Ecstasy and Delicacy: Red Hot

Lust brings some people together. For others, it's comfort and mutual understanding. You two, however, have something not of this earth. The electricity between you is nothing short of cosmic.

If Martha Stewart were to design a couple to go with her new kitchen, they might look something like you two. Everything is where it should be. The strengths of one complement the weaknesses of the other. Plus, you two cook in any room of the house.

Now go on, and ride off into the sunset. You've got a whole lotta lovin' to do.

Ecstasy: Oooh! I like that idea! *pounces*
Delicacy: Does this mean you'll pose for me again tonight? You really are beautiful . . . *strokes his neck*
Ecstasy: Well . . . Okay. *purrs*

Silence & Illusion, this is your relationship: Sizzling

When you two first laid eyes on each other, the fireworks were so intense, you caused a small grass fire, which was quickly put out by the local fire department.

If you two were a pastry, you'd be an apple strudel. Flaky and fun on the outside, sweet and wholesome on the inside. With careful handling, you will stay fresh long after the others have gone stale.

Your chances of survival in this relationship are great, as long as you don't forget to eat and sleep.

Illusion: Oh, Silence . . . *strokes his hair*
Silence: . . . *snuggles*
Illusion: Who needs sleep? *pounces*

Monologue & Soliloquy, this is your relationship: Red Hot

Lust brings some people together. For others, it's comfort and mutual understanding. You two, however, have something not of this earth. The electricity between you is nothing short of cosmic.

If you two were a pastry, you'd be an apple strudel. Flaky and fun on the outside, sweet and wholesome on the inside. With careful handling, you will stay fresh long after the others have gone stale.

You have silenced Love-O-Meter with your perfection.

Soliloquy: Oh, Monologue . . .
Monologue: Oh, Soliloquy . . . It's true; you are perfect.
Soliloquy: Oh, Monologue! *sniffles and snuggles*

Ecstasy & Rob, this is your relationship: Cool

Hate to say it, but if you two were on Jerry Springer, the chairs would be flying.

There is no explaining how two people like you would decide to try to be together. Maybe it's just the challenge that attracts you.

If you two are really committed to making this work, try to at least remember each other's birthdays.

Rob: Good! I'm not gay!
Ecstasy: *pout*
Rob: Oh, I'm sorry. It's not a bad thing. I like you.
Ecstasy: *sweet smile* Will you brush my hair for me, please?
Rob: *blush* Okay . . .

Narcissism & Delicacy, this is your relationship: Sizzling

If your relationship were a cereal, it would contain 14 essential vitamins and minerals, and be part of a nutritious breakfast. Love-O-Meter rarely finds a love so wholesome and pure as this.

What makes you two click? Hard to say, even with all this sophisticated circuitry. Sometimes love is so strong, it defies explanation, and you just have to understand that it's right. End of story.

You don't need food, water, or sleep. You just need each other, and everything will be great!

Delicacy: You are my best model.
Narcissism: *preens* I know. *seductive smile*
Delicacy: So, I've been working on those brothel scenes, but I need the right expression . . . *pounces*
Narcissism: Who needs sleep, anyway? Just try to work quickly this time.

Narcissism & Anyone, this is your relationship: Red Hot

Love-O-Meter has a question for you. Doesn't it get old hearing symphonies play whenever your eyes meet? Well, if it does, that's about the only problem with this relationship.

What could you two improve on? Well, there's always room for growth, but in your case, all you need do is enjoy the fruits of love, and let nature run its course.

When you find something perfect, there's a tendency to hold on to it for dear life. Don't bother. Just keep doing what comes naturally and you'll have nothing to worry about.

Narcissism: *preens* I love me.

Malevolence & Sanguine, this is your relationship: Warm

Some relationships are pure bliss. Others are total hell. You two fall squarely in between. This is a definite maybe.

It would be nice to think that you two have a future together, but you will have to start thinking that way, too. Try to concentrate on each other instead of the stock quotes.

Take heart. You may not experience unadulterated bliss, but few do.

Sanguine: But total hell is pure bliss . . .
Malevolence: *grin* Come here, Sanguine. I have a present for you.
Sanguine: *hopeful* Will it hurt?
Malevolence: Maybe . . .

