DISCLAIMER: It’s a sad fact of life that John Lennon left a precious bubble like Cyn for the evil ways of Yoko the Sorcerer. It’s also true that Paul McCartney chose Linda over Jane Asher for reasons I fully understand, despite the fact that it’s a real bloomin’ shame, as those two looked great together. It’s true that Patti left George for Eric Clapton (evil, twisted thing to do… But George also did something REALLY bad…), and that Ringo divorced Maureen after a VEEEERY low blow… (See George.) So none of what you are about to read is real. Once again, the only people who own the Beatles and their wives are themselves, as well as a numerous number of lawyers and record execs… But not me. I don’t own them.



John and Cynthia, 1972.

Heroin was too much. Cyn had managed to put up with a lot of things. LSD, pot, uppers and alcohol… But junk? What was John thinking? That’s why she had turned away and had enough. He had left her for that Japanese mess of a woman, some Yoko creature. Something he could not understand. Stuff would happen sometimes, but despite the misery her marriage to John had endured, she loved him still. Probably always would. She knew he was the love of her life. Now their marriage was over, and the sheer presence of the "guru-woman" had broken John’s band up. Cyn would often cry, thinking of all the effort all four boys had put into becoming what they were; thinking of all the effort SHE had put into making her John happy, when he never really had been. Or perhaps there had been moments when he had shown his love for her. When John was romantic, he was the best man in the world. But when he wasn’t, he was aloof, cold, aggressive and even vicious. Unfortunately for her, most of her marriage had been like choice number two. And now, even if he was not with her any more, the thought of seeing John lying on the studio floor, needlemarks in his arms, with that black haired haggis running her long, bony fingers through his golden mane was sickening. But much as she wanted to believe that this would have never happened with her, she knew it was a big fat lie. He had done all the other drugs with and without her… what made heroin so different?

Such was her pondering when Julian came home from school early; She saw how he walked through the gate with a smile the size of Pecos.

With a bemused frown, she walked to the door and held her arms out for her little boy, who ran happily into her arms. Cyn always thought he looked adorable when tucked under the woolly jacket his once dear Uncle Paul had given him. And Cyn wondered if maybe she had picked the wrong Beatle. Paul had always been great with Jules, maybe even more than John at times.

-Hey, what’s with the giggles? - She hugged her son and kissed his forehead.

- Look, mummy! - Julian pointed at the door.

Oh, God….

He had shaved… He wore his hair tied up in a ponytail, his round specs outlining the lithe line of a nose he had. His lips were pressed together, almost as if he was afraid to even speak. But they were transfixed.

- Daddy brought me home from school, mummy! Can he stay for tea? Please? - Julian begged her with pleading eyes.

Cynthia sighed, her eyes fixed on John as he walked closer to her. –Can I, Cyn? - He mumbled.

The truth was that he looked both terrible and wonderful. Wonderful because John was always a sight she enjoyed, and terrible because he looked like he had been through a week without meals and water. Apparently, Yoko had had him on a diet, because he was "too fat" for his health. TOO FAT? When had John EVER been anywhere near fat? Cyn treasured the memory of warm cheeks, rounded arms and tight buttocks. Now he was a sad looking sack, but poetry for her very own sore eyes. And there he was, like Oliver Twist, asking if he could stay for tea. How could she refuse?

She stood up and walked to him. –Hello, John…- She smiled, trying to hide the need to jump into his arms and kiss him, to make love, to bathe and feed the only man she had ever really and wholeheartedly loved.

- Cyn…- john grinned and touched her cheek, making her shiver. –Yer looking really good…

- Yes, well…- She put her hair behind her ear. – I’ve been all right. Could be worse. - She refused to allow herself say to him that unlike her, he looked dreadfully thin.

- Mummy? Can he stay?- Julian begged. –He said he has presents for me…

Aw, way to go, John! Walk out on your son and then try to buy him back with presents.

Cyn grinned at the undisguised enthusiasm of little Julian, and could not refuse.

- Fine…- She smiled and looked at John. –Should I… ehm… make tea for four?

- Four? - John sneered.

- Yes…. – She looked at the door and gulped. –I take it Yoko’s here as well….

