© 2001 by Sarah Ryniker JudgmentalMama@hotmail.com http://www.oocities.org/iamthealmightyrah/FF.html

PAGE LAST UPDATED ON 22/03/2002

PROLOGUE

Ever feel like your entire life was spinning out of control and you just couldn't catch up with it? Like nobody in the world really cares for you no matter what they claimed? I knew those feelings. Oh, of course my-oh-so handsome daddy "loved" me but he just spoiled me rotten. I liked being spoiled by men. I made it, in the end, a little game I played with all men. They were toys for me. That game would be something that would change my life from what I had known of it. Would change it into a mad house of confusion and mixed emotions.

CHAPTER ONE

I grew up in New York City as a rich little princess. I travelled from place to place with my mother and my daddy. I was my daddy's little girl. Had his green eyes and everything. Ones I was named for, even. But I didn't know anything about my mother. She was so strange. Never paid much attention to me, or the outside world. Sometimes I would catch her looking at me with the saddest look in her dark blue eyes. I always brushed it off. She didn't care about me so why on earth should I care about her? She hated me; or she was disappointed in me. She knew things about what I did behind hers and my daddy's back and at any moment I feared she'd ruin my relationship with my daddy by telling him horrible things about me. She always was jealous. Always. Or maybe I was delusional and just wanted her to be jealous.
    I did inherit a lot of my mother's features. My full head of styled to perfection golden blonde hair that lay just past my shoulders. I was proud of my hair and my pretty face with lips that were full and perfect and a nose that was not too little nor too big. Actually, people at school called me Barbie. I laughed at it. Though it bothered me later on when I realised that I was really just as fake as a Barbie doll.
    But in a sense it was true. I was my Daddy's little doll. His little "angel" that he paraded around for all to see. He was so proud he had a beautiful daughter. I was proud to show off for him. What I wanted I got so why not give at least that much to keep getting what I wanted?
    Even at a young age I knew things came at a price. If I gave a little I got even more. Though I also realised that you had to do very little to please men to get what you wanted. So, I willingly did whatever I could to please any male I came in contact with. That all really started when I was thirteen years old and lost my virginity to a man that supposedly loved me. He was nineteen years old and I should have realised that there was no love; I was just an easy target.
    I didn't like sex and found other sexual ways to please men and get what I wanted. In fact people often called me a slut by the time I was fourteen even though I had had sex once in my entire life. I suppose having sex at such a young age would make me seem slutty but I really wasn't if you thought about it. I was just a stupid kid. There was only one other male that I did have sex with because I wanted to lash out at my mother. She blamed me for having sex with her friend Davina Lagton's son so I went out and did it. Stupid me. Now here I was in my father's study looking at my parents.
    My father sat looking down at the desk, his forehead resting on his hands. My mother stood beside him and looked at me with disappointment. I didn't know why she was so disappointed in me. She hated me anyway and maybe that was exactly why she was doing this. I looked at my father from where I sat behind the desk in a leather chair, my back straight.
    "Daddy, look at me!" I cried out. "I can't go there! I don't even know the old hag! Besides, you told me she doesn't live in a house nearly the size of ours. She's probably poor and I can't live in poor conditions!"
    My mother rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Give me a break already, Emerald! My mother is a good and strong woman who will teach you right from wrong. I won't have you here when you do not listen to me and your father lets you off the hook every time I set down rules," she said, her back stiff, her sapphire blue eyes glared down at me.
    "Your mother is right, Emerald, I won't be able to get you out of it this time. You've hurt yourself too badly," he whispered, his voice cracking.
    "I know you do not want me to go, Daddy, you love me too much!" I said. I jumped up out of the seat, deciding that the only way to get out of being sent to my uptight old grandmother's house was by using his own love for me against him.
    "She's already expecting you, Emerald," Mother said in her haughty "I know everything and you're going to do as I say" tone.
    I looked at her horrified. "Mother! Can't I just get an abortion? I'll never do anything like this again!" I said, begging her with my eyes.
    She shook her head slowly. "I don't think so. You are going to pay for what you've done, Emerald. You will live up to the responsibility. You are old enough now. My mother will help you develop into a maturer young lady. Without your father there to spoil you it will be much easier. You got yourself pregnant and now you will pay the price that comes with it. Besides, you may learn some things there," she said and began making her way out the door. She turned around just as she was leaving to warn "Get upstairs and pack your things or I'll do it myself." With that she walked out the door.
    It was just the beginning of summer vacation. School had just ended and now I was being sent away because I was three months pregnant. Maybe I was stupid. I knew well enough that this was my fault, I just didn't want to admit to it.
    I stormed out of the room following after her but she had disappeared down the hall somewhere. I pounded up the stairs, making sure to stomp my foot every time I set it down. I wanted to do everything to make her angry with me. I hated her. Why did she have to do this to me? My own mother! She should be there for me, hugging and kissing me and telling me that everything was going to be all right. She and Daddy were going to take care of it. All my girlfriend's mothers did that when something bad happened. I had seen it myself! But no! My mother was completely different. She didn't believe in spoiling your children. Well, us rich kids were brought into this world to be spoiled! We weren't here to labour and live in Hell. And yet she made it to where my life was a living nightmare. All my friends lived happily with their parents.
    I got to my bedroom and slammed the door as hard as I could behind me. As I entered into the room all the way I began stripping off my clothes. I threw my jacket onto the chair at my vanity table and started at the buttons of my light pink silk shirt. I was wearing my school uniform. Today had been the last day of school and as soon as I had gotten home she had started in on me. I had just unfastened the last button and threw off my shirt when my mother came in. She knew I was far from modest so she rarely ever knocked.
    "Are you purposely trying annoy me?" she demanded. She shut the door gently behind her. I hated my mother's natural grace. She walked from room to room as if she walked on air. And her pride! You could see it in the very way she stood up straight! At the moment everything about her annoyed me.
    I stood in front of her in my lacy white bra, my navy blue, knee length skirt, and my nylons and shoes. I sat on the bed and began to take off my shoes as I talked to her.
    "Oh no, Mother, why would I ever annoy you when you are doing oh-so-much for me?" I threw at her sarcastically. I glanced at her with anger in my eyes and then looked back down at my shoe as I pulled it off. The other quickly followed.
    Mother shook her head and folded her arms under her breasts and glared at me. "Don't be sarcastic with me, Emerald," she said. She was still calm! I couldn't believe it. She was still calm. I hated her even more for it.
    "Then don't ask lame questions," I remarked in a calm voice, deciding to anger her the way she was angering me. I pulled my skirt around my hips and down my legs. I tugged at my nylons as she began talking.
    "I know somewhere in whatever heart you have that you know I'm only doing what is best for you. I would never do anything I thought would harm you. Despite what you think I am a good mother, Emerald. But your mind has been warped into believing a good mother is the kind who spoils her daughter rotten. My parents were very rich and respectable people but they never did anything to show it off. In fact, we lived in a nice, modest two-storey home with four bedrooms. My mother was strict and did not want to spoil us. My father gave her at least that much. For a little while, though, my daddy was able to spoil me and I let him do it.   Then I realised who was the better of the two and looked up to my mother and tried my best to become just like her," she sighed, looking off into space. I knew she was seeing things from her past so I decided to bring her back to the here and now. I was more important than some lame memories!
    "Are you done running off at the mouth?" I asked, back in my sarcastic attitude. I had moved my jacket and sat in front of my vanity table in my bra and panties and began brushing my hair. This time, though, I had gone too far. She was across the room to me in second, ripping the brush from my grip. She grabbed my arm and pulled me from the chair. She set my brush down gently but nothing about her was gentle when it came to me. She shook me roughly. I was shocked. My mother had never touched me before! She pushed me away from her and went to my closet. She pulled out a suitcase.
    "Get it packed," she said. When I just looked at her, her eyes became deadly. "Now." Then she turned and walked out of my room. But I knew she'd be back just to check on me to make sure I was doing exactly what she told me to. I went to my closet and dresser and began packing.

