THE 25th CENTURY RAPTORESS
Session Ident: Myudos (~venomdanc@staff.darkmyst.org)
<[P]FireClaw> OOo.
<Myudos> hm?
<[P]FireClaw> Since when you got shiney access? ^^,
<Myudos> A few days ago..
<[P]FireClaw> Ah! When I couldn't see it, eh, being in South Africa. Wicked, wicked... heehee
<Myudos> I don't really need it though. v_v;
<[P]FireClaw> My words exactly when I got mine.
* [P]FireClaw chuckles
<[P]FireClaw> Turns out it is NICE for ghosts you never registered the names of. ^^,
<[P]FireClaw> What server?
<Myudos> nimble
<Myudos> I only use this nickname anymore..
<Myudos> I don't RP anywhere now.
<[P]FireClaw> Ah! That means you cannot touch me and me not you. lol. Drat? ^^, No /kill fights.
<[P]FireClaw> Did you ever RP anywhere? *tilts snout*
* Myudos shakes her head.
<Myudos> I don't do much of anything anymore.
<[P]FireClaw> Hows RC doin'?
<Myudos> Going to hell..
<Myudos> Ever since I took over. v_v
<[P]FireClaw> It's not you, believe me.
* [P]FireClaw grins
<[P]FireClaw> I could of taken over and got the same response.
* [P]FireClaw shruggles
<Myudos> No one listens to me.. and #raptorchat is only active when people are fighting.
<[P]FireClaw> For a clan going to hell you habe a lotta people in the channel. ... o...w... fighting?
* [P]FireClaw stops
* Myudos nods.
* [P]FireClaw regards Myudos a moment, wishing she could see eyes through the monitor
<Myudos> heh. Not much to see.
<[P]FireClaw> Of course. Eyes are a mirror of the soul.
<Myudos> Fighting and complaining.. no one gets along with anyone anymore.
* [P]FireClaw sighs
<[P]FireClaw> That sounds so aweful.
<Myudos> People barely ever RP, not that they ever did much before..
* [P]FireClaw hugs
<Myudos> Veloci hates us because DP is in there. Creeper just acts like an asshole now. Tamarack leaves as soon as anything bad starts happening, and the nonmember regulars are always at each others throats.
<Myudos> Most of the other members either left because of the no magic rule or were discusted with DP..
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, a pity, I would have agreed with Veloci a while back, but you must agree - DP is strange. Not a threat to anyone, they judge strongly, as have I, but strange.
* [P]FireClaw nods, slowly
<Myudos> So.. we're basically the network bitch channel. People know they can get away with bitching in there because Ryan doesn't come in.
<[P]FireClaw> Is there no cheerful thought that could lift your sweet mood on a day such as this, Myudos? *smiles* I'm a bit high so these things do little more than touch my soul ... softly. *hugs* But go on, forgive me interrupting, maybe getting rid of some of this will help lift your spirit a little?
<Myudos> Getting rid of what?
<Myudos> As for me being cheerful.. don't count on it. I've spiraled down into terminal depression. Heh.
* [P]FireClaw sighs.
<[P]FireClaw> Oh, Myu.
* [P]FireClaw hugs you tight
* Myudos shrugs. 1I said I was going to kill myself if Skil ever left me.. and he did. I just didn't kill myself in a physical sense.
<[P]FireClaw> When did this all start to go so wrong ... and no, it wasn't when you took over... it was a bit beyond that... when, why... I wish I knew the precise things, not these statistics.
* [P]FireClaw nods again
<Myudos> Depression just sets in as soon as I get online.. that's why I don't want to come on much anymore.
* [P]FireClaw nuzzles you a bit, meant a friendly gesture
<[P]FireClaw> Is it all of us that have done this? I always find myself seeking someone, one singular person, that was to blame. But that seems to... impossible. And I would hate to lose you.
<[P]FireClaw> No matter how much you snapped and bitched and yelled.
* Myudos shrugs.
