as I was coming down. I smiled at her. "Look, Sapphire, I know that we have been getting off to a horrible start, but I want things to change," I announced.
    Before I could finish, a look of disgust came across her face. "You want things to change so everybody should just stop what they're doing and do what you wish?" she snapped, looking me up and down as if I were a creature to be pitied.
    "That's not what I meant! I meant to apologise for that way I have been acting and just give you whatever space you need. Can't you just let people apologise and be nice to you? Or is it easier to go on with life thinking and believing the world hates you and then make sure that it's true?" I snapped back.
    She didn't answer. She just glared up at me, and then brushed past me. She went straight to her room and slammed the door. I glared back up the stairs towards that door, wishing, again, that she wasn't here. How could I bring my child into a world that she lived and breathed in?

CHAPTER FIVE: AZURE

I sighed heavily as I climbed out of bed. Things just had to change; the tension between everyone was so thick you could nearly cut it with a knife. I wasn't sure whom to talk to… I'd tried with Emma, and she said she talked with Sapphire but it didn't work. So I supposed talking to Sapphire once again wouldn't hurt. Everyone's wall could be worn down; I just knew it. It just takes longer with some people. I couldn't help but wonder exactly what made Sapphire such a recluse - was it her dad's death? Did she just not trust us? It had to be shocking to be shoved aside by your own mother… I sorta knew the feeling. Whatever the problem, I knew we all - Emma, Gareth and myself (I was sure Grandma could handle getting to know Sapph herself) - had to get her to open up.
    "Wait," I said aloud to myself, "I better not call her Sapph. She might get mad at me… play it safe, Azure." I put on a smile, thinking how ridiculous I must look to everyone else, but kept the smile all the same. No one ever got anywhere by frowning, that's what Dad used to say. "Used" being the key word there. It wasn't very early, the clock said one o'clock in the after noon - jeez, why did I sleep so late? I quickly showered and dressed, then searched around the house for Sapphire. She wasn't in her room, which seemed to be happening often lately.
    "Afternoon, Grandma," I replied, reaching the end of the stairs. "Have you seen Sapphire today?"
    Grandma frowned, but nodded. "She left earlier. I asked where to, but she didn't answer."
    I looked aside, then replied. "Well, I need a little air. I think I'll take my book and read outside on the porch, and maybe wait for her. You know, I have something to ask her, so I figure I better catch her while I can." I ran back up to my room, grabbed a book, then rushed out the front door. She had to be back sometime, so I could wait.

Emma and Gareth left to see a movie at around two o'clock. Sapphire wasn't home yet, so I waited… and waited. They came back at somewhere around four-thirty. Still no Sapphire. I waited until the sun began to sink below the horizon, just before the street lights came on. Finally I saw her coming. "Hey! Sapphire!" I yelled, dropping my bookmark into place and setting down the book.
    She walked up to the front door and looked at me. "Yeah," she replied.
    "Hey, I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow. Anything important?"
    "I'm going somewhere." She began to walk around me.
    "Wait, please. Come with me. Just for a few minutes. Well, it may take longer than that. I want you to meet my brothers and my sister."
    She looked a bit surprised, then quickly looked away, trying not to give away any emotions. "I didn't know you had any siblings."
    "Yeah, they're your cousins, too. Adam said he couldn't wait to meet you. We've all kinda wondered who you were when we were little; I promised I'd introduce you guys. Please, it's really important."
    "Are they all as perky as you?" I couldn't tell if it was an insult or just a normal question. "And rich?" she added in a sarcastic tone.
    I snorted. "Far from it, trust me. I think it'd be good for you to come and see my ho - I mean old home." I looked at the ground and kicked a small rock out of the way.
    "Hurry up, then," she said, but it wasn't in a mean tone - more like an exasperated sigh - tired, I guess. Not hateful.
    I looked up and smiled, and for once without being "perky". "Thank you, really. This means a lot."

