An Angel Dies Every twenty seconds I spend to cry Across the universe in a dusty sky More I hold the more her neck breaks Gotta let it go she's running out of life Her once warm body lays limp an angel dies… Prologue: "You can only look at photos and videos for so long before it drops your heart into a hateful relapse…" Anthony said to himself writing it down into the little book on his lap "…and that's where my heart went straight to hell and my mind and senses soon followed. I cherished Yohanna Logan with all my love and I put trust into her hands and I ended up not only hurt but insane…" "Lights out Kiedis" a man in a guard's uniform said he laid down as the light went out and the back up light came on. He crawled forward and took his pen and book out again and attempted to write some more "…I know every entry into this diary Flea bought me is about her and how she pained me but if she hadn't left if she hadn't taken my hope away then maybe I wouldn't be trapped in this cage forced to swing the bat at everyone who gets close but it's like I say 'It is better to have love and lost then to have never let her live at all' more in the morning when my head is clearer and I've had my morning therapy good night" Anthony shut the book and rolled off to sleep. Chapter One: Gone Is My Songbird Anthony's eyes wandered around the outside of the car as he saw the scenery pass him by. He looked at his best friend "Did you get a chance to talk to her while I was gone?" Flea didn't answer he just kept his course on the road. Anthony took notice Flea was ignoring his question "Hey man I'm talking to you…" "Anthony there's something you should know…" Flea was serious he wouldn't fully look Anthony in the face "Well?" "…Yohanna is sort of kind of seeing someone else and moved out" Anthony began to laugh Flea didn't quite understand "What's a matter with you?" "Nice one Flea you'll have to do better than that" "It's the truth Anthony I promise." He stopped laughing and looked out the window again "You're really serious about this?" "Would I lie to you?" Flea asked rhetorically Anthony didn't respond he just crossed his arms on his abdomen and propped his feet up on the dash board. Truth be known Anthony got home to his apartment to find it was half empty. "It's true…" he said looking around he carelessly threw his keys on the counter then went into the back bedroom. He collapsed on the bed when he noticed a note sitting by the bedside he picked it up he heard Flea come in and John following behind he heard their endless chatter. He read the note aloud "Anthony, don't take this the wrong way understand the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I love you but I can't live this lifestyle anymore it's driving me crazy. You're a wonderfully romantic person and you inspire me to do more and live my life to the max but the only problem is you're too much of a rockstar. You're gone almost all the time and I need a man I know will be home with me at least more than fifty percent of the time. This isn't really good bye more like see you later…friend. Love, Yohanna" Anthony put the note back on the desk and crawled into fetal position he wasn't ready to leave his bedroom to face John and Flea. All noises were drowned out as John hung in the doorway he saw the note and Anthony in the position he heard soft sobs. John didn't move or attempt to go near Anthony he just stood there Flea entered in the doorway next to John but proceeded into the room John following. They sat on the bed Flea placed his hand on Anthony's shoulder "Why didn't you call?" he said hiding his face "Why didn't she?" Flea answered his question by posing another "Who is he?" Flea and John exchanged looks Flea was looking to John for his best judgement John just did a quick glance over ending his vote. "Just take some time off and settle this matter with your heart and come back when you're ready" Anthony sat up "Dammit Flea I'm not asking what should I do I asked who she left me for?" "I know you did and I'm trying to get you forget it it's best you do she's over and gone" "You know this like you stabbing me in the back both of you…I only ask you provide me with the information but I should have known you wouldn't since you didn't bother to tell me I was single while I was in the British Isles" "Jesus Anthony I mean you don't just call someone up and say 'Oh hi hey how ya doin? You won't believe this but your girl split and is living with another guy have a nice