Disclaimer: If Leo McGarry and CJ Cregg belonged to me, I’d be a much richer woman than I am now. But, alas, they were created by Aaron Sorkin and are held onto by John Wells and Co., so I can only take them out and play with them from time to time. I promise they’ll be a bit dirtier when I put them back. I also promise that I don’t make any money off of this. Again, if I did, I’d be a richer woman.

Pairing: Leo/CJ

Rating: Mature

Chapter 1: Haitian Battlefield

June 30, 1966

I ship off to ‘Nam in just a few weeks. I’m nervous, and I know that Jenny is too. Now more so than ever. Jenny is pregnant, she told me last night. We thought we were being careful, but not careful enough it seems. So she’s pregnant and now we’re moving up the wedding so that she and the baby can be taken care of. Her family is upset, and my mother is just resigned. But it’s the right thing to do. We were going to get married anyway, so it’s just happening faster. I can’t have a child out of wedlock – it goes against the uniform code, and it just isn’t right.

I don’t exactly sound like a man in love right now, but I am. Jenny is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s sweet and tender and perfect. Absolutely perfect. And now, now we’re going to have a child together, a little version of her. I hope it’s a girl, I think the world can handle two Jennifer O’Brien’s. I wouldn’t know how to raise a son. As it is, I’m terrified. The baby is probably going to be born while I’m in ‘Nam, and God only knows when I’ll be back, and I know I’ll get sent back over again. I’m an officer, and I go where they need me to lead. But I don’t know how to be a father, especially to a boy. At least with a daughter, I’ll know her mother knows what to do. But how can I be a father when my own wasn’t there for me?

But the possibilities of fatherhood are stunning to me. It is beyond comprehension for me right now, as I think I’ve already said about three times already. I’m in charge of a little life.

I don’t believe it. I just don’t.

~LM

He woke with a start, clutching is heart and reaching across the bed for a woman who was no longer there. They called to him, this cacophony of voices, women who screamed for him, Jenny, Mallory, and others that sang and soared on the winds. She’d called out to him, a voice looming above all others for him to rescue her before the troops brought the Embassy down. Voices echoed in his ears, and when he dared to close his eyes again, all of their faces assaulted him. Friends from Nam, boys he’d helped to kill, soldiers in Columbia, and now, Haiti. They haunted him.

Drink, his mind screamed at him. Drink and I promise it will all go away.

He just took a deep breath, and, for a moment, contemplated picking up the phone to call Jenny or Mallory, just to make sure they were okay. But the angry red numbers on the alarm clock only told him that both his girls would be sleeping and he should try to do the same.

Sleep, however, was a lost cause for the night. Sighing, Leo McGarry rose from bed and rummaged through his suitcase for jeans and his Michigan sweatshirt. The patio was open all night; he could take his water bottle, the speech to review it, and his rosary. Maybe in the next few hours, he could again save the world for democracy. And, if not, at least he could pray for it.

She sighed softly, wanting nothing more than to actually sleep, but since her fuck-up in the pressroom, sleep was a distant, distant memory. If only she’d corrected herself, spun her own mistake, but how could she when she knew she’d been right. She’s screwed up in the worst way, she’d told the truth. On his list of worries, the President viewed his MS near the bottom of the list, there were more important things to focus on, but she hadn’t needed to tell the press that.

Twenty-two years of school, two masters degrees, Fundraising Director for EMILY’s List, Director of Hollywood accounts for Trinton-Day, countless Senate races, a successful Presidential campaign, White House Press Secretary, all down the drain because she couldn’t keep her yap shut. All down the drain because her boss couldn’t have come to her five years ago and said, “CJ, there’s something I need to tell you in case it ever hits the press.” She should have known from the beginning. How could he not have trusted her to protect him?

The notebook page taunted her, daring her to write the words. This was the second round in the fight with the letter; the laptop had taken a TKO late in the game. So now she sat out here on the little hotel patio, snuggled into her favorite Berkley sweatshirt, wondering how to even begin.

“I thought I was the only one who knew about this place.”

CJ jumped about five feet in the air. “God, Leo …”

“Sorry.” He smiled and sat down next to her.

“No, it’s okay. And I thought I was the only one.”