"Aren't you scared you'll upset your grandma if you're out this late and it's this dark?" It wasn't a serious question.
    I answered as I rang the bell. "Grandma? Please, she doesn't get upset easily. Not once you get to know her. She just believes firmly in discipline. I've never had to see her bad side, but I have a hunch that Emma has."
    "Emma? You call her that?" Sapphire rolled her eyes.
    "Yeah. It's a lot easier than saying 'Emerald' all the time. I like to give out nicknames. Can I - never mind. I forgot what I was about to say. If my head wasn't attached I'd lose it." She semi-grinned. I smiled back and was beaming inside. Maybe she was settling in, getting used to my annoying optimism. If she was, then I knew Emma could grow on her. Maybe it'd have to be Gareth first… Anyhow, it was a start.
    The door opened slowly, then wide. Mom was standing at the door. I stopped smiling right away. "Hi, Mom." She nodded, still not over what had happened. Dad was still in jail, I had never asked for how long. "Is Adam and Andrew and Amanda home?"
    "Yes, Azure, where else would they be? Certainly not wandering around after dark."
    I held back a flinch, and stepped inside. "Come on in, Sapphire." She cautiously followed, looked at my mom who showed no signs of greeting her, then gazed around doubtful. I hoped Mom wasn't scaring her off. "Mother, this is my cousin Sapphire. Your niece."
    She glared at me. "I think I'd know my own niece when I see her." She turned to Sapphire. "Hello, how have you and your parents been?"
    No, Mom, don't ask that. Sapphire stared daggers at me, probably thinking the whole thing was a step up to embarrass her. I took her by the arm and replied for her. "Mom, you know very well, Grandma said Aunt Dana called you a week or two ago. Stop being stupid." Sure, I was talking inappropriately to my own mother. Yeah, I knew I was being disrespectful, but she'd lost any respect I had for her long ago…
    "That's my old room," I replied, opening the door. "Amanda?" I whispered. The lights were out and she was in bed. "Well, that's Amanda, We shared a room at one time. You'll have to meet her later. I bet Andrew's in bed, too. They sleep early, you know how kids are." She nodded, and we went off to find Adam. "I know he's got to be awake. He tries to stay up all night, but Daddy didn't ever let him… Mom pry doesn't care so I bet he's in the den playing on the computer."
    Well, he wasn't on the computer, but he was in the den messing around with a model plane. He looked up at the sudden interruption. Seeing me, he smiled broadly. We hadn't really seen each other for at least a month. "Azure, long time, no see. You make yourself a stranger." He set the glue down and stood up, brushing off his pants.
    "I know. I just try to stay away from Mom. I wanted you to meet someone. This is our cousin Sapphire. Sapphire, this is your cousin Adam."
    "Nice to meet you. We've always wondered what you looked like."
    "Told ya," I quickly put in.
    He shot me an annoyed look. It was strange, how he was growing up, and now he seemed more like a cousin than a brother. "Don't pay any attention to her. She likes to show off. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Seriously."
    "Oh yeah?" Sapphire asked, still sceptical. "Why's that? To see what a mixed person looks like?"
    He kept his cool, something we both tried to do. I couldn't blame her after Mom's performance, for being suspicious. "Naw, I've got plenty of friends like that. I don't consider anyone 'mixed', anyway. Mom taught us better than that. She doesn't want us to end up like Grandpa. Not even his own daughters could stand him, isn't that right?" he asked me.
    "You know I don't know." I turned to Sapph. "All we know, any of us know, is that Grandpa disowned your mom for something. We kinda drew our own conclusions, but never made any judgments. You've gotta believe me when I say that Emma was looking forward to meeting you. She really wanted you to be like a sister. So do I. I think it'll take time, but surely it can happen."
    "Jeez, Azure. Don't scare the poor girl with your melodrama and 'Leave it to Beaver' talks." Sapphire laughed at that. He seemed to be more down-to-earth than I was, but I still wouldn't let him get the best of me. After all, I was his older sister. I had to give him hell.
    "I prefer to be compared to 'The Brady Bunch', thank you. And you've a lot of room to talk. Listen Sapphire, he's just as bad as I am, trust me. He's just showing off in front of company."
    "Yeah right. You're the one showing off." He walked over. "I gotta wash the glue off my hands-"
    He tried to wipe the glue off on my shirtsleeve, but I dodged out of the way. "Ew! Get away from me! Sapphire, grab him for me, we're bigger than he is." I jumped behind her, startling her with my even more childish behaviour. She sighed, but quickly grabbed hold of his arm. I attacked from the other side, getting his arm behind his back. "Ha, ha! Foolish mortal! Tremble before the might of the Valkyries! Don't feel strange now, I do this all the time," I replied to Sapphire.
    "Let me go! Come on, I won't do it again."
    "Promise?"
    "Yes, yes, I promise."
    Sapphire smiled then, a genuine teenage smile. She seemed a bit younger than when she came. "Make him say what he promises."
    "Yeah, come on, Adam. You don't expect us to believe you?"
    "Fine! Dang it, I promise not to ruin your clothes in any way."
    "Well, is that good enough for us?" I asked Sapph.
    She thought for a second. "Yeah."
