Queer Eye for the Saiyan Guy

Note: This is my first fic in a while, but just letting you know I haven’t died! I’m taking a break from my usually Harry Potter fics and giving this a go, so wish me luck!

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, any of the characters, the Fab 5, or anything else. Not mine, so don’t sue!

Note #2: If you have never seen Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, you probably won’t get this fic. If you don’t like the show, then don’t waste your time reading this!

“Aw, come on Bulma, you know he really likes you…” said Chichi, trying to coax her best friend into going on a date with the notoriously nasty Prince Vegeta. “He’s just a little…”

“Mean? Rude? Arrogant? Disgusting?” Bulma suggested, still as stubborn as ever. She ignored her friend’s pleas as she continued to take advantage of the fact that Goku had installed digital cable for Chichi, and she didn’t have to pay for her on this way.

“Face it, his apartment is a mess, he is rude and obnoxious to anyone that tries to be nice to him, he really needs to do something with his hair, he’s at a loss…and quite frankly, Chichi, I don’t need to get involved with it. Maybe if he were a bit more civil, and cleaner, I’d consider it.”

“You know how it is for a man to be living on his own…give him a break.” She said, in a vain attempt to get Bulma to change her mind for the thousandth time. She had been trying to hook her and Vegeta up ever since she had overheard him talking to Goku about liking her. She sighed as Bulma turned her attention back to the TV and she to the dishes.

Later that night, after Bulma had left and Goku had come home, they were discussing Vegeta’s situation over dinner.

“I just don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t spar with me, he doesn’t insult me like he usually does…he just goes on and on about how much he loves Bulma. I’m really getting sick of it, I mean, really. What sort of grown Saiyan cries over a woman all day long?” Goku said, in between shoveling down mouthfuls of food.

“I’ve tried to talk to Bulma, but she just isn’t interested. Maybe if we had someone to help Vegeta be nicer?” Chichi suggested.

“Hey, I know! Mom, what’s that show you always watch? The one with the gay guys that come in and fix up some loser straight guy?” piped up Gohan.

“Hey, that’s a great idea! Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I love that show. The Fab 5 will know what to do.”

“The who?”

“Carson, Kyan, Ted, Thom, and Jai! Duh…Excuse me boys, I have a letter to write.” Chichi ran off leaving Goku with a puzzled look on his face. He turned to his eldest son for an answer.

“What’s this all about now?”

“It’s a reality show, dad. Mom watches it all the time. I’ve seen it once or twice, and it’s kinda funny. Who knows, maybe it really will work?”

“I hope so. Anything to get Vegeta to stop being so pathetic…” he and Gohan laughed.

The next morning, Chichi excitedly woke her husband clutching a letter from the cable network.

“Goku! They got my letter and said they’ll be glad to give Vegeta a makeover! I get to meet the Fab 5, I get to meet the Fab 5!” she went around saying that to herself giggling in all her excitement.

“That’s…great honey, but do you know what time it is?” he said, in between yawns.

“Almost noon, you lazy bum, now get up already!” she dragged him out of bed and threw some clean clothes at him.

“Now get dressed, they’ll be here this evening to meet with us and listen to Vegeta’s situation. I have to prepare! Oh I hope they don’t think our house is a mess…I have to clean, I have to make dinner for them!” Chichi went off in her distress and talking to herself, busily cleaning and tidying up while leaving Goku confused as ever.

The day zipped by and soon enough it was almost time for them to arrive for their meeting with the family that called.

“Ok, now make sure you’re polite, everyone. They’ll be here soon and we have to make sure everything is perfect. Goku, don’t make any rude comments or stupid jokes, Gohan, remember your manners.” Suddenly the doorbell rang. “Oh! They’re here! Hurry, get into your positions like we practiced earlier…” Chichi nervously answered the door to see her idols standing there.

“Hi, are you Chichi?” Carson asked.

“Yes, please come in. Dinner is almost ready so please make yourselves at home. I’ll be back in a bit, but for now, Goku will entertain you,” She led them in and ran to the kitchen, leaving Gohan to take their coats and Goku to entertain them. But leaving five gay men alone with Goku maybe wasn’t the best idea…

“Aw, this is such a cute living room! I absolutely adore this loveseat. Was that your wife? She is so cute you two must really get along well.” Said Thom.

“Oh I know. It matches the walls perfectly. Are you the one we need to help? I really think we could do something with your hair. It’s all over the place…” added Kyan, messing with Goku’s hair. Goku took a step back, a little confused.

“And look at these clothes. They must weigh a ton! And red-orange is so not your colour. I definitely think you’re more of an orange-red.” Said Carson, tugging at his shirt. Again, he tried to get away, but they just kept coming.

“I totally agree,” added Jai. “But I do really like these boots. They add a nice touch to the whole outfit.”

“I think someone has been working out, though. Look at these biceps. Your wife must feed you well, is she a good cook? I certainly hope so, since we are going to be eating here…” said Ted, laughing. The other of the four giggled. Goku was at a loss. They just attacked him and he was slow to begin with, so not knowing who they were or why they were here instead of Vegeta’s place didn’t help.

“Umm…can I ask you guys just who exactly are you?” he asked, trying to avoid all of them. But it was no use, they had boxed him in.

“Well I’m Carson, and I’m in charge of the fashion department. This is Kyan and he takes care of grooming. That is Thom, he does interior design, and over here we have Ted, he is in charge of food and wine. Last but not least, we have Jai, and he is the head of the culture department. Together we are the Fab 5 and we are here to help you!”

“Help me? What? Oh no, I’m not the one that needs help, it’s my friend Vegeta…”

“Oh now don’t be shy, we won’t bite. We came as soon as we got your wife’s letter.” Said Thom.

“But it’s not me you have to help, it’s Vegeta. He’s in love with Bulma and she thinks he’s an obnoxious slob. That’s why Chichi write to you.”

“Oh? Are you sure, because you look like you could use a makeover…” said Kyan, still eyeing his hair.

“I’m sure…”

“Hey you guys, dinner is ready!” called Chichi from the dining room. They all sat around the table and listened to what Chichi had to say.

“Well his name is Vegeta, and he really is in a mess. He likes my friend Bulma and wants to go out with her but she thinks he is rude and unsanitary. His apartment is a mess, he doesn’t have proper hygiene, and his hair is a disaster. So that’s why I wrote to you. I want you guys to work your magic on him, and clean him up enough to get Bulma to go out with him. Can you do it?”

“Well of course we can, dear. It will be fun!” said Carson.

“And to think we thought you wanted us to help your husband over here.” Ted laughed. “And this food is wonderful, by the way.”

“Well thank you. It’s your recipe, from episode 12.” Said Chichi, beaming with pride.

“Wow, you must really be a hardcore fan then…” said Carson.

“Yup. I was wondering if I could have your autographs when we finish.”

“Of course, hun. I have a group photo back in the car…”

After dinner and the traditional goodbye hugs, Chichi got her autographs and finished off a night of dinner with her idols.

“Ok now don’t you worry dear, we’ll fix up that icky messy man and make him worthy of your best friend! Bye-bye now!” they said.

“Goodbye, and thank you!” she called after them. Tomorrow they would give Vegeta a surprise wake-up call, and the magic would begin. Chichi couldn’t wait.

A/N: So how’d it go? Give me some feedback on what you think the Fab 5 should do to fix up Vegeta or if I should continue this fic. Please Review!