Restraint & Sanguine, this is your relationship: Warm

Love-O-Meter has seen better. Love-O-Meter has seen worse. No shocking revelations here.

You two go together like Fred and Ethel. You may grate on each other's nerves at times, but ultimately there is a core of goodness. Try to recognize each other's sore spots, and massage gently, rather than rubbing salt into them.

A message for you two: Welcome to the real world. It may not be a bed of roses, but at least you have the occasional patch of daisies.

Sanguine: Please, rub salt into them!
Restraint: But I don't want to hurt you . . .
Sanguine: Please? *big eyes*

Narcissism & Narcissism, this is your relationship: Red Hot

When you two first laid eyes on each other, the fireworks were so intense, you caused a small grass fire, which was quickly put out by the local fire department.

What could you two improve on? Well, there's always room for growth, but in your case, all you need do is enjoy the fruits of love, and let nature run its course.

Do not take my pronouncement lightly. Love-O-Meter is rarely so impressed. You two are better than Cats, and more touching than Phantom.

Narcissism: I really do love me.

Narcissism & Onanism, this is your relationship: Frosty

Who knows what initially attracted you to each other? You have absolutely nothing in common except for mutual disdain.

Sorry, but this isn't one of those so-bad-it's-good relationships. It's a so-bad-it's-awful travesty. The only benefit I can see is that you might find an excellent therapist when it's all over.

If you two are able to stay together, it will most likely be because you're locked in combat.

Narcissism: But that's all wrong! We like each other.
Onanism: True, but I don't like anyone like that.

Onanism & Onanism, this is your relationship: Red Hot

If Love-O-Meter could invest in a relationship, it might pick yours. You combine the stability of a blue-chip stock, with the roller-coaster excitement of, oh, say, an Internet stock.

So how does it feel to win the lottery of love? Do you still talk to the little people? Those poor slobs who have to deal with reality? Forgive me if I sound bitter, but the Love-O-Meter itself has not had your luck. Sure, there was that crazy little Gypsy Fortune Teller machine last summer, but nothing compared to what you have.

Your chances of survival in this relationship are great, as long as you don't forget to eat and sleep.

Onanism: Now, this is more like it. I love me, too.

Epilogue & Prelude, this is your relationship: Warm

Love-O-Meter seems to recall a TV theme song that goes, "You take the good, you take the bad, and something something something, the facts of life, the facts of life . . ." OK, so Love-O-Meter's memory isn't so sharp. But the point is you two are a mixed bag, and that's life.

So what can you do to make things better? I know, I'm as tired of saying this as you are of hearing it - communicate! That's right, honesty doesn't always get you in trouble. Sometimes it saves your relationship.

Remember to take comfort in the little things.

Prelude: Oh, well. I still love you.
Epilogue: And we do take comfort in the little things. *snuggles*

Epilogue & Tranquility, this is your relationship: Red Hot

Love-O-Meter has a question for you. Doesn't it get old hearing symphonies play whenever your eyes meet? Well, if it does, that's about the only problem with this relationship.

You two sizzle like bacon and eggs. You complement each other beautifully, and make other couples look blander than stale granola in comparison. This relationship was made with two scoops of love.

Your chances of survival in this relationship are great, as long as you don't forget to eat and sleep.

Epilogue: *happily* Wonderful . . . *snuggles*
Tranquility: *smiles* Pretty little thing . . . *pets him*

Obsequious & Tranquility, this is your relationship: Sizzling

Love-O-Meter has a question for you. Doesn't it get old hearing symphonies play whenever your eyes meet? Well, if it does, that's about the only problem with this relationship.

What does the future hold for the two of you? Play your cards right and you may be together until you're old and gray. While other couples get stale, you guys will keep discovering new and exciting reasons to be together. Awwww!

Good luck, loving, happy couple. Though you don't really need it.

Tranquility: *smiles patiently* Go on.
Obsequious: . . . And so then he actually hit me! I hate it when guys think they can do anything. Jerks. I really want to be pampered, but I always end up with some asshole . . . Except for you.
Tranquility: *strokes his hair* There, there.
Obsequious: *snuggles*