    We let go at the same time, and he lurched forward, barely keeping his balance. "One of these days, Azure. One of these days…" He left his foreboding of a time when he'd get me back.
    I laughed. "I don't think so, little man." I shook my head. "That's my brother, living in Lalaland, thinking he'll ever outsmart me. Thanks for the teamwork, it's getting harder since he's getting older." I looked aside. "Well, now that I've managed to probably wake everyone in the house, I think it's best we leave before the little ones wake up. They're far more ferocious than he is. Come on." I laughed again, this time sharing the laugh, and we sneaked out the back door. Once outside, I turned on a flashlight. "He'll never notice it missing."
    "Are you going to keep it?" she asked doubtfully.
    "No, I'm just using it tonight. This neighbourhood isn't too bad, but I still prefer the light, especially the back way to Grandma's." She didn't answer. "So what's it like in Fresno? Where you lived, right?"
    "Yeah. I don't like to talk about it."
    I nodded, though she pry couldn't see me. I could barely make out her outline. "I don't blame you. To tell the truth, I don't like to talk about my past either. It's just personal, I guess. Unless I really know someone well." We walked on in silence for a few minutes. "Were there any places you went to think?" She didn't answer, so I went on. "I never had a special place set out just for thinking. Usually I'd sit on the back porch, or walk around the block. But when things got so bad I couldn't hang around the house anymore, I could always run to Grandma's. I was there all the time, even when Daddy practically forbade it. When Emma showed up, I was nervous. I'd always had Grandma to myself, and I was jealous when Gareth started to show a real liking for her. He told me things I bet he still hasn't told her. I was green with envy - it's silly, I know. But I had the worst crush on him."
    She half-sighed, half-laughed. "What did you see in him?"
    "He was nice. I'm not going to lie, I loved his eyes… but he was friendly right from the start. And we got along. I needed someone, and David wasn't really mature enough to figure something was wrong."
    "Who's he? Your boyfriend?"
    "I wish! He's so fine! I doubt he'll ever ask me, though. You'd pry like him - heck, he'd pry like you. But, he's off at his dad's house for the summer. His parents are divorced, have been ever since I could remember… I'm doing all the talking. I'm sorry."
    "It's alright. Nothing else to do." She kicked a stick that was in the middle of the sidewalk. I'd long since turned the flashlight off under the cover of the streetlamps.
    "So come on, there's got to be some place special to you. I know your room in Grandma's house can't be that special to you yet."
    "It isn't," she answered abruptly, but she stopped short. "I used to sit on my window ledge back home." She paused, wondering if she should go on. I urged her on. "It wasn't much, but I had lots of room to lie there, do my homework, stare out…"
    "Yeah. Sounds nice. Wish my room had one of those. Dad was gonna build a second floor onto our house so that he could move a couple bedrooms upstairs. I was really excited. He even talked about a balcony." This time it was I who stopped.
    "So what happened?"
    "He lost his job. We didn't have enough money to pay our bills after that. Our dreams of a bigger house went out the window."
    "Why didn't you just ask dear old Grandmother to foot the bill? She's got plenty, doesn't she? I know the family fortune isn't just a myth. Or Auntie Kristine."
    I snorted. "Please, don't give me that. Do you think it's just that simple? Ask and get? Anyway, Dad refused, even when Grandma offered money. Stubborn as a mule, that's all he is. Well, he's in jail now, and he can rot there for all I care." I spat the words bitterly.
    "At least he's alive." Sapphire mumbled so quietly I could barely hear her. I was finally left speechless. Sure I wanted to say I wished it were my dad who had died, or that he was where he deserved to be. Somehow, I doubted that trying to outdo her predicament wouldn't help in getting her to join the family. And it was a lot harder to lose a family member permanently. I envied her, in a way. I used to love my dad, more than anything in the world. Now I hated him, and almost wished he was dead… or actually, I wished that he were the man he used to be. But that would never happen.
    We finally made it back, both the back and the front porch lights on. I turned to Sapphire just before we went in the back, a slight glow coming from the front of the house. "If you don't want to, you don't have to tell Emma about this. I'll keep my mouth shut, too. I just wanted to show you some others in our family; we really do want you to fit in. It's not what you think, here. We're not what you think. It's not one big happy rich family. It's a slightly dysfunctional rich family, but we're all willing to swap stories and cry over our own miseries, so that we can somehow find a way to end them. If you need us, don't hesitate, even though I sound like a broken record. I had fun tonight, and I think, really think that we can become friends. We may have to push ourselves, but it's not impossible." I paused for breath. "Well, think about what I said, 'kay?"
    Sapphire didn't answer, but I could see a hint of a relaxed smile before I unlocked the door with my key and went in to bed. I'd totally forgotten about my book on the porch… but it really didn't matter that much.