“Nope.” There were a million things he wanted to say to her, all starting with ‘For the love of God, don’t resign.’ But when he opened his mouth, the words just refused to come. He didn’t know if it was because he knew she was right, or that he didn’t want to beg her to stay. As it was, the dream still plagued him and as he looked at his Press Secretary, he wondered if that voice he hadn’t recognized had been hers, begging him to save her from this mistake. Had it been CJ, begging for him to rescue her from the lockdown she’d found herself in over Haiti? But it was chauvinistic to think that way.

CJ looked at him, wanting to be angry, but she couldn’t. At least not for the reasons she was telling herself were the good ones. “What do you do when you can’t sleep?” She was daring him, but she didn’t quite realize it.

He chuckled. Somehow jerking off to images of you didn’t seem quite right. He did sometimes, and it was embarrassing to him. He was her boss, and needed to keep himself from thinking like this – but out here, when she was alone and it was just the two of them, it was increasingly difficult to not think of her as a beautiful woman and not his subordinate. Would she accept his standard, ‘work’ for an answer?

CJ nodded, understanding that there was something he didn’t want to talk about. That was fine with her, as there were a million answers to questions that she didn’t want him to ask. If anything, Leo was a private man – he’d told her as much this afternoon. She should return that favor. “Me too.” Could she tell him that sometimes, when the nights were lost and lonely, that her fantasies drifted away from her usuals – Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Toby Zeigler – to the passionate images of how she imagined Leo McGarry was like in bed?

Leo smiled a bit, resisting the urge to reach across the table and take her hand. Instead, he just leaned back and looked up at the sky. “It’s been a long few weeks.”

“Yeah … Leo …” she wanted to apologize, but couldn’t.

“Don’t worry about it, CJ.” He looked over at her again. “At least, not tonight.”

The smile she gave him stopped his heart. Despite the laughter in the smile, her eyes lacked their sparkle and he knew that had a lot to do with him. Just the fact that she was upset over his telling Toby about their conversation meant she hadn’t really made up her mind about resigning. But he also knew an apology meant nothing right now. He had been the one to bench her for that last press conference. “Okay.” She looked back down at the notebook and closed it, ridding herself of the decision for one more night.

Leo laughed softly at the look of determination on her face. “Hey, take a walk with me.”

“A walk?”

“Yeah. Okay, nothing is open at this hour, but it also means that no one can hear you scream. A win-win for me.” This elicited the laugh he wanted to hear from her. Yes, he was pissed at her for being pissed at him, but if they could move past that then he’d be fine again.

“All right.” CJ unfolded her six-foot tall frame from the table and waited for him to stand as well. Leo told his hands to behave as he fell into step beside her.

“So what really keeps you up all night?” He looked at her sideways, watching the emotions cross her face. She was such a mystery – so open to the most basic emotions, but so much remained hidden behind a wall.

She shrugged, not knowing why she should answer, but figured getting to know her boss better couldn’t hurt. “Just … everything … what … there was a time when government could actually govern …”

“And you are now completely disillusioned?”

She chuckled. “Yeah.”

That made him sad. “What do you usually do when the disillusionment keeps you up like this?”

“Call Toby,” she answered honestly.

Unable to stop the visual of her long legs wrapped around the Communications Director, Leo just nodded. “I see.”

The tone of his voice made CJ look at him and even in the greenish light of the streetlight, she could tell he was blushing. “No. We talk politics and watch bad movies. The physical between me and Toby was over a long time ago.”

“I didn’t realize the two of you …” he lied. Everyone in Washington knew that at one time, CJ Cregg had almost been CJ Zeigler. But no one knew what had ended it.

“Oh, yes you did.” She chuckled. “But you could also care less because you have more important things to do, like run a country. Who your staff is sleeping with really doesn’t concern you.”

“Unless it presents itself in the press.” He regretted saying it, but at the same time her relationship with Danny Concannon was actually an issue with her job performance.

“Leo …”

“CJ, I trust your relationship with the Press. You know how to do your job effectively and professionally. I will leave it there.” He had to leave it there before he started another fight.

She nodded, knowing that he did mean it and the trust cheered her slightly.