recording'" "I'm not a child I don't need people to hide things from me to 'protect' me" he squeezed the pillow close to his face "C'mon John I have to take you home and I have to pick Clara up" Flea walked out. John reached for Anthony's arm "Anthony…" he held his arm up and waved John off in protest John walked towards the door Anthony looked up at him his brown eyes watery "John…" John turned around "…I could kill her I really could" "You just need time you'll be okay" John comforted watching Anthony's head hit the pillow staring at the letter. Chapter Two: Pre-Processed Guilt John couldn't help but think about Anthony and the look in his eyes when he left his apartment. The sound of canned goods hitting a shopping cart startled John out of his trance "What's wrong?" Stella asked taking his arm "Just thinking…" he was quick to answer she just went back to pushing cans in the cart Clara came down the isle with Flea they placed packages of various foods into the basket Flea ran his hand in front of John's face "I'm fine Stella I promise I'm just thinking like I told you…" "Try zoned out" Flea said John snapped to he was in a state of confusion he looked over and saw Stella with Clara picking out some canned corn then back at Flea "Don't say it Flea" he walked up and kissed John's cheek Stella and Clara smiled "I know you told me that dear but I think you should pay more attention to shopping and less in Whateverville" Flea teased in his best girly voice "Hey Papa can I go get some cookie dough?" "I don't care but don't get lost and talk to every stranger you can" Flea joked Clara looked at him funny and ran off in the direction of the frozen validities. Clara picked up Pilsbury chocolate chip dough when she heard laughter and a voice that was familiar. She followed the noise to the meats she saw Yohanna and her new beau he was taller than Anthony. He had well defined muscles and darker hair kept short. Clara saw her face light up when he made a joke about the meat they embraced and kissed. John saw Clara hiding behind the shelf he snuck up behind her and watched over her shoulder she went to walk on when she thought she was being detected she ran into John's chest "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she let out a holler that startled him and apparently Yohanna too. Her boyfriend came over to see John with his hands on Clara's shoulders he had the wrong impression John saw a fist coming towards him. He fell to the ground after releasing Clara "Are you okay honey?" he put his hands on her shoulders she screamed again Flea heard it he ran with the buggy "I'M COMING CLARA" he called Stella chased Flea who had jumped on the cart to ride "JOHN MOVE…" Stella called she bypassed Flea and ran to John and rolled him over so Flea wouldn't hit him. Yohanna's boyfriend let go of Clara who moved near Stella. Flea was veering the car forward to hit him he jumped off and let the cart crash into a stand of chocolate donuts and bread then went to the guy and shoved him against the produce "First my best friend and now my daughter…you may call whatever guy's tramp honey all you want but when it comes to my daughter you keep your filthy, ho chasing hands off her…" Flea released him and saw Yohanna she was frightened and concerned Flea made as if he was going to walk off but instead he balled his fist quickly and laid into him "…And that's for John" the guy grabbed his nose "I think you broke my nose you asshole" "Let Flea pretend he cares…okay that's over go to hell" Flea said going to his daughter "Are you okay?" he took her from Stella's arms and hugged her close "When I said talk to any stranger you can I didn't mean it" "I…I..I know" she stuttered, "I just scared her…" John said standing up with his eye covered Stella removed his hand "Let me see before you hurt yourself…" she fought "OWWWWW…WOMAN" he said she slapped his cheek he was shocked "Stella?" "Hold still you baby." Yohanna's boyfriend was angry he was ready to fight Flea as soon as he let Clara go. Flea released her Yohanna grabbed his arm "Drake no just let it be" "No, Yo I know this freak your ex is his best friend…Anthony Kiedis and you'd be Flea I presume?" "Good taste in affairs Yohanna at least we know he can match faces with names…and I'm one face you won't forget because if you come near my friends or my daughter you'll be seeing much more of it" "Hon can we just leave?" "Sure Yo we better before the circus becomes three ring" she closed her