Part VII

Jane Asher and her Beatle Boyfriend


The flight to London was long and boring. Brian had sent tickets for both my sister and I, and they had arrived exactly a day before the flight date. We were to be received in London by Neil. I had seemingly forgotten who Brian was, but this time I had brought Paul’s shirt along for the ride. I feared I was losing it. Maybe I was crazy; that could account for my behavior at school, at least. I even wondered if students get readmitted into institutions if they plead temporary insanity.

Upon landing, I drifted like a zombie. Once again, I was not eating. It must have showed, because people in the plane sort of drifted away when they saw me. I did what I could with my appearance. A little makeup here and there, my hair tied up in child-like pigtails and a small dress Jess had made for me. She was an excellent seamstress, and I often wondered what she was doing in law school. For the first time in ages I envied Jesse. All my life I had been told I was the prettier one of the two, but to me, Jesse seemed angelic. Her huge blue eyes were somewhat similar to those of a pixie, and her entire behavior was bubbly and giddy. I was always a bit more quiet and serious. But just for once, I wished I hadn’t been pretty… Not that night, not in that alleyway. I felt guilty, dirty and scared, even if the man had not completed the rape.

The plane finally landed. Jess gently woke me up. It was only 4:30 p.m. London time. Just a couple of blinks and I instantly knew jet lag would not at all contribute to my recovery, neither mental nor physical.

After descending and collecting our luggage, we looked around for any familiar faces. There, between the people, was Neil Aspinall, who waved a happy hello. I hadn’t remembered his face until that night, and I was glad to see him. And he was glad to se us… Or at least glad to see Jess.

- Jesse, luv! - He hugged my sister. –You look great! - He then turned to me, and paled.

I smiled at Neil as I stretched my arms out. –I know, I know… I’m not fit for the dogs!

He smiled back at me and hugged me. I could tell by the way that he held me that he felt frightened he would break me apart, as my bones were beginning to stick out.

- Aw, puppet… - he shook his head. – You’ll be fine, you’ll see. Brian’s told us everything. He’s gone way out of his way, ‘e has!

He signaled over for a luggage caddy, and a young man, more or less my age, strolled up to us pushing a cart. After loading our bags onto it, he followed us to the car… The car!

Jesse and I stood before a beautiful, black Rolls Royce. Both my sister and myself were a bit startled when she tried to climb into the front seat, to find herself behind the wheel. Neil laughed. –Ya know, luvvie, Paul McCartney’s not the only thing from Britain to do things the other way ‘round!

- Whose car is this? – I asked, touching the hood.

- John’s. –He replied as he opened the door for me. –Most of the times, he sends his chauffeur around, but it was Les’s day off today, you see…

- And, where are the boys, if I may ask? - Jesse shrugged.

Neil got behind the wheel. – Twickenham....

I sneered. –Twickenham? Where is that?

He put his seat belt on as he spoke. –It’s a film studio. The lads ‘ave been working on a film fer a while now. – He started the engine of the car.

- They are making a movie? - Jess squeaked. –God, about time! –

- Yeh. – He smiled. –Ya know what? I think they’ll be glad to see ya. Both of ya. - He turned around and looked at me. –And luv, you know what to expect from our Johnny, so don’t be startled if he acts up on ya, ok?

I nodded with a smile. Sometimes I wondered if strong criticism wasn’t what I needed to snap out of it. After all, the last time I had seen John, I had eaten and had a good time.

We drove off through the streets of London. Being a middle class girl with no parents and only state support to pay rent, I had never before left New York, so being in London was a relief of sorts. It seemed great, yet so completely different from America. The one thing that stood out the most was that not only did they drive on the right hand side of the car, but also in opposite directions of the roads. Everything else seemed oddly familiar yet felt different. I heard Jess and Neil get into idle chat while I gawked at the streets of London. Inside my mind, I wondered if Liverpool was at all similar to this city.

We finally pulled over at a hotel. The name escapes me now, but I believe it was called the Royal Horseguards, or something of the like. Neil asked us if we were hungry. As usual, I said I wasn’t, and he gave me an angry look.