“But if you are sleeping with Toby, please stop.” He didn’t know why he’d said it, honestly, it had just slipped out, but when her response was to just dissolve into laughter, he followed suit. It really had been an inane thing to say.

CJ just met his eyes, shaking her head, “Leo …”

Again, his breath caught in his throat when he looked at her, and he had to blame the flutter in his stomach on the stars overhead. But those stars were reflecting in her eyes and the soft light of the streetlights seemed to wrap her in a dream-like mist. He’d never get back to sleep with this image in his mind. So, he just offered her his arm and when she took it he continued down Main Street. “So, what do you do on nights when you can’t call Toby?”

He felt her shrug. “I tend to pray a lot.” Her voice was soft as she thought back to those long nights next to her mother’s bed. “There’s something meditative about it. I have a journal as well.” She sighed, “Which I probably shouldn’t mention thanks to all of these subpoenas that are about to be handed down.” But only she knew about the papers she’d ripped out and burned after the announcement.

“CJ …” Leo said softly, slowing their walk for a minute.

“No, it’s …” but it wasn’t okay. It really wasn’t. She was the one who had actually lied about the President’s health, who had covered up her own knowledge, and who was going to knowingly lie under oath when they asked her if she ever said “should know or need to know”. Her lawyers were eating up her portfolio and this mess was ruining her future job prospects. If she managed to come out on the other side of this, she’d be lucky to find a job consulting for the Texas Lottery Commission.

Leo could tell where her mind was going and he just bit his lip. At the President’s request, he had been the one to tell CJ. It had been premeditated chickening out on the President’s part. He knew that Abbey wanted to be there to tell CJ, but the conversation with Babbish had to happen. So, Leo put himself in the First Lady’s line of fire and told the Bartlet’s surrogate daughter about her surrogate father’s condition. His ears were still ringing from Abbey’s scathing rebuke, and when he closed his eyes he could see the look of panic on CJ’s face. He had been a pawn, but a willing one, and he couldn’t and wouldn’t apologize for it. If he had to apologize, then the President would have to, and Jed Bartlet had nothing to apologize for.

“Don’t mind me, Leo. I’m just wallowing.” CJ’s self-deprecating tone pulled him out of his own thoughts.

He chuckled. “You’re allowed, but just for as long as this walk lasts.”

“Fair deal.” She tightened her arm in his, wondering just how long it would last and wanting it to go on forever.

Leo led them, following one of his favorite paths through the downtown area. “I pray too,” he said softly.

CJ almost jumped in surprise. “You?”

“My relationship with the almighty is one of understanding. He doesn’t order me to church and I’ll try to save the world for democracy.” He wasn’t sure if he could tell her yet that the reason he couldn’t go to church was because he didn’t know how to ask for absolution for the sins he’d committed over the years. Sins against Jenny, sins in Vietnam, sins that kept his mind churning and his soul burning.

She looked at him, seeing the loneliness in his voice actually settle onto his shoulders. “You’re doing a good job, Leo.” And she meant it.

“I’m trying.” The words were soft, but he smiled when he looked at her.

The conversation died then, but rather than becoming uncomfortable silence, it became a soothing calm and they walked until they found themselves back at the hotel and in front of the door to her room. Leo stopped, reluctantly, and stepped back, separating their hands. “Thanks for the walk, Leo.” CJ regained contact again, putting her hand on his arm.

“It was my pleasure, CJ.” He smiled at her again, and again stayed where he was so that his lips wouldn’t take control and kiss her.

CJ felt his tension and shared it, and the emotions unsettled her in ways that she didn’t know she could be unsettled. “Um …” she couldn’t let him go back to his room. Not yet. “It’s not much, but I left the coffee pot brewing when I left earlier and we can stay up and maybe.” she smiled, “offer up silent prayers together.” She really didn’t know why she was inviting him in, and the uncertainty made her uncomfortable. But she did know that she didn’t want him to leave yet. Suddenly she was the gangly, too tall girl in Dayton again.

“Sure.” He didn’t know why he was saying yes. He needed to sleep, and her very presence made him that unsure, too short kid who wanted the air force to accept him. But he followed her into her room.

Her hand brushed his as she handed him the coffee cup. But rather than pull back, CJ let it linger. “Here …”

“Thanks.” Leo smiled and let his fingers rest on her hand. “We really shouldn’t be drinking coffee this late.”