eyes "I should've told Anthony who you left him for" Flea said to Yohanna when Drake came back for a moment "Oh what would a pussy like Kiedis do to me?" "That tears it…" John grabbed Flea's shirt "You've got to be kidding me…let'em him go and you can pick his pieces up after I'm done with him" "I didn't see you pull any punches when he fisted you in the eye" John taunted "I didn't see you try to pull any either Frusciante…you gonna let your other boyfriend hold you back Flea?" Drake responded John let him go "DRAKE…FLEA stop it! Now Drake you wait for me at the checkout" Drake sneered at Flea and bucked his shoulders. Once Drake exited Flea grabbed the buggy and apologized to the workers who were cleaning the spill up then he proceeded to shop again Yohanna grabbed Flea's arm "How is Anthony?" "Why do you care?" John heard them he came back after telling Stella to take Clara on they'd catch up she nodded. "I care about him deeply Flea…who are you to say I don't?" "Considering you left him while he was gone no doubt you didn't have the guts to tell him to his face" "I was scared dammit I wanted to but I know Anthony he's sensitive" "My god Yohanna he isn't that sensitive to where he can't communicate with people properly" "What'd you guys want from me?" "You mean besides you to disappear off the face of the earth?" John said remember Anthony saying he wanted to kill her "All you think is poor Anthony poor poor Anthony what about me? Don't you think this was hard for me to?" "Yeah but who said we cared…maybe Drake will" John said walking off "Please Flea don't tell Anthony who Drake is I mean Drake acts tough but he's not as hard as you think" Flea didn't answer "Sorry about Clara…" she called after him he just looked back angrily at her she looked at the floor and held her tiny frame as tears streamed her face. Chapter Three: Love Is A Very Murderous Thing Anthony shut his notebook and looked cunningly at Chad "What'd ya think?" Chad was very stunned "Call me Marshall Mathers here but sounds like you want to kill Yohanna" "Love the Emenim analogy Chaddio but this goes beyond making her bleed…" "Anthony I think you're a little out of tune with your sanity man" "Don't think I can't pull this off flawlessly?" Chad went from stunned to concerned "I would hope the Anthony I know would never think about trying to pull this off" "Well apparently this isn't the Anthony you know now is it Chad?" Anthony went through his drawers in the kitchen he pulled a large knife out "Nah too small…" "Anthony you don't really mean this man…think about this I know you've been hovering over the pain but don't you think it's time to emerge from this state and go back to normal" "FUCK NORMAL CHAD…normal was her and me together it all made sense but I just have one detail I don't know who she's with" he looked at Chad with threatening eyes "Man you ain't going to do shit in the morning you'll feel better and come to your senses it's not worth it to lose your mind over a chick there's plenty out there" Chad went to walk away Anthony ran and fumbled onto Chad's back and knocked him down. Chad felt a knife close to his neck "It maybe easy for you, John, and Flea to move on but it's not so simple in Anthony's world…I never really loved someone like her or like that now lets play a game shall we?" he nodded Chad's head for him "We play Chad's gonna tell Anthony who Yohanna is living with or he gets skewered like a fucking pig" "Drake…Drake Halloway" Anthony dropped Chad's head and threw the knife on the table he stood up. Chad got up "Anthony don't it's not worth it and you won't get away" Anthony paced the floors "Chad…tell Flea and John I love them and for all three of you to remember me fondly" "Anthony no!" "Yes Chad, this is my battle and this is worth it trust me…" Yohanna and Drake came in the house it was dark they were semi-intoxicated she was giggling and falling all over the place "I'll go get the bed ready you just get some beers from the fridge" "Okay" she blurted out with a high pitched squeal. Drake went upstairs "I love you Yohanna…" "I love you too Anth…Drake" she said disappearing into the kitchen not realizing that may be the last time she'd see Drake again. "Flea calm down please" Blackie said as Flea explained to him what Chad told him Peggy was at Blackie's house "John what's he saying?" Flea heard Peggy ask "Put Chad on…" Flea handed Chad the phone "…Chad?" "Yeah" "Are you sure about what Anthony told you?" "He held a fucking