John shook his head. –No… she’s in America. - He huffed and put his hands in his pockets. –Didn’t work out, she and I… found her in the sack with her ex, you know, that shit Tony Cox… we’re getting a divorce and all… Not yet official. I was just mind boggled, so I thought I’d come up here to see Jules.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?" Cynthia though before exclaiming a soft and usually mousy. –Oh… I’m sorry…

She led him inside the house. John’s mind was flooded with past memories. The garden was a mess. The pool had gone dry and there was no sign of the rosebushes that had once circled his home yard. He sighed, feeling like a right bastard. He would try… the worst thing that could happen would be that it would not work. He had been able to kick the junk "cold Turkey", so maybe there was hope.

He sat in the livingroom with Jules, asking him more about school. Julian was having a field day. In a single hour, his daddy had shown more affection towards him than what he had ever done when he still lived in the house. He played, sang and even gave him a horsie ride around the livingroom while Cyn fought tears as she put the kettle on in the kitchen. John had grown up so much, yet it seemed he still had that je ne se qua that had always driven her mad. He looked calmer, wiser… a better man.

She walked out with a trayful of cups and cookies together with a kettle. John instantly went to her, and took it from her hands. –Ere, mind us…

This shocked Cyn. She had known him since 1957, and not once during their relationship had he as much as opened a car door for her, but now…

In essence, the afternoon was spent with john telling Cyn about the mess his life had been.

- I did anything for her, you know…- he shook his head. – I was eating all the crap she fed me, took her everywhere I went… That whole ridiculous bed-in thing was her idea… I honestly thought it was going somewhere… Then…- he winced mildly. –I get home and find her shagging Tony Cox…. - He smiled. At least those two got back together…

- I’m so sorry it didn’t work, John… Honest. –She poured tea for him while trying to hide an almost unavoidable smile of rueful satisfaction. – I never really did fancy her much for you, though, but I honestly wish you had been happy…

- Yeh, I knew you’d think that…

There was a brief silence that was broken when Julian showed John his school notebook. It showed a lot of good drawings and great marks. John smiled, shuffled his hair and told him he was proud. He mentioned he’d love to see more things and Jules rushed up to his room to look for more things to try and impress his father even more.

- He’s a good kid, hey? - John grinned as he saw how Jules disappeared. –I saw a really good bunch of school grades… Not like the shit his father was in school…

- Well, it took a while…- Cyn sighed and touched her face with a napkin. – For about a year after you left he went from A to F… He was getting into fights and all. He was a bit messed up…

John sighed, feeling like an even bigger jerk. –I’m so sorry, Cyn. - He looked down. –I wish I could have been there, at least fer him…- He looked up at her. -…and fer you, as well…

-John, please…- Cyn shook her head and looked down, trying to hide the tears that were now welling in her eyes.

- No, please, let me tell you this! - He sat up and spoke louder. – I know it seems I’m back here just because I’m by meself again, but that’s not it! Cyn!- He raised her face with a finger. She was shocked to find tears in his eyes as well. And she knew John well enough to know that John Lennon NEVER cried unless it was a real thing. – I want to be yer friend, Cyn. Fer Julian’s sake…

Her silence gave way to a smile. –Really?

- Yes. - He grinned as a tear finally cruised down his face. –He’s me son, and I never really missed him as much as I have since I moved away…

- If you missed him so much, why didn’t you call him? - Cyn pleaded. –He did so badly… I was so, so sad for him, because he kept asking me when daddy would come back home to us…- She finally sobbed openly. – When I told him he wouldn’t, his grades dropped, he became feisty… he was just so sad and so angry, John…

Julian came back and saw the tearful parents from the door. He had in his hands a huge drawing of a dinosaur, which suddenly seemed less important than what his young eyes were witnessing.

- Mummy? - He asked, concerned. –Why are you crying?

John smiled, stood up and kneeled in front of the adorable eight year old Julian. His eyes staring directly into his, for a moment he thought he was staring at the mirror. He was not afraid to cry in front of his boy any more. With a teary grin, he suddenly embraced Julian. –I’m sorry, son.- He held the boy and closed his eyes. –I’m so sorry I hurt you so badly… I’m never, ever leaving you alone again… I promise…

Slowly, Julian responded, and his childlike eyes welled up as he held his father back. – I love you, daddy!!

- I love you too, Julian… I love you so, but so much…- He kissed the little face before holding him tight again.

Cyn stood up and walked to them in tears, putting her hand on their heads. John’s arm instantly went around her, and the three embraced in a tight hug that would never end. And Cyn hoped the friendship she and John had just rescued would eventually be what it was before.

- Help me Cyn… I don’t want to end up like Paul did… please…

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