<[P]FireClaw> Basically, if you left, who would I have to annoy? *smiles*
<Myudos> heh.
<Myudos> If anyone's to blame, it's myself for being so weak..
<[P]FireClaw> Or to drive up the wall and make nuts?
<[P]FireClaw> Hell no.
<[P]FireClaw> You never are weak. Humans are not able to be weak by themselves.
<[P]FireClaw> Something actually has to help them be weak.
* Myudos shrugs. 1Maybe Skil, then..
<Myudos> He abandoned me, told me I was boring, acts like an ass to me, and all I do is try to make him happy.. and he doesn't even come around much anymore.
* [P]FireClaw wraps Myudos up in a warm blanket to melt all the ice that has so long accumalted around her
<[P]FireClaw> Must not be nice. 5frowns
* Myudos chuckles and shrugs.
* [P]FireClaw sighs again
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, Myudos. Try not to go away?
<Myudos> And everyone else in #raptorchat likes to complain to me, fight with me, bitch at me, whine at me, but have basically chiseled the idea "No one gives a fuck, no one wnats to hear it" into my mind about me acting depressed.
* [P]FireClaw sighs
* Myudos shrugs. 1maybe.
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, I have contributed, have i not? And damn, if I wasn't still in the jetlag, maybe i could get rid of this... voided feeling... I feel like a nasty fairy godmother...
<[P]FireClaw> Or how you call it.
* Myudos shakes her head.
* [P]FireClaw sighs, pondering getting an icescraper
<Myudos> Not you, you haven't even been around since this all started.
<[P]FireClaw> Yes, but I believe I did tell you once no one cared.
<[P]FireClaw> Or was that something different? The core idea was the same.
* Myudos shrugs. 1Maybe.. I can't remember.
<[P]FireClaw> It was nonsense, whatever exactly it was. I may not have cared or what the term was I used, but the others did.
<Myudos> But either way.. they're right. I shouldn't be just whining. that solves nothing. I shouldn't even be depressed.
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, here I am babbling about myself again.
<[P]FireClaw> Oh, depressed you must be if your body feels the need to express it.
<[P]FireClaw> Whine is another thing, but depressions need to get to the surrounding to leave.
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, now I know what this ice is made of.
<Myudos> meh?
* [P]FireClaw manages a weak smile, sighing
* [P]FireClaw pauses a moment
<[P]FireClaw> Alright, Myu. I never could get depressiosn to melt, I just got the ice thicker, so I guess here my wisdom - if I possess any - stops.
* [P]FireClaw regards her
<[P]FireClaw> Think I am quite crazy yet? If so, you're right.
* Myudos shrugs.
<Myudos> I don't know what to think of anything anymore.
* [P]FireClaw wraps her in another blanky, smiling a bit
<[P]FireClaw> There's the truth and the truth. Now you just have to pick and figure out which of the two is the truth.
<Myudos> I can't believe in anything.. I can't trust anyone.. it was a long time in the making. No one could ever help me because I never believed they really meant it.. I don't know why. Everything just seems like a facade now.
* [P]FireClaw nods. 4Understandably. You cannot really trust people who do not trust you, true?
<Myudos> I guess.. but no one's said they don't trust me outright.
<[P]FireClaw> Well, I do, but obviously I cannot prove that and never might.
<Myudos> But then, I probably just seem like an outsider.
<Myudos> I've never been able to fit in anywhere.. my nature is just to watch.. I can't lead, and can't follow.
* [P]FireClaw smiles. 4Guess I'll just have to trust you know? she smiles and hugs her softly
<[P]FireClaw> Ah, you need not do either.
* [P]FireClaw smiles
<Myudos> Heh. I dunno how, but for some reason you seem like the first person to care in a long time.
<[P]FireClaw> I worry so much... I... am usually different. Maybe it is time to thank the jetlag, for it's voided me out a bit. I don't exist right now... I guess I am not there as a self. SO basically, I don't care whatever I once thought of you. And heck with it, I don't know half the things I'm saying, but I hope they are true... *sighs* I am not making sense.