The next day I ended up with one trunk full of make up and other things such as that that I would need and five suitcases full of clothes. I could have had more but my mother made me stop before I had all of my clothes in suitcases. The trunk I had packed was heavy enough for her eyes to go wide. "I didn't know you had that much stuff!" she said and then left me again.
    And now it was early morning and time for me to go. I felt sick to my stomach. Things were going to be a lot different now. I was afraid of what was going to happen to me. But I wasn't about to tell my mother that. I dressed in a black pants suit. I decided it was the most comfortable thing I had to travel in. The ride to the airport seemed to shorten from the last time I had gone. Before I knew it we were there and I was boarding. I looked back at my mother as I started to get on the plane.
    "Do I get to come back?" I asked her. It occurred to me that maybe she was getting rid of me for good.
    "In all honesty, Emerald, I hope you don't want to come back to this place. This is a place I never even wanted to be myself but my father forced me into this life. I have to deal with it but you don't. Someday you'll thank me for this. Someday you'll realise just what I'm doing," she said. She looked about ready to cry.
    "And what are you doing?"
    "Giving you a second chance." She left before I could ask what that meant. I was ushered onto the plane and in the air in minutes. I had a window seat and I looked down at the ground falling farther and farther behind me. Was there any hope that my mother could someday be closer than even I expected? I grew disgusted at my own thoughts. You hate her, remember, Emerald? I scolded myself. Don't assume that someday you could actually like her! After all, look at what she was doing to me. Taking me away from everything I knew to send me to some rich old lady's house. She had told me her mother, my grandmother, liked to live modestly and didn't show off her money. Meaning, I'd be treated as if I was a normal person. I shivered at the thought.
    I sat back letting my thoughts run wild as I thought of what was going to happen to me there. Would I change like my mother hoped? Could I be a different person? I wanted so badly to prove to her that I would always stay like this. But I couldn't help but be afraid that she was right and that this place would change me. But would a change be all that bad? I would have to wait and see.

CHAPTER TWO

When the plane landed I was so happy I couldn't see straight! I felt a wave of nausea coming and grew fearful that I was about to lose my dignity and, not to mention, breakfast on the plane. That would be most embarrassing! But the plane landed and I got off and took deep breaths. So this was San Francisco's airport? I began wondering how far away the small hick town of Littleton was. My mother had told me it was at least two hours away from the ocean and was absolutely tiny. The town was meant to be small and that was why it was named Littleton.
    I searched around. Now what was I supposed to do? I didn't know what my grandmother even looked like! I started to get nervous when I saw the card with the huge green letters spelling out my name. How convenient, I thought, that they be green. I forced my way through the crowd to see a small woman standing on top of a box. I raised my eyebrows and looked at her. She looked down at me and knew immediately who I was. She got down from the box and stood in front of me. This couldn't be my grandmother! The woman barely had a grey streak in her blonde hair that was braided down to her tiny waist. I was suddenly wishing I had gotten my grandmother's body style. I had always wanted to be small. She was tiny! Her eyes were beautiful. A colour of lavender I had never seen someone have before! She was wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue tee shirt. And looked like she was maybe in her thirties.
    "Your mother warned me about your luggage. I was reluctant but I got a taxi cab driver to come help us with the trunk she claims you have," She talked to me as if she had known me my entire life and I was just there for a visit. She smiled at me. "Nice outfit, but I'm afraid an outfit like that just isn't going to work back in town. They'll assume you a rich snob. Of course you are Mike's daughter and probably spoiled rotten. I could kill my husband for marrying Kristine off to that jacka-" She spotted the cab driver and stopped talking to wave him down. "Get over here! I need to get home!"
    This woman was my grandmother! She seemed rather crazy and talkative and yet authoritative all at once. The tiny woman was intimidating even to me. And my mother knew all too well that she was throwing me straight into the pits of Hell. No wonder she had sent me here. She wanted me to be miserable. I pouted as the obese cab driver made his way over while stuffing the rest of a half eaten doughnut into his mouth. He was balding at the top and fat hung out of the top of his jeans. His bright red tee shirt was far too tight. What a slob, I thought to myself. How disgusting could one be?
    "Stop shoving your face full of food. This isn't a break, you know! Follow me, you fool, we need to get her luggage. And I'm warning you, you slob, I rode over here with you and you better have enough strength and energy to get her things out to the cab. God knows, with the way you drive, we won't make it home for two days!" I almost laughed. She was rude and opinionated. I was afraid of almost liking her. Unless she decided to turn those cruel words my way.
    My grandmother's sharp tongue put the cab driver into fast mode. He was quick to get all of my things into the trunk of the cab. My grandmother and I got into the backseat and we were off. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes and the silence was uncomfortable. Finally, she decided to speak.
    "You do know, Emerald, that I am family and I will do everything in my power to turn you into the respectable girl you should be, correct?" she asked. Her eyes had a way of looking right through someone to get the answer she wanted.
    "I'm respectable enough. Mother just thinks that I am a horrible monster. She hates me and has you already disgusted with me," I said. I looked out the window and sat up as straight as I could. In spite of it being summer it was overcast and the sea looked horribly ugly.
    My grandmother laughed at my words. Her laugh was harsh but it was honestly amused! "You are respectable enough? Child, you don't even respect yourself. If you did you wouldn't be in this predicament. But keep saying things like that. I need a good laugh," she said cruelly.
    "See? You already do hate me!" I said. Tears of self-pity filled my eyes. My own mother had already turned my grandmother on me!
    "Oh, go ahead and pity yourself. It will not get anywhere with me. You are here for a reason. The reason is to get you out of the far too rich world and into a more natural environment. My family has always had money but I refused to raise my daughters up to be spoiled and self-centred women. I succeeded rather well in making them not snobby. It's about damned time Kristine realised how good this sort of environment is and decided to send you to me. I've been begging her for years. I can set you straight. And I know, Emerald, that you are going to put up a fight. I can see it in you. And seeing that lets me know that you are not completely spoiled rotten. There is hope that you can be a less spoiled person and care about others feelings." That's all that was said. I couldn't stop my tears of self-pity. I sat there quietly staring out the window, waiting to get to the tiny town that would be my new home.
    My mother had told me the house was modest. The house wasn't a plain one-storey like I assumed it would be. It was a two-storey, Victorian-style, white house, with blue lining it. It had a cute look to it that I didn't want to admit. The driver pulled into the driveway and parked. I got out of the car and slammed the door and went back to the trunk. I pulled out a duffel bag and pulled it over my shoulder and started making my way up towards the front door. On my way up I thought I felt eyes on me and looked up to see a boy looking at me. He wore a pair of blue jean overalls with a white tee shirt underneath. He had gardening gloves on his hands and his right cheek was smudged with dirt. His dark auburn hair fell over his face and hung a little in his face. His curious black eyes followed me to the front door. I threw my duffel bag on the porch and spun around.
    "What do you think your looking at?" I snapped, my hands on my hips. I looked at him with disgust. He was nothing but a servant boy. Handsome, but still a lowly servant boy.
    I had expected this servant boy to look away as soon as I snapped at him but he gave me a cocky grin and looked down at the ground with a chuckle. He shook his head. "Isn't it obvious I'm looking at you, Princess?" he asked sarcastically.
    "How dare you talk to me in such a manner! You have no right to even look at me, servant." My glare would have sent him six feet under if looks could kill. Instead his smile widened.
    "You're an awful cocky rich girl," he threw back at me.
    I wanted to smack him! Nobody had ever dared to speak to me in such a manner, and yet he had! "Why I should-"
    "You should do nothing. I will have no more of this. Get back to my roses, Gareth, and then come in for your pay," my grandmother said as she made her way to the door to unlock it. As soon as she unlocked it we made our way in the house. Behind us the cab driver huffed, puffed, and grunted as he carried my trunk in. He got it up to the door and set it down. Breathing heavy, he sent an icy glare my way. I stuck my nose up in the air and followed my grandmother deeper into the house.
    Suddenly I heard a voice that was beginning to get on my nerves already offering to carry the trunk. I laughed and spun around. "You won't be able to carry it up those stairs on your own," I told him, my voice mocking him, my eyes challenging him. A challenge he was willing to take.
    "Well, miss, I believe that is up to me to decide. Besides, if you want your things upstairs you best stop complaining," he said, a smile on his handsome, dirt smudged face. That smile was infuriating. "And," he added as he bent down to pick up the trunk. "You may want to follow me up to your new room." He picked up the trunk and started making his way up the stairway that was close to the doorway.
    I glared after him and then followed him up the cream coloured, soft carpeted stairs. I tried to walk up the stairs as gracefully as possible with the heavy duffel bag weighing me down. Gareth, on the other hand, seemed to be having no trouble at all with the trunk.
    We entered the first room on the left. He dropped the trunk in front of wrought iron four poster bed. The large black bed seemed to fill the entire room completely. It had a matching vanity table and dresser. The chair to the vanity table had dark red cushions on the seat and back. The bedspread matched the dark red cushions. The giant pillows were dark red; the comforter was dark red. And underneath, to my surprise, there were silk sheets. My grandmother claimed to live modestly but it was all too obvious that she was a rich woman.
    I dropped the duffel bag on the bed and without looking back at Gareth, I waved my hand at him as if he were nothing more than a pest, which he actually was to me. "You may be dismissed, now," I told him and began unpacking the things within the bag.
    When he just stood there I looked over to him. His black eyes glared at me. I just stood there, my hand on my hip, waiting for him to say something of importance. "All right, Princess, I've humoured you enough, now it's time to get down to business," he began, his deep voice low and almost growling at me. "First off, I am not a servant, especially yours, I work here because I wanted a summer job and so I do your grandmother's gardening. She humours me even though she can do it, too. Second, my family is probably just as rich as yours is, only I don't take advantage of it. Third, my family has been friends with your grandmother for a long, long time. That means you'll have to get used to my being around. Though I would prefer it if you wouldn't even talk to me if you're only going to act like a stuck-up brat." He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, before I could say anything. I just stood there, stunned. Nobody had ever talked to me in that way before.
    I had just finished unpacking the duffel bag when my grandmother came in the room and dropped my two large suitcases at my feet. She was still huffing and puffing from dragging them up the stairs. I looked at her and then lugged one of them on the bed and began to unpack it.
    "After you are done," she began, leaning over and catching her breath. "You can go into the kitchen and find something to eat. In this house we will share the chores, including cooking. You can fend for yourself during breakfast and lunch, and we will switch off cooking for dinner."
    I spun on her. "Are you crazy? I can't cook! I've never had to be in a kitchen before!" I cried.
    "The rules have changed. This is how it will be. I will teach you how to cook and then you can teach yourself. I don't expect you to be a gourmet chef but you can at least make simple dishes." She went over to the vanity table and sat in the chair and stared at me for a long time.
    "Another thing I wanted to discuss is Gareth. I will not have you being rude to friends of mine. The boy is mature and honest and he doesn't need you telling him to do this or that. From now on you are not to be rude to him and if you are I have my ways of punishing you," she said. Then she got out of the chair and left the room.
    I stared after her. Didn't anyone believe in letting me get a word in? I hadn't been here for very long but it seemed as if everyone were against me and didn't like me. What had my mother told them? It would be like her to make me sound horrible. Sure I needed some special pampering here and there but she made it sound as if I was horrible.
    I went to the window over the bed and looked out. I watched Gareth and my grandmother talking. Gareth looked up at the window and glared at me as if I was some form of disgusting specimen. He hated me. I rolled my eyes. Let him! I had had enemies before. But as I looked down at him sadness washed over me. This was my new home. I didn't know anyone and already I was hated. Was this what my mother had wanted? Did she want me to be hated? I shook my head and went back to unpacking. What did I care? I would make them live in Hell until they sent me home. I smiled at my thoughts. Yes, that was the perfect plan. I finished unpacking, with a smile on my face.

