Chapter 14
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“Nice Vegeta…good Vegeta…put the mushrooms
down…” Bulma crooned as she crept closer to Vegeta, one hand held out in front
of her to show him that she had no weapons. The spaced out saiyan was huddled on the couch with the mushrooms
clutched to his chest and a panicked look in his eyes. “You don’t want those
mushrooms ‘Geta, they’re bad for you.” Bulma told him.
Vegeta’s eyes rolled in the same way a wild
horses might before it goes psychotic and he clutched the mushrooms closer to
his chest, shaking his head as Bulma inched closer. “No! My mushrooms! You’re
not even Bulma are you? I bet you’re really a space alien aren’t you!” Vegeta’s
voice rose and he began to tremble.
“No Vegeta, I’m not an alien…”
Vegeta’s eyes widened. “Ah ha! I know what
you are! You’re that sneaky little incredibly good-looking elf aren’t you?
What’s-his-name?” Vegeta waved a hand around vaguely in front of his face and
then snapped his fingers. “Lucas! That’s who you are! Lucas!” Vegeta stood up,
the precious mushrooms still clutched close. “Well your not getting my
mushrooms!”
“Vegeta, I’m not Lucas, I’m Bulma…”
“Only Lucas would say that he’s Bulma!” Vegeta
told her matter of factly.
“Okay, okay, okay I am Lucas!” Bulma
decided to try reverse psychology on the prince.
Unfortunately it backfired.
“Ah ha! I knew it!” Vegeta triumphantly screeched.
“No wait! You just said…”
“Aaaaaah! Space Slug!” Vegeta squealed and leapt
behind the couch and cowered into a ball. “Not even the mighty super saiyan can
defeat the giant space slug!” He opened the jar and greedily ate another
mushroom, shrieking as Bulma reached over the couch and grabbed the jar from
him. “No! My mushrooms!” He desperately lunged at Bulma.
“The mushrooms are bad for you Vegeta, you
shouldn’t eat them!” Bulma fled into the bedroom and flushed the mushrooms down
the toilet, when she came out Vegeta was on the couch looking incredibly sad.
“All my life people have been stealing my
mushrooms off me! Never have I had even a day of peace!” He woefully spoke to
the couch cushion next to him.
“Vegeta…”
“No! Don’t interrupt me!” Vegeta looked at Bulma,
his eyes misting up. “It all started when I was five years old and my father
gave me this cute little puppy! The he took it off me and said I was getting
weak! I never saw my puppy again.” Vegeta sobbed into the couch cushion. “And
when I was a teenager all I wanted to do was hang out with the other teenagers
and eat mushrooms but Frieza made me eat apricots! Apricots, Bulma! Apricots!
Do you know what that does to a man?”
“I can imagine how horrible it must have
been.” Bulma looked around for something she could knock Vegeta out with if he
got out of hand. Maybe king Sanjo had stocked the ship with chloroform?
“Oh, you have no idea!” Vegeta sobbed some
more, murmuring about mushrooms and apricots and puppies. “And…and I’m short
too!” He cried morosely.
“Short? What the…? I thought we were talking
about mushrooms?”
“I said don’t interrupt me!” Vegeta shrieked
tearfully. “When I was little I was
really, really small! So I started brushing my hair up to look big! And for
some reason I just stopped growing one day and I was stuck at this height!
And…and I tried to hide it so I brushed my hair up like this until it just
started growing like that! I even contemplated wearing high heels to look
bigger!”
“Vegeta, shhhh! It’s okay! Your not short you
just, uh, height challenged or vertically challenged if you
prefer.” Bulma crept a few inches closer to Vegeta, trying not to startle him.
“No, I’m short and I know it! I’m tiny! I’m
small and worse of all I’m…I’m petite!” Vegeta wailed the last word. “Do you know how hard it was for a teenage me
to have to go shopping for clothes in the children’s section?” Vegeta
sobbed into the couch a little more. “Even now it’s the same when I go
shopping, I always wind up in either the children’s department or the dwarf
department…I’m short and I hate it!”