<[P]FireClaw> Excuse that outburst. Have I interrupted you again?
<Myudos> Don't worry.
<Myudos> I seldom make any sense to myself.
<Myudos> So I'm use to it.
* [P]FireClaw smiles
<[P]FireClaw> Welcome to the club, is it then?
<Myudos> Heh. Guess so.
<[P]FireClaw> But I think I'll have to worry.
* [P]FireClaw blinks at that ice. 4People have never laughed themselves to death in my opinion, but depression frostbite...
* [P]FireClaw smiles, winking once
<Myudos> Maybe it's a female thing. I can trust them more then males, for some reason. o_O And males are the only ones who've tried to help.
* Myudos nods.
* [P]FireClaw rubs that blanket around Myudos' shoulders a bit. Ah, look, sorrow fills my heart to see you like this, friend. It is a bit over an hour to the new year here by me and yet there seem to be so many problems.
<[P]FireClaw> Of all, you're currently the priority. I do not know why you were not for the time before, maybe just because... what is it? Egoism? Something like that.
* Myudos blinks.
* Myudos shrugs.
<[P]FireClaw> It's a very thick blanket around oneself, you see,... keeps you safe, warm, and others. But you cannot even look over the rim of it to the world.
* [P]FireClaw shrugs
<[P]FireClaw> And here I go talking of myself again.
<Myudos> I was just idle because my dad came into my room..
<Myudos> hm.. maybe I just want a real life.
<[P]FireClaw> That is alright, of course. 5smiles Just... somehow... ... real life? Would you not need todefine real first?
<Myudos> I've been online too long, doing nothing but whining and being hurt.
* Myudos shrugs. 1Offline world.
<Myudos> I have no one IRL but my parents, and I can't trust them at all..
<[P]FireClaw> Oh, I have heard. That is not a nice life, true?
<Myudos> Not really.
<[P]FireClaw> And now VR turned rotten aswell... oh, that is very, very nasty...
<Myudos> I wonder why so many interests of mine have died.. dinosaurs, roleplaying, yiffing and love.. everything.. so only depression remains. It's like I'm falling apart until only depression remains.
* Myudos nods.
<Myudos> I don't create anything anymore either, that was one of my 'things'.. scarely draw, scarcely write, haven't worked on any sites for a long time..
<[P]FireClaw> That's like two huge beasts herding you, isn't it? Till you cannot run no more?
* [P]FireClaw sits to listen
<Myudos> Kinda, I guess.
<Myudos> I don't know if this is temporarily.. something that will go away on its own, or if I'm being pushed down so low into a pit I can only either climb back out, or curl up and succumb.
<[P]FireClaw> Maybe you should hide up in a tree instead?
<Myudos> I can't do anything until I get un-depressed, it feels like..
<[P]FireClaw> Weight of the ice, is it, then?
<Myudos> Depression makes me unmotivated, tired, lonely.. yeah.
* [P]FireClaw frowns
<Myudos> Heh. My life's been shit ever since I discovered love. v_v
<[P]FireClaw> I have heard of fight fire with fire, but fight ice with ice? No. That's not any idea that would work
* Myudos shrugs. 1I don't know if I'm totally lost.. I don't just feel like sitting and freezing to death.
<Myudos> But.. I don't _want_ to work for anything.. I just don't care either way, or something.
* [P]FireClaw frowns, prodding a bit at the ice, splitering off a bit at the tip, but not major work. 4I could try a fire. But then again, you need the fuel for one.
<Myudos> How..?
<Myudos> blah. I gotta go now.
<Myudos> bye.. thanks.
* [P]FireClaw waves
<[P]FireClaw> Farewell
<[P]FireClaw> I hope you feel better
* [P]FireClaw goes to look for some wood
<Myudos> Bye
End of Myudos buffer Sun Dec 31 23:18:25 2000