“Do you really care?”

“No.” He chuckled and moved his hands. CJ settled next to him on the bed, her stomach flittering a little bit. The atmosphere was different, and had been since he’d come across her at the patio, and she wasn’t sure what was going to happen. But there was a chair she could have settled on, and instead she was practically in his lap.

Leo looked over at her and his breath caught. Lord above, she was a beautiful woman. Did she know how beautiful she truly was? Everything, from the slight shine on her reddish-gold hair, to her smile, to those sparkling blue eyes, was his epitome of beauty. He would see the hurt and anger behind her eyes and he wanted to be the one to erase it. “CJ …” he whispered. He set aside the coffee cup and took her hand. “I …”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it, Leo.” How had she known what he was going to say? “Hell,” she continued on, looking into his eyes, “I should be apologizing to you.”

“How about we just stop apologizing.”

She chuckled. “Okay.” When Leo didn’t drop her hand, she looked down at their linked fingers. “Leo …”

He stopped talking. Breaking contact of their hands, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, deeply.

Her first reaction was to jump back in surprise, but after the shock of Leo’s lips on hers, she found herself giving back 100%.

Her lips were so sweet. She tasted of coffee and fruit and something else that was so completely and totally CJ. (Something he would later learn was a combination of black cherry Chap Stick and a flavored lip-gloss.) He didn’t know perfume fragrances from Adam, but he liked the way she smelled. His tongue teased her lips, begging them to open for him, and as she let him into her mouth, he gently pushed them back onto the bed. This was probably wrong, and if she told him to stop, he would, but for some reason he didn’t understand, he wanted her. Right now. Not a fantasy, but her, the real live CJ.

She tried to be rational for thirty seconds, but this wasn’t premeditated – Leo hadn’t sought her out just to get her into bed. And if they did what her body was screaming for, it wouldn’t solve any of the problems they were dealing with. None of that mattered though, when he started nibbling on her neck and moved his hands up under the waistline of her shirt. Yes, she wanted him and she really didn't understand what was happening, but she knew better than to question it. Leo's lips were on hers, and his hand was, oh god, moving higher.

He wasn't sure he should be doing this. CJ was his subordinate and he wanted to keep her on staff and sleeping with her wasn't exactly the example he wanted to set, but he knew better than to question this and make it even stranger. So he slipped his hand higher under her shirt and kept going, watching as her arms stretched above her head and her body moved so that her shirt could slide off easily. God, she was exquisite. Perfectly toned muscles, pert breasts nestled into a blue padded bra, and, as he traced his hand down her stomach, a belly button piercing that he'd never known about. The tiny, teal bulb caught the light and made him smile.

She'd been sure of this until her shirt came off, but the lights were on and he could see every flaw - including the thin red scar that still ran up the length of her torso, the reminder of how she was different from most women. But Leo wasn't looking at her scar, rather the tiny barbell she kept through her bellybutton - the flashback to her days at Berkley and with Toby and the reminder that it was okay to be a little bit wild sometimes. Toby had been the one who convinced her to get the piercing - telling her that it would make the scar less prominent.

Leo traced around the bulb and then up her abdomen to her breasts. He didn't want to say a word and ruin the moment and have to apologize formally to his Press Secretary for sexual harassment. But his jeans were growing uncomfortably tight and he wanted to see her with even less clothing. So he kissed her again.

God, the man could kiss. She'd imagined it, lying in bed at night, one hand on her nipples while her fingers on the other hand circled her clit, but she had never dreamed they'd actually be here. His hands were as leathery as she'd envisioned, but even gentler than should be allowed. He touched her as if she was a treasure; feather caresses that left her wanting even more. She moved her hands to the button on his jeans, pushing past the blaring red light that told her to stop, and undid the fly. He pressed into her hand as she moved her fingers inside, stroking his hardness. He reciprocated, unsnapping her bra with very practiced fingers and sliding the material off her body. His lips replaced his fingers as he gently pushed her back onto the bed and made love to her breasts with his mouth. While his lips worked her nipples, his fingers worked her through her jeans and she found herself coming before she was even naked. Leo knew what he'd done to her, and she could feel his confidence rising as he pulled back to finish undressing both of them. After shedding his own jeans and boxer shorts, he moved the remainder of her clothes down her body, lingering over her hips. First one, then two fingers slipped inside her and she watched as he touched her, bringing her back toward the small climax she'd already had and sending her crashing all the way over the cliff, full speed ahead.