CHAPTER THREE

I stomped up the stairs and slammed the door that led to my bedroom. I didn't even want to think about what had just happened downstairs. I dropped back on the bed my anger was getting the best of me and, as I often was, I was very tired. I just wanted to keep sleeping. Sleep was a safe harbour.
    I couldn't cook. For the life of me I just wasn't made to be in the kitchen. I had been here exactly a week and if my sandwich making wasn't proof of my lack of kitchen skills, the lasagne my Grandmother had me make two nights later was certainly proof of it. I had started out all right. I had done everything as I had been shown. Then came the oven part. I had put my headphones on and headed into the living room to rest. My grandmother was out back with Gareth who was concerned about some flower or another when suddenly I started to smell smoke.
    I rushed into the kitchen and pulled open the door to the oven and flames immediately shot out at me. Instead of grabbing the fire extinguisher that sat not too far from my reach, I stood there screaming.
    My screams brought Grandmother and Gareth rushing in. Gareth took the fire extinguisher and put the fire out. I had stopped screaming and stood backed up against the kitchen counter staring at the smoke that had filled the kitchen. I began to feel light-headed and realised I had inhaled far too much smoke. I looked at Grandmother, then at Gareth. Then I passed out.
    It was something neither of them let me forget. It had been four days since that incident! Gareth often stayed to eat with Grandmother, so night after night I saw him at the dinner table even if I did try to avoid his condescending looks of disgust.
    Now I sat on my bed pouting because of their endless teasing. I had tried to make them miserable. Tried to make them send me home but that wasn't happening. I was the most miserable of the group. They were both stubborn. Now I avoided even looking at Gareth and sidestepped my grandmother unless I had to talk to her. I finally sat there thinking of the events of what had just happened in the dining room.
    It had started with Gareth praising Grandmother about her steak. She had barbecued steak and had made me put together a green salad (something that was actually easy and I was good at). I hadn't said anything; I didn't want to admit it was actually very good. Gareth hated silence at the dinner table and had finally had enough of my keeping my mouth shut.
    "Ever going to let Emma here have a chance at the oven again?" he asked my grandmother.
    My head shot up from my dinner plate and I glared at him "Don't call me Emma; that's not my name. In fact, I don't want you to call me, anything. Don't even look at me!" I snapped. He gave his teasing, boyish smile and acted as if he hadn't heard me.
    "Well?" He prodded my grandmother for an answer.
    Grandmother kept looking down at her plate trying to hide an all-too-obvious smile. "Probably. She has potential to be a good cook; she just has to take on some responsibility. Tonight, she'll do the dishes. She's pretty good at housework even if I have to twist her arm to make her do it," she said and smiled at me as she pulled the bowl of salad towards her to put more on her plate.
    "Well, at least she can do something right. She certainly can't cook!" Gareth exclaimed, laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. 
    I lost it. I stood up and stomped my foot in anger. "I made that salad you've had three helpings of, thank you very much! And, furthermore, I don't want to cook!" With that I picked up the bowl of salad and dumped it on his head. "Want some salad dressing to go with it?" I asked angrily and before he could answer, or even think, I poured it all over his head. Then I ran up the stairs.
    I tried not to cry. I rarely ever cried. I hadn't any need for crying at home; I always got what I wanted. But here it was different. No more gourmet meals, but "real home-cooked goodness" as my grandmother liked to call it. No more parties or phone calls or some jock boyfriend or another from the football team coming to pick me up.
    I sat up in the bed and caught my reflection in the mirror. I went and sat down in front of the vanity table. I looked different to me. I couldn't put my finger on it but no longer was it the sunshine, spoiled but happy little girl staring back at me. I saw only a young woman who had made already too many mistakes and had made life miserable for herself. I had to keep reminding myself of that daily. I was the reason I was here. I couldn't blame my mother if I wanted to. If I hadn't gotten pregnant then I wouldn't be where I was.
    As I sat back on my bed there was a knock at my door. Thinking it was my grandmother coming, for once, to comfort me I told her to come in. Unfortunately, it was Gareth, standing there in nothing but jeans and wet hair. His shirt had gotten salad dressing all over it and he had obviously washed his hair. I glared at him and threw a pillow at the doorway where he stood. He gracefully, which was even more aggravating, blocked it with the door. I let out a frustrated cry and fell back against my other pillows with my arms folded across my breasts and my legs crossed over one another as my foot shook back and forth in frustration and anger.
    He simply laughed off my anger and came farther in the room to sit at the vanity table to stare at me. The thing I hated most about his stares was the fact that it seemed as if those black eyes could look into your very being and know every secret you'd ever kept.
    "Don't you have to go home?" I asked looking away from him to stare at the closet door that stood halfway open.
    "Not yet," he answered. His silence was only making my blood boil and I turned back to look at him again.
    "What do you want? You obviously came in here for something. More teasing, perhaps?" I asked sarcastically.
    "Nope, not in here to tease you" was all he would say. I let out another frustrated cry and turned away from him and curled up on my side. I glared angrily at the closet door again. I was surprised to feel his weight on my bed. I decided to ignore it and him and curled up into a tighter ball.
    From behind me his arm came over me and he leaned over and looked down at me. Shocked at how close he was to me, I looked up at him.
    "You know, according to psychological findings, sleeping or resting in a curled up position are signs of deep seeded depression," he announced. I rolled my eyes and sat up. Unfortunately, that only seemed to bring me up closer to him. I don't know why my heart was pounding so much by his closeness. I had never thought of him as anything but a gardener for my grandmother. But here he was clean, shirtless with muscles like I'd never seen before and sitting far too close to me for comfort.
    "And? I am not depressed! Now tell me exactly why you're here!" I demanded in a voice as strong as I could muster. I could barely breathe.
    "Actually, I came in here to make amends. I shouldn't have teased you. After all, you've never had to cook or anything. I did like your salad. I preferred eating it rather than wearing it, though," he said.
    For the first time in months I burst into laughter. Only thing was it felt different than any other laugh. When I was to think about it later I figured that it was because for once in my life my laughter had been real and not forced.
    "Am I forgiven?" Gareth asked, pretending to pout. I shook my head still smiling and looking down at my lap.
    "You're forgiven if you get off me!" I said, pushing him away.
    He laughed and sat back. "I wasn't touching you, so, technically, I wasn't on you," he said with a shrug. I rolled my eyes. He always had to think things logically and you had to be specific when talking to him because he had a sarcastic remark for everything.
    "Okay," I began, and lay back down on my bed, pulling the covers up over me and hugging the nearest pillow, "You may get out now, I want to take a nap,"
    "I don't think so, Princess!" he said and to my complete surprise he picked up right off the bed! I stared at him, completely shocked. He laughed at my look. I squirmed and twisted but he wouldn't let me go.
    "Put me down! What do you think you're doing, anyway?" I asked incredulously. Why did he have to be so forward?
    "Well, your grandmother wants to go out for ice cream and, well, this is going to be your own little family outing," he announced with such arrogance I suddenly wanted to smack him again.
    "What do you mean a family outing? If you go it won't be one because you're not my family!" He just smiled and made his way out my door and down the hall to the stairs. I looked down and nearly screamed. If there was one thing I was afraid of it was heights. And this was high! "Oh my God! Gareth, put me down, now, please, I swear I'll go down the stairs! Just put me down!" I began to beg. I didn't want to cry but I was close to doing so. I had hid my head into shoulder and was clinging to him like a cat to a tree. He was obviously shocked by my outburst.
