Pairing: CJ/Toby (with eventual references to CJ/Hoynes, CJ/Danny, Toby/Andi, CJ/OMC, CJ/Will Saywer, Toby/OFC, CJ/Simon, and J/D)

Timeframe: Started following Drought Conditions, but gives eventual spoilers back through the beginning of time. :-) Er, the Bartlett Administration, rather.

Rating: The entire series is being posted under “Adult”, even if the chapter isn’t, because of dark imagery, sex, language, and other … joys.

Disclaimer: These guys don’t belong to me. They may talk to me, but they are the property of NBC, of John Wells, were created by Aaron Sorkin, and I don’t get a penny for writing any of this. If anyone wants to sue, they can have my student loans, my credit card debt, and my medical bills.

A/N: I was reading a fic called "Attonement" by DaniBannani and in it, Toby called CJ "Jeanie". The idea stuck with me and I liked the nickname, so I credit her with the idea, even though I know there are others who have had similiar ideas, including the guys on West Wing.

A/N 2: I never ever put a note like this in my stories, but since some people are sensitive to it – a lot of the chapters from this point on deal with some things that happened to CJ while she was in Qumar. And there’s nothing graphic, but there are mentions of sexual and physical assault. And yes, these mentions are necessary to get to the end of the story, many many chapters from now. So, just fair warning to people.

2005 ~ Washington, DC

The buzzing of the alarm invaded his senses, and he cringed, reaching across the bed to slam it off. His bare arm brushed across a piece of paper and he paused, reaching for it, laughing before he even read it because he knew what it said.

The Chief of Staff can’t sleep in until 6. I’ll see you at the office and I’m sending the new guy in my place to Seattle. Remember to check the wires before you get in. ~C~

He’d heard her get up, and had pretended to be asleep while she showered and hunted around the back of his closet for one of the three suits she always kept here – just in case. And when he made it downstairs, there was coffee sitting in the coffee pot and she’d set out a bagel for him, and his laptop was already up and pointing to the wire server. He knew that she knew he wouldn’t check the wires unless ordered to. It delayed every thing else he had to do – even if he was now in charge of that aspect of the communications department as well . And just like CJ had done every day that she’d been Press Secretary, he praised Carol for her abilities to find the real stories and highlight them. But he still had to have an idea of what was going on, so while he downed the coffee and bagel, he checked the wires and found only the usual smattering of gloom and doom in the world. And piece caught his eye, and he stopped, choking on his bagel. It was going to be a long day.

Cliff just looked at his new boss and shook his head. It was an honest answer – he really didn’t have any questions, he was still too stunned to process everything she was telling him. But he did know for sure that wheels up on Air Force One was in about four hours and he still had to get his files ready for the summit. CJ was right, he knew more about this kind of thing than she did, but it didn’t make today any easier. Before he could voice any questions, she was already retreating down the hall, having been snagged by both Margaret and Nancy. At least, he thought the blonde’s name was Nancy.

“Good morning,” she breezed past both Toby and Charlie, glancing between them briefly. It was an hour before she’d scheduled staff. “Someone go first,” she said, not looking up at all.

Toby shifted on his feet, indicating for CJ’s special assistant to speak first. He didn’t want to be the one bringing the news he had and maybe if he let Charlie go first, the floor would open up and swallow him whole. But Charlie’s news wasn’t anything spectacular, just some things CJ would need to know about before Staff, and then she would just pass them right back to the assistants office. And before the floor could swallow him, Toby was standing there, alone, with his … what were they now? Two nights together over the past couple of weeks didn’t exactly reclassify them as anything, but there had been something different in the way she’d cried his name last night. He hadn’t heard that tone since those days in his apartment in Manhattan.

“Toby, what is it? I have a military briefing that you’re holding up.” She sighed, looking at him, her eyes far more tender than her tone. She didn’t want to kick him out, but she had to focus while she was here, and right now their emotional roller coaster was something she needed to leave at the White House gates.

“Qumari television is celebrating the announcement of a new Attaché to the United States.”

“It is fun? Walking around here thinking that you’re better than everyone?”

Closing her eyes, she nodded. “This wasn’t a surprise, Toby, we knew it was coming. His name was on their short list and on the list of people we had to get the State Department to approve. I’ll just deal with it.” She wanted to slit her wrists rather than deal with the story. “As long as no one gets wind of my personal connection to the man, we’re fine.”

“I dare you to try to run now, Claudia. Isn’t that what you do – dare each other?”