- Now, luv, you’re here to get better, so you’d better eat, or I’ll have to tell on ya, you see…

I giggled. - Tell who? My mom is dead… you see…

There was a long silence inside the car before Neil finally stepped out and opened the door for both my sister and I. Just as he was helping me out of the car, he shook his head. - Well, it’s one solid bloody shame, then. - He shook his head again. -I may have to cancel tonight’s reservations…

Jesse look saddened at my stubbornness, and I felt suddenly ashamed of myself.

- No, Neil, please! I mean, I’m not hungry, really. But if you are hungry, well please go ahead and eat something. Don’t mind me. I’ll just go upstairs and sleep for a while.

Neil pouted a bit. –Aw, bugger… Well, I’ll guess Paul will be eating by ‘is bloody self then.

Had he just said... Paul?

- Wait, wait! – I stopped him just before he got back into the car. – Paul made reservations?

- Yeah… He asked Brian to book a place in some fancy posh place and stuff fer all of us… But he was sort of looking forward to seeing you, in particular.

My knees weakened but I struggled to stay on my two feet.

- Fine, then. – I grinned. –I wouldn’t want to ruin the poor guy’s plans.

- That a girl! - He smiled, as he opened the trunk.

Summoning a bellboy, we started our way up the stairs and into an elevator. Everything was decorated in an old Victorian style, red carpeting and all.

We reached the fifth floor and the elevator came to a halt.

- You know, I’ve ‘eard these lifts are almost a hundred years old…

I figured that by lifts he meant elevators.

- Really? –Jess turned seemingly surprised. – That may account for the decoration.

Neil smiled as he shook his head. – Well, then. I’m guessing you are going to be very comfortable in here… Brian has spared no expenses… At John and Paul’s request, mind you. – We unloaded the things from the elevator as the bellboy opened the door to the room. – Apparently, you caused quite an impression, ladies. On the flight back from America, they all kept talking about ya, until they all finally dropped dead, you know…

He pushed the door of the room, and our jaws dropped to the floor. Such accommodations! Such luxury! It was a huge room with a great view of the city, a large bed with blue velvet-like covers. A plush blue carpet matched the thick curtains that were neatly tied up with a golden ribbon. I was even scared of stepping into the room. I’d probably mess it up by just standing in it. There was a TV, maybe twice as large as the one we had back home.

Slowly, we both gained courage to venture into our room. I gently pushed the bathroom door, and I couldn’t avoid squeaking in hysterics.

- Jess! Jess! You have to look at this!

She pushed past me and froze on top of the black and white tiles. There was a gorgeous tub facing a window, framed by two white lace curtains. There was a bidet, even if at that moment I had no clue what it was for. The hotel towels were embroidered in blue and white over a silver colored label. Same matching shampoo bottles. The wash basin was finely decorated in wooden frames with hand painted porcelain handles. Outside, right next to the TV, there was another wash basin: A large porcelain bowl with a matching jug.

- This is temporary, naturally...- Neil scratched the back of his head as he spoke to us. –Otherwise we will soon be bankrupt. Brian will soon be arranging other accommodations. - He tipped the bellboy as he spoke to me with a wry smile. –Good thing you changed your mind about eating with us. Take a look at that, then… - He pointed at a huge flower arrangement on top of a gorgeous dresser. He pulled it down for us, and handed me the card, which I read aloud.


Hello, there, you Ameri-birds!

Hoping you didn’t have a bumpity flight.

Can’t wait to see the bones sticking out of your

flesh once again. At least we won’t be eating you!

You’d better eat, ya hear? We’re paying

good money to feed you!

Love: Magic Eppy and the Bulbous Beatles of Lancashire.


I somehow had managed to read through the whole thing without giggling, but when I finished, I could not avoid laughing out loud together with Neil and Jess.

- I take it this little thing was John’s idea… - I giggled.

- How would you know tha’? – Neil smiled sarcastically. – C’mon, then. I’ll be waiting at the lobby while you freshen up. We got like thirty minutes, so do hustle it up a bit, all right?

He left with a smile.

Jess and I stood in silence for about ten seconds before screaming like maniacs.

- Will you look at this? – Jesse squeaked, arms open. –Can you see this?

- Yeah! – I let myself flop down on the bed. – God, this is so cool! - I looked up at her. – How many chicks do you know that have gotten this far with the Beatles?

She jumped on the bed and lay next to me. –I know a girl named Rita…

We both giggled.