    "Hey, Emerald, you all right? Calm down," he said and set me on my feet. I knew I was shaking but I tried to hide my embarrassment by acting my normal stuck up self. The me I was really starting to hate because that me didn't fit in this world.
    I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my head arrogantly. "I'm fine," I said, snootily. "I just knew that if I acted like a weak female you'd put me down," I lied as I started down the stairs.
    His look of relief shocked me. He looked as if he was glad that was all it was. "Okay, good, I didn't want to really scare you." It was the closest he would ever come to apologising. Both of us knew well enough that it hadn't been an act. And as I looked up at him a step above me, I knew that the incident of my showing fear wouldn't leave this stairway. I nodded at him and finished my journey down the stairs.
    The "ice cream parlour" we went to was actually just a section of the only grocery store in town set off. There were about six tables and an area where someone served the ice cream of your choice. I hated my cravings. The whole pregnancy thing was getting to me far too much. I wanted every flavour they had there! Gareth tried hard not to laugh at my indecision. Grandmother was a highly impatient person and didn't think it was funny at all.
    "Would you hurry up and choose already?" she snapped at me. I bit my lower lip and chose Rocky Road. "Thank you!" she exclaimed after she and I finally sat down at a table.
    I laughed. "Sorry, I am really indecisive because of being pregnant," I said apologetically. I didn't feel at all like myself. I was never one to apologise.
    "Child, I can't imagine you being anything but indecisive, pregnant or not! You have that sort of attitude," she said with a shrug.
    "You're right about that. I've always been indecisive." That was the end of our conversation until Gareth came to sit down with us. I bit my lower lip and tried not to look at him with envy because his Blueberry Cheesecake ice cream looked a whole lot better than my Rocky Road!
    Obviously, he expected that. He held out the ice cream cone towards me. "You can have this one. If you want to switch that is." My grandmother burst into hysterics at how swiftly I grabbed the ice cream out of his hand.
    When we got home that night my grandmother did something she had never done before. She invited me into her room. I was shocked. Most of my days were spent sleeping or arguing with Gareth because my grandmother had a tendency to ignore me.
    "Are you coming or not?" she demanded impatiently. I smiled. Whenever she didn't ignore me she was one of the most interesting women alive.
    "Yes, I'm coming," I said and followed her up the stairs and into her bedroom.
    Her bedroom was a scene out of some historical romance novel. The four-poster mahogany bed was gigantic and took up a good deal of the room. It had giant, thick velvet, blue-violet comforter on it. The dozens of pillows were a mix of dark blues and purples. The rest of the room was done in the same fashion. Very renaissance-looking with a dark mahogany nightstand, full-length mirror, vanity table and dresser.
    To my surprise there were pictures of me setting on her dresser. Not just of me now, either. Pictures taken of me when I was a little girl. One particular picture caught my eyes the most. I was about five and stood beside my mother. We were wearing the same thing: white summer dresses with matching white hats. I remembered the day the picture had been taken. It was before my mother and I started hating each other. The sight of it brought immediate tears to my eyes. I bit my lip and swallowed.
    My grandmother saw the direction of my eyes and smiled as she picked up the picture. "This," she said softly, "was always my favorite picture of you and your mother." She looked down at the picture lovingly. I suddenly realised that as cruel as she could be, she could be just as soft and good.
    "I remember when that was taken," I said in a shaky voice as I timidly sat beside her on the bed. "We were at the beach. Mother had gone out and bought the outfits because she thought it would be adorable if we dressed alike." I choked on the last word and turned away from the picture.
    Grandmother reached over and turned my face back towards her. "What happened?" she asked sadly. "What made you hate your mother and your mother so miserable that she couldn't take care of the child that she once loved so much she would do anything for?" A fugitive tear escaped my eye and she quickly wiped it away.
    "I don't know," I answered honestly. My voice was hoarse with the effort it took not to burst into tears.
    "Life is all about unexpected twist and turns. Nobody knows exactly what to expect next even if they plan their lives out," she said sadly. She looked down at the picture as she said this. "Sometimes it's hard to just go with whatever is handed out to us. And sometimes we expect too much and take too much. Humans can be very selfish creatures. Your mother wasn't always a cold acting businesswoman like she is now. Actually, she was the ringleader of her sisters. She was the oldest, you see, and my two younger daughters looked up to her with absolute admiration!" I didn't understand why she was telling me these things about my mother but I sat silently listening.
    "She could be the most caring, loving person on earth until you did something that hurt her, or threatened the feelings of those she loved. She was like a wild cat. She always felt trapped, though, no matter what I did to keep her from feeling that way.
    "Your grandfather always told me that since I had given him nothing but daughters I would raise them. Then one day, when your mother was only seventeen, he did the most unforgivable thing he could do. He forced my eldest daughter into a marriage that she didn't want. I always believed that I could save my girls from living a life like mine. But it didn't happen. Not with Kristine. Her light just went out after that. It did, anyway, until she found out that she was pregnant. She was so excited. 'I'm going to have a baby, Mama!' she would tell me. God, how she loved you."
    By this point in my grandmother's story tears were silently making a trail down my cheeks. My mother had loved me that much? But I knew it was true. I just couldn't remember when things had gone wrong. What exactly had happened?
    "I wish I knew what happened, Emerald. Once upon a time your mother was sending me letters about how great you were and pictures to show off how beautiful you were. Then I started getting letters that made me realise that all the happiness that my daughter was having was gone. The only thing she lived for was pulling from her grasp. Well, we'd better go to bed now," she announced and I knew it was time for me to leave. "Good night," she said.
    I walked to the door and opened it to go out. I turned around to look at her. "I'm sorry, Grandma," I said softly.
    "Don't tell me, child, tell your mother," she said with her back turned to me as she fiddled with something on her nightstand. I left the room and went to my own where I immediately burst into tears.
    After that night with my grandmother I seemed to hit a major depression. I barely ever got out of bed, much less my pyjamas. I guess it made me realise just how horrible I really had become. I had gone from a sweet little girl who had looked up to and admired her mother to a spoiled young woman who took her mother for granted. Every time I thought about it the tears would start and wouldn't stop. Grandmother worried about me and tried to pull me out of it but seemed to realise that I would come out of it on my own. Gareth was another story.
    I sat on the front porch staring off into space with tears silently streaming down my face when he came from around the back of the house. He came in front of me and I could vaguely hear that he was talking to me. I completely blocked out his words and continued to sit there, staring. Obviously, Gareth wasn't going to let me sit there and wither away. He picked me up and started walking towards the back of the house. I didn't fight him. I just sat there. That is, until I realised what he planned to do. As soon as the pool in the backyard came into view, I started to struggle but he seemed intent on waking me up. He dropped me right into the pool like he would drop weeds into a wheelbarrow. I swam to the surface of the pool and sat on the side of the pool, gasping for air and brushing my soaked hair out of my eyes.
    I glared up at him as he stood over me. "Why did you do that? Are you stupid?" I screamed at him angrily.
    He shrugged. "At least you're screaming at me rather than talking and walking like a zombie," he said as if he didn't care that I was sitting there soaked from head to toe in pyjamas that had become transparent.
