Christmas is coming. I'm afraid of it. Last year was so fucking shitty that I just don't want to be reminded of it. Not to mention that nobody has any money except for my little sister, so I don't think anyone is really gonna get too many presents. I am looking forward to the Christmas Eve party, even though Tom and Val were both there last year and it just seems really fucking wierd that Tom is a complete retard now and Val hates me. She's pregnant with his kid, for christ's sake, of course I'm gonna be a little jealous. There's not much I can do about that and he didn't have to start talking to me again. That was his choice. And it's just really annoying that he would tell her everything I said....and that she would in turn bitch at me and wanna kick my ass when what the hell am I gonna do? SHE'S PREGNANT. Of course I'm not gonna try to defend myself against her. She has no right to threaten me. The thing I don't understand is that I know that Tom would have figured that that's how she was gonna react. Apparently he wants me to get my ass kicked. Fabulous. Anyway, I'm gonna quit my bitching now. Not that anyone really cares.
I am gonna eat Chili at lunch today. Yay. I know that nobody cares what I eat, but I'm hungry and this is my journal so there. We are making dumb pyramid things in english class. I don't know what building things has to do with english, but you know, Betty is crazy like that. I really do love this school though. I wouldn't trade going here for the world even though I give the teachers shit sometimes. It is a WHOLE lot better than Calumet school, that's for sure. I know that I'm not supposed to say that cause we're not supposed to like lure people here or whatever, but I can't help it. Not to mention that not a whole lot of people ever read the things I put on here anyway. At least I don't think so.
I had the worlds wierdest dream last night. It's kind of hard to explain, but I'm gonna put it in here anyway cause I don't want to forget about it. It kinda felt at first like I was inside a TV show or something. The world was ending or there was an earthquake or something like that, and there was this house that was supposed to be like a portal to the end of the world or something but at first while we were there we didn't know that. The people that I remember that were there for sure were me, Shandi, Beaudoin, and Katie. And we were all in this house or whatever and parts of the floor started falling through the ground and the whole house was shaking and like going upside down or something, cause I remember that there were people I didn't know that were falling against the cieling and the walls and stuff and breaking thier necks and dying. There was this piece of floor right in the middle that was safe or whatever, and we were all standing on it. And for some reason I was holding this baby, and I don't know who's baby it was....like if it was mine or someone else's, but I knew the world was ending or something really bad was happening and I wanted to save this baby and there was only one way to do it. There was like this little tiny window to this place that I knew the baby would be safe, and the baby barely fit through it. I looked in there and there were like chickens in a little cage on the floor, and I was hollering for someone to come over there and take the baby. There was like a farmhand or something that wasn't paying any attention to me, and then some other guy came over and he knew I was gonna give him the baby cause he was like "if I take this baby, I can't give it back to you." And so I started crying but I wanted to save the baby so I gave it to him anyway. And I asked him if I could come visit the baby once everything was safe, and he said that was ok. We had to get out of that house or whatever, so we left, and Katie and someone else was way ahead of us, and me and Beau and Shandi were behind. I know that Katie was running cause she knew it wasn't safe, and I wanted to run too, but I couldn't. And then I heard Beau call Katie a fucking pussy for running. And for some reason we were coming out of my grandpa's house. I don't remember anything else. It really was a fucked up dream. I'm gonna stop writing now.
Everyone is mad at everyone and I refuse to get myself involved. The sad thing is, even if I don't involve myself, I think I'm gonna get sucked in anyway. I know who my friends are, I know who isn't gonna fuck me over.....but there are people that I don't see all the time that I consider nice people and kinda friends of mine and I don't want to make any enemies when I didn't do anything wrong at all. I'm not sure really anyone did anything entirely wrong....maybe just not nice. Shandi was talking shit, Shy was telling us about her talking shit, so Nikki kicked her out even tho Nikki doesn't pay rent anymore. Now Jen is pissed cause after that, there were a whole bunch of Booze Crew members at the house by themselves with nobody that lived there bieng there. So Nikki went back over there and kicked all of them out too, cause they weren't supposed to be drinking and smoking in the house. And Jen is pissed cause they were all her friends and Nikki was mean to them. Oh well. I'm just not gonna get involved if I can help it.