- The Bulbous Beatles! – I laughed. –What in the blue hell does that mean?

- I’m guessing it’s like a language of their own… - Jess stood up and walked to her suitcase. – Some people invent their own words and stuff. It happens, you know. Besides, - She turned and smiled at me. – John’s perfectly capable of that and more; you know it and I know it.

I stood up and looked out the window with a smile. –Maybe this is just what I needed. I wanted to really get away from New York… – I looked at her.

- If I start hallucinating here, then I’ll KNOW I’m nuts.

Jesse’s smile disappeared. – Rita, you are NOT crazy, ok? - She picked my suitcase up and threw it on the bed. - Now, go on. Choose what you are going to wear. We’ve only got a little while to… Freshin’ oop!

I laughed. - Man, I just love the way they speak. Can you imagine John reading that little card?

- I can imagine him doing a whole bunch of things, not JUST reading the card… - She blushed a bit. I opened my mouth in disbelief.

- You would not!

- C’mon! – She smiled. –Wouldn’t you?

- John? Are you serious? - I sneered as I went through my clothes.

She shrugged. – I don’t know! George? Paul?

Ah, the magic name.

- How about Ringo? – I turned my back to her, obviously trying to conceal my red cheeks. -–Forgotten about him already?

- No! - She smiled. - Ringo goes first… Then John…

I turned to her with my hands on my hips. –Jess, really! - I laughed. – Isn’t John married?

- Well, once can dream, right? – She took her blouse off and slipped into a somewhat tight blouse with a flower pattern on it. – I know he’s married, I’m just playing with you. – She walked to me and turned around. –Zip me up, will ya?

As I pulled the zip up on her blouse, I shook my head. – Yeah, one can dream.

She turned to me, and gave me a mischievous grin. –I know whom you dream about!

- Really? – I turned around again and pulled out a blue tweed skirt and a white blouse with a zigzag design around the neckline. –And who may that be?

- Didn’t you say George?

I laughed to myself, somewhat relieved. –Well, there you have it. He is rather cute, isn’t he?

She sneered a little. –I have a problem with large teeth…

- But no problem with large noses, right? – I laughed out loud as I pulled the blouse down over my head.

- You leave Ringo alone! - She laughed and hit me with a cushion. – He’s adorable!

- I never said he wasn’t! – I held my hands up. –Now stop! You’ll mess us both up!

She smiled. –Ah, get real. I know you’re simply mad over Paul.

I stared at her. –What makes you think that?

She smiled and pointed at my open suitcase. – What’s his shirt doing between your clothes?

Shit.

- I brought it here to give it back! – I growled. –It’s his after all…

- Yeah, right! - She sprayed perfume on her neck. – And you’ll give it to him all black, murky and with a couple of holes around the sleeves. Boy, I’m sure he’ll be glad to see it! - She shook her head. – Face it, Rita: YOU… HAVE… A…CRUSH!

I remained quiet before grabbing a hairbrush and heading for the bathroom, not wanting to say another word on the matter.

After a while, we were ready. As expected, Neil was waiting for us at the lobby. It was strange to see how he looked at my sister, grinning every time his eyes met hers. It must have been the pixie charm.

- Well, aren’t I the lucky bloke, then? You look quite marvelous! – He said to her as she approached with a smile. Gently, he took her hand and kissed it, making my sister blush like crazy as she quivered. I knew then that her crush on Ringo would not last long.

Neil turned to me and grinned. – Well, then, luvvies, you ready?

It was a gorgeous ride to Twickenham studios. The area was obviously made for the well off. It had not been a short ride from London, but all things considered, it wasn’t too far away.

On the way, we passed by some sort of bar called "The knight's armour". Neil saw me as my head swerved, staring at the place.

- Aw, so ya want to go drown a pint, hey? - He smiled.

- A pint? Of what?

- Guinness, naturally! – He laughed. –That’s a pub, there, after all!

- A "pub"? - Jess shrugged.

- I take it you mean beer when you say Guinness, correct? – I leaned on the front seat.

- Naa, beer’s like horse piss, luv. If you want to taste a real brew, you drink Guinness. - He then took an exit. I looked at the signs saying Pinewood Road. We were obviously headed for Pinewood studios, probably to collect "The Bulbous Beatles of Lancashire and Magic Eppy".