knife to my skin Blackie and threatened to quote 'skewer me like a fucking pig' unquote" "This can't be true not Anthony" "I've got a scar man okay he did get the knife close enough to divulge the blade in" "Where is tonight?" Blackie asked Chad dropped the receiver as he thought about that same question… The blur Drake ran into was the bed he heard the door shut as he turned around he saw a blurry figure "Hey Yo…where's the beers babe?" Yohanna was giggling thrashing up the steps she tripped "Whoops…oopsy daisy" she laughed "DRAKE HONEY…" she opened the bedroom door and no one was there "Drakey where did you go?" she stopped giggling and went to the closet "Trying to scare me very classic" she opened the door he wasn't in there "C'mon dammit I'm horny and not in the mood for this…" she looked on the bed and saw Anthony sitting on it grinning "How drunk am I? I'm seeing things Drake look likes Anthony exactly like Anthony…" she crawled on the bed and laid her head on his lap "Please…" she whispered "…please love me again" she whispered rubbing her head around then laid it sideways he stroked her head and stopped on her neck her rubbed it and caressed her flesh hard. "Owww becareful Drake you know I'm sensitive in my neck area" Anthony's face beamed with a sadistic glow "Oh I remember" "Now I'm hearing shit you sound like Anthony too" "If you think this trick is good fun wait til the finale Yo…my darling, my angel…" he placed his fingers around her throat. The pressure didn't increase until three minutes after Anthony started to squeeze. Yohanna wasn't fully aware she was near death her face became ruby she was gasping lightly when it hit her all at once. She panicked and fought Anthony squeezed harder "I said I could die for you…but could you at least do the same for me Yohanna?" he looked into her as he squeezed the last ounce of breath she had. Chad, Flea, and John burst in the house they ran upstairs and flung the door open. Chad and Flea were watching Anthony lay his head on top of Yohanna's and rub his lips all around her head whispering sentiments into her now deaf ears. John looked under the bed and saw two bloody hands peeking out "Oh Anthony why…?" he just smiled at his mates as sirens wailed into the night air. Chapter Four: All I Wanted Anthony's eyes flipped open as the regular lights in the jail flicked on he heard the cell door open. He looked up and saw the prison guard with cuffs and chains waiting. Anthony sat up groggy he rubbed his eyes "Time for your therapy then you have a three hour visitation" Anthony nodded reaching his wrists out as the cuffs were slapped on then the guard knelt to chain his legs. A young woman was Anthony's therapist Dr. Weidler she was just transferred into the system but she felt she and Anthony were making progress. "Anthony I want you to tell me about the night you killed Yohanna Logan and Drake Holloway" "Why we keep going over that fucking night again and afuckinggain what part do you seem to have trouble grasping at?" "I read your journal and you seem so heartbroken and disturbed by this break up you had with her" "Nothin a little murder can't fix eh doc?" "Please be serious Anthony you realize once you're rehabilitated back into a societical person you're going to be on death row" "Hmmm ain't that justice guy gives heart to girl, girl leaves guy, guy gets mad and seeks revenge, girl and lover get what's coming to them, guy goes somewhat insane and gets killed...yeah I think that about serves me" "I won't ask you again to behave yourself I have to know why you killed them" "What's not obvious for you doc? She left me for him and I killed them because I was a little jilted comprehende?" "Yes, but Anthony you were a standing member of society before you went on the loose what snapped?" "I loved her and I wanted to marry her in fact I was going to ask her upon my return from the Isles...you don't hurt Anthony Kiedis when he gives you his heart which I haven't done for ANY of my past girlfriends she thought she could just write me some fucking pity note and walk out of my life and then have the nerve to call me friend! Signed love, Yohanna...DAMMIT" he flipped the couch over Dr. Weidler reached over and rang for the guard he came in grabbed Anthony while two men set the couch back up "Are you okay Dr. Weilder?" "Yes, of course" "Do you want to continue with him?" "Yes I can manage with Mr. Kiedis just give him a sedative to calm him down." Once Anthony was calm