"Leo!" She gasped his name, breaking the silence only to have it captured again as he kissed her and then rolled them so she was straddling him. CJ took full advantage of the situation and kissed her way down his body until she was able to take him into her mouth. Leo twisted on the blankets above her, one hand buried in her hair, the other clutching the cheap hotel comforter.

He was going to die. His old heart couldn't take this. The last time Jenny had done anything like this for him had been back when he was drinking, and he could barely remember those days as it was. And here was this beautiful woman ... through half-lidded eyes he watched her, crouched on the bed, between his legs, and oh god, she was touching herself while she blew him. Just watching that added to his own pleasure and he jerked forward and soon was spilling down her throat. Unlike Jenny, she also swallowed and then kissed her way back up his body. God, she was going to be the death of him.

Still not saying anything, CJ just smiled at Leo. She wanted him inside of her, but also knew he'd need a recharge, so, instead, she just took his hand and linked their fingers, and led him back between her legs, showing him the few spots he'd missed on his first exploration of her folds. He took control and, with their fingers still linked, pushed inside of her. CJ gasped and fell back on the bed as he manipulated both of their hands.

It was the most intense moment he'd ever experienced. Watching CJ show him where those spots were, feeling her fingers touch herself while he stimulated her, watching her climax around him as he still pumped both of their hands against her. It was enough to get him going again and before she could catch her breath completely, he moved their hands, moved between her thighs, and pushed deeply, almost roughly, inside of her. She cried his name again and lifted her legs up around his hips, pushing him deeper. He moved her hands up above her head and pinned them as he thrust in and out, watching the emotions cross her face. God above, she was beautiful.

Leo came first, unable to control the sensations, but he stayed inside her, moving his hips so that one hand could slip between them and he could bring her to the edge again. CJ collapsed back into the bed, completely exhausted. Not since her days with Toby had she felt the overwhelming power of multiple orgasms. After a few more minutes, Leo pulled out, not really wanting to break contact with her, but also not wanting to crush her. "Wow..." he whispered, the first word he'd uttered other than her name since he'd kissed her over an hour ago.

"Yeah...” unsure of what to do, CJ lay there for a minute, wanting to snuggle up next to him, but not knowing what he wanted. Luckily, Leo answered that by slipping an arm around her and pulling her back to his side. She curled up, her head on his chest, and took a deep, shaking breath. What happened next?

"CJ?" He looked down at her and saw the uncertainty she was trying to mask. "Are you okay?"

"Scared." She admitted quietly. "I mean...”

"Yeah...”

"Not that I regret this but...”

"Yeah...” With a sigh, he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I don't regret it either, and I didn't do it in some twisted way to get you to stick around."

"Which is probably good..." she tried to chuckle but it fell flat. What on Earth was she going to do now? Now this whole can of worms had been opened regarding something with Leo and she'd been perfectly happy to lust after her boss from afar. She sighed softly, "I guess we...”

"You want to take a step back?" He asked.

"What?" CJ looked up at him and furrowed her brow. What the hell was he talking about?

But he just sat up a bit, a smile on his face. "CJ ... I ... I don't know if or where this tonight will lead anywhere, but I do know that I wouldn't mind really getting to know you. Really." He felt like a fourteen year old courting a crush, but his stomach hadn't done somersaults like this since he'd met Jenny.

CJ felt the blush crawling across her body and, suddenly shy, she wanted to be underneath the blanket that they were still sprawled across. But she wanted to get to know him too ... and whatever came, came. "Okay ... but...” she sighed, her impending resignation on her mind.

"Don't think about that right now, CJ." Leo read her mind and kissed her head again. "No matter what, I want to get to know you better."

"So we're parting this as friends?" She needed to know exactly how much leeway to give her heart. He rested on his back, stroking his fingers through her hair while she curled up on his side, tracing patterns across his chest.

“I don’t regret this, CJ.” He said softly.

She blinked. “Really?”