After showing a pass, we entered the so-called studios. Neil turned to us and smiled as he parked. – Would you girls like to see the lads in action, before we leave?

Jess was visibly too nervous to answer, so I did it for her. - They are inside right now?

- Yep.

- Well, I don’t see why not. Jess, you want to stay in the car?

Jess gave me a vicious stare. - No.

The three of us emerged and walked to something looking more or less like a hangar. Opening the heavy door, Neil had to show his pass to yet another guard, telling him we were with them.

I could not wait to see them… See him… And then, there he was… There they were… And who were THOSE?

There were about six girls in there, one of them, a cute little redhead, sitting on Paul’s lap. Another one was staring at George from the corner, while John, married or not, was making out with yet another girl while one more rubbed his shoulders. So much for marriage. Two other girls flanked Ringo, one of which was staring at Paul, who kept sending winks and blowing kisses while the one on his lap was not looking.

I didn’t know why, but I suddenly forgot about the invitation. I was not hungry in the least. There was something about the way he held that girl on his lap; despite the fact that he was a flirting hog, he seemed to treat the redhead with certain awe. He kept caressing her long, straight hair as she talked with Brian. She was pretty, very pretty. I could see then there was more to that girl there than the two making out with Lennon. I had seen the photos of his wife from the American tour, and she was not either one.

- Hey, lads, look who’s ‘ere! – Neil shouted, making all heads turn.

I thought I was going to hurl.

Naturally, the first to approach was Brian. –Hello, ladies! Welcome! – He, too, looked like he was close to being sick, but was as diplomatic as usual. I didn’t dare to look in the direction of the boys, but I could see from the corner of my eye that they were coming. It was as if they had all shook off the girlies; All except the pretty redhead. She, too, was coming to greet us, with Paul’s hand firmly held in hers. She was roughly my age, maybe a bit older. Slightly shorter than me, she possessed a wide, pretty smile that could melt any guy, and a strange but adorable nose tucked under a pair of enormous, dark blue eyes with lashes that matched her hair.

- So, then! – Brian clapped his hands in front of them. –I trust you had a good flight.

- It sucked. – I spoke, suddenly bitter. Brian obviously understood, as he seriously believed I was somewhat disturbed. And at that time, I was; Very, very disturbed indeed.

- Ah, there they all stand like bleedin’ statues! – Ringo giggled as he ran to Jess. Stopping right in front of her, he smiled that huge, contagious smile of his and spoke somewhat mockingly. –‘Ello, precious! - Without hesitation, she threw herself at him.

Once again, I could feel stares burning my skin. John finally came close, and for the first time I feared his tongue. But I must have looked terrible, as terrible as I felt after seeing the girl in Paul’s hand.

- Hi, John. – I managed a weak grin, suddenly feeling as weak as I looked.

But the look in his eyes was not one of mischief; His tongue was not brewing up one of his famous witty remarks. He simply stared at me, as if he had been contemplating death itself. He shook his head from side to side.

- Aw, luv… - He managed to mumble. – Looks like you could use a hug.

I nodded assent and I allowed myself to fall into his embrace. I was very aware of the pitiful stares on my body, but to have the chief Beatle cover me with his arms was a bit reassuring.

One by one, I said hello to all of them, until it was my turn to look at Paul. His face looked as gorgeous and fresh as usual, only he had a gleam in his eye.

- Hey, Rita luv, wazzup? – He grinned. I could tell his grin was purely Pepsodent. He pointed at the redhead. – This is Jane, she’s me girl.

- Hello. – She smiled and stretched her hand out. Unlike all the others, her stare was not saturated with pity, but rather comforting warmth. Just one look at her and I no longer knew whether to love her or hate her. From her single Hello, I was able to recognize class. This girl was classy, elegant and beautiful. She came across as a somewhat mousy girl with manners taught to her at the best boarding schools, or such was my impression. For a person like Paul, she was a trophy, a real prize.

I forced myself to smile back at her, hiding the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. And the burn was not hunger.

- Hello, Jane. –I managed to shake her hand as she smiled at me. – I’m sorry we had to meet under such circumstances.

- Oh, nonsense! – She giggled. – Anyone who is a friend of Paul’s is a friend of mine, instantly. You just need a little bit of help, that’s all.