Whoa! Those mushrooms really screwed
him up!
“Okay Vegeta. We’re going to go for a little
walk to the bedroom and your going to lie down and go to sleep.” Bulma took his
hand gently.
“No! I can’t sleep! If I sleep the rats will
get me! Did you see them out here before on their unicycles! They were trying
to crawl in my ears! They want to take me over!” Vegeta looked suspiciously
around the room. “And then there’s Regan and…and Lucas! He’s real Bulma and he
wants to kill me and make you his queen of
“
“Do you promise you’ll keep Lucas away from
me? He might try and steal my body too…”
Bulma quickly interrupted him before he could
start off on another spiel. “I promise, Vegeta.” She helped him stand and
walked with him into the bedroom. “Now I want you to lie down and go to sleep.”
“Okay…night, night.”
“Night, Night, ‘Geta.”
“Don’t call me…’Gettaaaaaa….” Vegeta felt
face first onto the bed and started snoring.
“Puh! Lollipop land! Ha!” Bulma strolled to
the bedroom door, rolling her eyes.
“I wouldn’t
laugh if I were you.” A voice told her.
“V…Vegeta was that you?” Bulma slowly turned
back to the bed but the saiyan only snored in response. “Who’s there?” Her eyes
flicked around the room.
“It is I; Lucas the incredibly good looking elf.”
“Oh Kami! Now I’m hallucinating too!” Bulma quickly
exited out of the bedroom and closed the door, in the living room an incredibly
good-looking man sized elf sat on the couch and waved at her.
“Hello Bulma.” He winked at her charmingly.
“I know what you are!” Bulma told the elf. “You’re
a mushroom aren’t you?” She glared at the delusion. Apparently Vegeta’s condition
was contagious!
“Look Bulma, let me assure you that your not hallucinating. I’m
real, very real…as real or you and Vegeta.”
“No…I won’t listen to you, you’re nothing but
a figment of my imagination!”
“Bulma Briefs! Listen to me!” Lucas the incredibly good-looking
elf stood up and crossed his perfect arms. “Look Bulma, Vegeta wasn’t lying. I
do want him dead and I do want you as my queen of
“Yes well, excuse me for not leaping with joy
but why do want Vegeta dead?” Bulma stayed a large distance away from Lucas the
incredibly good-looking elf.
He looked sneaky.
“I want him dead because he’s your mate, and if he’s still alive
then I can’t get you.” Lucas smiled wryly. “Unfortunately I can’t kill Vegeta. For
some reason because he created me with his delusions I cant seem to harm him,
but I have other ways of getting him killed.”
“Such as?” Bulma prompted sharply, her eyes flashing
with distress at the thought of Vegeta’s death.
“Such as getting you to kill him for me Bulma.” Lucas flashed a
brilliant smile.
“Ha! I’d never kill Vegeta! I couldn’t even
if I tried!” Bulma moved even further back as Lucas the incredibly good-looking
elf took a few steps closer to her.
“Oh Bulma, surely you noticed that Vegeta is very ill at the
moment; he’s very weak. You could easily kill him with that knife in the
kitchen.” Lucas the incredibly good looking elf gestured towards the kitchen.
“Well I won’t! I don’t care what you do to
me! I won’t kill him!” Bulma didn’t take her eyes off the elf as he moved even
closer.
“You won’t have a choice my dear Bulma; you see I’m going to
make Vegeta attack you. It’ll be either you or him who comes out alive and I
plan on making sure it’s you!”
Bulma shook her head and bolted for the kitchen,
locking the door behind her as she heard Lucas the incredibly good-looking elf
give an incredibly attractive but evil laugh.
“I won’t kill him, he’s too good in bed!” She
yelled at the elf, knowing that he’d hear her somehow.
~*~