CHAPTER SIX: SAPPHIRE

I was playing with fire. I was well aware of that. Perhaps it was a momentary weakness… or maybe I was actually breaking down my barriers a bit. Making progress, some might say. Taking a step in the right direction. But if I were going in the right direction, where would it lead me?
    Before I had seen Azure that day, I had been at Sharon Felder's. It was she who made me realise that I had to make an ally in the household, because if I didn't, then everything would be unpleasant because everyone would be against me. I had to know that not everyone was against me.
    Of course, it meant deciding who would be a decent person to - dare I say it - be friends with. My grandmother was way off - if she had any decent backbone, kindness or morals, then Dana wouldn't have been kicked out of her childhood home. Emerald quite obviously didn't like me. Maybe that was just some pregnancy thing, though. The food cravings, the crying for no apparent reason… was bitchiness another thing? And since Gareth was besotted by Emerald entirely, he couldn't be a friend of mine. That wouldn't happen unless Emerald - "Emma", as Azure called her - gave him permission. That seemed unlikely.
    So that left Azure. Going to her house was a good thing. It proved that she wasn't a freakishly perky person all the time after all. It proved that she was a real person. In fact, in Grandmother's house, she must've been the only person with their head screwed on at least partly correctly.
    I was a bit unsure meeting Aunt Abigail. She seemed somehow… aloof. And I don't think I liked her. She asked me how my parents were when Dana had called her two weeks ago! Either she knew that when she asked me, just to see me suffer, or maybe she wasn't paying attention when Dana had called. Maybe she was drunk or something.
    And seeing Azure play around with her brother Adam was a good thing. It showed her real side. And she actually seemed like such a good sister… not that I'd know what a sister was like. So why did she leave her family? Did Aunt Abigail and Uncle Derek kick her out like Dana was kicked out?
    And what was that about Emerald wanting me to be like a sister? Please! Spoiled only children would not want any other child in their family. They're used to having all the attention, and they get angry when someone else has it.
    Come to think of it, that was probably why Emerald had something against me. She was probably against Azure at some stage, too. I had just moved in, so all the attention was on me. And maybe Emerald just couldn't handle that.
    If that was correct, then maybe I was onto something. Maybe that could explain her behaviour. So maybe the only way to get her back to Earth would be to turn the attention off me and onto her. That would make everything better, right? I could make myself inconspicuous.
    Grandmother didn't wait for us to start dinner. I expected that. They were nearly finished eating, and Azure even served them dessert while I was preparing the salad to go with the cold chicken in the refrigerator. (Grandmother, Emerald and Gareth had had it warm, but I wasn't bothered reheating it, and I actually liked it cold.) I wasn't up for making idle chitchat with Azure, though. Hadn't we already done enough of that for one day? Wouldn't it be better to spread it throughout the days, to make it last longer? For all I knew, she could be against me the very next day. So I just took a plate up to my room, and stayed in there all night.

I went to see Shaz the next day. I was enjoying our regular visits. As it turned out, the day before she had mentioned that she had an idea I might be interested in. Naturally, I was intrigued, so I hoped that today would be when she told me what her idea was.
    Soon enough, she left me in the lounge and went off to search for something. She came back with brochures and white paper. "Go on, have a look," she invited.
    And so I did… this was an interesting idea - a working holiday! I would be paid for going to another country… and I'd be away from Grandmother's house! But then I realised that not everything would be paid for. I'd have to get new clothes - God knows I didn't have much to bring with me, and Grandmother hadn't offered to buy me anything. "But what about money for clothes and stuff? Dana didn't give me any, and Grandmother surely won't."
    "That's where I come in." At my confused expression, she continued. "Look, the thing is that my husband can't conceive, but I don't wanna adopt. But I still wanna do… mumsy stuff. And if it means supportin' you to go off and have a great life experience, then I'll do it."
    I was flabbergasted. "But aren't I a complete stranger?"
    "Oi, so what 'ave we been doin' all this time? Gasbaggin' about nothin' in particular? Perfect strangers havin' a cuppa tea and a biscuit? Is that all I am?" She was smiling when she said it, though.
    "Guess not. But I suppose if you really wouldn't mind paying for these extra expenses, then I'm definitely interested."
    "Thought ya might be. Go ahead, look 'em over and take your pick."
    So I did. I spent ages examining the glossy, colourful brochures, trying to choose the right place to go. I'd taken French, and even after all that, I still couldn't remember much off the top of my head. Places where the main language was a foreign one were out. I was thinking of Australia, but when I checked the brochures, it wasn't listed. Shaz said that Australia and the USA didn't have a working holiday affiliation, so Aussies couldn't come here to work, either.
    And it would be best to choose somewhere not too far away. So the time difference and the whether wouldn't be too different. If it's summer in one hemisphere, it's winter in the other. So after deliberating for quite some time, I told Shaz that I wanted to go to Canada, so she sorted through and pulled out all the brochures for there, and asked me to choose a region. Again, I looked over and chose Toronto, Ontario.
    "All done?" she checked with me.
    "I'll lock it in."
    From the other pile on the table, she pulled out what looked like forms. "These are your application stuff," she told me. "Do you still have a passport?"
    I thought. Yes, I had one. Even though I hadn't really gone anywhere, I did once remember being told that when I was four, Dana and Papa and I went to England to see an old relative of Papa's. "I'll have to get the photo and information updated."
    "Easy does it. 'Ere you go, fill 'em out."
    I put in my details hurriedly, and checked to see the departure date on the Ontario brochure… only three months away! Before then, I'd have to be approved, and then get everything sorted out. But it was on… I'd soon be off and away from the cage of Grandmother's house.
    Later in the afternoon, I came home - if you could call it home - to an empty house. That's strange, I thought. Since when did this family bless me with peace? Of course, they weren't thinking of me; they were thinking of themselves. A quick look at the kitchen counter revealed two notes: one from Grandmother (not addressed to me, though - probably to Azure) saying that she and Emerald were shopping for baby things, and one from Azure saying that she was spending the day with her family. Great! Sure, Gareth would probably be doing landscaping on the grounds somewhere, but as long as he didn't bother me, everything would be all right.
    I'd dropped the application forms into the post box as I walked home, but I took the brochures - all of them - home with me, just so I could look at them, and remind myself that I would soon have a sanctuary. I thought I'd wait until the others were home to present this recent event, so I took the brochures up to my room, where no one else would see them.
    Back downstairs I decided to make myself an afternoon snack. I recalled a familiar one from back in Fresno - grilled bread and cheese. It was a snack that our family could afford. Surely Grandmother could afford it, too. I hunted around the kitchen and found some white bread and Colby cheese. Soon I was slicing cheese, putting it on the bread and placing the creation onto the griller tray. I fussed around trying to figure out how to light the griller, and it worked.
    But no… not in the way I'd hoped it would…
    The griller in Grandmother's kitchen was under the oven. It was a combined unit. Near the top of the oven was a bar for hanging dishtowels. And I watched in horror as the bottom of the hanging dishtowels caught fire.
    It was happening. It was happening again. Fire. The thing that killed Simon and Janine Sanderson… and my father. Happening right here in Grandmother's house…