She made it difficult to hate her; and that, in itself made it difficult to get over the situation. How can one ever think, Oh, I like you and I also have a crush on your boyfriend?

- Well, that’s why I’m here. – I answered. –I got kicked out from school for being a gnarly mouthy bitch, so I have no trouble travelling here to the other side of the goddamned planet.

Everyone stared at me, while Jess, who had been greeting George, stared at me. –Rita, behave.

While all the others seemed shock by my behavior, Jane still smiled at me. –Oh, don’t worry. We all get like that at times. – She grabbed me by the shoulder and winked at me, playfully. –We’re women, we’re entitled to!

It was official. I liked her a lot… and I wanted to drown her in her bathtub or smother her with her pillow or hang her from her own pretty hair. But I liked her. Naturally, I wouldn’t do any of the above; I always used a defense mechanism of picturing a loathed person dead in my brain. It was a bit sick, but then again, so was I so, what the hell. But Jane made it hard; She was adorable. Everything in her made it clear to see why Paul had singled her out from a bazillion pretty faces. I suddenly hated Paul for being such a cheat. Flirting with one of the extras while holding this sweetie on his lap? Dancing romantic songs under the rain and giving out phone numbers to strange girls? Or had I just misinterpreted the whole deal?

I smiled at Jane, this time for real. –Thank you, Jane. – While she wasn’t looking, I addressed a dirty look, straight into Paul’s eyes. He responded by staring at me with a confused frown. Maybe I had puzzled him, but I didn’t care. What a loathsome individual!

George bounced up to me. –‘Ello! - He smiled at me, hiding his obvious dismay. –You in a bad mood, then?

- A bit. – I frowned, looking down. I then raised my face and looked at his. He was smiling at me, expecting and waiting for my reply. I laughed a little when I remembered Jess telling me she didn’t like big teeth; but on George they seemed to look fine. Ok, so Paul was a prick. A sexy, adorable, gorgeous, beautifully scented prick. And there was George, who had flirted with me since the day we had met.

- Do you think I’m not fit for the dogs, Georgie? – I responded, playing like an innocent little girl.

His lopsided grin grew bigger. –Aw, luv, you should know better than that, hey? - He gave me a tight hug, and this time he didn’t seem to fear breaking me apart. - I’m also a skinny bugger. So wrap it up, hey? No more self-loathing fer today, are we clear? - He then gave me a soft, gentle kiss on the lips. - On top of that, you’re a beautiful bird, you are. So let’s work a bit, hey? We’ll make ya better in no time.

George’s kiss immediately made me feel better for some reason. Not only because it was a sweet gesture from George, but also because I could see the look in Paul’s eyes change the instant his friend’s lips touched mine. I had no way to describe it, but it was definitely a change.

- Well, if I keep getting encouraged… - I grinned as he put his hand around my waist.

Soon enough, we were all heading out into the streets. Once again, the "thingy" was summoned, and I had to stop Jane from explaining what the "thingy" was. Feeling great in George’s embrace, I found courage to finally speak to Paul. Despite the fact that I was temporarily furious at the man, one direct look would melt me like butter. With an evil grin, I spoke to him.

- Well, Paul, I trust your moustache is already dry…

He stared at me, and I felt the piercing hazel like a machine gun on my chest. – Yes, actually… - He grinned with certain sarcasm. – Although to tell you the truth, I really didn’t care much about the moustache… Not at that moment, anyway. – He directed a somewhat injured stare, before tightening his embrace around Jane. –How about you, luv? - He spoke to me again. –Did yer clothes shrink?

Touché.

I shook my head from side to side, unable to reply. In our own language, he was actually telling me that he HAD cared. But how many girls did he know and care about?

Stepping into the car, Jane stopped him. They spoke for a short while, and Paul finally peeked his head in. –Neil, is it all right if we take a spin and drop Jane off at her home? She’s got sum appointment.

- Aw! You’re not eating with us? – I stuck my head out the window, legitimately feeling upset. That would mean I’d have to speak to the baby-faced boyfriend without the shield of the comforting girlfriend.

- No, I’m sorry. - She pouted sweetly. – I have a few things to tend to.

- She’s an actress, Rita. – Paul grinned at me. –An artist. Like yerself, you see…

Ringo leaned forward. –The lucky bastard gets to go home with her.

