Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or the Simpsons.

Notes: This is mainly scenes/quotes from The Simpsons with DBZ characters. I found it fairly amusing, so who knows? You might too... Either that or you'll flame me. ::shrugs:: I don't really care. Enjoy! ^_^

Goku: (to Shenlon) I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And- and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises- got it?

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Trunks: Hey, how come Bra gets a pony?

Vegeta: Because she stopped loving me.

Trunks: Well, I don't love you either, so give me a moped.

Vegeta: And I know you love me so you don't get squat.

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Mirai Trunks: Die, evil robots! Die! Hey, with a catch phrase like that I could be an action hero.

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Vegeta Answers the National Fatherhood Institute Test:

Bulma: Name one of your child's friends.

Vegeta: Uh, let's see... Trunks's friends... Well, there's the fat kid with the thing... uh, the little wiener whose always got his hands in his pockets...

Bulma: They want a name, Vegeta, not a vague description.

Vegeta: Okay... Hank.

Bulma: Hank who?

Vegeta: Hank... Jones.

Bulma: Vegeta, you made that up. Question two: who is your son's hero?

Vegeta: Kid Rock.

Bulma: That's your hero. Name another dad you talk to about parenting.

Vegeta: Next.

Bulma: What are your son's hobbies?

Vegeta: Kids don't have hobbies.

Bulma: Oh, really? Maybe you should go out to the garage and see.

::Vegeta goes out to the garage and finds Trunks hammering away on his racer::

Vegeta: Brat... Brat!

Trunks: What?

Vegeta: You don't have any hobbies, do you boy?

Trunks: No, not really.

Vegeta: Well, that's what I- wait a minute. What are you doing?

Trunks: Building a soapbox derby racer.

Vegeta: Oooooh! That's a hobby!

Trunks: Hey, so it is.

Vegeta: Oh, my Dende! I don't know jack about my boy!

::Vegeta starts to sob as Bulma, Chi-Chi, and Eighteen stand around him::

Vegeta: I'm a bad father!

Eighteen: And you're fat.

Vegeta: And I'm fat!

Eighteen: ::smirks::

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(Vegeta and the other Z warriors watch on TV as an angry mother has stopped traffic on the bridge)

Vegeta: Hey, sweetheart. What's the matter? Not getting enough of the good stuff at home?

(The window of the car rolls down, revealing a wild-eyed Bulma)

Vegeta: D'oh!

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Frieza: (to Zarbon) Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Zarbon. If I came into your quarters and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?

Zarbon: Uh... If you did it, sir?

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Vegeta: ... I don't care, okay? I can't fake an interest in this and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects.

Bulma: ::getting angry:: What kooky projects?

Vegeta: You know, the painting class, the First Aid course, that whole Lamaze thing.

Bulma: Why didn't you tell me you felt this way?

Vegeta: You know I would never do anything to hurt your feelings.

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Korin: Take these senzu beans, but they come with a terrible curse!

Goku: Ooooh, that's bad.

Korin: But they come with a free frogurt!

Goku: That's good.

Korin: The frogurt is also cursed.

Goku: That's bad.

Korin: But you get your choice of topping.

Goku: That's good.

Korin: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.

Goku: ::stares at Korin, not comprehending what this means::

Korin: That's bad.

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Trunks: Dad, you killed Zombie Goku!

Vegeta: He was a zombie?

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Vegeta: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but I somehow managed to squeeze in eight hours of training a day.

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(Trunks finds out that Vegeta has to go through a triple bypass.)

Trunks: Oh, no, what if they botch it? I won't have a dad... for a while.

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Trunks: Dad, remember when Goku had you in a headlock, and you screamed "I'm a hemophiliac" and when he let go you kicked him in the back?

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Frieza: Look at them all through the darkness I'm bringing/ They're not sad at all, they're actually singing!/ They sing without juicers/ They sing without blenders/ They sing without flunjers, capdabblers, and smendlers!

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Frieza: We don't have to be adversaries, Vegeta. We both want a fair union contract.

Vegeta's Brain: Why is Frieza being so nice to me?

Frieza: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

V's Brain: Wait a minute. Is he coming on to me?

Frieza: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

V's Brain: Oh, my Kami! He is coming on to me!

Frieza: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. ::chuckles and winks at Vegeta::

V's Brain: ::screams::

Vegeta: Sorry, Frieza, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

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Vegeta: (to Bra) Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit that referee with a whiskey bottle. 'Member that?

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Goku: Why is everybody always trying to kill me?

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Vegeta: Look, Bulma. I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub, I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car, and I'm sorry-- oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point.

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Trunks: Okay, we're young, rich, and full of sugar. What do we do?

Goten: Let's go crazy, Broadway-style!

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Vegeta: If it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Kakarot was dead.

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Frieza: Zarbon, do you realize, if I had died, there would be no one to carry on my legacy? Due to my hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, I never fathered an heir.

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Goku: Look, Chi-Chi, you don't know what it's like-- I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand in a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Chi-Chi, it's Chinatown!

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Bulma: I have nothing to say to you.

Vegeta: But, Bulma, I was a political prisoner!

Bulma: How were you a political prisoner?