No! It's okay, Papa, I won't let you die this time!
    You can't help me, Sapph; you're drunk.
    No, I'm not! Please, get out of the kitchen. The door's right there, can't you see it?
    Leave me alone, Sapphire. I think you've done enough as it is.
    But, Papa, I didn't mean for this to happen; I didn't!
    You've said enough. You've already killed me once, so you may as well kill me again.
    Don't talk like that! Let me help you. Come on; take my hand.
    I think you should go now, Sapphire.
    Simon - what are you doing here?
    Dying, what's it look like?
    Why are you all talking like that? Why aren't you saving yourselves? Why won't you let me help you?
    Go on, Sapphire, you better go home now.
    Janine, aren't you going to do anything?
    Why bother?
    You have children-
    Oh, is that all? That doesn't sound like a good enough reason for living, does it, Si?
    We need a bit more than that.
    Out you go now, Sapph.
    But, Papa-
    Well, if you're going to complain so much, you can stay here with us. You won't mind dying, Sapph. It's not so bad. Yes, it burns and it hurts, but you'll get over it. We have, haven't we?
    But-
    Well, what is it, Sapph? Stay or go?
    All right, then, I'll stay with you, Papa.
    Well, if that's what you really want…

"Sapphire? Sapphire, wake up!"
    I groggily opened my eyes. Where was I? Oh, that's right, I was huddled in a corner in Grandmother's kitchen. But why would I be doing that? And what was that smoky smell?
    I looked up to see the oven and griller unit… or what was left of it. It was all completely blackened, the plastic peeling away freely. There were still the charred remains of the dishtowels still hanging, but they looked like they'd crumble into ashes at the slightest touch. Oh, God, what had I done?
    I heard footsteps, and saw Gareth walk right up to me, fire extinguisher in hand. "Sapphire, are you alright?"
    I looked up, and glared viciously at him. "What do you think?"

