by neko

I've always liked cats. I like most soft animals, but cats especially. When I first joined Le Théatre des Espoirs, I found a little Siamese kitten hiding amongst the empty sets. I didn't know how she got in, but I worried about leaving her for the others to find, so I brought her up to my room. No one has said that I cannot keep her, so she stays with me.

I am very happy here, in the Theater of Hopes. The irony of the name strikes me every time it is repeated. We are broken souls brought together, trying to bring hope to the hopeless. We try to find some measure of happiness with each other.

I like the delicate one. He makes me feel beautiful and special. He says he adores my body, could spend an eternity representing it and worshiping it. He loves to carress me with his eyes as his hands recreate my features. Being with him is always intense, yet painful because it is not enough. I am not his only subject, just as he is not my only lover.

Two more, Tranquility and Epilogue, as they call themselves, are wonderful distractions. Both are gentle and passionate in everything they do, their pure hearts full of talent waiting to be released. They fulfill my needs and replace them with a sense of peace and quiet intimacy.

There are others as well. I do not spend as much time with them, but I know them nonetheless. The one with the wicked grin and the love of pain, I do not like him. He reminds me of things I do not wish to think about, memories forgotten in self-preservation. I avoid him and his companions like the plague they are, not wanting to become infected, myself. Everything I stand for is set against everything they represent.

That is why I am here, isn't it? To show my ideals to the world that I might help people. I perform here to leave a lasting impression. I only want to them to see this representation of me. I want them to watch the character, not the player.

I lead in the performance opening tomorrow. I know that we will do well, as we always do. As I prepare myself for bed, my little Siamese jumps down from her window to twine about my ankles. She is a good cat, never crying too loudly or unsheathing her claws.

Sometimes I wonder if she is as much an actor as the rest of us.