Rating: Teen
Pairing: GSR
Disclaimer: I don’t own, don’t claim to own, although I wish I could have a hand in writing them. Seriously. Please don’t sue me. Hire me instead.
Author’s notes: CSI4nsicAce for the bestkeptprivate Secret Santa Challenge.
Spoilers: The Accused is Entitled and Committed

Summary:Gil Grissom was a man of logic, not heart, and it took twenty minutes of flying above Sierra-Nevada storm clouds for him to realize that he was crying because he missed her.

“Mr. And Mrs. Damen, there are five types of tears - sorrow, regret, joy, fear and allergic reaction.”
~Sara Sidle in Recipe for Murder~

Sorrow

He cried when he left San Francisco.

He wasn’t a man of overwhelming emotion, so when the single tear slipped down his cheek and onto the glossy page of the magazine in front of him, he blinked in surprise, sure it was a stray drop of water from the soda can of the woman next to him.

But his face was wet when he reached up to press his fingers to his eyes.

The emotional reaction made no sense to him. His work was his life and as much as he wanted to enjoy Sara Sidle’s presence for the rest of his life, he knew better than to think that she could stay interested for long. Gil Grissom was a man of logic, not heart, and it took twenty minutes of flying above Sierra-Nevada storm clouds for him to realize that he was crying because he missed her.

He could only hope, selfishly, that she was crying too.

Regret

He cried the night he found out about Hank Peddigrew.

It was his own damned fault, he knew. Three years of stupid decisions and blind trust that she would always be there had brought him to the realization of his own self-fulfilling prophesy. She had lost interest.

Sara had another man, a man she felt she had to lie about. Hank Peddigrew – a younger, handsome man liked who, despite her protestations, liked to do more than go to movies. He liked to be seen with her.

Tears dripped into Grissom’s pillow. He should have listened. He should have paid attention to what she really meant when she told him she wanted to leave.

Now, another man had her.

Joy

He cried the night she told him she loved him.

It was hardly the first kiss they’d shared on his front step nor the first time he’d asked her inside. But tonight, they both had known he meant for more than just a cup of coffee and she’d turned him down. She’d just stroked his beard and told him they weren’t ready to take that step, but that she did love him.

He held the pillow that would be hers and let the tears flow. She loved him. She was willing to give him another chance. For all her anger at him and the tears she’d cried over him, she was willing to take the risk on the two of them.

She loved him.

He loved her.

Fear

He cried the night Adam Trent attacked her.

She’d insisted on driving alone back to the lab. She needed to reclaim control of herself. She needed to take the time to get a cup of coffee and a change of clothes. She needed to be alone when she broke down. She’d pushed him away, and that scared him almost more than looking through that window and seeing Trent with that piece of pottery pushed up against her neck.

Tonight had proved that he couldn’t always protect her. He shouldn’t have left her alone; he shouldn’t have turned his back on her for one second. Because he had, she could have been killed. Adam Trent was a rapist, not a murderer, but it was clear what he’d intended to do to Sara.

The rain blurred his vision, and the tears made driving near impossible, but he kept on. The case wouldn’t keep, and he needed to know Sara was okay.

He’d never make a mistake like that again.

Allergic Reaction

He cried as he took her hand in his.

The single tear escaped his eye as he leaned over to take a whiff of the lily bouquet before she passed it off to Greg. Blinking quickly, before his tear could be found out, Grissom turned to the minister who waited, patiently.

Grissom had seen her tears, had held her through the worst of them, and now he was vowing to share his life forever with her. The sorrow of leaving her, the regret of almost losing her, the joy of her loving him, and the fear of being unable to protect her, all vanished as he looked into her eyes and whispered, “I do.”

Now, he could let her see his tears.

~fin~

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