He Had It Coming “I think John’s trying to kill me Anthony” I look my old friend in the eye he seems serious enough to where I know not to have a sudden outburst with laughter. Instead I sip my tea and set it neatly back in it’s puddle from under the cup I forgot about coasters. Flea sits across from me “What gives you that impression?” I ask very slowly trying to keep my perfect poker face. “Well…” he begins but stops I can tell it’s going to be a personal issue he rubs the back of his neck “Flea?” I ask not wanting to lose valuable time “…I dunno but I think Stella…” that interests me Stella’s name comes up I have to press on even further “Okay…” “I…I slept with her or at least I think I did” okay my buddy isn’t making any sense either he did the deed or didn’t “I mean that sounds crazy but I really believe John’s had it in for me since he started the band I don’t know why but all I know is for the past few days John has been threatening to me…” “Did he verbally say ‘Flea I’m going to kill you?’” “No he didn’t but I wake up and he’s standing next to my bed watching me sleep” “Wait lets go back to you and Stella” he shifts uncomfortably and refuses to look in my eyes “I mean I had a dream or at least I think it was a dream that Stella was seducing me and John was there standing over me and she was like trying to hold me down Clara came in…” a new face had entered this twisted murder plot his own daughter “Go on…” “Well she was smiling and she came to John he whispered something to her and she kissed him and hid her face from me” this wasn’t only interesting but had a sick twist. From what I had gathered so far was John was planning Flea’s hypothetical murder, witnessed his and Stella’s hypothetical fucking, and Clara was John’s toy hmmm this doesn’t add up. A knock on the door shot Flea out of the seat he was as frantic as a gay school boy I calm him as we hear Chad’s friendly voice. Flea exits as Chad comes in he passes John cautiously in the hall. Nothing strange about the two men before me sure Chad looks like a regular gas station dope and John looks a little rugid but nothing out of the ordinary. John and I are alone we look at one another as he sits down and puts his headphones on then tinkers with his MP3 player. I’m game for some more investigation so I decide to track my sissy buddy down to know more about this paranoia of his. Clara is going in the room as I am leaving she just looks at me as she shuts the door to a crack. Interested I stand closer to the crack to listen but not to be seen. I couldn’t make out what he was saying to her or how she replied but then I saw John kissing her. He noticed me I backed away before it got confrontational. Okay so Flea was on the ball about Clara and John but what about Ms. Schnabel? Passing through the suite I notice Stella and Chad at the mini-bar not worried but Chad has his head low and Stella is helping off the stool and walking him to his room. It’s like I’ve landed smack dab into the middle of The Faculty only my band mate and his fiancée are the aliens turning everyone into pod people. Now to figure out why Flea is their target. I found Flea hiding in the bathroom “I believe you” I came in and locked the door behind me “So did you see anything out of the ordinary?” “You mean besides Clara and John rounding second base and Stella taking advantage of an unusually drunk Chad?” “Why are they doing this?” “Either John and Stella are expanding their sexual horizons or someone has a vendetta” “But I didn’t do anything to either of them” “I don’t know Flea I don’t know…” all of a sudden we heard footsteps in all different directions from the door. We could see outline of two big feet most likely Chad’s. He didn’t move for a moment then he started banging both of us jumped “Helllllooooo BUDDIES why don’t ya come out for a while need to talk to you both” “No Chad I don’t think so not right now come back later” I answer back he sounds disappointed and is mumbling to himself. I crawl to the keyhole and see an eye staring back at me it was John’s “You can’t hide him forever Kiedis why you’re protecting a self-centered asshole like that is beyond me…NOW OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR” John hit it I fell back. I look back and John is giving me the finger as he, Stella, Clara, and Chad are laughing “Have fun you little pussies we’ll be waiting…” Chad said as they were going out “Oh yeah…before we forget” Chad went to the fuse box inside our room and ripped the inside cords out the electric went out “Hope you two love cuddling in the dark no fudging boys” Chad said to the door making an obscene gesture they were gone. Flea was crying and I was scared as well but for once I had to be the brave one and I couldn’t fall apart “Look at me Flea…c’mon listen I have a plan okay?” he nodded “I’m going to get you into my room and you lock it I’ll see if I can’t get police up here” he shook his head no “C’mon man this needs to be a two man team I need my partner” “Don’t leave me…please Anthony” I was getting nowhere with him I had to slap him up a bit to get his confidence “We can take these shitheads we’ve made them who they are Chad and John both are weak without us…okay?” I help him up and I cautiously open the door. We slip out the bathroom I run across the suite to my room and unlock the door. Flea is secured inside I give him the key so in case I’m down no one gets in and no one gets out. I hear the door lock and turn to see Chad “Nice to see ya again Anthony…” I didn’t see it coming… Flea heard a noise outside