“How long do you think that will happen?” He moved around to her side of the desk and sat on the corner, reaching to stroke her cheek and tried to not be affected when she automatically flinched. He couldn’t believe this was happening. She could have put her foot down, screamed that the man was a rapist and should be thrown in jail for life, not be given diplomatic credentials. But she’d never spoken up about what he’d done to her, and he couldn’t blame her. Except now, she would have to stand in the same room with him, and work with him, and have to maintain her own sense of sanity.

“Who knows? Perhaps we’re making too much of this.” She took a shaky breath.

“How far do you think you can run with your ankle like that?” She screamed as he stepped down on it again.

“Toby, it was over twenty years ago, he’s probably forgotten all about what he did to me and by now I should have forgotten too. I’ve moved past it, anyway. So let’s just continue on with running the actual business of the nation. I have a briefing to get to.”

“Well, you’re good to go. Really, remember what I said. I wouldn’t make too much of this, Claudia. It won’t be worth pressing charges – it’s a different country, a different culture. You can’t be flaunting those long legs of yours around to the natives. Just move on with your life. You’re on your way to being a successful woman. Don’t ruin it by making a big deal of this.”

Opening her eyes again, they locked gazes for a moment before he leaned down to kiss her softly. The chaste kiss made them both understand exactly what they were again, and it at least eased their minds – for a little while. No matter what, they would be together at the end of the day.

“I’ll see you in staff,” Toby whispered.

“I’ll see you in hell.”

“Yes.” Unable to even muster a smile, she gently nudged him off her desk and then returned to the work she was trying finish before her briefing.

“The health care initiative isn’t going to sail without some kind of gag rule in place.”

Forcing herself to look past the red light behind her eyes, CJ just sighed. “Are we rolling back everything then? Last I checked, the court hadn’t repealed Roe Vs. Wade.” She tried really hard to not throw a glare in Cliff’s direction.

“What if I’m pregnant, Ani? What if I’m … what if he … oh my God, what if he got me pregnant?!”

“Don’t blame me for the idiocy of my party, CJ.”

She couldn’t help but give him a short laugh. “All right.” She shook her head, “We can’t let it go forward with anything but language that allows all forms of conversation at the clinics. If they’re going to talk adoption, they need to talk abortion as well and I’m not going to tell millions of women that their right to choose is in name only. Cliff, take that back to the Hill with you. Toby, wave the press off the scent of it. We don’t need the debate quite yet. Does anyone have anything else?” When silence greeted her question, she waved them all out to the chorus of “thank you, CJ”. She had three minutes before her meeting with the Secretary of Energy, a meeting she wasn’t really looking forward to. Toby lingered at the door, but she refused to look at him, she couldn’t right now. For these few minutes she needed to be Tommy’s girlfriend again, at least until they could set up a time to have dinner when she could break it off with him.

After standing, looking at her for a moment, Toby nodded and walked out. He understood her silence, and would let her have it. For now, at least. When he was gone, CJ put the pen down and leaned into the soft back of her chair, wishing that this was someone else’s worry.

“CJ?! CJ?! God, CJ, what did … what happened? CJ, CJ can you hear me?”

“CJ?”

“Yeah?” She looked up at Margaret.

“The Secretary of Energy.”

“Thanks.” Standing and brushing out her skirt, she smiled as Tommy came into the room. They shook hands, ever the professionals, and he declined when Margaret offered him something to drink. Once the door shut behind the redhead, Tommy pulled CJ into his arms.

“Hi,” he whispered before kissing her gently.

It was so easy to want to respond. But just his touch made her step back, feeling the sudden urge to shower. It wasn’t him, but when she looked into Tommy’s eyes, she could only see the reflection of her own panic.

“Welcome back, Claudia. It’s a good thing you’re as strong a girl as you are, you’re going to heal up just fine. Get some rest and I’ll have a nurse check on you in a bit.”

“Tommy …” she pulled away, “come on, we should get some work done, all right?” Moving back behind her desk where it was safe, she ignored the look on his face. He knew, without her even saying it, that she was breaking up with him.

“Here’s the full proposal on the nuclear waste package that you wanted.” Sighing, also slipping back into professional mode, he tried to not be hurt by her actions. He wasn’t surprised. CJ’s job came first and she’d admitted a long time ago that she wasn’t sure she could balance their relationship and her job.

“Thanks.” She opened it, skimming through the first couple of pages of the table of contents. “All right, I’ll read this over and make final recommendations before we send it back to D.O.E. and the bill-writers for the official proposal.”

“How long?”

“It will be back in your office by morning.” She looked at him, “You know this won’t sail before the election. Is it worth it to even try?”

“The waste has to go somewhere, CJ.”