CHAPTER SEVEN: EMERALD

I walked as quickly as I could into the kitchen, following Gareth and, not to mention, the smoke and shooting sparks flying from the kitchen. Gareth, who had got there faster had put the fire out and was trying to see if she was all right.
    It was a surprise to even me to see her glare at him and give him attitude. He had just saved her from being killed in much the same way as her own father. Then I thought about it. Maybe that was what she was doing. Maybe she had meant to kill herself the same way, because she was so depressed. Or maybe worse. Maybe she was just twisted enough to want every one of us dead!
    Her anger directed at Gareth started my own fire of anger in my belly. I moved Gareth out of the way and glared down at her. She was completely fine, minus a few scrapes and bruises from falling back during the explosion. Her face was blackened, but no burns were apparent.
    "He was only trying to be polite!" I yelled at her. "Why is it so difficult for you to be nice to people?"
    "He doesn't care if I am alright at all. He probably purposely made that damn thing explode on me. All of you did! You want me to die. I know you do!" She was talking like she was completely insane. Why would I want her dead?
    "Can you not even admit to your own mistakes? Nobody wants you dead. They just want you to be nice and normal!"
    Gareth was somewhere next to me trying to calm my nerves. It wasn't exactly working.
    "What is nice and normal? Huh, Emerald? Does that mean being a stuck-up snob just like you?"
    I felt like smacking her. I had tried to be friendly; she had been the one to initiate cruelty.
    "Snob?" I laughed. "Maybe I am a snob, Sapphire, but at least I am moralistic enough to not become some alcoholic who killed my own father." I felt vicious. The words slipped so easily from my lips to invade her ears. How simple it was to say that. And, oh, how calmly, yet cruelly, I had said it.
    The room went utterly quiet. I could tell my words had left her spinning out of control. But as I saw her eyes become sad and filled with tears, I felt angry with myself. I'd had no right to say that at all. Her head fell to her chest and I could easily tell she was crying.
    "Listen, Sapphire, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I shouldn't have said that. I-"
    She cut me off with a vicious scream. She jumped up from her position on the floor and suddenly I was thrust against the remains of the oven and griller.
    I fought her back, shoving against her. But all it took was for her to pound me up against it once more before the pain shot through my back. I cried out, and became utterly helpless.
    The worst of it all was that Gareth had calmed her down, and I would have been fine. Nothing would have happened. I would have been fine!
    Instead, however, I looked up just in time to see the light structure that had been over the oven and griller becoming looser and looser. Sapphire saw it, too, and her eyes widened in horror. Because we both knew it was too late.
    Just as she reached out to grab my hand and pull me away from the inevitable, the whole structure fell onto my head. I felt the darkness before I saw it. The dizziness was unbearable, as was the slicing pain in my back. But then it was dark and I couldn't feel anything.

CHAPTER EIGHT: AZURE

"Your cousin's on the phone," Mom said to me as I looked up from the TV. Adam glanced my way as I got up from the couch to answer it.
    "Who is it? Who is it?" Andrew started gibbering off as kids sometimes do.
    "Be quiet, quit bothering people," Adam answered before I could say anything. He reached over his side of the couch and scruffed up Andrew's hair.
    I took the phone from Mom and answered. "Hello?"
    "Oh my God, Azure, you've got to come quick." I could barely understand a word said and it was hard for me to place the voice. "You've got to come to the hospital, Emerald and I - just hurry and come, okay?"
    "Hold on a minute, slow down… Sapphire. What's going on? What hospital, is Emerald having contractions or something? Early?"
    "No, it's something else. Oh God, I'm sorry… but I was pushed to it and-"
    "Never mind, don't bother to explain, I'll be there as fast as I can."
    "Thanks…"
    "Good-bye." I hung up the phone and grabbed my jacket, which I really didn't need all day.
    "What's going on?" Adam asked, watching as I grabbed my purse.
    "I've gotta go, Emerald's in the hospital and Sapphire is totally incoherent. I have to see if everyone is okay."
    Adam got up. "I'm going, too," he replied, taking a step toward the door. "I mean, they're my cousins, too. I might as well come with you." Adam hadn't seen much of Emerald or Sapphire, other than a few glimpses here and there, a hello or good-bye, except for when I had Sapphire come over, but he could sense that if something was bad, I'd pry need someone to lean on, and we had always been close enough to do that for each other.
    "Thank you, Adam." He nodded, and we ran out the door. I wasn't sure how long it'd take me to get there. I didn't have my license and Mom wasn't going to drive us. We ran and ran and ran, until I had to stop for breath. "I don't think I can run anymore. We should have grabbed the bikes," I said, speeding back up to an easy jog.
    "Oh well, don't worry, we'll get there."
    And we did, finally. I saw Gareth in the lobby waiting for us. "Where's Emerald and Sapphire?" I asked. Where was Grandmother?
    "I'll take you there, don't worry. They're all in the room."
    "Is Emerald alright? Is the baby okay? Is Sapphire and Grandma alright?" I started losing control.
    Adam touched my shoulder to calm me. "What happened?" he asked Gareth as we followed him through the hall, into an elevator and down another hall.
    "Sapphire tried to kill herself." I couldn't help but gasp. "But I got in there and stopped the fire. But they got into an argument, and Emerald was underneath the light and it fell on her. We called the ambulance and got her here as fast as we could. Sapphire called you, but she isn't well. I don't know how she's taking it. We're all a little high-strung." Yes, I could tell. Gareth looked like a mess. He worried. He worried about Emerald.
    We entered the room and saw Grandma by Emerald's side at the bed. Sapphire was sitting in a chair in a corner, staring at the floor. I walked over to Grandma. "Is she gonna be okay?" I asked.
    Grandma looked up. "The doctors said she'll be fine. Her child should be fine also… but only time will tell. If anything bad was going to happen, though, I suspect it would have already."
    I nodded then looked down at Emerald. I brushed a strand of hair from her sleeping face, then bent down to kiss her forehead. She and I had got very close over time, and I hoped with all my heart that she was going to be okay. I stood up straight and moved to Sapphire. I sat in the chair beside her and put my arm about her.
    "Are you going to be alright?" I asked her. She didn't look up, nor did she answer. "Sapphire, I want you to be okay. Please, tell me you're all right. I don't want us to fight anymore. We need to be the family we are from now on. I don't know exactly what happened, but no one's gonna blame you." There was still silence. "Sapphire-"
    "It is all my fault," she suddenly said. "Everything is always my fault! I'm just a stupid drunk! An idiot! I'm bound for nothing but misery and-"
    "Stop that," I said firmly, putting my finger to her mouth.
    Grandma came over then, and got down on her knees. "Sapphire, I don't care what you think, but we do all love you. It's your actions we don't agree with. I have full faith that you can change, if you want to. But only if you really want to."
    Sapphire held her head up and looked at Grandma. I quickly looked over at Emerald; Adam and Gareth had taken Grandma's place by her side. "We all love you, and we want you to be part of our family…"
    Yes… family. That was a word we all needed. That was something we all needed, and needed bad. I was at the end of my rope. I didn't know what else to try to help Sapphire. From here on out, she had to pull herself out; we'd done all we could. But I also had faith in her. I believed that she could change, and I'm sure deep down inside Emerald felt the same way. It was up to her now… we'd come this far, how much more would we have to do to finally come together?