    I quickly folded my arms across my breasts and continued to glare at him. "I can't believe you did that! Oh, forget it, I am-" I never finished. I heard the sound of a girl's laughter and voice as she waved and called to Gareth.
    "Gareth! What on earth are you doing?" She laughed and rushed over. She was so tiny! She had light brown hair that reached her hips and the brightest blue eyes in the world. She was no more than maybe 5'4". A patch of freckles spread across her nose and under her eyes. She had perfect heart-shaped lips and a tiny, tiny nose. In fact all of her was so tiny she almost looked like a walking, talking doll.
    She raced up and threw her arms around Gareth, having to actually jump up to do so. "I'm not doing anything but waking up Sleeping Beauty here," he said as he set her back down on the ground. "Azure, this would happen to be your cousin Emerald. Emma, your cousin Azure," he introduced politely. That hyperactive, absolutely beautiful girl was related to me? I suddenly wasn't so sure about being so gorgeous, after all. I said a quick hello and looked down.
    "Hi, Emma!" Azure exclaimed with a giggle that would end up being her trademark. "How are you?" She was so damned friendly that I wanted to go crawl in a hole.
    "I'd be much better off if I hadn't been thrown in a pool," I muttered and started to get up.
    "Hold on, let me go get you a towel." She smiled at Gareth and me and ran quickly in the house.
    "She's just a bundle of joy, now isn't she?" I asked sarcastically looking at her as she entered the house.
    "Azure is a good girl. She's also a peacemaker. She doesn't like arguments and is highly intelligent. She also loves most everyone, but I advise you not to have too much attitude with her. Because as giggly and happy as she can be, she can be just as cruel and hateful." My hands wrung out the bottom of my tee shirt as he babbled on about my oh-so-wonderful cousin.
    "Why don't you just marry her, then?" I bit out sarcastically. He looked at me and smiled.
    "Azure isn't someone I would date. She's beautiful and wonderful to be around but she's more sisterly to me. I could never think of her in that way." He nearly whispered the last few words making me look up.
    His black eyes were looking at me. Not the way he always looked at me, but with something different. His eyes made their way from my eyes down to my feet slowly; then back up and for the first time in my whole life I blushed because of that look. I swallowed hard and looked away just as Azure bounced down the back porch stairs. She tossed the towel at me with a huge smile and I quickly covered myself.
    "Well, it was nice meeting you, Azure, I guess I'll talk to you later," I excused myself quickly and near ran from the two of them. As I shut the door to my room I leaned up against it and took a deep breath. What was happening? Gareth was not supposed to be looking at me like that! And I most certainly wasn't supposed to be having the kind of reaction I had because of that look! It had warmed my body from head to toe as if he were shooting fire from his eyes and warming every place his look wandered. And, not to mention, places he couldn't even see.
    I was breathing heavily as I pushed myself away from the door and began to strip. I stripped down to nothing and started towards the closet. I caught myself in the mirror and turned towards it. My pregnancy was becoming noticeable already. The slight bump that hadn't been there before was enough to make my blood run cold. What man would ever want me now that I was going to be a mother of a child that I had become pregnant with out of revenge? I almost started crying at the thought. I was a pathetic mess. I sometimes wished that the doctor would say that there was something wrong and I'd have to get rid of the baby to save my life, but every time I went he always said that the baby was just fine and I was perfectly healthy.
    I got dressed and went downstairs and ran into my grandmother. She smiled at me because I was dressed. I gave her a small smile and sat down on the couch next to her chair. "I'm a mess, Grandma," I told her with a sigh. "No man will ever want me now and it's all my fault. Just because I was selfish and wanted to get my mother back. I'm not even sure what I was getting revenge for now," I choked on the last word. I tried to force back the tears that threatened to surface and failed. I buried my head in my arms. 
    "The kind of man that will want you now is the kind that will love you and that baby forever. A good man." She brushed my hair with her fingers gently, comforting. "You made a mistake, Emma, that's all. Now you have to be responsible and take care of that mistake. Keep on living; never give up. That's the secret to life."
    "I'm not a horrible person?" I asked through my tears and looking up at her.
    She smiled gently and brushed my hair back behind my ear. "Of course not. If you were horrible you wouldn't feel the way you do now. But I know you have a heart. I can see it in the way you act. I see it in your tears. You're not nearly as spoiled, selfish and mean as you've made everyone think. You're a special person, especially to me. I love you, child. Your mother loves you; she wouldn't have sent you here if she didn't. You'll be all right and the child you have will not be hated and thought of as a sort of revenge but well loved." I smiled at her and threw my arms around her neck. I had learned to love my grandmother desperately in the month I had been here.
    Gareth and Azure walked in laughing and Azure smiled sweetly at me as I pulled from my grandmother and curled back up on the couch. She could ruin it all, I thought. She has known my grandmother and Gareth longer and could easily take them away from me. I was unbelievably jealous of Azure. Gareth could sense that and seemed amused by it. I glared at him and the amusement that had danced in his eyes disappeared with a look of confusion.
    Azure sat down beside me still smiling. Did Ms. Perfect ever stop smiling? We were cousins but we were, obviously, nothing alike. She was cheerful and charming. I was brooding and bitter. I didn't want to sit next to someone who could outshine me by so much. I got up and walked out of the room, not wanting to listen to their excited chatter. They all had memories together and I wasn't about to sit there and listen.
    Gareth found me out by the pool about forty-five minutes later. I lay by the side of the pool, letting my fingertips skim across the top of it gently. He sat beside me and I ignored him and continued to run my fingers through the water.
    "Are going to ignore me or do I have to throw you in the pool again?" he finally asked.
    "I'm not in a joking mood," I muttered and continued looking at the pool, not really seeing it.
    "Neither am I." His serious tone was very different from one I had ever heard him use. He was usually almost as cheery as Azure was.
    I finally looked at him, my head lying on my hands, one wetting my cheek from being in the water. "I couldn't stay in there with her," I decided to explain before he even bothered asking.
    "I really don't know why, Azure is a very friendly person," he began.
    "I don't want to hear how wonderful she is, again, Gareth. That's why I couldn't stay in there," I said, propping myself up on my elbows. "She's so beautiful and happy and everything that I've always wanted to be! I never realised just how much of a bitter person I am until she came today. Never realised just how dull I am until I saw her shiny, angelic beauty. She looks like she could sprout wings and a halo at any time!" I explained. I couldn't stand to look at him.
    "Who says you're dull because you don't look like you just dropped down from Heaven?" he threw out at me. He seemed almost angry.
    "I do! Look at her!" I cried, motioning towards the house. "That hair, those eyes... She's what every girl wants to be, Gareth!" I shook my head and got up from the pavement. "I'm just going to go take a walk or something." I turned around and started away from him.
    "Why would you want to change what you look like, Emerald?" I ignored him and kept walking. "You're what every girl wants to be." I turned around to stare at him in confusion. "Have you not looked in the mirror? You're like a Barbie doll!" I burst into tears.
    "I don't want to look like a Barbie doll. I want to be beautiful. And lately all I see in the mirror is some fat pregnant girl who screwed her life up before it even started!" I ran from him then. I was tired of being compared to something fake. I was tired of being fake. I wanted to be real.
    I knew that it was silly to get myself worked up over stupid things like that and as I sat on a swing in the local park, I sat chastising myself. I knew my emotional state was worse now that I was pregnant. But how many people would pay attention to that fact? I knew Gareth and Azure must think me insane.