“It’s not the sweet, romantic way I’d dreamed of wooing you, but …”

Laughing softly, mostly in disbelief, CJ sat up more, propping her head in her hand. “You’d …”

With a gentle hand, he brushed her hair away from her face. “In so many ways, CJ. So many ways. But I’m your boss … and … “ he sighed and pulled her back down into his arms.

“And now that my resignation is looming, it’s okay?”

“No. God... CJ … I don’t want you to resign. I don’t think any of tonight was a mistake either, but I don’t know …”

“If we can handle running for re-election and this?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, feeling so callous. What she must think of him …

“Leo, it’s okay. I am a big girl.” She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. What had she been thinking? That he would be her white knight and save her from herself? That she would be the princess in her fairy tale?

“Hey …” he said gently, bending to kiss her, “just because it’s..” he shook his head, “we barely know each other and I want whatever this could be to be more than fabulous sex when we’re both stressed out.” Leo McGarry was not good with talking about his feelings, and it was showing. But he did want to let this go somewhere with CJ, and he wanted her to know that he hadn’t just been fucking her to get some. He’d been falling in love with her since the minute he laid eyes on her.

“How do we do that?” Could he feel the butterflies that were jumping around in her stomach?

“I don’t know. CJ … I … I haven’t been here in a place like this for a long, long time. I figured after Jenny, all I had left was my work. I don’t feel that way anymore. But I don’t want to blow it.”

She smiled against his chest, taking the opportunity to kiss the sensitive skin near his nipple. There was a scar there and she wanted to know what it was from. But, later. Right now she just wanted to snuggle up next to Leo and listen to him breathe. “Promise me that it won’t be weird in the morning.”

“I promise,” he whispered before dozing off himself.

He’d only had three hours of sleep, but that was normal and those three hours had been the best he’d had in a long time. He’d woken up as CJ climbed out of bed, shyly wrapping herself in her robe. It was clear that no matter their desire to keep this from being uncomfortable it was still going to take sometime to reach that point. But, she still smiled at him, and didn’t say no when he followed her into the shower. She also didn’t say no when he pushed her up against the shower wall and pushed up into her. No, he didn’t know where this was going, or what it all meant, but he did know that he hadn’t felt like this in a long, long time.

“CJ?”

Looking up from her place near the press cabin, she tried to give her boss a smile without blushing, and failed miserably. “Yeah, Leo?” Play it cool, she reminded herself. Just play it cool.

“You doing all right, Kid?” He settled next to her and gave her a smile. “It was a rough couple of weeks.” God, he wanted to touch her hand.

She smiled, still nervous. “Yeah, I’m fine, Leo.” She looked down at the list of names she’d been ordered to put together two weeks ago, when she’d offered to tender her resignation. For some reason, even though now the point was moot, she couldn’t stop looking at the other people who would be just as good at her job, if not better.

Leo reached over and took the list from the pile of things she was working on. Glancing at it for a minute, he just shook his head. “None of these guys could even come close.” Crumpling up the paper, he tossed it into a nearby garbage can.

“Is that really smart? What if someone gets a hold of that piece of paper?"

He chuckled. “You’ve got a point.” Getting up, he walked over, retrieved it, but pocketed it rather than giving it back to her. “I’m taking it, shredding it, and we’ll forget that this was ever mentioned or talked about. You aren’t going anywhere, CJ. Anywhere.” He settled back into his seat and sighed softly. “I was told that I shouldn’t apologize to you, that it would make it look like I didn’t consider you a professional. But I am sorry things played out the way they did …” God, now it sounded like he regretted last night. And he didn’t.

“And if you had to do it over again, you still would bench me.” She’d known what he meant, but it was still kind of cute to watch him squirm. Could anyone else tell that she was blushing?

“Yes.”

She sighed and looked at him. “Me too.”

“So stop beating yourself up. We’ve got an election to win.” Initially he’d planned to just stop by and reassure her, but he found himself deciding to stay put and talk to her. He needed a break from the insanity, and he couldn’t think of a better person to take that break with. “You take too much on, you know. Too much of the guilt for what goes wrong around here.”

“It’s habit.” She sighed softly, setting her pile of notebooks back into her briefcase and tucking her feet up under her. “My mom died when I was young, and so I spent most of my teen years being the mom of the house … it’s still my nature to feel responsible.”