Never mind, I said to myself. You’ll live through this… You have George with you…

- Hey, wait! – Came a squeak from the other side of the parking lot. A long, leggy girl with blonde hair and large, blue eyes rushed to the vehicle. The same girl that had been staring at him. –Am I not invited?

- Naturally! – Yelled George with an even greater smile. He removed his arm from my shoulders as he opened the door for the girl. And with her entry, my plan was ruined. Now I had two girls to drown in the tub.

- That’s Pattie. – Ringo whispered to my ear. – She’s got ‘er hands clasped tight round his goolies, she ‘as.

- Shurrup, you daft git! - George laughed from the outside. Soon enough, everyone was in the car. Tight. Really tight. I sat on John’s lap. Throughout the entire ride I tolerated comments and childlike moans the likes of Yer bone’s stuck in me leg, luv. If you were any lighter you’d be under the sand in Egypt. Cor, a girl the likes of you doesn’t need his fella to ‘ave a boner, you got ‘em all, and so on.

Naturally, every time Johnny as much as opened his mouth, out came a witty comment that had everybody laughing hard enough to make Neil lose control and almost slam the whole entourage into a lamppost. Plus, the ride was, as I said before, not a short one. I actually felt sorry for John, who had to keep the bones in my butt firmly stuck against his lap.

We arrived at Jane’s house, a lovely suburban-looking home in Wimpole Street. I knew not much about London, but I would be sure to take all these names to heart, just in case I ever felt like belonging to the aristocracy in London. The whole street looked fancy, and all my suspicions of this Jane being a classy and obviously rich girl were confirmed.

After stepping out of the car, she smiled at me as she shook my hand through the window. –I will give you a call. - She spoke with that beautiful accent. –Maybe you, your sister and I can all go shopping sometime…

- I’d like that. – I grinned back. –Except I don’t have any money. I just came for my therapy, that’s all.

- Aw, pay no mind! – George spoke with his huge smile. – Just charge it all on Mr. Brian Epstein’s account, right, Eppy?

Brian giggled. Obviously a joke. Would have been good, but it would not happen.

Jane’s face fell a little. – Oh, that’s a shame. Well maybe we could go out for a cup of tea, would that be nice?

Jess, who had been quietly sitting on Ringo’s lap, smiled. –I think a cup of tea would be great, don’t you, Rita?

I was obviously cornered. All I could do was grin and shrug. –Let’s see what Brian has in store for me first, shall we? Then we’ll see.

- Very well, then. – Jane suddenly leaned and kissed my cheek without warning. – It will be great to spend time with you. I’ll be in touch!

- Bye, Jane. – Everyone mumbled as she went up the stairs, followed by Paul.

I had to bite my tongue in order not to yell bad words as he kissed her so, but so gently on her lips. He didn’t deserve her. For his type, his flirty, two timing ass, he should settle for a rude, uneducated wild woman from the west… Someone the likes of me, perhaps. These thoughts made me giggle a bit as Paul stepped back into the car and sat with a huge, proud smile on his face.

We drove in a somewhat happy silence as we spun around the streets of London. I figured the boys would have the rest of the day off from the shoot, as we were no longer anywhere near Pinewood. Instead, we were, as John described it, very near the studios where they worked, in a gorgeous area called St. John’s Wood. The whole neighborhood was completely beautiful. Lots of trees inundated every block, there was a park in almost every corner, and all the houses looked large and majestic, maintaining a conservative architectural style. I had learned about these in school only six semesters before: Vicortian, Edwardian, and Georgian…

A few blocks ahead, we pulled over at a fancy looking restaurant that faced a small, artificial lagoon. The sun was setting in the horizon, and jet lag was setting in my head. I began to nod while everyone inside the car wondered aloud whether or not to use the disguises from the "thingy". One look at Jess, and I could tell she was in the same condition. Neither of us had the slightest clue when we would be going home, but now that I knew Paul was spoken for and that my second Beatle choice was smitten with a leggy model, my enthusiasm had flustered a bit. There was also the possibility of John Lennon and Ringo Starr, but Lennon was off boundaries for me, as I knew he was married, even if he didn’t particularly care much about that issue. And Ringo? Well, it would be a foul move to make on my own sister who was absolutely endeared with him. Let’s see, what choices did I have? Mal? Married, and far from my type. Brian was, according to John, an active scorching homosexual… That left Neil and Neil alone. But Neil had an obvious crush on Jesse.