    I swung back and forth on the swing slowly. As I started to swing faster and higher into the air, I began thinking about the baby. What would it look like? Would it make the same mistakes as me? Would I go through what my mother was going through with me? I shook my head and slowed the swing to the slow pace it had been at. I took one of my hands and placed it on my belly where a slight growth was starting. I was now in my fourth month and soon I would show.
    I got off the swing to start my way back to the house. I stopped and stared at a mother sitting on a bench while her two children played together. I frowned to myself. She looked absolutely annoyed when the younger of the two little girls came running up because she had fallen off of the merry-go-round. I grew angry as she grabbed the girl by the arm and yelled at her to stop acting like a baby. The child was only a baby! Maybe three years old at the most. The girl sniffled and turned away to go play.
    Then I heard more laughter and I turned to see another family. There were a lot of kids in this family. Seven to be exact and they looked like they ranged from about four to sixteen. They were playing volleyball with their parents. One of the older daughters held up her little brother to hit the ball. Their laughter rang out through the air. They were really happy. I smiled. I wanted a family like that! But that dream was far and out-of-reach. My child would have no father. I shook my head and turned around to continue my journey back to the house. As I did this I tripped over a couple of teenagers making-out on a blanket. The boy sat up and glared at me. The girl started calling me a bunch of names.
    "Get out of here, you clumsy moron! Can't watch where the hell you're going?" she screamed. I started stumbling over my own words of apology when another voice came from behind me. It was deep and melodic sounding. Soothing. 
    "Leave her alone, Kim, it was an accident," the voice said. I turned around to thank him. His jet-black hair was cut short in the back but was pretty thick and long on top. Bangs flowed over his eyes and he kept brushing them away unconsciously. His eyes, behind glasses, were bright blues. His nose seemed perfectly straight and his lips full and sensual. Just looking at him made me dizzy. I quickly caught my breath.
    "No need to defend me," I said quickly. "I'm fine, just leaving,"
    "Thank God!" The girl on the blanket exclaimed and went back to kissing her boyfriend.
    The young man, to my surprise, went over and yanked the girl from her boyfriend and pulled her to her feet. He dragged her over to me. "Apologize, now, Kim," he ordered.
    "It's really all right, she-" he cut me off.
    "She was rude to you when she had no right to be. Our mother raised us better than that and she's going to show her manners," he declared and squeezed Kim's arm.
    She winced in pain. "But, Seth!" she whined. Her eyes, the same bright blue as his, widened when she saw the threatening look on his face. "Fine. I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk," she said in a bored tone. He thrust her away from him and she walked away, looking back every few steps to glare at us, rubbing her arm all the way back to the blanket and her boyfriend.
    He watched her for a bit and then turned back to me with a smile that made my heart pound like a giant hammer in my chest.
    "I'm really sorry she acted the way she did. My mother didn't raise us to be that way, our father just tends to spoil her."
    I sighed. "The story sounds rather familiar," I muttered. "It's all right. It's not like she physically attacked me." I turned and started walking.
    He was at my side in seconds, walking along with me. "I'm Seth Everest," he said politely, holding out his hand toward me. "What's your name?"
    I looked at him as I kept walking and smiled. "I'm Emerald North. I'm here living with my grandmother because of circumstances similar to your own sisters. You better keep an eye on her because someday she'll regret acting the way she does now." Why I started babbling about that was beyond me. I quickly shut my mouth.
    "I know. I tell her that all of the time, but she never listens to me. Doesn't want to admit I'm right." He sighed softly and ran his fingers through his thick black hair. "So, you're here because of 'circumstances similar to my sisters'? Mind sharing what you mean or no?" I don't know why I did it, but suddenly I was telling him my entire story as if I was a bomb going off.
    Maybe it was the fact that I was in such need to have somebody hear me out. I needed someone to hear my feelings on it. Everyone was so busy trying to make me a less selfish and spoiled person they weren't stopping to think that maybe I had feelings, too.
    Whatever the reason, I told this complete stranger everything that was happening in my life. Whenever I was finished, and we stood out front of my grandmother's house, I expected his ridicule and disgust with me. I expected him to laugh so hard he fell to the ground clutching his stomach. How pathetic I was. I couldn't even look up to see what he was thinking.
    "So your mother sent you away because you got yourself pregnant?" he asked. I managed to look up at him.
    My haughty attitude came in to hide the vulnerability that was covering me. I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my head to meet his eyes as I answered. "Yes, that's why she sent me here." I forced my voice not to shake. After saying my entire story the disgust in myself was beyond anything I could handle. I wanted to run to the room that I now called my own and cry until I had not a tear left.
    "Well, you certainly are different from anyone I've ever met," he chuckled.
    "I am? How is that?" I asked. I couldn't help the look of confusion, shock, and, not to mention, the look of scepticism that I gave him.
    He just shook his head, his hands in his pocket, smiling at me. "Not every day you meet a spoiled, pregnant rich girl turning her life around." I knew he didn't mean it as an insult. Besides, he was right. It wasn't every day you met someone like me. When once I'd been ready to cry I eagerly laughed with him.
    "When can I see you again?" he asked after I decided it was time for me to go in.
    I blushed. I was surprised but, ultimately, pleased with myself. "Call me and I'll let you know," I said to him, then turned around to finish my way up the walkway. Before he could ask, I called out my phone number to him while still walking.
    "Got it!" he called out and laughed.
    I walked into the house with a smile so wide across my face; Grandmother raised her right eyebrow a bit suspiciously. "I'm guessing you're out of your depression?"
    "Oh, yes, Grandma! Very much so. I met this boy at the park, and he was just so friendly! Nobody of the male gender has ever been so nice to me!" I exclaimed as I made my way into the living room to sit on the couch next to her chair.
    "That's wonderful. Are you going out on a date with him? What's his name?" she asked, obviously excited and happy for me.
    "What's whose name?" I heard Gareth growl from the sliding glass door leading in from the backyard.
    "Emerald met a boy at the park and I was asking his name," my grandmother quickly explained to him and then turned back to me.
    "Anyway," I began, completely ignoring Gareth. "His name is Seth Everest. He is so handsome, Grandma! He has jet-black hair and pretty light blue eyes. A perfectly straight nose and thick, full lips. I always thought full lips on a man were extra sexy,"
    Grandma laughed at me. "You're already obsessed with the boy!"
    "It's so refreshing to have someone hear my story and not judge or hate me because of it. He was a real gentleman." I proceeded to tell her how I met him. It wasn't until my story was over and Gareth finally decided to speak that I realised he was still there.
    "Peachy. Sounds like a real knight in shining armour," he snapped. I looked up at him and met his black stare. He looked away from me.
    "Gareth? What's the matter?" Grandma looked confused at the boy she seemed to know so well.
    "Nothing, I just worked hard in the garden today and I'm a little tired. I'm going to head on home. Good night," he muttered as he left the room, not giving anyone a chance to say anything.
    Grandma's eyes followed him, with obvious concern shining in them. I looked after him, too. Only I wasn't as confused. I was concerned but I understood him to a certain extent. Earlier, before I had run into the handsome Seth Everest, Gareth had been the only boy I had been around for awhile and I had begun to like him. I had started to like him so much that the threat of my own peppy cousin was bound to drive me insane. I had been jealous of her not only because of the threat she brought to my grandmother's fragile relationship, and mine but because Gareth admired her. I bit my lower lip. He would just have to get over it, I decided. I liked Seth and his jealous rage wasn't going to make me change my mind about dating him.

