At first she was asleep, but then
something awaked her. It was the door, that slid aside at Chakotays arrival. He
advanced in her direction, obviously trying to be as silent as he could.
Janeway knew it was him because she always did. She recognised his steps, his
presence. And besides that he was the only one who actually would come close to her, without
announcing himself. She wondered what he had in mind and kept pretending to be
still asleep. The Captain felt a little embarrassed by the thought of letting
him approach, while she was lying on the table, her head settled down on her
left arm. It was like giving him the right to complain, that she worked too
much. The Commander stopped in front of her table, looking down on her face with
an odd expression on his own and sighed. It must have been early in the
morning, she was aware of that and so was Chakotay who surely knew why she
hasn’t gone to bed but fallen asleep in the mess hall, as well. The turned on
panel, that was laying next to the captains hand, because it had slipped out of
her fingers when she fell asleep was certainly a good evidence that she hadn’t
finished to work since then. But Chakotay didn’t try to wake her and suggest
that she goes to bed, as Janeway thought he’d do. He merely stood and stared.
She began to feel uncomfortable with that. As Janeway was about to move and let
him know that she was awake, he reached out an hand and slightly touched her
face. Janeway felt a shiver run down her back as his fingers met her cheeks but
accomplish not to wince or turn away. Her heart was pounding so loud she bet he
must have heard it. He didn’t. Chakotay took back his hand and surrounded the
table to take a short look at the panel. He turned it off at once, as he
noticed that it wasn’t meant for him to see. The Commander was so close now,
she could feel his warmth all over the body, his breathing caressed her neck.
His nose almost touched her, as he bent closer to inhale the scent of the
captains freshly washed hair and Janeway felt an urge to turn around and kiss
him but restrained herself in better thinking. She knew it was a fault, she
would be regretting the moment she did it. It would only give him hopes she
wasn’t sure to fulfil or even hold up for a short time. So she plainly enjoyed
the feeling of having him so close, instead of trying to get more, than was
good for both of them. Only when his lips tenderly met her face she gave up
thinking about moral or protocol any longer and finally turned her head up and
around to press her mouth against his. Janeway sensed his surprise but didn’t
care about it, or anything else until they separated again. She blushed,
suddenly fearing what she had done. He smiled warmly, trying to calm her but
that made her even more nervous.
“Good morning, Commander.” she
managed but wasn’t happy with it.
“Good morning, captain.” he gave his
return, trying to ignore what had happened just a few seconds ago. Since she
decided not to use his name, he didn’t call her Kathryn, either. “I apologise
for the inconvenience.” he added after seeing Janeway’s discomfort.
“Accepted.” she answered grasping
her pad. “I think I’m ready for turning in. See you when duty calls.” She
hurried towards the exit without looking back. But she absolutely wasn’t ready
for turning in now. In fact she
doubted to be able to sleep this night, or better spoken, this morning, at all.
How could she’ve been actually so foolish, so insane, so out of her mind to let
feelings control her actions? It hadn’t happen since she’d grown up and
certainly not since she was in command. But what frightened her most was the
fact, that she was far beyond regretting it. She’d dreamed of it too often,
imagined how it would feel to kiss Chakotay to really be sorry now. Janeway had
wanted it. Desperately. This wasn’t
right! she told herself, trying to be reasonable. I should make sure it will never happen again!
The only problem was: she wanted it
to happen again. Because no matter how wrong she might thought it was, it had felt right…