CHAPTER NINE: SAPPHIRE

I couldn't believe the hypocrisy. I knew that in their hearts or whatever they had, they believed every word they were saying. I didn't. They had no idea of what really happened. They all thought I had tried to kill myself. Always choosing to believe the worst in me. I just wanted a snack and they thought I wanted suicide. But don't people often believe what they want to believe?
    I no longer had problems. Although I had alcohol in my possession, I hadn't actually drunk any since… well, before I even came to Littleton. And they still thought I was a drunk, but I wasn't. Sure, I had said I was out loud, but that's what these people did - they fiddled with my mind, tightening every cog until everything was bolted so strongly that it hurt.
    Yes, I killed my father. Albeit not intentionally, but what's done is done. But everything sounds so much worse coming from other people's vicious mouths. "Maybe I am a snob, Sapphire, but at least I am moralistic enough to not become some alcoholic who killed my own father…" Emerald's words hurt me. Yes, she had apologised after, but what's done is done.
    But it was not just my father I had killed. Simon and Janine Sanderson had died because of me, too. And then here, right in front of me, someone else's life hung on the line. I hadn't listened to what Dr Moreno had said. I didn't need to hear a doctor's verdict to know that something was not right with my cousin. If she was fine, she'd be up and moving around and doing God knows whatever she usually did. Fussing over her unborn child's room, having heart-to-heart talks with her loved ones…
    Wouldn't I like to have "loved ones"? Yes… just not now. In a time like this, when most others would want to be surrounded by company, I didn't. I dealt best with things on my own. Keep everything inside. Be independent. You can't always depend on others, for one day they might not be there. These were my morals for life, all centred about taking care of things by myself.
    Don't look at me.
    "I… May I be alone with Emerald now, please?" I asked quietly. I didn't really know why… but then a plan came to mind, and to have everything go my way, I'd have to be in this room alone.
    My grandmother exchanged glances with Azure, and then motioned to everyone to stand up and leave. "Sure, just let us know when we can come in again."
    "Thank you." It was a term I hadn't used much since I'd arrived in Littleton, but did I really ever get an opportunity to?
    I watched while Grandmother, Azure, Gareth and Adam left the room, and I shut the door to the private room - of course it was a private room - behind them. I glanced over at the white bed. Emerald was in a heavy sleep; probably drug-induced from whatever medication Dr Moreno had given her.
    I crept over to Grandmother's black leather handbag that was beside one of the chairs. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I lifted the covering flap, and unzipped one compartment. I lowered my hand in carefully and crept my fingers around inside until they touched hard metal. House keys - just what I needed. I held them tightly in one hand and then re-zipped the compartment and clasped the front flap again. Then, I reached into my own jeans pocket and tucked the keys in between the folds of about five clean tissues I had in there. I wrapped everything up nicely, and then checked to make sure the bulge from the keys wasn't obvious. It wasn't, and the cotton top I was wearing was long enough to cover the pocket, though the top wasn't baggy.
    I approached the bed next. If I had said that I wanted to be alone with Emerald, if everyone was outside the door listening in, they'd have to have something to hear. I didn't want to arouse suspicion.
    I sat in one of the chairs close to the bed. I looked at Emerald. Her belly made a hill beneath the royal blue blanket. Her blond hair, which was hanging loose, looked tangled and greasy-looking now that she was lying down. I could see that a part of her hair was shaved off, and the head beneath had a bandage over that section, a wound from the light fixture collapse. One would've thought that such a grand house would have things more secure. Her breathing was steady - she was lying flat on her back, hands resting over the blanket on her protruding belly - and she breathed through her nose. Every now and then, her mouth would open, and it looked as though she was sucking saliva off her bottom lip.