CHAPTER FOUR

Dating Seth was more exciting than I thought it ever could be. I saw him whenever I could. His first phone call, for some reason, did shock me, though. I remember lying on the living room couch reading when the phone right next to me rang. I sat up and answered it.
    "Hello?" I said into the receiver. There was a short pause and then an answer from a voice that had my blood rushing through my body faster than lightning.
    "Hello? Emerald?" he asked.
    "Yes! It's me!" I nearly cried into the phone. I sat up quickly and set the book down on the arm of the couch and pulled off my reading glasses to set them on the coffee table next to the phone.
    "I was hoping you'd answer. How've you been?" The conversation started out shaky but suddenly we were laughing together. I sat there on the phone with him and before I knew it five full hours had passed. I laughed as I looked at the clock by the fireplace.
    "What's so funny?" he asked.
    "Nothing," I said, shaking my head and giggling a bit. "I was just looking at the clock. It's been a full five hours since you've called," I explained.
    "Oh, I see. You've been counting?" he asked teasingly.
    I bit my lower lip, smiling. "Maybe."
    "Well, maybe we should just get married." His words made my heart pound.
    An hour later we finally did get off the phone. By that time I was convinced that I was going to fall in love with him.
    Okay, maybe I wasn't falling in love. But I did start to have strong feelings for him right from the start. I was in such a need to trust someone; I began to trust Seth right away. Maybe it was a stupid move but I needed to feel as if I was still human and not the doll everyone compared me to.
    The semi-friendship I had begun to have with Gareth quickly changed. We basically stopped talking to one another. Except to say a hello every now and then there was none of the attraction that had started between us. I suppose that was a good thing. Who needed two boys fighting over you? Besides, Gareth had Azure. They may have known each other a long time but Gareth was better fit with her. Or maybe I was just telling myself that so I wouldn't feel bad for dating Seth.
    Of course, I still had a certain attraction to the handsome red-haired devil that Gareth was. What girl wouldn't be? Those eyes could be so black and serious looking one minute and the next they were mischievous and playful. He changed moods so quickly that he was actually exciting. Intelligent, witty and good-looking. So what exactly was my problem?
    I didn't want to pinpoint my problem. I was afraid of whatever the answer was. So I became lost in Seth's constant attention and affection. He was the first boy I had ever dated that I actually liked. I wasn't about to play the handsome, rich and intelligent Seth Everest.
    Of course there were plenty of problems with Seth. I was able to catch them right from the first date. Like the way he seemed to talk down to you when explaining something to you. That was really irritating. I ignored it, though. After all, everyone had their flaws, right? I just had to accept Seth's. Which wasn't hard to do when staring into the soft blue eyes that looked down at me as if I was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen.
    Seth and I saw each other often, but I had yet to invite him into my home. When I finally decided it was time he meet my grandmother we were walking through the park, as we often did, and I invited him to dinner. 
    "Grandma will be delighted to finally meet you, Seth! Please, say yes!" I begged him with my eyes, holding tightly to his hand with a small, anxious smile on my face.
    He gave me his deadly handsome smile and I felt myself melt. "I'd be more than happy to join you for dinner, Emerald," he agreed. I was so ecstatic that when he walked me home, I said my good-byes quickly and ran up through the grass rather than the path leading to the house... and bumped right into Gareth. Gareth fell backwards and onto the grass.
    He must have been so shocked that he didn't realise what he was doing when he caught me to stop me from falling but only succeeded on taking me down with him. Our gazes caught and something flashed in those never ending black orbs. I wasn't sure what it was but I almost thought it was amusement. Maybe something else that I didn't want to recognise.
    I quickly pulled myself to my feet. I smoothed down the knee-length black skirt I was wearing, one of the few things I could wear without my pregnancy showing, and managed to regain my composure. I turned to see Seth still there. He laughed, waved and then turned and left.
    I turned back to Gareth, who was just picking himself up off the ground. I just stood there for a second watching him. Until his black gaze met mine, again. My heart skipped a beat. But I wasn't one to let my feelings show.
    "Didn't you see me coming?" I snapped. Anger was a good way to make those black eyes turn from liquid fire to ice. And that is exactly what I wanted. Wasn't it?
    "Of course not! How I was I supposed to know you were going to come flying up through the grass? I can't exactly read your mind you know!" He glared at me.
    "Well, next time expect the unexpected," I said haughtily.
    "Maybe next time I'll purposely do something to make your stuck up little boyfriend's eyes bulge!" he growled.
    "You wouldn't!" I cried.
    "Why wouldn't I? I have nothing to lose," he declared. I glared at him. But for the life of me I couldn't stay mad at him. Not when he sounded angry but his eyes glittered with humour. I finally smiled.
    "What were you doing out here anyway?" I asked. I was trying to make conversation. I didn't know my question would turn his eyes hard and serious. I raised my eyebrows. "What's going on, Gareth?" I demanded.
    "It's Azure. She's at the hospital. Her mother told your grandmother that she fell down the stairs, but I know better than that. That bastard of a father of hers beat her again," he growled.
    I covered my mouth with my hand. I hadn't known that Azure's home life was more miserable than mine could ever dream of being. "You sure she didn't just fall down the stairs like my aunt claimed, Gareth?"
    "Positive. I know her family. I know her father. Azure is just stupid enough to fight back and she gets it worse than any of her siblings because of it." He looked down. "In spite of what you think, Emerald, Azure is like my little sister. I don't have any real siblings of my own so I sort of just adopted her. And the thought of her hurt and having to go back home from that hospital and suffer all over again drives me insane." When he looked up there were real tears in his eyes. I decided to help him.
    "Even if she has to go back home, Gareth, you think that maybe we can do something that would scare her father into not beating her ever again?" I asked. He looked at me curiously. "I mean, maybe we can all put our heads together and come up with a plan to scare him witless," I explained quickly.
    He thought about it for a moment. "Well, I was just going to go over there to beat him senseless. But maybe we can do that. What kind of plan do you have in mind?"
    "I'll need to know more about him before we can really think one up. His likes, dislikes, how he and his wife are, if he cheats on her... that sort of stuff. Then I'm positive I can come up with something to trap the creep and save my cousin from the misery she suffers through," I told him as I thought about certain things we could do.
    Gareth and I made our way to the hospital silently. Each of us was lost in our own private thoughts, mine being about how bad I felt. I was always so rude to her and I felt absolutely horrible for my attitude. I never thought that someone as outgoing and friendly as she was had any problems. I sighed. Why was I so rude to everyone? I mean even people that were nice to me were treated badly.
    We got there and were allowed into her room where she lay looking up at the TV screen with a blank expression on her face. Her very bruised and swollen face. There was a cast on her right arm and her left hand lay on the cast lightly. Her left eye was swollen shut and completely black and blue. Gareth took one look at her and turned back into the hallway. He leaned against the wall outside of her room with his head down.
    I followed him out the door and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Gareth, you really should go in there. I know she looks bad but," I took a deep breath, "she needs you. You're her friend."
    He looked up at me with the saddest look I had ever seen in anyone's eyes. "I don't want to see her like that. She looks worse than she ever has," he said in almost a whisper.
    I tugged on his arm gently. "Come on, Gareth, we have to go in there," I repeated.
    He took a deep breath and stood up straight. "Okay."
    We entered the room again and she lay in the same position, not hearing us in there. Not hearing us or completely ignoring us, anyway.
    I swallowed hard as we walked up to the side of the bed. I bit my lower lip and then lay my hand over hers. Gareth looked up at me in surprise but I ignored him as tears welled up in my eyes. I felt so bad for her. Her misery showed right through the blank stare.
    "We're here for you, Azure," I whispered softly, my voice shaking. "Don't worry, we're here for you."
    She turned, finally, and looked up at me. She was barely able to open her right eye, but she looked at me. "Some fall down the stairs, huh?" she said sarcastically. Then she laughed. "Don't worry, I'll be out of here before you know it. He never put me in the hospital before, you know." She looked so sad.
    "Don't worry, Gareth and I are going to help you get revenge on that creep. I won't allow him to get away with this. I know we were never really friends, before, but you're still my family," I told her, trying to reassure her.
    She smiled as she looked down at her cast. "You're not at all as mean and bad as you try to put off, Emma, I always knew that. That's why I was never rude back to you." 
    There was a silent truce made between my cousin and me that night. From that moment on we would be friends, family. It felt good to have people care about you and think of you as a good person.
    For the rest of the visit we talked about her father, enough to let me know that he often cheated on her mother and liked blonde women. Enough to let a good idea pop into my head. We would get our revenge no matter what it took.
    I had know idea how much our plan would backfire.

