tierXmas

Our story starts with our hero Viroodiem on a scouting misson to the lost continent of velious.
I was on the boat to velious pondering why i had to ride from Nro, and if theres tons of erudite ghosts wandering there, and that at the docks in odus why it advertises trips to velious, why , oh why could i only get there from Ro, do the erudites have some secret there, or are they alot more dense than we all originally thought.
I finnaly landed on the icy fingers, and in my inqusitive, Wizzy mentality, i wandered around everywhere, I soon(as i usually do,) got lost quickly. and i stumbled upon a little wooden shack out amongst the snowfields.
Being cold, and not liking the cold, i decided to see what was going on. so i crept up to the window to get a look. When from directly behind me cam a bellowing"HO HO HO!!!!"
I wasnt sure what to make of it, sounded like an drunk dwarf trying to puke on my back. So i turned around to inspect. And to what did my wondering eyes did appear, a BEEEGGGG phat ogre in a nasty red suit.
He peered at me and said"Have you been a good little boy this year?'
I replied in the only way i could" Good god no, are you insane?!?!?!?!?!?!"
The fattie replied"HO HO HO!!!!!"
"You have kinda a one track mind dont you?" i smirked
"HO HO HO!!!!! Your a funny little elf , arent you, How would you like to help me."
Now me in my haste thought of ever elusive GM event P|-|a+ L3vv+, so i pryed more."Who the hell are you again ?"
the oger replied"I AM SANTACLAUSE"
"And i see we only have one volume, huh? Ok how can i help you santaclause?"
Santa led me into the shack. and out from the shack, there came such a clatter. Gnomes and little wood elves, tinkering and singing like there was no tomorrow. My jaw dropped to the floor, as i had never seen such a gay sight. i turned to santa and said"you cant be serious" still in absolute shock.
"YES ! MAKE TOYS FOR LITTLE NORRATH GIRLS & BOYS!!!" he shoved me in and shut the door. I beat on the door, but it was too tightly fastened, and all the windows were barred up tighter than a freeport militia prison cell.
A way too happy elf boy named kinoleen came up to me, sat me at a work station, showed me how to make toys, and bounced off singing to get back to work.So i figured id make the best of it.i made an explosive dolly for little hi elf soozie. i made a seargant slate action figure complete with poision tipped sword and kung fu grip for little dwarf trumpee.
Trying to figure out how to get out of the shack, i noticed a gnome standing next to me making toy clockworks. I began to /drool as i patted my newly aquired gnomeskin tunic, and thought to my self"me thinkes ye make a nice pair of gloves. Then from out of nowhere a giant troll bust through the door"HAR HAR HAR, eys da ANTICLAUSE, and mes come ta tare down ya faa.... faaacctt..... faact... awww hell. ur toy schop.
i thought to my self"Thank GOD"
Anti came bashing throught rhe shop like a dervish crushing gnome and elf skulls in alike, and before i knew it, his club was 3 inches in front of my face.
"joo dont looka like oo need ass keekd. What joo doin here, Inkie.
"That stoopid phat bastard put me in here with these psyco freaks,
"HAR HAR HAR, me sees dat joo met da faat man . Joo look preddy strong for a weekie ieenkie. why don joo help me keek da guts outta da faat man. shut heem up good.
Obviously i was more than happy to help with this.
So we hopped on his sleigh, which was teamed by 8 sleketal reigndeer,
I shouted, "On pestilence, on famine, on sorrow, and plauge, on rapture, on hatred, on glutton and rage." and the beast's took off like screaming banshee's.
It didnt take long take long to find santa, he had managed to get his arse stuck in a chimney in west karana, trying to leave toys for the farmers children. we climbed up on the roof, to see what was the matter.
I hopped off the roof, quickly slayed the farmers living there, while they slept. and proceeded to make a huge fire in the hearth. and i got back on to see the reaction.
Anti looked at santa as he squirmed to no avail. and said"Joo smell dat Viro?"
"Yeah, i think, kinda smells like rotten bacon"
"YEAh, dats it" anti replied.
At this point santa was screamin, and he finnally slid down the chimney, and one big POOF of smoke came out of the smoke stack.
Santa was dead, but his work did not go un done, that night , me and Anti, flew around norrath delivering leathal toys to all the fair elf (and dwarfs, and gnomes & hafees, most humans , and barbarians too) girls and boys.
And as we looked back, it was a terrible sight. Bloody chrismas to all, and to all, we spread blight.

The moral of the story is, never trust a fat man in a red suit, no matter how jolly he may be.