What had I done to deserve this crap?

I sighed. It was obvious that this was going to be as further away from dancing under the rain as it was expected. It seemed the only good fun that I would be having would be with Jane and Jesse, drinking tea. I suddenly felt disgustingly British. Not that I thought any of them were disgusting, but being surrounded by nothing but Englishmen and women was something I never thought I would see in my time, especially not THESE Englishmen, the most wanted in the world.

I sat down silently. I was far from hungry. If anything, I was feeling sick. I had not had a bite now in about three days, and what I had eaten before had been almost purely symbolic. If this had been later years, I would have been diagnosed with Nervous Anorexia and Post-traumatic Stress disorder. But these were not terms used back in the day. I was just so depressed and scared and emotionally injured over the events of my life, I was refusing to eat as a result. I was also delusional. Basically, the cheese was sliding off my cracker.

Everyone indulged in idle chitchat while they ordered. When the waiter asked me what I wanted, I just shook my head from side to side, and ran off to the balcony, leaving everyone at the table shocked and obviously confused. It was now verifiable that I wasn’t just faking a problem to get close to The Beatles. Brian’s face reflected a concern that was hard for me to describe to myself; a strange mix of sadness and worry over the band’s squeaky clean reputation.

I leaned on the railing facing the lagoon and saw the sun going down. It was a gorgeous afternoon. I remembered my mom and her intense love for sunsets.

- This one’s for you, mom… - I felt myself weeping softly as the sun went down. –Wherever you are, this one’s for you…

A voice startled me. - I ‘eard it was cancer, right?

I turned and saw Paul leaning against the rail, also looking out to the horizon, holding a cigarette in his left hand. I promptly cleaned off my tears with my wrist.

- Yeah...- I whispered, staring back at the sun until my eyes hurt. - Breast cancer. She was dead within a space of two months. - I swallowed hard, working hard not to cry again. - There wasn’t much of a family left after that…

- What about yer dad, then? - He finally looked at me.

I smiled a smile that was hard for anyone to believe. - Dad? What's that?Who is he? -

Paul looked puzzled, so I explained. - He left, Paul. He walked away when I was six. Jesse was eight. I think he had another lady. Last I heard, he has a son with her. I don’t know, I wouldn’t be able to tell you a solitary thing about him. - I sighed. - It’s just Jesse and I. We could have gone to my Aunt’s place in Boston, but we had already enrolled in the following school term. Jess is in law school.

He turned, and grinned at me. - Yeh, Iv'e 'eard this story from sumone else's mouth, as well...How about you?

Seeing the sun in his eyes brought out the hazel and gray strokes in them. It was almost as if his eyes were a transparent window to his soul, even if most of the time he fought to keep a steady face.

-I am an… I WAS an art Student. - I giggled. - I got the boot after I went a bit too far and told the Headmaster’s secretary to…

- Shove it? - He grinned, putting his bent fingers over his mouth as he leaned his elbow on the rail.

I smiled. Despite the fact he had seemed so vile before, he always managed to make me melt in one way or another. Sometimes he would seem caring and adorable, other times cold and careless.

- In a nutshell, yes… - I laughed, remembering the look on BallBuster’s face when I told her where to go.

He laughed with me, and then let his arm hang down over the rail, as he stared into the sun with me. I couldn’t resist staring. He had the most astounding profile I had ever seen in a man.