Vegeta: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt. Do I have to draw you a diagram?

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Vegeta: You know, Bulma, I've had my share of troubles, but sitting here with you and the kids in our cozy home in this beautiful free country, it just makes me feel that I'm a really lucky guy.

Bra: Dad! Your hand is jammed in the toaster!

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Trunks: No offense, Dad, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.

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Vegeta: Woo hoo! Good news everybody! Because I endangered lives, we can fly anywhere we want!

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Goku: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

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Trunks: Wow, Dad, you really threw a tantrum like a sissy little girl?

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Goten: But what's really amazing is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.

Gohan: Yeah, Dad was right.

Goku: I know, kids. I'm scared too.

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Vegeta: No way! Water doesn't obey your "rules." It goes where it wants. Like me, babe.

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Trunks: What a day, eh Goten? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them-- as is my understanding.

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Bulma: I'm sorry, Vegeta doesn't mean to be rude. He's just a very complicated man.

Vegeta: ::leaning out the window and breaking a plate over his head:: Wrong!

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Zarbon: A film biography might help them get to know the real you-- virtuous, herioc, nubile...

Frieza: You left out pleasant! ::hits Zarbon over the head with his scepter.

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Vegeta: Hmmm... I guess Trunks's not to blame. He's lucky too, because it's spanking season, and I got a hankering, for some spankering!

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Vegeta: Bulma, you being a cop makes you the man. Which makes me the woman-- and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

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Zarbon: (to Frieza) Well, sir, you've certainly vanquished all your enemies-- the elementary school, the local tavern, the old-age home... you must be very proud.

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Vegeta: (to Master Roshi) We leave you the kids for three hours and the county takes them away?

Roshi: Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.

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Trunks: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?

Vegeta: Oh, Trunks, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.

Goku: Wait, Vegeta. What did you just say?

Vegeta: I said shut your ugly face Kakarot!

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Vegeta: Okay, okay, don't panic. To find Kakarot, I just have to think like Kakarot.

V's Brain: I'm a big third-class lame-o, and I wear the same stupid training gi everyday and--

Vegeta: The river!

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Vegeta: Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?!

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Vegeta: Maybe for once someone will call me "sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

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Trunks: Do you wear boxers or briefs?

Vegeta: Nope.

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Vegeta: Oh, my Dende! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

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Bulma: We have roots here. We have friends and family and library cards... Vegeta's lawyer is here.

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Goku: (dazed) Are you an angel?

Vegeta: Yes, Kakarot, I'm an angel. All us angels wear spandex.

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Woman: I'm not going to press charges, but I assume you'll want to punish him.

Vegeta: ::chuckles:: 'Preciate the suggestion, lady, but he hates that. And I gotta live with him.

Trunks: You're the man, Dad.

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Bulma: He's not like anybody I've ever met. He's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in spandex.

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Bulma: Well, most women will tell you that you're a fool to think you can change a man- but those women are quitters!

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Goku: Well, my family and I can't live on good intentions, Bulma! Oh, your family is out of control, but we can't blame you because you've got gooood intentions!

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Goku: We were sitting in Yamcha's car eating packets of mustard. Ya happy?

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Vegeta: (singing) Around the house, I never lift a finger/ As a husband and a father I'm sub-par/ I'd rather drink a beer than win Father of the Year/ I'm happy with things just the way they are.

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Vegeta: Militants, huh? Well, if I were you I'd kick their asses.

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Goku: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius-- how did it happen?

Doctor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of hereditary and environment... ::sees Goku staring blankly:: Uh... although in some cases it's a total mystery.

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Gohan: Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points towards the North Star.

Goku: That's nice, Gohan, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.

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Vegeta: (to Goku) You've been rubbing my nose in it since I got here! Your family is better than my family, your beer comes from farther away than my beer, you and your son like each other, your wife's butt is higher than my wife's butt! You make me sick!

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Bra: (to Trunks) ...if you got hurt or died, despite the extra attention I'd receive, I'd miss you.

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Goten: Trunks, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. That's why you couldn't come to the party.

Trunks: What's she got against me?

Goten: She says you're a bad influence.

Trunks: Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother!

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Bulma: Look, I know Trunks can be a handful, but I also know what he's like inside. He's got a spark. It's not a bad thing. Of course, it makes him do bad things.

Chi-Chi: Well, Bulma, the other day, Goten told me my meatloaf sucks. He must have gotten that from your little boy because they certainly don't say that on TV!

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Goku: I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors-- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Son Goku?"

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Vegeta: Wh... what's going on? Wh... wha... why am I on a Japanese box?

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Like it? Hate it? Don't really give a damn? Okay! I just like the way some of the lines fit with the characters, and even how some don't!

I got all these quotes from this Simpsons book I bought a coupla years ago, in case you were wondering... which you probably weren't.

Next I believe I'll be posting the first chapter of my first serious fic, which I think shall turn out quite well.

As for the whole series with me and my friend Kim, that may or may not be finished. I really don't know what to do with that now. ::hears past flamers cheer:: Quiet, you! ::shakes fist:: Jeez, you put a character on trial and insult his family and half your reviewers go berserk...