Dr. Weidler decided to go at Anthony again "I have never known a man to go insane because a girl didn't love him" "Apparently you don't know Anthony Kiedis" "What was so bad at least she was out of your life? She wanted to make peace and be friends but you couldn't handle that?" "Like I said I loved Yohanna she was special and I still love her...but the fact that she had the nerve to call me her friend and walk out of my life while I was gone nonetheless just..." Anthony stopped and he rolled his head over she looked at the clock she rang the bell again the same big man appeared "He's ready for his visitation we will resume tomorrow Mr. Kiedis" he nodded as he was helped up and cuffed again. They gave him a stimulant to get him stablized enough to talk to Blackie. He sat down on the other side of the glass he held his cuffed hands up. "If I wasn't seeing this with my own two eyes I wouldn't believe it" Blackie said Anthony looked down at the floor "How's Mom?" "Worried as are all of us Anthony you have two more sessions with Dr. Weidler then a court hearing where it will determine whether or not you get gased what the hell were you thinking?" Anthony looked into Blackie's eyes with a cold stare "You know everyone thinks this was all a mistake well dammit I wanted to do this and I regret nothing...no looking back now dad." Blackie couldn't believe Anthony had just said that "What about Flea, John, and Chad?" "They're all fine...you didn't listen to Chad and there's a part of him that wishes he stopped you" "Tell him to stop his worrying and his regrets because hey...I have none" "SON YOU'RE GOING TO DIE...YOUR MOTHER, ME, YOUR SISTERS, YOUR BROTHER, YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR FANS HAVE TO WATCH YOU DIE...do you think your mother and I want to sit behind glass and watch our son be killed by capital punishment? Think of your mother for godsakes behind that glass reaching for your hands as you slip away from her..." Blackie couldn't go on he started cry Anthony looked at the floor with tears in his eyes "I have a cell to get back to" Anthony said not looking up again Blackie got up to leave "You know the next time you get to look in my eyes is when they strap you down to that goddamn table and you'll be saying your last goodbyes?" Anthony didn't answer so Blackie just left. A few months later... Anthony was rehabilitated and he had gotten his state of execution by lethal injection. They brought Anthony in he could hear his family and friends in the next room waiting. "The prisoner is now in the execution chamber..." Peggy looked up at the intercom then the window's blinds came up "Prisoner has been secured" Peggy's heart broke when she saw Anthony strapped down the table was placed upright. Anthony could see Flea, John, Chad, and his family looking at him "The prisoner may now say his final words..." Peggy broke down Blackie hugged her "All I wanted..." Anthony began "...all I wanted was to be loved and find true love and it's taken me these last few months to realize I was trying to make it happen and I guess I just wasn't who she wanted in the end...I love you all please never forget that please in your hearts remember before I committed this crime you've been a wonderful family to me" the table was laid back down they began to hook the machines up. "The first injection will now begin..." they flipped the switch at first Anthony was fine then he felt it coursing through his veins "AHHHHH GOD DON'T LET ME DIE...PLEASE OH DEAR GOD" Stella collapsed into John's shoulder, Clara squeezed Flea's hand and placed her face against his arm. "SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME...MOM HELP ME MOMMY HELP..." Anthony screamed once more Peggy jumped up and banged on the glass "My baby! Please stop please stop this..." Blackie went to her "John make them stop this" "I can't none of us can in a few minutes he'll be calm the first injection ensures his comfort as he dies" "SHUT UP" she snapped at him the girls came to the window and hugged their mother. Anthony was calm he could still see his last vision before he went into semi-conciousness was his family standing in front of the window he blinked and saw his band mates there with them he spoke "Please...help me" his left arm became free from the bondage he reached his hand out to them Peggy put her hand on the glass to reach back he saw Yohanna at the end with a smile on her face "See you in hell Kiedis...can't wait to get you down there."