Leo just shook his head. He knew that CJ’s mother was long gone, but he hadn’t realized she’d been young. “How old were you?”

“Thirteen… ovarian cancer. She’d survived once, but it came back and well … she couldn’t survive it a second time.” She looked at her fingernails. It was common practice for her to fall into bed with someone before knowing his or her life history, but it wasn’t often that she ended up telling more about herself than her name. Still, this conversation with Leo seemed perfectly natural, and when she looked up, the sympathy in his eyes made her want to cry.

“I’m surprised you don’t champion cancer research more often.”

“It’s not my place to talk about policy for this administration.”

“It can be. You’re one of my closest advisors and you also have a unique insight into the Women’s community that the rest of us don’t.”

“You should have listened to Mandy more than you did.”

“Well, now we can listen to you.” He looked at her, completely serious, “I’ll listen to you.”

“You can’t always promise that.”

“No, but then again, I don’t always listen to Josh either.” This elicited a giggle from her and he felt a bit better, so he continued on, teasing her. “And the day I actually listen to the President is the day the world goes to hell in a hand basket.” This brought the giggles to full blown laughter. “That’s better.” He teased her gently.

She just shook her head at him, chewing a bit on her lip for a moment before slipping back into press secretary mode. “I should probably check in with Bruno or something.”

“Do you have an actual reason to check in with Bruno or are you trying to avoid me some more?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to avoid you …” she blushed a bit and then, in true CJ fashion, came out with a question that had been bothering her for as long as she’d known him. “Was it really you or Toby who came up with my name ..?”

He shrugged. “It was a mutual conversation. Toby had your name on a short list and I chose from there.”

“He didn’t want me there.”

“He championed you …”

“He didn’t want me there. I know Toby. Why did you want … I mean, my resume couldn’t have been nearly as impressive as other candidates.”

“Did you take a look at the list of people we assembled for the campaign? It wasn’t a list of the most impressive resumes. It was a list of the most impressive people. And I just knew, when I had your name in my hand, that you were the one.”

“That doesn’t sound very Leo McGarryish.” She grinned a bit.

“McGarryish?”

“Don’t question the CJ-isms.” She smiled full on and finally started to relax. This wasn’t a performance review; this was two people who had shared a bed the night before and now were enjoying the hour flight from New Hampshire to Washington DC.

“That doesn’t seem very fair.” He chuckled and leaned back in the comfortable seat. “Why can’t I?”

“Because if you do, I’ll end up second guessing myself in the briefing room.” As soon as it was out, she regretted saying any of it. Now he’d question her and her abilities. She was good at her job, she knew that, but none of that mattered when she faltered in front of the cameras. Leo didn’t need to know how she questioned herself every day.

“You should never feel the need to question yourself in the briefing room, CJ.” He wanted to take her hand, but stopped himself, mostly because he didn’t want the rest of the world to see the display of affection. He knew the instant he touched her that everyone would be able to tell what had happened the night before.

“Well …” She just looked at him. “I don’t want to get into it right now, okay? We’ve only got another few minutes before the plane lands at Andrews and I’ll bet it’s just a matter of moments before pagers start going off and I have a press corps to still unravel and …”

He did take her hand. “It’s okay to relax a bit, CJ.” And when she just looked at him, asking him with those blue eyes, why she shouldn’t be stressed, he just shrugged, squeezed her hand, and released it. Before she could respond to him, Carol poked her head around the wall, letting her know it was time to go talk to the gaggle. CJ gave her boss a brief smile and then moved on to her job. Break time was over.

“Hey, Leo.”

He looked up and a grin spread across his face. “Heya, CJ.”

“Margaret wasn’t at her desk, so I thought I’d poke my head in. Do you have time to go over the final releases for tomorrow? I know it’s late, but this saves us having a 5 AM morning.” She handed the file over to him before he even said yes. It was obvious that she’d rather stay here an extra hour than get here before dawn.

“Yeah.” Gratefully setting down the position paper, he turned his attention to the releases she’d placed in his hands. CJ sat in the chair opposite his desk, watching as he made notes and passed things back to her. Within moments they had developed a perfect system, and preparing the final notes for the releases only took 20 minutes instead of the hour CJ had planned.

