Ladies and gentlemen - Ron Hitler Barassi!

It was at that very bar when I had my worst trip
It was only last Saturday - I'd come to The Grip
With Keegan and Troy, and a few other skegs
And this weird dude, he comes up to me and he says:
"I got some leaf the other day up at Byron
And a couple of cones - you wanna try 'em?"
Now, I know I was pissed, and the light's pretty bad,
But I looked at this dude - and it was my Dad!
I was speechless, I stayed, rigid with fright,
He said: "Do you know Evan ***** fucked Kylie ****gue on Friday night?"
His hair was in dreads, his T-shirt said 'SLAAM'
I couldn't believe this was my old man.
I'd seen him every day hanging round with bankers;
"TISM play here next Saturday", he said. "They're wankers."
"B-b-but Dad," I stammered, "Y-you're, you're, I mean - I mean, y-you're not..."
Just then my Uncle Leroy came up; "Woah," he said, "awesome pot."
I looked around this club - my sight, it was hazy
But there was Aunt Ethel, and Uncle Fred, and wife Daisy.
My eyes finally focussed on this host of drug-takers;
My whole family was here - and they'd turned into skaters.
"Gotta lash, dude!" said Dad, "Can't afford to linger!
I gotta get your mum home for a bit of stinkfinger!"
I fainted right there, in a swoon on the floor -
Keegan and Troy, they took me out by that very door.
It was like watching a movie from end to beginnin';
It was like forcing Michael ****son to fuck older women;
It was all in reverse, it was a horrid contrast;
It was like seeing Jennifer K**** put the Coke bottle up Johnny ****el's arse.
And I woke up this morning, and it was all normal again.
"Listen son," said Dad, "I want you home by ten.
You were raving last night, your friends are all thugs,
You were so out of it, I think you're on drugs."
I grabbed his hand and said "Dad! Thank God it's you!
And you're telling me off - oh, Dad, I love you!"
"Smartarse," he muttered and he went off to work -
The same boring, normal, conventional jerk.
So, skaters, and skegheads, and surfers - be warned.
Thank God for parents and teachers and policemen uniformed.
Remember, as you slag them off and you cuss,
When you're forced to do homework, and at the next drug bust -
I had a vision of a world even more suss -
Remember, it would be worse - if they acted like us.

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