- I lost me mum to breast cancer too, you know… - He spoke without even turning to my face. - I was young then. Twelve or thirteen or so… Fourteen, actually, because Mike, me brother, was twelve… - He sighed and once again took a clenched hand to his mouth, leaning the other elbow on the rail. –It was pretty bad for me, but I had to keep a straight face fer me dad and brother…- He sighed again as he shook off the ashes of his cigarette, which fell solemnly into the water. - It was bad, really bad. As I couldn’t bear to see me dad tearing ‘imself up, I always kept a straight face around him. You know, like saying, "It’ll be all right, dad", sort of thing? - He finally looked at me while I listened with dedicated attention. - But most people who saw me thought I had me a heart of stone… It wasn’t like that at all, really. It hurt like bloody hell, it did. I cried meself to sleep fer weeks. - He smiled. - But I guess it was fate, you know. Had she not died, I never would have picked up the guitar. It was my release form of sorts. That served for a bit of consolation, I suppose. - He released a mild giggle, more nostalgic than funny, and turned his face back to the now fading sunset. - I remember indulging in all the daftest sort of prayers… Stuff like, "Dear God, if you bring me mum back, I’ll go to school and get great grades, I’ll be a great lad forever". I guess it just doesn’t work that way… - He remained quiet for a short while before looking into my eyes again, making me quiver. - So, luv… I know how you feel. At least in that aspect, I do.

For some reason, his words, wonderful as they were, didn’t seem to comfort me much. I didn’t tell him that, though, because I could see he was trying his very best.

- And as for John… - he raised his eyebrow and shook his head. - He’s got bigger issues. - He looked at me again. - Basically, he’s gone through the same stuff as you have, really. He too was an art student, a car killed his mum just when he was getting really close to her. His dad also left when he was just a lad…- he exhaled a large cloud of smoke that ended up going into his eye. He blinked a bit and spoke some more as he rubbed its sore eye with his left index. - I think his family really screwed up with him, you know…- He finally blinked normally, and I had to hold my giggle when I saw his eye was somewhat red and sore.

-This is all sweet, Paul, really. - I grinned with as much sincerity as my face could afford to fake. - But what can I do with all this? Right now?

He looked me in the eye and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. - Fer one, you have to know yer not alone, luv… Yer not alone at all…

He stared directly into me. Not into my eyes, but INTO me. His stare was filled with such warmth, that I felt myself collapsing in tears in his arms, as he cradled me from side to side. - It’ll all be all right, luv. There will always be another sunrise, hey? It’ll be all right… Shhh…

Once again, the smell emanating from his warm body brought consolation to me. It was becoming a drug.

- Cum ‘ead, then. - He grinned warmly as he dried my tears up with a tissue. - Cum on and eat a bit, hey? - I tilted my head down, and he put both hands on my shoulders, slouched until his face was at the same level as mine, and raised his eyebrows as he tried to meet my stare. -Will you? Fer me?

How could anybody say no? Had he asked me to dive head first into the water, I would have done it gladly. For him, I would have eaten the entire day’s specials! After smiling as best I could, I nodded in silence, and he smiled back at me. - Gear Fab! That’s me girl! Cum along, then.

His girl? Yeah, how I wished!

With his arm around me, we both strolled back into the restaurant. As we approached the dinner table, he whispered to my ear. - Please don’t tell John what I told you, hey?

I nodded. The secret was safe.

-Oh, and another thing. - He stopped me just a couple of yards before getting to the table, where everyone stared expectantly. - I wanted to ask… what was all that about?

- All what? - I asked, confused.

- At the studio. - He frowned. -You gave me them dirty looks, you know… And the number I gave you? You never called, not until Jesse did to tell Brian you were going spare.

I smiled and began to lie. The first of the lies. - It was nothing… I guess I just had all this stuff in my system, that’s all.

After another deliciously warm grin, I sat down at the table. Although I really wasn’t at all hungry, I ate better than I had in days. And every time I frowned or pouted or whined, Paul gave me an accusing yet adoring look that one could interpret as "we had a deal". Strangely, after I was done, I felt a whole lot better. Jesse also felt better after seeing me eat properly for the first time in over three weeks. I was strong enough to laugh with them, to put up with John’s obnoxious comments, to enjoy Ringo’s clowning and to overlook my blatant failure with George, especially after this Pattie girl showed up. But I was especially strong enough to realize I wanted the Cute Fab. A desire of a kind I had never felt before, like a wild craving. Much as I liked Jane, I wasn’t a nice girl like she was, so I excused myself by believing a badass does what a badass does. And if I ever caught him winking at me like he had done with that girl at the set of their movie, God knew I would probably wink back. He had managed to cure my heart with only his touch every time so far. His scent, that manly aroma of his, was like a drug to repair a busted mind. I had not been at peace for weeks, not until I found myself being cradled in his arms. I needed him to be nearby, like the soil needs rain for flowers to blossom. That much I knew.

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