“Thanks, Leo.” CJ smiled and stood, wishing it had taken longer.

“Go get some sleep, CJ. You need it.”

“You need it too, you know.” She smiled warmly at him, worried more than she wanted to admit. He didn’t take care of himself – especially since the divorce.

“Yeah, as soon as I finish this memo I’ll head home.” He gave her a smile and the smile promised her that he would. So CJ nodded and slipped back out, right as Margaret returned to her desk. The secretary smiled tiredly and didn’t believe the Press Secretary when she promised Leo was leaving soon. So, when Leo emerged from the office twenty minutes later and ordered Margaret to go home, she was simply confused. Leo never left before eleven.

He watched her walk down the hall and sighed. It was perfectly normal to be caught up in the length of CJ Cregg’s legs. There wasn’t a man in the White House who didn’t turn and stare when she wore that skirt to work. Add to it the high heels and the blouse that was unbuttoned just enough to see her camisole underneath and he was completely lost. He knew what was under that camisole and wondered if the piercing matched her outfits. He understood why most of the men, and some of the women in the press corps were completely enamored with her. And he really didn’t want Danny Concannon enamored with her, but he trusted CJ to deal with it.

“Hey.”

She looked up at her boss who lingered in her doorway, looking more than a bit lost. “Leo, please don’t tell me that you’re about to come in here and tell me that China just did something we won’t like. Or Israel, or Pakistan, or hell, Illinois for that matter.”

He laughed. “No. Actually, I had a few things to do and I already sent Margaret home and I was wondering if you could use the company. I know that you’re planning on being here way too late too.” Leo was holding a stack of papers to go over.

“Yeah.” CJ grinned and motioned him to her couch. They were, apparently, the last two senior staff left in the building. It didn’t take long for both of them to settle back into the reading they were doing – or for Leo to fall asleep while doing it. His gentle snore caught CJ by surprise and she looked over and melted. “Leo?” Moving around from behind her desk, she touched his shoulder gently. “Leo?” She asked again, sitting next to him.

The tired, older man jumped a bit, shaking his head. “God, I didn’t fall asleep, did I?”

“Yes. Proof that it’s time to go home.” She checked the clock. “It’s midnight. I think we can spare a few hours.”

Sighing, Leo pulled his glasses off his face and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah. It’s just reading anyway. Thanks for waking me up. How long was I out, anyway?”

“I’m not sure. Long enough for you to start snoring.” She grinned at his blush. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Still working late?” CJ came in and settled into the chair across from his. It was getting to be habit, her coming in a couple of times a week for his final approval on the releases that she and Toby had finished up only a few minutes before. Each time the conversation took a little longer, and would drift to something besides work. “What’s wrong?” She asked when he took the releases but didn’t start to read them. “Leo?”

He just shook his head. “It’s just everything lately, I guess. I’ll be glad when the rigors of re-election are over. And we aren’t even into the throws of it yet.”

“It’s nights like these that you used to finish what you were doing through a haze of Valium and scotch?” It wasn’t a layered or sarcastic question, it was just the truth. She tilted her head at him, seeing the struggle in his eyes.

He just nodded. The sigh that escaped his lips was enough to put her on her feet and she went to the mini fridge, grabbed two bottles of orange juice, and handed one over. “Just what the doctor ordered.” Their fingers touched, lingering longer than they expected, but they both pulled back at the same time. It wasn’t right, not now. But that didn’t stop either of them from blushing, or Leo from moving to sit with her on the couch. It wasn’t right for them to fall back into bed together, he told himself, as his lips touched hers and their tongues explored each other. The kiss wouldn’t lead to sex, as much as he wanted it to, but God, he just needed to touch her again.

July 13, 1966

Jenny and I married yesterday. It was small, just us and a JP, my mother and her mother. Her father refused to come – he still isn’t speaking to her. They haven’t spoken since she told them she was pregnant, and I can only hope that he forgives her while I’m away. I’m leaving soon, sooner than we planned, and I need them there for her. Mother is going to be, and for that I’m grateful, but I need Jenny’s parents there for her as well. I don’t know how long I’m going to be gone.

~LM~

To Be Continued …