the room “It’s okay Flea, Chad’s unconscious we’re safe now” Flea cautiously came on Anthony’s call. He opened the door to see Chad he went to shut the door again Chad intervened “Flea you got some splanin to do…” Chad was grabbing for him he pushed the door on Chad’s arm “MOTHER FUCKER” Chad pulled his arm out. John came in “What the fuck are screaming for?” “The bastard caught my goddamn arm in the door” “He’s in there?” John pointed to the door “Yeah” John came to it. “Hey Flea…come on out I just want to take you to school” John assumed the position “Lesson one…OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR” John kicked it open and had Chad hand him the fire axe. Flea was frightened when John stuck his head in “Did ya miss me?” Flea picked up the phone before John could come in “I’m sorry this call can’t go through…you’re shit out of luck asshole” it was Stella, Flea threw the phone John was messing with the knob. Flea grabbed the lamp up and hit John in the head. He fell back from the door Flea cautiously came to it John popped out “SURPRISE FUCKER” he pulled Flea’s head through the door and banged heads with him. Dizzy, Flea fell back onto the bed and before he knew it he was out cold. Flea woke up with smelling salts it was Clara “Clara…we have to get out of here…now” he got up and grabbed her arm. She jerked away “I’m afraid I can’t do that Papa…” “What’d you mean you can’t they’re trying to kill me” “JESUS It’s always about you isn’t it?” he didn’t understand “What has John done to you?” Flea turned her to him “Something you never could” he didn’t understand when he felt a jab into his back “Ohhhh that’s for my arm dickhole…it’s much better now” John and Stella came in “The gang’s all here I think we can begin” Chad sat on the bed with Clara. Stella went to Chad’s side John came over “Does it hurt Flea?” he whispered Flea just made gasping noises “Lesson two…” he whispered again “…SHUT THE FUCK UP” John kicked him in his ribcage Flea groaned rolling over “You know it’s too bad about Anthony…but I should have killed you when I had all those chances” “Why…?” Flea gasped out “Because Flea…nobody LIKES A SHITTY CRYBABY WHO MAKES EXCUSES ALL THE TIME…you self centered…dickless piece of shit” John kicked him some more until he was coughing up blood. “Chad if you will…” Chad threw John a little device “You know you and Anthony may have made Chad and I who we are and hell you may have knocked Loesha up to just make Clara but that doesn’t mean you own us” the device was the voice changer Chad had used after killing Anthony. Blackie appeared in the door with Louis “Jesus you guys leave the states for a few months and this is what happens? Now you know I’m getting too old to do this action Jackson shit” John turned around “What the fuck? Chad if you would be so kind” “Gladly” Chad came out the door Blackie and Louis had separated. They came back to smash Chad with chairs “Damn…” he said before he collapsed Louis went to charge in the room when Stella clocked him in the face “Come on bitch what it is right now?” he made a karate stance Stella ripped the leg off a chair quickly and swung it around “Ohhh I see how it goin be” Louis pulled the leg off the metal table they hit their legs together “Stella don’t let him win” she looked back Louis knocked her stick away she backed off and ran outside. Louis ran after her. John came out of the room to face Blackie “Hold him there Clar…come on old timer I’ve got plenty of time can you say the same?” he smirked. Clara began tying Flea up she ran out the room to assist Stella with Louis “Make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid” she nodded he went back to Blackie “You know killing Anthony won’t be as fun as killing the three of you” “I call your bluff” Blackie boldly said “What did you say?” “I don’t believe you don’t bullshit a bullshitter you aren’t smart enough to take my son down” “Fuck you mother fucker…c’mon” John pulled out a gun and grabbed Blackie’s arm. He put one behind his back and shoved him towards the mini-bar. Blackie saw Anthony’s body in a pool of blood behind it “NO YOU BASTARD” Blackie went to get free when John shot him in the arm he tripped and laid down. Louis had Stella cornered she screamed Clara came up behind him he turned and grabbed her. Stella went to take advantage of the opportunity when he turned and shoved Clara into her. Stella fell “AHHHHHHHHH” all the way down John ran outside and shot Louis sixteen times. He fell off John took his gun down and ran to the edge he saw Clara hanging on for dear life looking down at Stella’s now mangled body since she fell into a garbage bin “John please don’t let me fall…” John laid down and the gun fell “I won’t I love you too much Clara…” Blackie got up he crept quietly behind John “It’s funny isn’t John…” John heard him he left Clara hanging for a second “…an eye for a fucking eye” Blackie pushed him he fell off and grabbed Clara’s pant leg “JOHN LET ME GO…YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US BOTH” she screamed trying to hold on she looked up at Blackie and saw her father “Papa…please help me” he bent down. Flea touched Clara’s fingers and began to cry “My little girl…” she smiled “Yes Papa I can drop John and you can lift me…” “Do it Flea you know it’s right” Blackie encouraged Clara began to frown to see the look on Flea’s face “…not this time Clara grow up” “NOOOOOOOOOOO” he pulled her fingers up she fell with John. Flea looked down at their bodies “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time…” THE END