CHAPTER FIVE

Every day the assurance that she would be able to get back at her father made Azure stronger. She was let out of the hospital after a two-day stay. I was almost positive that the nurses didn't believe her mother's story for a second. They knew that her injuries were far too severe for a simple fall down the stairs. But they ignored it and let Azure go home.
    Azure was over at Grandma's house every day after that. Azure and I would discuss our ideas about what we could do for revenge, while Gareth worked on Grandma's gardens until he was able to join us. We needed this to be absolutely perfect. I didn't want to go into anything blindly.
    A lot was happening all around me at this time. Including my "blossoming" relationship with Seth He was becoming more of an egotistical jerk by the day. The night he had promised to join Grandma and me for dinner he never showed up. He made up some excuse about a family get together. I grew annoyed as every day he had an excuse for not meeting my family. Annoyed that every time we were alone he tried to put his hand in my pants or up my skirt or shirt. Then one night he went from annoying to rude.
    We had just seen a movie and we were walking out. The summer night air was warm and the smell of corn dogs and popcorn floated through the air from the fair just a few miles down the road. I felt a strange feeling in my belly and looked down shocked. Seth put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the strange look on my face.
    "Nothing." I smiled. "I believe the baby just moved. What a strange but wonderful feeling."
    "Are you kidding me?" He sounded shocked by my response. "You're actually excited about that bastard kid you're carrying? Why don't you get an abortion? Wanting the baby makes you look even more like a slut."
    My head snapped up to look at him. "How dare you! I would never kill a baby that I made, mistake or not. This baby is my responsibility and I'm going to be excited about it whether you like it or not. Whether anyone likes it or not. It's not yours or anyone else's decision to make." I was so angry I felt the tips of my ear get red. "This slut would rather she not ever see you again," I growled and walked away from him, my nose in the air.
    I never did see Seth again after that night. I was thankful for it, too. I didn't need to be treated badly because of a mistake I had made. I would not let someone treat my baby or I like trash just because of mistakes made. Never.
    I had our plan set, and even the night we would do it. It was our plan to catch Azure's father in action with video cameras and turn him into the police. Gareth and I would hide and watch Azure purposely make her father angry, just so we could catch him with our hidden video cameras. We didn't realise just how dangerous it was going to be.
    I remember earlier that day while both Azure's parents were at work and her younger brothers and sister were at friends' homes, we went in to set up the cameras. Their house was a small one story, three-bedroom home. They had very few places to hide cameras, but we were able to figure it out. Gareth set up one right above the TV set in the entertainment centre and then a tiny one he had rented on the other side of the room in the corner of a picture frame.
    I could tell Azure was nervous. Her wounds from her last beating were just barely healing. Her arm would be in the cast for a good month and her eye was just starting to become less swollen, and she had been out of the hospital two weeks. Her pretty blue eyes were wide and almost scared looking but she knew she had to do it. She had to do it for the safety of herself and her siblings.
    Nobody spoke a word as we took our places right before her father would come home from work. I hid between the arm of the couch and the wall and Gareth hid on the back porch just out of sight. I remember hearing the front door slam and I saw Azure grimace. Then she stood up and began talking to her father. I don't remember what she said, in fact, I don't think it really mattered what she said, but suddenly he was flinging his fists. He grabbed her broken arm and twisted it around and I heard her screaming "Daddy, no!" over and over again. I couldn't handle it. I was flying out of my hiding spot before I could think about it. I jumped on his back and started pounding him in the head with my fists.
    "What the hell!" I screeched and threw Azure away from him. He grabbed me and managed to toss me off of his back. I flew off his back and onto the couch behind me.
    "Got your little friend in here to beat me up, Azure? What the hell? Stupid little bitch!" he screamed and grabbed at her again and slammed her against the wall a good three or four times. The picture with the hidden camera in it came down and smashed on Azure's head. She passed out and he noticed the camera at his feet.
    "Ah, I see how it is. You two had your little camera set up here to catch me on tape, didn't you?" He laughed the wickedest laugh I'd ever heard. Then he started going around and ripping things off the walls. He turned the couch, love seat and recliner over, looking for another camera. And he did find the other. He placed it at his feet and stomped on it. I grimaced every time his foot slammed down on it. I looked down at Azure who was still knocked out cold with a fresh cut across her forehead. I swallowed hard.
    He glared down at me with such vehemence that I coward against the couch, wondering where Gareth was. "I know you," he said through gritted teeth. "You're that little hussy my mother-in-law has been taking care of." He suddenly smiled with a fearful glint in his grey eyes. "I kinda fancy girls like you." Then, before I could even think of what to say or do, he grabbed my arm and yanked me into a lying position on my stomach. He grabbed my other arm and pulled it behind me and while holding both of my arms at the wrist with one hand his other hand flipped my skirt up. And the only thing I could think of doing I did. I screamed at the top of my lungs.
    The next few seconds passed by quickly. Gareth came flying through the door to pull him off of me. He punched Gareth in the head. Gareth passed out. I had sat up and when he turned around I slammed my foot into his groin area. He doubled over with pain and I ran to the backdoor to scream as loud as I possibly could for the neighbours to call the police. It was the only thing I could think of doing.
    He pulled me back into the house, obviously still in some pain, and threw me on the floor. I landed on Gareth. I looked down at him and could see a bruise already forming around his eye. I swallowed. If Gareth was no match for this man then I certainly had no chance.
    He picked me up off the ground and shook me so hard I thought my head would fall off. My head was pounding when he stopped and I felt an urge to pass out. Then the only thought I had right before I was about to pass out was of the baby. If I passed out and he raped me, what would happen to my baby?
    My eyes tore open and I managed to pull from me the last shred of strength in me. Praying silently to myself, I pulled my head back and then banged him in the head. He let go of me immediately and staggered backwards. He fell against the wall behind me and slid down to the floor. I heard the sirens outside and felt my body go completely limp with relief, though I didn't black out.
    It was over. I knew that. The police came in, as did Azure's mother, begging the police, claiming him innocent and us the bad ones. To her he had only been defending his home when we had attacked him. Of course, with all of the blood, a lifeless Azure, a staggering, barely conscious Gareth and a very dizzy me, it was obvious we had not been at fault. It was over. Our plan had backfired but the result had been the same and Azure would finally be safe.

EPILOGUE

There wasn't much of a court battle. Within a few days Azure had her things packed and was living in the room next to mine. Things had changed. I had definitely changed. I talked to my mother on the phone at least once a week and even had plans to see her. I did mention that this would be a permanent arrangement. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay with the people who had become my family. I needed no one else but them. This was my home now.
    After things settled down and we had all healed from our "adventure", as we liked to call it to soften the blow of what it really was, a beating, Azure, Gareth, and I planned a picnic in the park. Unfortunately, Azure couldn't make it because she had to go visit her mother on that day. Gareth and I offered to postpone the picnic but she insisted that we go, so we did.
    It was a beautiful summer day, cosy. I was five months pregnant already. Somehow my baby had made it through that rather harsh beating and, according to the doctor, was going to be born rather healthy if things kept progressing the way they were. I was excited about it and told Gareth so.
    "I just can't wait until it's born. I wanted an abortion at first but not now. I couldn't imagine killing my child," I said softly, my hand over my belly where I was really starting to show.
    He smiled as we began to pick up what remained of our relaxing picnic. "What do you think it will be?" he asked. I looked at him, thankful that he seemed interested in my baby.
    "I don't know. I think a girl. I have no idea what to name her, though," I stood up just as he did. "It's a miracle she is even alive after what happened." Then I thought about it and I smiled wider. "That's what I'll name her! I'll name her Miracle!" She moved then and I laughed. "She likes that name." I felt Gareth watching me and my head shot up and my eyes met his. "Want to feel?" I asked. Before he could answer I pulled his hand to my belly and the baby moved again.
    His eyes went wide. "That's the most strange and amazing thing I've ever felt!" he exclaimed.
    I laughed. "Trying feeling it from this end!" We laughed and our eyes locked. That silent attraction flared between the two of us as it often did only this time neither of us looked away. Our smiles faded and we slowly moved closer until our lips touched. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever known.
    We made our way home hand in hand that day and as we made our way up the driveway, there was a surprise waiting for me. My mother stood in the driveway, leaning against her car, her arms and legs crossed. A smile appeared on her face as I walked up. It was the warmest and sweetest smile I had seen come from her in so long. I let go of Gareth's hand and half-ran to her. When I got there we stared at each other.
    "I'm glad you don't want to come home with me. This is the best place for you to be," she said softly, tears in her eyes.
    "I know. I'm sorry, Mommy. I'm so sorry!" I burst into tears and flew into her embrace. It had been so long since I had called her Mommy. But it felt so good, so comforting.
    Our visit was great. We had a big barbecue and my mother, grandmother, and aunt all talked about old times that us three "youngins", as Grandma called us, wouldn't begin to remember.
    And for once I felt the safe feeling of belonging. This was my family. From that moment on I'd never take anything for granted again. This wasn't an ending at all, though, but a beginning of something amazing. The start of a life that would lead to my complete happiness.
    Right before sleep claimed me, that night the words "...and they lived happily ever after…" filled my head. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

THE END

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