    I tilted my head closer to her belly. I had never seen a pregnant woman up close before. I had never had the chance to see what it was really like. It was kind of frightening to know that there was something living and breathing inside her. The idea sounded far too sci-fi, like there was some kind of alien within her.
    I sat up straight, leaning away. The thought was disturbing. Once the baby came out - if it did - there would be some kind of "Welcome to Earth" ceremony. Too, too disturbing.
    "Having a good sleep, are you?" I commented. I knew the others couldn't be too far away - they had to hear me talk. "That's nice. Sleep's good. It means you don't have to be awake to face anything."
    I sighed heavily. I may as well get some therapy done while I was here. "I know I've caused you trouble," I told her sleeping form. "But I promise that won't be anymore. I won't cause any more trouble for you or Azure or our grandmother or whoever else… I'm going to bring your life back to normal again; as good as it was without me. Your baby can be born in a safe, happy environment, where every day is a field day, there's always sunshine, there's chocolate cake at the end of every meal…"
    Had I ever had chocolate cake? I couldn't remember, but damn it, I was going to get some someday.
    "Don't worry, Emerald. You won't have to deal with me anymore." I stood up, and then looked down at her one last time. "I hope you have a good life."
    I walked across the room then, towards the door. I opened it swiftly. I could see that Emerald's visitors were in the waiting room at the end of the corridor. It was okay. They hadn't heard me after all. Good. I closed the door to Emerald's room, and then went down to the waiting room. "You can go back in now," I said to them. "I'm going to take a walk."
    They didn't question me, didn't comment. I didn't really give them the chance; I just set about finding the stairs to the lower level in order to exit the building. I didn't need to clean up in a bathroom beforehand - that had been done not long after I'd arrived at the hospital, just after I'd phoned Azure.
    It was a long walk from the hospital to the house. I almost wished I'd taken Grandmother's entire handbag, for that would have more than enough money for me to catch a taxi back to the house. Instead, I picked up a brisk pace, and was on my way.

After a long time - a time uncountable by me, for I didn't own a watch - I arrived at the house, and got things sorted out. I tried out the keys, and found one to open the gates. Then I was at the front door, and another trial went on until I had the correct key to enter the house.
    It was straight to my quarters then, and I was packing my bags for the second time in… it felt like such a long time since I'd arrived here, but I knew it couldn't be all that long. Everything was packed up neatly - especially including my brochures, which I looked over every night before bed, in order to help myself have sweet dreams. It didn't always work, but it was part of my nightly ritual.
    I left my room, and then carried my bags out of my room and down the corridors of the upper level. I came to the study, and I lifted the cordless telephone off its base on the table by the entrance. I pressed in the numbers of Sharon Felder's phone number off by heart. I listened to the phone ring while I made my way downstairs, placing my lowly bags on the kitchen floor.
    "Shaz… hi, it's me. Look, is it all right if I stay with you for a while? I hate to ask… And would Paul be fine with that? Great! Thanks, Shaz, you're a… what do you usually say? Absolute gem, that's it! You're an absolute gem, Shaz, and thank Paul for me, too. I'm coming over now… see you then, and thank you so much."
    I pressed the button to disconnect, and lay the cordless phone on the kitchen counter, along with Grandmother's keys. I couldn't be bothered going all the way upstairs again. That chapter of my life was over.
    I picked up my bags once more, and made my way through the lower level to the nearest exit - it was a door on the side of the house, leading out to the fruit trees. I ignored them. I walked and walked until I was back at the front gates. I'd left them open, so I walked through and shut them behind me. They clicked into place.
    It was so quiet, like the town was in permanent mourning. Well, they wouldn't be mourning me for much longer. I'd be living with the Felders for three months more at most, and then I would be off working in Ontario, in a province in Canada far away from California here in the US.
    I was on my way towards Jasper Avenue, and a chance at a new life.

Incomplete

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