“True.” She sighed again and closed the briefing book, listening while he gave some pointers on the best way to deal with the energy crisis facing the country. The Bartlet Administration had done far better than any of the other administrations in dealing with the dependency on foreign oil and pushing forward new sources of renewable energy, but it still wasn’t enough. Something still had to be done, and a Republican Administration wasn’t the way to go for that. “Anyway …” she said after he was done, the professional façade slipping away. “Dinner tomorrow night?”

“Yeah,” he leaned forward, trying to be hopeful, “dancing after?”

I should make you dance for me. Do American girls know how to dance properly? She jumped without meaning to. “What?”

“Dancing, after …” he knew that no matter what, she’d still be breaking up with him. “So we can at least end this as friends.”

“Tommy … not here …” But she smiled gently at him. “We’ll talk tomorrow night over bad pizza and cheap wine. But yeah … friends.”

It’s too bad you seem to think that your kind and my sister’s kind can be friends, Claudia. Claudia, a fittingly ugly American name for an ugly American woman. They should teach you about a woman’s place in the world.”

“Friends is good, CJ. You know how I feel.” Tommy gave her a quirky grin and stood up, “I’ll call you tomorrow to confirm things. Have a good one.”

“Thanks. And I’ll get the notes on this back to you by morning.” She stood to walk out with him, doing her best to keep her distance. If she touched him again, she just might crumble.

“Yes, Claudia. Just touch me.”

“And the new Qumari Attaché will be here in three days for official –“

“We need someone up here in dorm 335. Please, hurry. It’s an emergency …” Anisah looked over at her friend again. “It’s okay, CJ, someone’s coming … Yes! 335 Get up here now! With …”

“There’s nothing official about Attaché’s.” CJ muttered under her breath. “It’s our way of saying ‘we refuse to give you Ambassador status because your country sucks, but because we still buy oil from you, we’re going to go ahead and keep talking to you.”

Margaret just eyed her boss, “And I’m switching you to decaf.”

For a minute CJ looked at the redhead, daring her to mean it, and then both women just started laughing. “All right, I’ll relax.” She sighed a bit and waved Margaret to a seat, focusing on the business of the nation that she had to help run, already dictating the letter the White House would be sending to State. “Send that off once you’re done with it so we can clear up any language.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Anything else?”

“Get out of here early tonight.” She smiled. “I know I want to.”

“By early you mean?”

“Midnight.” She laughed. “I need the updated notes I left for you with the energy package that Tommy dropped off. Make sure I keep the copy and that the originals make it back into his hands. I need one of the messengers to take care of that before the close of business over at D.O.E.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Margaret stood, slightly unsteady on her feet, and slipped back out into her office.

“I’m right here, Ceej. Right here.”

“Where ..” she blinked against the harsh lights above her. “Where …?”

“You are in the infirmary,” came a soft, thickly accented voice. Male. She tensed and tried to edge to the other side of the bed, and only screamed in pain as fire shot through her leg. “It is all right, Ms. Cregg,” the voice came again. “You are going to be all right. My name is Abdul, and I am one of the assistants here.”

“CJ, really, it’s okay.” Anisah appeared in her line of vision now – a blur to her swollen eyes. “Really, you’re okay. Your ankle is broken in about three places though, and your hand too, but you’ll be okay.” Her voice caught. Did CJ remember everything?

“I hurt …” CJ whimpered, trying, and failing to reach for her friend. “It hurts …” It hurt all over, her lower body ached with a fire she’d never thought possible to feel. “It hurts …” what had happened to her? “Did I fall?” She managed to whisper.

A flash of hope raced through Anisah’s heart. Maybe, just maybe CJ wouldn’t remember what had happened to her. “Sort of, honey. Just try to rest. I’m right here, and the doctor will be in soon.”

“I need to take your –“ Abdul stopped when he watched CJ tense just at the sound of his voice. “I’m going to bring a nurse in,” he said softly. “And Doctor Keller will be in shortly.”

“Thank you, Abdul,” Anisah whispered. No, CJ did remember. She just didn’t want to.

CJ stared at the clock and wondered how on earth the day could have moved this quickly, and she still had her dinner meetings and wanted to try and call Tim today. He’d been in Dayton with their father for the past week, and it wasn’t going well. Time was slipping by too fast for all of them. After checking, out of habit, to see where the First Family was, she looked back at the pile on her desk and decided that now was as good a time as ever to call her brother and check on her father. She didn’t need to think about Qumar or Senate races, or that damned book that was going to ruin her career forever. She just needed to feel like a little girl again, but when she heard the exhaustion in her older brother’s voice, she knew that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. “Hey, Tim. What’s up?”